need prayer for marriage

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Imm

Guest
#101
#101
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpos

1 John 5:2
By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments.

Ephesians 5:25,"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
 
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timegirl

Guest
#102
#102
If my husband could only communicate in the way you have that he still loves me it would mean the world. Did you consider trying the love dare? It is a little cheesy but i wonder if she could see what you are williing to do in order to show her love. If she is feeling unloved, do whatever it takes without pride to make her feel loved and see if it changes her heart. Or ask her for a certain time period for you to try together before she gives up completely, you give 110% and she gives 110%.
 
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Stephen

Guest
#103
#103
Oh timegirl I wish your response was the case. I do have the dare book and have begun doing what it suggests. The problem is that so many of these things I have been doing for years. Even though she told me she wanted a divorce two months ago I make breakfast for her every morning, take the boys to school and pick them up when I am not caring for them, have something for her to eat when she gets home, tell her I love her, etc. I always remember special dates and occasions, praise her for accomplishments and put her needs first. I feel like I can't do anything more but I still try.

What I don't understand is some days she tells me she knows I love her then the next day she doesn't know if I do or not. Her mom says that she has always had a high level of appreciation for how I have shown her daughter that I love her. She even says that she wishes her husband showed her the kind of love I show her daughter. I am not a perfect man and have allowed the stress of being a stay at home dad, full-time now part-time, working partime and taking college courses stress me out and short of patience.

Now it never manifested in physical reaction or name calling I would get frustrated over little insignificant things. The ironic thing is that I have been more calm in the last 2 years than ever but my wife on the other hand is the one "stressed out" and quick to upset.
 
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timegirl

Guest
#104
#104
Stephen, It seems to me now the situation is indeed in God's hands. When I first posted I didn't read through the entire thread but now I have. It is hard to see the big picture with only a once sides window but if this picture is accurate it seems like right now her reasons for leaving are selfish and not justified. But if she chooses to do this, leave it in God's hands and be at peace. It seems like you have been on this journey to peace so I pray for your family, that what happens is in God's will.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#105
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#105
I'm sorry, Stephen, but I have almost zero sympathy for your wife. I'll be praying that her eyes are opened but she sounds determined to make the wrong choice. I think you have been TOO patient with her.

Since you want to have custody of the children, I hope you have found a good lawyer. Sounds like you are the better parent.

Lean on Jesus, brother...you are not alone.
 
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Stephen

Guest
#106
#106
Lucy68, Thank you for your prayers. I have reached a point that I totally trust God and will remain faithful to Him no matter what. I am at peace knowing while I have not been a perfect husband I have always been teachable and improving. I still pray every day that she will open her eyes to Gods word but something tells me it won't happen until it's too late.

I expect to be served divorce papers any day know. It saddens me that Christian marriages are collapsing all around us. My parents and my in-laws do not have a Christian marriage and have suffered greater obstacles throughout their relationships but they manage to survive and move forward. Yet, the two of us married as Christians and have proclaimed Christ throughout. On our wedding bands is inscribed Matt. 19:6. Now look at us. It breaks my heart that for many our marriage testimony is a joke.

Like you many have told me I am too patient with her. But I love her and my children and want to do everything I can to save this family. Christ is patient and forgiving with us so I will be patient and forgiving. Though I know unlike our Lord I do not have unlimited patience and forgiveness. Also, at some point no matter how much I resist the state will intervene and separate what God has joined together.

Thank you sister for your kind words and prayers. Please continue to pray for us.

In Christ,

Stephen
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#107
#107
My prayers are with you and your family.
 
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Livn4Him

Guest
#108
#108
Oh, Stephen; my heart broke when I read your post. I will [definately] be praying for the situation!
 
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Stephen

Guest
#109
#109
Thank you all for your continued prayers and words of encouragement and counsel. My wife continues on the path to divorce and tells me that there is absolutely nothing I can change or do. If I contest it will only delay the inevitable. We do have Christian counseling sessions scheduled and I pray that something can be said or done to at least make her stop and think.

I can not control her and I say nothing when she stays out late, etc. I know that I must and I do show restraint and self control through this. After all the children are watching. And I am allowing God to continue His work in me. I will continue to be disiplined and restrained as the Spirit guides me through this.

I am so confused as to how someone who I studied God's word with for so many years. Now can't even acknowledge what it says regarding this life changing decision.

Thank you all again. God Bless,

Stephen
 
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Ramon

Guest
#111
#111
Stephen I believe in the end this will prove a very good lesson for you, as the Lord also knows this very pain, as even his own people behave the same way concerning him. Consider the case in which WE are the bride. Have we not done the same thing? One day we say he loves us an the next we are not sure. Even this, that one day we say we love him, and the next day we run out on him. You are learning a lesson in patience and love that is invaluable. In fact, it is a very lesson of the nature of God's love.

2Pet 1:4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
2Pet 1:5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;
2Pet 1:6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
2Pet 1:7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
2Pet 1:8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

May Jesus bless you.
 
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Stephen

Guest
#112
#112
Thank you Ramon, wonderful verses from His word. I will spend some tiime tonight meditating on those verses.
 
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mocha

Guest
#113
#113
Yes I think she is depressed, that is why she is losing weight, I do not believe in divorce but if she does not want to be with you then you will have to decieded how to handle it. Maybe I am to straight forward for lots of people, but if my husband did not want me to be with me I would say go, I would not want to live with someone who does not love me. I hope things work out but be perpared to give her up, if she does not love you then it will transfer to the children.
 
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Stephen

Guest
#114
#114
Thank you mocha, she has been on medication three times in the past 12 years for depression but always ended treatment after roughly 6 months.

The talk of divorce has been going on now for 3 months and I have done everything I can to remove stress from her life in the hope that it is a major cause for the unhappiness and discontentment. I take care of most of the domestic needs and I have begun, at her request, leaving the house with the boys for 2 nights a week again.

Someone close to her believes after talking with her that she wants to be free, or single again and is tired of feeling tied down with a family. I don't know. It seems to go along with her frequent late nights and now a second night in which she doesn't come home until the next day.

I am beginning to really struggle with feeling alone and longing for the closeness I shared with my wife of 12 years. I am feeling very disrespected, unappreciated and taken advantage of.
 
shellybell7

shellybell7

Member
#115
May 2, 2010
42
0
6
#115
Am I allowed to be the voice of reason here? I read the part where you quit your job to take care of her .. fine.. but sorry Man should be the sole provider of the household.. not a stay at home.. i would lose all respect for a man if he stayed at home.. It's not God's design. I am sorry you're wife is leaving you but if you truly are there for her like you say you are.. then something else is going on... something she may not be admitting. I know i might receive heat for this post but showering someone with gifts or doing the love dare is just a gimmick.. read about love in Corinthians ... it's not self seeking or boastful... it wants nothing.. I've never been married so you might not take my advice and that is fine.. but Only God can restore any kinda marriage not a gimmick.
 
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Stephen

Guest
#116
#116
shellybell7, I appreciate your honest thoughts here. I agree that a husband should be the provider and go out to work. I unfortunately was faced with placing a newborn in full time day care or working part time overnights. My wife had no interest in staying home. So, I left my job to stay at home and I worked part time overnights.

I think you make good points about "gimmicks" verses understanding love as described in Corinthians. One component of love is sacrifice. Trust me when I say I would have much rather continued on in a succesful career making good money with potential for growth than stay home with the litte ones, clean house and work entry level at nights. Don't get me wrong though, seeing my sons grow has been a blessing to me. But like you I believe God has a design for the family that is best.

I am not attempting here to win support from anyone. The goal is to receive the power of prayer from Gods children to open my wifes eyes to what she is doing so the marriage can be restored. I do fear there is something else going on but I am not sure what. I can't imagine she is having an affair. But it did happen about 10 years ago as I mentioned earlier. It went no farther than a kiss, I was told, and I forgave her and moved on.

Thank you for your honest thoughts,

Please pray for my wife, children and strength for me,

God Bless
 
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Stephen

Guest
#117
#117
To all. My initial response to this news from my wife did send me into a spiral of fear and worry about myself and my sons. I was shocked and taken by surprise. Since then, through prayer, study of His Word and the Holy Spirit I have found some peace. I now pray hard about my wifes relationship with God, secondly my concern is with our sons, lastly I am concerned with me.

I ask that you my brothers and sisters pray for us in that way.
 
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Stephen

Guest
#118
#118
Well we went to counseling and out of it came that my wife is still determined as ever to divorce. Also, she says that she now has a more liberal view of some of the Bibles teachings. She feels that individuals can divorce for reasons other than adultery and that social drinking and being a part of the nightlife is acceptable.

I'm afraid I am loosing her more and more each day. I try so hard to show her love and the importance of keeping our family together but I'm afraid the pull she is experiencing is too great. This has been going on now for three months with no improvement. Some days I feel like giving up.

Please pray for her and our family.

God Bless
 
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Mamallama

Guest
#119
#119
Stephen, I do not agree with Shellybell7's assessment of the Love Dare. The lessons are rigorous and if you follow them you will be disciplined to love even when you are not being loved back. The Love Dare teaches the practice of unconditional love, and it teaches that love is an act rather than a feeling. You may not be able to keep your wife, but love teaches that you should pray for her, for if she leaves your marriage she will need your love even more. I am so sorry for you, and I will pray for you also.
 
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Stephen

Guest
#120
#120
Mamallama, I have heard mostly positive opinions about the "Dare" book and have decided to buy it. I have watched the movie a couple of times in the past and thought it was very good and that every couple could benefit from seeing it.

I am being encouraged by our counselor to resist the divorce and to continue to pray and stick with it. I see him again tomorrow as he has asked to meet with each of us separatly to discuss where we are in our faith. He asked us to do this after my wife revealed that after 14 years of being saved she has adopted a more liberal view of the Bible.

She continues to stay out late with "new" friends that I have never met but only heard about.

Keep her and my family in prayer,

God Bless
 
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