TwinMamma, may God bless and help you during this difficult time. Don’t ever forget God loves you, loves you dearly and will never leave nor forsake you or allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear.
As was said by someone earlier it is very important that your family be a part of a Bible believing church. One that lives the word of God. Hebrews 10:25 KJV 25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. And yes, this is the man’s responsibility, but to your credit you are the one that is reaching out. Hopefully he will join you in this.
“I want to fight for my marriage, but if he won't fight for us too what hope do we have?” Luke 1:37 NKJV 37 "For with God nothing will be impossible." (blue_ladybug :>) Please whatever you do, don’t give up on the marriage. This would not be God’s will and would probably be the worst example and worst thing that could happen to your children. One day I believe you, he, the children and especially God will be extremely happy you did fight for the marriage. I can also say, from experience, after more than thirty five years of marriage that has weathered many storms (problems brought about from both of us). That Pam, our two girls and I are very happy that we stuck it out. Please remember your wedding vows. They were a covenant between you, your husband and God.
Also, very importantly pray often and fervently for your husband, for God’s will and that He would help you through these difficult times and that you find a church that lives and exists solely for serving Him and His church. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 KJV 17 Pray without ceasing.
Show your husband respect every chance you get. Make sure it is about something that is worthy of respect. You can do this in many ways beyond just comments such as: “You really do well with the business, your customers obviously trust and respect you” Ask him for his opinion and advice on different issues (you need to be willing to follow it). These opportunities will come up and probably often if you look for them. Also of great importance is that men need respect and woman need love. Ephesians 5:33 NKJV 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. If you respect him he will (in time) show you love. This was huge for Pam and I. I believe it was one of several turning points in our marriage. Our church did a DVD series on this. The following web site is where the series came from. There is much good free advice there: LoveandRespect.com.
Stay positive, be careful to avoid sarcasm. Don’t dwell on the negative (especially those things that you don’t know to be true), be careful not to antagonize or ask questions that are not necessary that will antagonize. Pr 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger (My wife has proven this often – to my shame.). James 1:19-20 NKJV 19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
It is also very admirable that he allows you to stay home with the children and that you are willing to do it. I know two incomes works for some, but can you imagine how your life would be with the added burden of a job to the responsibilities you already have (extremely important ones I might add). Also, by the sounds of it since he has trouble turning away work it wouldn’t help anyway. Our family life so improved when Pam quit working (She was just part time but it still made a world of difference.). The children and I were very grateful for this.
Physically are you the same as when you first married? I know this seems very shallow and is but there are many if not most men out there that this is important to. If you are not I can understand it after having twins. For him in this area it would help if you got involved in a sustained effort (nothing extreme - do it at home, don’t go out and join a gym – slow and sustained is effective) on your part to get in shape would go a long way for him.
Remember, change starts with ourselves. We can’t force others to change; however, changes we make in our own lives can help others to follow.
Relationships take work. Sometimes a lot. Be strong and lean on God. He loves you, He loves your children and He loves your husband. He will help you through this. Put in the effort with Him and one day, as I said before, I believe you will be extremely happy you did. I know your children, your husband and certainly God will be.
Take care and may God bless you all. We will be praying for you,
Ed, Pam and Darlene
