I dont love my wife...

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Depleted

Guest
#41
#41
J214 said:
Hey my name is Jesse ive been married a few months but ive been with this woman going on 14 yrs. Our relationship started on pure lust and we got pregnant within the first month being together. I didnt have a dad growing up he passed before I was born and hers was locked up her whole childhood. Needless to say I wanted my family bad on the account my dad passed before I met him, this is when the disrespect starts on her side all her insecurities from not having her dad there either start to reveal themself. Disrespect ,games ,cheating,manipulation now I wasnt no one perfect I cheated,neglected her I did this when she refuae to communicate and try to make me feel like I was the problem. Present day were married I feel like I deserve better than her, I also feel she capitalized on my vulnerability for family since she knows How much me being a father meant to me so she acted any wwhich she wanted to knowing I would work on my family. What do yall think..
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What do I think? I think that was one of the bigger loads of hooey I've seen in such a short space.

What you deserve? You deserve separation from God, death and hell. Has Jesus even saved you from what you deserve? I'm asking because there was no mention of God anywhere in that psychobabble/excuse list. I can't really tell you what to do without knowing that answer.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#42
Feb 21, 2014
70,948
9,699
113
#42
Another hit and run thread. This was made what, 3 or 4 days ago? And the OP hasn't been back since. :/
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#44
#44
Either that, or someone who expected us to feel sooowwwwy for him and got disappointed that we didn't
 
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Depleted

Guest
#45
#45
blue_ladybug said:
Another hit and run thread. This was made what, 3 or 4 days ago? And the OP hasn't been back since. :/
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Isn't that the way for most of these "my marriage is so horrible" post lately?
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#46
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#46
J214 said:
I cheated,neglected her I did this when she refused to communicate and try to make me feel like I was the problem. Consider that your reaction may have confirmed that you were the problem? Present day were married I feel like I deserve better than her What do yall think..
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You cheated on her, you neglected her, and you feel like you deserve someone better than her? No offense, but you sound like a good match. And all of that 'poor me' I never had a Dad is just an excuse that's unrelated to how your both acting.

The bible teaches to fall in love, marry, and than sleep together and have a family. You fornicated, got kids, got married, and never fell in love. When we do things in the complete opposite order that God commanded, problems are a given.

 
J

J214

Guest
#47
#47
You know James 5:16 says confess your sins to one another that you may be healed. I forget not all of yall want me to be healed some of yall made some nasty comments but to the ones that were true even if you said it might be harsh if it was from the heart I thank yall.God bless yall...
 
J

J214

Guest
#48
#48
Thank you for your response.
 
J

J214

Guest
#49
#49
Love is an action you show love. Love is not an emotion or a feeling. John 3:16 says for so God loved the world he gave, giving is an action.. just to let yall know.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#50
Feb 21, 2014
70,948
9,699
113
#50
J214 said:
Love is an action you show love. Love is not an emotion or a feeling. John 3:16 says for so God loved the world he gave, giving is an action.. just to let yall know.
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Exactly. And the title of this thread proves that you don't show love to your wife. And she doesn't show love to you. Meaning there is NO LOVE in this farce of a marriage. However, the two of you jumped into it with hormones raging, so now you're stuck in it forever and must accept the consequences of your lustful actions.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#51
Feb 21, 2014
70,948
9,699
113
#51
J214 said:
You know James 5:16 says confess your sins to one another that you may be healed. I forget not all of yall want me to be healed some of yall made some nasty comments but to the ones that were true even if you said it might be harsh if it was from the heart I thank yall.God bless yall...
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The majority of us here are very direct and straightforward in our responses. Probably none more so than myself..lol.. I get called on it rather often, but if people are looking for a sugar coated reply, or hoping for us to tell them what they want to hear, then they will be surprised when they get some of the replies that have been left here. I prefer to go directly for the cold, hard truth, rather than sugar coat it and downplay it to be less serious than it is. If you're looking for sympathy, you won't get it from us because there's nothing to sympathize with in your post.

You hopped in the sack with her purely out of LUST. Got married even though you didn't (and don't) love each other. Now the two of you have problems and blame each other. You should have thought this all out BEFORE you did any of this. Obviously you were thinking with the head down south, and not the head on your shoulders. Anyways, now the only thing you can do is stick this relationship out. UNLESS she cheats on you, in which case you can and SHOULD divorce.. God can do anything, but he does not help those who don't want to change. He's not a genie in a bottle.

If you want healing, well, this is a public forum that the entire world (literally) can see. This isn't a hospital or clinic. No doctor can fix what's wrong with you and your wife. You need to go to the ultimate healer for that. His name is God. :) Just keep in mind that unless BOTH of you want healing, then God won't do a thing for you.
 
J

J214

Guest
#52
#52
Just shut up im not asking for sympathy but for real advice im not looking for your smart remarks I want direct answers but dont try to make me feel stupid. Im asking for advice not stupid remarks.. God Bless
 
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Depleted

Guest
#53
#53
J214 said:
You know James 5:16 says confess your sins to one another that you may be healed. I forget not all of yall want me to be healed some of yall made some nasty comments but to the ones that were true even if you said it might be harsh if it was from the heart I thank yall.God bless yall...
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So you're terrible sin was you were raised without a father? Because seriously? Saying you deserve better isn't even remotely related to confessing sin, once more repenting. Did you miss where repent comes in all together?

As for being healed? We did tell you how to be healed, but I guess even there, you "deserve better," huh?

Lesson one, now that I know you better. You are not the center of the universe. This isn't about what makes you feel good. This is about what God wants from us. Put God in the center and your wife over what you "deserve" and this story ends well.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#54
#54
J214 said:
Just shut up im not asking for sympathy but for real advice im not looking for your smart remarks I want direct answers but dont try to make me feel stupid. Im asking for advice not stupid remarks.. God Bless
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Who do you think you are? Is this YOUR site? Was it set up by YOUR rules? If you don't want answers, don't ask the questions.

And God bless? God has absolutely nothing to do with your actions, so stop pulling him into it as if you're going how he guides you. At the very least, be honest without lip service to God when there is no real service to God!

You weren't asking for advice. You were clear what you wanted only after getting truth. You wanted what you thought you deserved and healing. You can't get both.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#55
Feb 21, 2014
70,948
9,699
113
#55
J214 said:
Just shut up im not asking for sympathy but for real advice im not looking for your smart remarks I want direct answers but dont try to make me feel stupid. Im asking for advice not stupid remarks.. God Bless
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No one is trying to make you feel stupid. What kind of advice do you expect us to give, after reading your initial post? YOU asked what WE thought. You say you feel that you deserve better than her. Really? YOU are the one who cheated on HER, so BOTH of you deserve better than each other. You don't love her, she doesn't love you, your entire relationship is built on lust and sex. Neither of you have fathers. That's not the end of the world. What would be different if your fathers WERE here? They'd probably tell you the same things that we are. So not having a daddy is just a poor excuse for the behavior on both your parts. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, man up and do what you should have done long ago: divorce her. You have biblical grounds for it. It's been 14 years already, how much more of your life are you gonna waste on this sham marriage?
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#56
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#56
J214 said:
Hey my name is Jesse ive been married a few months but ive been with this woman going on 14 yrs. Our relationship started on pure lust and we got pregnant within the first month being together. I didnt have a dad growing up he passed before I was born and hers was locked up her whole childhood. Needless to say I wanted my family bad on the account my dad passed before I met him, this is when the disrespect starts on her side all her insecurities from not having her dad there either start to reveal themself. Disrespect ,games ,cheating,manipulation now I wasnt no one perfect I cheated,neglected her I did this when she refuae to communicate and try to make me feel like I was the problem. Present day were married I feel like I deserve better than her, I also feel she capitalized on my vulnerability for family since she knows How much me being a father meant to me so she acted any wwhich she wanted to knowing I would work on my family. What do yall think..
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I think you if ya'll get into church and let the past go, it could be a good thing. God is into restoration. He fills all the voids in our life and makes everything new. I lost my Dad at age 4 so i understand the void. He is our everything, all in all. Put him first and he will give you the joy and peace. Set your affections on him.
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#57
#57
You say you don't love the one you married and you want loving answers?

Read 1 Corinthians 13
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#58
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#58
I know others in your circumstances. Or I have known other's like this. Have a child, stay together for child, no love or maybe a volatile kind of love. Your child must be almost a teen by now right? I'm not sure if I should say this but, obviously the situation you're in is very unhealthy. If you want to fix the relationship it's going to take a lot of work and forgiveness. The forgiveness part can be really hard and you're going to need God to guide you through it.

It's not impossible to heal a broken relationship if both people are willing to put the work into it. If not then it won't work. In that case for the sake of the child I'd say separate, but be there for your child. As parents we have to put our kid's first. This means even if the divorced parents don't like each other they still need to work together in a mature kind way in dealing with custody, child support, etc, this also means we understand that we might not like the other parent, but this is your child's Mom and we don't bad mouth each other to the child.

You have to follow your heart. If you think you can work this out together with therapy and God then I say go for it. If not then you might have to go your separate ways.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#59
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#59
J214 said:
You know James 5:16 says confess your sins to one another that you may be healed. I forget not all of yall want me to be healed some of yall made some nasty comments but to the ones that were true even if you said it might be harsh if it was from the heart I thank yall.God bless yall...
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No offense intended, just blunt talk.. I think you wanted a family so bad that you just put the horse before the cart. That was the mistake, making a family and then trying to figure out if you loved her. I don't know if there's any undoing it, all you can do now is try and stop manipulating each other and learn or grow to love each other over time. Its not unusual for couples to grow tired of each other or get on each others nerves, but you work through it and stay committed to the choice you made. Trying to make your spouse feel bad is very negative, no one would want to be married to an unfaithful person who did that. Have a talk, renew your commitment, and if you can't say anything positive, stay mute. Unless you just absolutely hate her ( and vice versa), get some counseling and try to work it out. Just from looking outside in, it appears your both focused on your own wants and needs, but marriage is 90% giving and 10% receiving. Not to be critical, but its tough to be a good father without being a good husband first, but if the animosity and cheating doesn't mutually stop, it might be best for the kids if you separated... jmo
 
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Depleted

Guest
#60
#60
blue_ladybug said:
No one is trying to make you feel stupid. What kind of advice do you expect us to give, after reading your initial post? YOU asked what WE thought. You say you feel that you deserve better than her. Really? YOU are the one who cheated on HER, so BOTH of you deserve better than each other. You don't love her, she doesn't love you, your entire relationship is built on lust and sex. Neither of you have fathers. That's not the end of the world. What would be different if your fathers WERE here? They'd probably tell you the same things that we are. So not having a daddy is just a poor excuse for the behavior on both your parts. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, man up and do what you should have done long ago: divorce her. You have biblical grounds for it. It's been 14 years already, how much more of your life are you gonna waste on this sham marriage?
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Why divorce? Why not try loving her as God commanded? He's already giving the excuse list for divorcing. All he wants is for others to agree with him. And he's only been married for months, not years. You're giving him the easy way out when that's all he's ever done. Growing in Christ requires working on love.
 
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