Is It Fair or Unfair?

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Is it fair or unfair?

  • Fair to both

  • Unfair to both

  • Fair to grandparents but not sibling

  • Unfair to grandparents but not sibling

  • Fair to sibling but not to grandparents

  • Unfair to sibling but not to grandparents


Results are only viewable after voting.
Aug 12, 2013
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#1
Is it fair for a mother to keep their youngest daughter away completely (I mean completely) away from their sibling, but they still lived in the same house until ages of adults, even to the time their daughter is an adult- and the sibling who was kept from their sister forever gets married and has the first grandchildren in the family, but never allows the mother or father who kept their sister from them to ever be around their grandchildren?
If the sibling kept from their sister is willing to make a deal that if they can see their sister then they will let the grandparents see the grandchildren-
Is this fair or unfair, for any reason?

There's no neutral. Things always have a wrong and a right. Either something is good or evil, it is either of sin or it isn't.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
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#2
Wasn't sure i understood the question or have enough information to vote.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#3
Personally, I do not seek to be treated fairly in this life but rather desire God's mercy and compassion. I have no idea what the OP is about so I will not be casting a vote in this poll. Just about every family is dysfunctional to some degree. I really don't understand what the squabble is about but perhaps it's a bit atypical.
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#4
Wasn't sure i understood the question or have enough information to vote.
Let's say you grew up with your mother and father keeping your younger sister from ever being around you. Though you all lived in the same household your entire childhood, your parents always forced you and your sister to stay away from each other. To be sure of it they separated you on opposite ends of the house and kept your sisters room right next to their room to make sure she never leaves it except to use the restroom and for you never to go in there and they keep a close watch on her. When you become the age of an adult, they kick you out of the house and make a restriction order for you not being allowed on their property to see your sister or anyone else. A year later you got married and had a new baby girl. You are the one of all your siblings to have a baby first. Now your mother and father are grandparents. Your mother and father still keep your sister in their house and your sister has no desire to get her own life going because she's fine living with her parents all her life, so your sister can't drive or have any way to contact you even if she wanted to, and you don't know if she does because you've been separated for years.

Now your parents want to see and be around your baby girl. You want to see and be around your sister.

Is it fair or unfair to keep your parents away from your baby because they keep your sister from you all your life? Who is it unfair or fair to, and who is it not? Is it to both or neither?
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
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#5
I didn't cast a vote because perhaps it's all unfair. My question is why did they keep the sisters away from each other? Were they protecting someone?
The woman with the child/grandbaby should find forgiveness for a decision her parents made. Keeping her child away is just repeating the same kind of pain for her child as the pain she grew up with. Two wrongs will never make a right, but can make more wrongs. The daughter should be the peacemaker and think about her child, her child's future, and the feelings her child will have as she grows up. Make it about the child.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#6
Let's say you grew up with your mother and father keeping your younger sister from ever being around you. Though you all lived in the same household your entire childhood, your parents always forced you and your sister to stay away from each other. To be sure of it they separated you on opposite ends of the house and kept your sisters room right next to their room to make sure she never leaves it except to use the restroom and for you never to go in there and they keep a close watch on her. When you become the age of an adult, they kick you out of the house and make a restriction order for you not being allowed on their property to see your sister or anyone else. A year later you got married and had a new baby girl. You are the one of all your siblings to have a baby first. Now your mother and father are grandparents. Your mother and father still keep your sister in their house and your sister has no desire to get her own life going because she's fine living with her parents all her life, so your sister can't drive or have any way to contact you even if she wanted to, and you don't know if she does because you've been separated for years.

Now your parents want to see and be around your baby girl. You want to see and be around your sister.

Is it fair or unfair to keep your parents away from your baby because they keep your sister from you all your life? Who is it unfair or fair to, and who is it not? Is it to both or neither?
In either case it sounds like the childhood was an extreme form of child abuse for both the brother and the sister. Being an adult the brother could now hang out with his sister all that he wanted. Being an adult herself it would now be on her whether or not to see her brother. The parents no longer have a say in this. As a father, if it were me I would keep my child as far away from my parents as possible. To me, this would be a fair resolution. The parents sound like cruel monsters, no need to be around the baby girl. Of course, the parents need prayer but for the foreseeable future I would forbid them, for the sake of the baby girl, to be with their grandchild. The brother might also consider telling the police that his sister is being held captive in her parents house. The whole thing is a horrible situation. The parents are sick puppies that's for sure.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
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#7
Let's say you grew up with your mother and father keeping your younger sister from ever being around you. Though you all lived in the same household your entire childhood, your parents always forced you and your sister to stay away from each other. To be sure of it they separated you on opposite ends of the house and kept your sisters room right next to their room to make sure she never leaves it except to use the restroom and for you never to go in there and they keep a close watch on her. When you become the age of an adult, they kick you out of the house and make a restriction order for you not being allowed on their property to see your sister or anyone else. A year later you got married and had a new baby girl. You are the one of all your siblings to have a baby first. Now your mother and father are grandparents. Your mother and father still keep your sister in their house and your sister has no desire to get her own life going because she's fine living with her parents all her life, so your sister can't drive or have any way to contact you even if she wanted to, and you don't know if she does because you've been separated for years.

Now your parents want to see and be around your baby girl. You want to see and be around your sister.

Is it fair or unfair to keep your parents away from your baby because they keep your sister from you all your life? Who is it unfair or fair to, and who is it not? Is it to both or neither?
The first part reminds me of a script to a movie. Something like Mommy Dearest or Flowers in the Attic. Is this a true story?

As far as using seeing the baby for 'leverage' on the parents to get to see one's own sister, I don't know about that. I would say 'honor your father and mother'-- but on the other hand, you might be able to do that and still put a bit of pressure on them to see your other relatives.

Did this happen to you?

It would be really weird for parents to raise children in a house together and not let them interact at all unless there were extenuating circumstances. That's kind of what happened in 'Frozen' except the girl secluded herself from her little sister out of fear of hurting her. Like I said, it sounds like a movie script.
 

Lillywolf

Well-known member
Aug 29, 2018
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#8
The first part reminds me of a script to a movie. Something like Mommy Dearest or Flowers in the Attic. Is this a true story?

As far as using seeing the baby for 'leverage' on the parents to get to see one's own sister, I don't know about that. I would say 'honor your father and mother'-- but on the other hand, you might be able to do that and still put a bit of pressure on them to see your other relatives.

Did this happen to you?

It would be really weird for parents to raise children in a house together and not let them interact at all unless there were extenuating circumstances. That's kind of what happened in 'Frozen' except the girl secluded herself from her little sister out of fear of hurting her. Like I said, it sounds like a movie script.
Or one of those headlines where a couple are arrested and the neighbors never knew they had kids until CPS got involved. And then they were found locked in the basement. :(
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
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#9
Let's say you grew up with your mother and father keeping your younger sister from ever being around you. Though you all lived in the same household your entire childhood, your parents always forced you and your sister to stay away from each other. To be sure of it they separated you on opposite ends of the house and kept your sisters room right next to their room to make sure she never leaves it except to use the restroom and for you never to go in there and they keep a close watch on her. When you become the age of an adult, they kick you out of the house and make a restriction order for you not being allowed on their property to see your sister or anyone else. A year later you got married and had a new baby girl. You are the one of all your siblings to have a baby first. Now your mother and father are grandparents. Your mother and father still keep your sister in their house and your sister has no desire to get her own life going because she's fine living with her parents all her life, so your sister can't drive or have any way to contact you even if she wanted to, and you don't know if she does because you've been separated for years.

Now your parents want to see and be around your baby girl. You want to see and be around your sister.

Is it fair or unfair to keep your parents away from your baby because they keep your sister from you all your life? Who is it unfair or fair to, and who is it not? Is it to both or neither?
Ok I have some clarity now, thanks Xethea. I really appreciate your taking the time. Um, what if this beautiful new baby can bring you all back together? What if God is giving you all a gift that not only is precious as a beautiful child but also a another precious way... to bring reconciliation? I think the sister should stand up and take accountability for the acceptance of staying seperated but I understand, from what you shared it isn't that simple. I think this is a good question but I think you want to first ask yourself what is best for the child, what is best for you all. Ideally, having you all forgive each other and move forward in a healthy manner towards each other is best for you all, right? But also, maybe not possible. I don't know. What do you think our Heavenly Father would want? He loves us all so much. I think reconciliation is worth another try for all of you. Is it fair to the mother of the child or the child or the sister or the grandparents to continue in this broken state? My heart goes out to you all, it must be very hard. I can imagine the choice can not be easy, that there is a lot of pain and resentment. I am praying. Hugs...♡
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
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#10
In either case it sounds like the childhood was an extreme form of child abuse for both the brother and the sister. Being an adult the brother could now hang out with his sister all that he wanted. Being an adult herself it would now be on her whether or not to see her brother. The parents no longer have a say in this. As a father, if it were me I would keep my child as far away from my parents as possible. To me, this would be a fair resolution. The parents sound like cruel monsters, no need to be around the baby girl. Of course, the parents need prayer but for the foreseeable future I would forbid them, for the sake of the baby girl, to be with their grandchild. The brother might also consider telling the police that his sister is being held captive in her parents house. The whole thing is a horrible situation. The parents are sick puppies that's for sure.
Yeah, i didn't think about that, that the parents might be bad for the baby. I just want them all to have a happy ending but maybe that is not what is best.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,188
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#11
Let's say you grew up with your mother and father keeping your younger sister from ever being around you. Though you all lived in the same household your entire childhood, your parents always forced you and your sister to stay away from each other. To be sure of it they separated you on opposite ends of the house and kept your sisters room right next to their room to make sure she never leaves it except to use the restroom and for you never to go in there and they keep a close watch on her. When you become the age of an adult, they kick you out of the house and make a restriction order for you not being allowed on their property to see your sister or anyone else. A year later you got married and had a new baby girl. You are the one of all your siblings to have a baby first. Now your mother and father are grandparents. Your mother and father still keep your sister in their house and your sister has no desire to get her own life going because she's fine living with her parents all her life, so your sister can't drive or have any way to contact you even if she wanted to, and you don't know if she does because you've been separated for years.

Now your parents want to see and be around your baby girl. You want to see and be around your sister.

Is it fair or unfair to keep your parents away from your baby because they keep your sister from you all your life? Who is it unfair or fair to, and who is it not? Is it to both or neither?
Now I have another question. Let's say they agreed to allow the siblings to be around eachother so they could be around the baby. Is that a good thing to do? Are they healthy minded enough for that?
 
Dec 1, 2018
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#12
Let's say you grew up with your mother and father keeping your younger sister from ever being around you. Though you all lived in the same household your entire childhood, your parents always forced you and your sister to stay away from each other. To be sure of it they separated you on opposite ends of the house and kept your sisters room right next to their room to make sure she never leaves it except to use the restroom and for you never to go in there and they keep a close watch on her. When you become the age of an adult, they kick you out of the house and make a restriction order for you not being allowed on their property to see your sister or anyone else. A year later you got married and had a new baby girl. You are the one of all your siblings to have a baby first. Now your mother and father are grandparents. Your mother and father still keep your sister in their house and your sister has no desire to get her own life going because she's fine living with her parents all her life, so your sister can't drive or have any way to contact you even if she wanted to, and you don't know if she does because you've been separated for years.

Now your parents want to see and be around your baby girl. You want to see and be around your sister.

Is it fair or unfair to keep your parents away from your baby because they keep your sister from you all your life? Who is it unfair or fair to, and who is it not? Is it to both or neither?
I don't know if this is true or not but I voted based on your explanation. Before she even thinks of her parents being around her daughter she needs to demand an explanation why they did what they did. It may be years too late but if she wants to see her sister, better late than never. She has a right to know and it's also a precaution for the safety of her baby. It's mind boggling how they separated the sister and in my mind, if the reason is not a dark kept secret then why separate them?

I know something like this happened in my country but it has a let's just say a reason why the mother did it. The mother made sure the sisters stay away from their brother and vice versa and even when they are adults they never understood why their mother did it until the truth finally came out that their mother was sexually abused by her brother and in her own twisted way she didn't want to repeat history.This all came out when the mother was already old and gray and they confronted her because they never understood why.

I'm not saying it's the same reason but there are stranger than fiction that happens in real life.
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#13
I don't know if this is true or not but I voted based on your explanation. Before she even thinks of her parents being around her daughter she needs to demand an explanation why they did what they did. It may be years too late but if she wants to see her sister, better late than never. She has a right to know and it's also a precaution for the safety of her baby. It's mind boggling how they separated the sister and in my mind, if the reason is not a dark kept secret then why separate them?

I know something like this happened in my country but it has a let's just say a reason why the mother did it. The mother made sure the sisters stay away from their brother and vice versa and even when they are adults they never understood why their mother did it until the truth finally came out that their mother was sexually abused by her brother and in her own twisted way she didn't want to repeat history.This all came out when the mother was already old and gray and they confronted her because they never understood why.

I'm not saying it's the same reason but there are stranger than fiction that happens in real life.
Well, I ask based on a true story that I know has happened to my family and someone else's. But their family has a different reason than mine does. Their family wants to keep their baby away from drug addicts who do illegal drugs and fight physically a lot leaving black eyes and such. they are abusive. In my family, it is somewhat the same, but the parents are keeping the sister away as a way to show hate to their child. They treat their youngest daughter like an angel because she has a different father who lives in the house. Everyone despises the older sibling's father, so they are hated because they hate their father before they were even born. It's like a punishment for favoritism. They made the older sibling homeless in the past having to get on their own 2 feet alone then got married and had a baby. All that time being homeless, no one in the family cared to help or say anything to them. Once they heard they had a baby, their parents came right over, started offering money and gifts as if they were trying to get their child to like them to let them be around when the baby was born. The sibling saw that as buying love with money. Now from cousins and aunts, to great grandparents and across 50 relatives are telling them it is fair and unfair, so they don't know really if they should let them around their child or not for how they parents abused and treated them when they were a child, and even that they keep their sister from them still today that its not even fair to them.
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#14
Now I have another question. Let's say they agreed to allow the siblings to be around eachother so they could be around the baby. Is that a good thing to do? Are they healthy minded enough for that?
Both siblings are very kind, and the siblings have never had a personal issue between each other. Yet, I think that is because they were never much around each other. It's something with the parents that brings the violence and negativity into the family, not the children. I don't know their sister very well, but from what everyone says, she has no addictions, mental issues, anger problems or anything. So I am confident they would be fine together. I heard very few times both parents had to leave the house when they thought the older sibling was gone to someone elses house, but they came back early and spent some time with their sister. but when the parents came back they had a fight telling them to stay away from each other.