I'm in a quandry

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Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
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#22
Sometimes you have to shake the dust off of your shoes and pray. That is my advice
I agree, I am doing that. I wish him the best.
I am going to recommend a marriage counsellor too, when (or if) he starts complaining at me again. I am too worn out with it.
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,529
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#23
I agree, I am doing that. I wish him the best.
I am going to recommend a marriage counsellor too, when (or if) he starts complaining at me again. I am too worn out with it.
If he complains tell him told ya. And hang up. Hes gotta wake up himself
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
8,064
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#24
there's that old saying

if you keep doing the same things you will keep getting the same results

he's gotta see if for himself
 

Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
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#25
If he complains tell him told ya. And hang up. Hes gotta wake up himself
Well, Demi777, as much as I would like to do the "I told ya so" it wouldn't solve anything. My plan is to tell him to go seek professional help.
I am so done with trying to encourage and help, only to have it ignored. Pray for me Demi777, I need it!
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,529
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#26
I know the feeling. Ive cut many ties. God bless you
Well, Demi777, as much as I would like to do the "I told ya so" it wouldn't solve anything. My plan is to tell him to go seek professional help.
I am so done with trying to encourage and help, only to have it ignored. Pray for me Demi777, I need it!
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
68,543
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#27
It was Kenny Rogers who once said, "you gotta know when to walk away, know when to run".. You need to walk away. This person isn't gonna listen to you, he's determined to do what he wants and consequences be darned..
 

Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
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#28
It was Kenny Rogers who once said, "you gotta know when to walk away, know when to run".. You need to walk away. This person isn't gonna listen to you, he's determined to do what he wants and consequences be darned..
I'm with ya! Like Demi777's encouragement, sweep the dust off the feet and move on. He's still a friend, but he has to learn....thanks for your feedback! very blessed to receive it!
 

blueluna5

Active member
Jul 30, 2018
152
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#30
I have a friend that I have known for a long time. I met him during a time when his first marriage was just starting to head for the rocks.
Needless to say, it did hit the rocks. (strike one) About 8 months or so later, he married again...to an abusive and strong headed woman. That marriage started going south within the first year or so, as I understand.
I lost track of him for about 7 or 8 years, and when we reconnected, it was all about how bad things were for him. For almost 18 months I tried to do my best to help him out, but his marriage ended. (strike two).
He was introduced by phone to someone in Idaho that my wife and I know. A person who has been in and out of alcohol rehab 3-4 times, and not at all walking with the Lord. 2 weeks after their first phone call together, he tells me they are in love and want to get married...I tried to caution him to go a bit slower, but he got mad at me about it, telling me I should be happy for him finding someone. I stopped trying to help and encourage at that point. I recently heard he married her after only being together face to face for a day or so.
Am I wrong not to be happy for him? I just see another cycle of issues and hassles, with him wanting to dump his problems on me.
What can I do?
Experience is the best teacher. Your friend is not learning from his own experiences.

Why do you think words would work?
 

Jan7777777

Active member
Oct 19, 2018
224
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#31
He should have dated her longer and see if they connect, of course praying for the soul mate would have been his best bet, but then doesn't sound like he listens to reasoning, let him figure it out, sounds like he falls in love too fast, that isn't real love, he sounds like he just wants to be married, let him work it all out its his life, tell him you will pray for him and that's about all he seems to allow you to do, we do learn from our mistakes.
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
1,267
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#32
You may want to help him make a list what he wants in a wife and what he has to offer.
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
1,267
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#33
If he complains tell him told ya. And hang up. Hes gotta wake up himself
It is better to lay down the phone and walk away. Where does he look for a wife? At church? Maybe he is not looking in the right place.

I know a person who looked for a mate in a mental institution. He wondered why it did not work out. The next one He found at Church, they have been married for over 30 years now.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
28,871
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Florida
#34
That is my plan for sure, move on. What bothers me is that the ink wasn't even dry on his second divorce before he proposed to his third wife...
Some guys learn the hard way. The ink was dry on my divorce degree for 18 years before I remarried. Marry in haste, repent in leisure. My mom told me that before my first marriage. Now I am not saying I made a hasty decision but it certainly was an unwise one. Regarding my first marriage, I really regret only one day of it and that one day is the day of the wedding.
 

Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
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#35
First stop trying to fix him and his problems and give them to God instead through prayer.

He isn't going to listen to what you say but wants you to listen to his problems.

You have to honestly ask yourself if you can listen without judging him or trying to fix his problems but with love and compassion so when it does fail he knows he isn't alone....or are you in a place in your life where anymore weight from someone else's burdens will be too much and toxic to your life?

I don't know where you are but pray and ask God if you should stay and listen or distance yourself more.

He will tell you in your heart and give you peace and joy. God bless.
I am at a point now where I just do not want to be a dumping ground for his misery. He has been married now for about six weeks, and he is starting in again about *stuff*. I told him last time he spoke to me that he needs to find professional help to bring his problems to...don't know if he will, but...
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
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#38
Hahaha... Yeah, praying for patience brings you trouble, I think that is what TheLearner was thinking.

View attachment 193456
I forgot my scripture. giggle.gif

James 1:2, 3 "My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into different kinds of temptations,
knowing that the trying of your faith works patience."
 

Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
1,046
560
113
#39
I forgot my scripture. View attachment 193459

James 1:2, 3 "My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into different kinds of temptations, knowing that the trying of your faith works patience."
I learn some lessons quickly, some...well....not so quickly!
I need to remember to ask the Lord during those trying times what it is He wants to teach me.
I don't do that enough I guess. maybe I need to ask what I am to learn when dealing with my quandary.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,290
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#40
Some people just wont listen, or use common sense. A friend of mine is so needy with wanting a woman, he makes a fool of himself. And I have told him more then once, but no avail.