I figured it would be something that sounds like a bunch of emotional gobbledygook without a real concrete reason. from the male perspective.
1) She said she does not like the person she is becoming staying with me
2) She said visiting the philipines and seeing her freinds and their relationships reminded her what she is missing out on
3) She said it has been over for a long time but she did not accept it until now
4) she said she does not want to try to work it out because she is scared that she might end up hating me
5) she said she does not believe i could change
6) She said she has never before cried so much than the last few years with me
7) She said felt alone in the relationship
8) She said she is ashamed to invite friends home or go places with me there
She probably said a few more things but that basically covers the heart of it
She's having feelings. But none of those reasons are legitimate reasons to divorce. She needs to get her head on straight and start thinking right and get her attitude right. She needs a work of the Lord on her heart.
You can call a spade a spade and tell her problem is a lack of commitment and a lack of faithfulness. If she leaves you and adulterously marries some other man in a union forbidden by our Lord, then she'll carry this same character flaw into that relationship. Statistically, those who divorce once are more likely to get another divorce. She'll be taking her unfaithful, uncommitted heart that's unwilling to work on problems with her into other relationship in the future.
If there is something you are doing that you can improve, this is a time to focus on that. You can refuse to divorce her, but at the same time communicate that you are committed to her.
65 to 70% of no-fault divorces in the US are initiated by women. Eggerich's, who wrote the marriage book, Love and Respect, has spoke of the problem of 'the walk-away woman.'
It could be there is something you are doing or not doing that has caused her to respect you less. With that goes attraction. This runs contrary to what a lot of women think they believe, but even the feminists are attracted to strength, leadership, etc. in men. If she is unreasonable and he caves to her pouting or arguing, she can lose respect for him. She thinks she wants him to cave, but she's only emotionally satisfied and maintains respect (and therefore attraction) for him if he stands his ground. Letting her make the decisions is another way to lose respect and attraction. Then there may be times she wants him to step up and have a vision and a plan for the household, and he's like, 'whatever you want, dear' and she has to come up with all the ideas. Or she has to go get the life insurance paperwork or car insurance or some sort of 'protection' type think for her or the kids that she wishes he'd take care of. And she respects him less.
I think that's the problem with some couples, but not a cure-all. It's something to consider.
Another problem with discontentedness is the same problem Israel had in the desert. God miraculously gave them food, but they kept eating it and got sick of it. Then they became unthankful. The way they complained for meat angered God. Some women have decent, caring husbands but just think about them in such a negative way when it isn't justified. And this is an area where the devil can work on someone's mind.
If you think that's an area you need work on, if you could get her to agree to go out to dinner for you, you could show some leadership in a fun way, that would get her to rely on you. Tell her you have something planned and you want her to wear something nice. Don't tell her where you are going, but give her an idea of what kind of clothes to wear or suggest something. Then take her to a nice restaurant you need reservations for. After that, take her to something interesting. If she's into high class artsy stuff, it could be a symphony or opera or something like that. If she doesn't go for a 'date' idea, you could say she needs to go out after taking care of the babies so much... that she needs a break so you are taking her some place nice. You could also do this to celebrate some event. You don't have to do it for Valentine's day because if she's insisting on divorcing she may not go for that, but if she's okay with Valentine's day, you could do that.
The idea is you get to be the leader. You pick everything out. She gives up control to you, which might meet some deeply held need. I was listening to Focus on the Family and they had these women on who said that even Barbara Walters said that the 50 Shades of Grey thing was about submission. Women want to submit to men, and even though this book presents a twisted, masochistic version of it, women have some itch for submission that the book scratches for them. Maybe you could offer something that hits on a need of hers in this area if she has one.
One approach would be just to say the divorce is off, and it just isn't going to happen. But don't pursue her in a whiney way where you say, "Love me." or "Why don't you love me?" and mope around. You could kind of back off and give her space without acting like her disinterest bothers you too much. At least you don't display a bunch of emotion about it. Go be a good husband. Lift weights and get in shape if you need to be more attractive. At some point, she may realize other women are attracted to you and realize you are a catch.
And start leading in spiritual matters, prayer, Bible study, getting everyone to go to church, and things like that.