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S
Touching story Stephen. May the Good Lord continue to touch the heart of your wife. My prayers are with you. God bless you and your family.
Thank you again my sister
Z
Hello Stephen,
I know this is a hard situation for you, as it would be for everyone. Hang in there, and stand on the scripture. Obedience is what it is all about as a Christian. There is no way around this truth. Your wife has an opportunity to prove her service and faith to the Lord, Jesus Christ. She doesn't seem to be inclinded that way, so that is a serious concern. I'm sure it was to the Christian counsel as well. The only way that Christian marriage can work and glorify God is for each partner to commit to the roles, responsibiliteis defined in scripture. Husbands lead, wives follow. That simple, really. Lots of excuses on both parties behalf, but it doesn't change the truth. God knows all our limitations, yet the scriture and instruction stands the text of reason, as well as divine wisdom. A wife who stands opposed to her husband is literally tearing her house down with her own hands. Prayers for you, but know that as long as you lead to the best of your abilities and consistent with Biblical principles, you are doing your part. A Christian wifes NUMBER ONE objective should be to admire and support her husband. A husband is to lovingly lead he and his wife according to Biblical principles. As long as scripture is your doctrine of truth and obedience is important to each party, things should go well. As soon as one party thinks they have flexibility or know better than God, trouble is ahead. For the one disobeying God, well, lots more trouble. Rest assured...
I know this is a hard situation for you, as it would be for everyone. Hang in there, and stand on the scripture. Obedience is what it is all about as a Christian. There is no way around this truth. Your wife has an opportunity to prove her service and faith to the Lord, Jesus Christ. She doesn't seem to be inclinded that way, so that is a serious concern. I'm sure it was to the Christian counsel as well. The only way that Christian marriage can work and glorify God is for each partner to commit to the roles, responsibiliteis defined in scripture. Husbands lead, wives follow. That simple, really. Lots of excuses on both parties behalf, but it doesn't change the truth. God knows all our limitations, yet the scriture and instruction stands the text of reason, as well as divine wisdom. A wife who stands opposed to her husband is literally tearing her house down with her own hands. Prayers for you, but know that as long as you lead to the best of your abilities and consistent with Biblical principles, you are doing your part. A Christian wifes NUMBER ONE objective should be to admire and support her husband. A husband is to lovingly lead he and his wife according to Biblical principles. As long as scripture is your doctrine of truth and obedience is important to each party, things should go well. As soon as one party thinks they have flexibility or know better than God, trouble is ahead. For the one disobeying God, well, lots more trouble. Rest assured...
S
Thank you Zealot, I cannot control the actions of another and have prayfully focused my attention to Gods instruction for a husband and for a father. I continue to grow in His grace and knowledge and regardless of my wifes actions remain faithful to divine principles in order to fulfill my role as the leader of my home. I attend our church every Sunday with our sons and request that my wife attend...sometimes she does sometimes she doesn't. She will not cause me to stumble. I continue each day with the peace, joy and love our Father and His Holy Spirit have blessed us with.
Z
Hello Stephen,
I was just chatting with a Christian neighbor about these topic issues, and his conclusions were pretty much as you summed up. The big disappointment as a Christian is that we have expectations of ourselves and of other Christians. We are depending on each other to be like-minded, and when the painful reality sets in that we are not, well, that is a huge disappointment. I'm going to church tonight with him, as I often do. It is hearbreaking when Christians refuse the word of God and follow their old nature. Scripture tells us we are under no obligation to serve the old man, rather we are empowered by the Holy Spirit to walk in the new nature, in obedience. It is a hard row to hoe when your wife refuses your authority into her life and into your family. Nothing you can do to change that free will choice. It is slanderous toward you and to God. You expect that out of the lost, who don't know what they should do, but to serve their own ambitions and lofty ideas, but, a Christian should know and do what they know is the right thing to do. I simply have to question the real nature of individuals who call themselves Christians and then defy the clear instruction of the Word of God. I'm glad you are able to glean some joy and peace through your service to Christ, as it is difficult when you are betrayed from within your own household. Keep up the chat! Blessings....
I was just chatting with a Christian neighbor about these topic issues, and his conclusions were pretty much as you summed up. The big disappointment as a Christian is that we have expectations of ourselves and of other Christians. We are depending on each other to be like-minded, and when the painful reality sets in that we are not, well, that is a huge disappointment. I'm going to church tonight with him, as I often do. It is hearbreaking when Christians refuse the word of God and follow their old nature. Scripture tells us we are under no obligation to serve the old man, rather we are empowered by the Holy Spirit to walk in the new nature, in obedience. It is a hard row to hoe when your wife refuses your authority into her life and into your family. Nothing you can do to change that free will choice. It is slanderous toward you and to God. You expect that out of the lost, who don't know what they should do, but to serve their own ambitions and lofty ideas, but, a Christian should know and do what they know is the right thing to do. I simply have to question the real nature of individuals who call themselves Christians and then defy the clear instruction of the Word of God. I'm glad you are able to glean some joy and peace through your service to Christ, as it is difficult when you are betrayed from within your own household. Keep up the chat! Blessings....
Thank you Zealot, I cannot control the actions of another and have prayfully focused my attention to Gods instruction for a husband and for a father. I continue to grow in His grace and knowledge and regardless of my wifes actions remain faithful to divine principles in order to fulfill my role as the leader of my home. I attend our church every Sunday with our sons and request that my wife attend...sometimes she does sometimes she doesn't. She will not cause me to stumble. I continue each day with the peace, joy and love our Father and His Holy Spirit have blessed us with.
S
Well brothers and sisters I thought things were going fairly well with my wife in the last couple of weeks. She had stopped reminding me daily that I was wasting my time in trying to win her back or reconcile. In fact, she was asking me to sit with her and watch television on occasion, work out together, and other things that we used to do. I was feeling as though she may be softening her heart towards me. Until we had a conversation today about a comment she made about wanting a divorce and what to do with my things in front of her dad.
In private she told me that she still wants a divorce and that she feels God is directing her and laying the groundwork for her. I couldn't believe it. I reminded her that we have studied and learned that the Holy Spirit does not direct us to do things contrary to the word of God. But she tells me that nothing I say has any meaning to her and she does not want to have a Bible debate so, I say no more.
Please continue to pray for me and for my wife. I am feeling weak now like I have lost a major battle in this war to rescue the marriage. I know God hates divorce and I am fighting to be at peace always with her and avoid any anger or debate. I pray every night that He continues to mold and shape me into the man He desires me to be. That He reveals to me my sins and His plan for me, to give me direction to live according to His perfect will. I pray for a hedge of protection around her mind, I pray that her heart will soften and to forgive me for things I have said and done that hurt her feelings, I pray that she turns to God and grows close to Him and to be the wife and mother God calls wifes to be.
I love you my brothers and sisters and ask that you continue to pray fo us.
God Bless
In private she told me that she still wants a divorce and that she feels God is directing her and laying the groundwork for her. I couldn't believe it. I reminded her that we have studied and learned that the Holy Spirit does not direct us to do things contrary to the word of God. But she tells me that nothing I say has any meaning to her and she does not want to have a Bible debate so, I say no more.
Please continue to pray for me and for my wife. I am feeling weak now like I have lost a major battle in this war to rescue the marriage. I know God hates divorce and I am fighting to be at peace always with her and avoid any anger or debate. I pray every night that He continues to mold and shape me into the man He desires me to be. That He reveals to me my sins and His plan for me, to give me direction to live according to His perfect will. I pray for a hedge of protection around her mind, I pray that her heart will soften and to forgive me for things I have said and done that hurt her feelings, I pray that she turns to God and grows close to Him and to be the wife and mother God calls wifes to be.
I love you my brothers and sisters and ask that you continue to pray fo us.
God Bless
R
Resources
Think about this, YOU, her loving, devoted, faithful husband, hurt her so bad, that she no longer wants to spend her life with you and is willing to divorce you. HER one and only God given life.
Divorce is never good, but if she cannot find the time, space to heal, and you are unwilling to change the words you speak to her, and she truly believes you mean it, then it will be a form of hell for the rest of your lives, what misery? I know because I have experienced in a family situation, but not with a husband.
A woman needs emotional taking care of, and happiness, and if she doesn't have it, her husband who if he believes he is to love her as Christ loved the church, then he will set aside some of his own goals and needs to get her back on track. Can your kids, if you have them, bring her happiness?
Anyway, different beliefs,
1. All things are fixable
2. All things are not fixable
I am of the second belief. It works with the body, you lose a limb, you still live, but do you ever walk the same, usually not. A broken heart, do you then move on to ever trust in the same way again, NO, you learn and live. You learn how to handle each relationship.
So, Pastor will help, but listen to all the support you can get.
Here is a website you may want to check out, www.marylandfathers.org
Fathers United for Equal Rights Foundation, Inc., Phone 301-927-7638
Although you may not live in Maryland, this website may be of some help to you and your wife.
Information about:
Divorce
Separation & Agreements
Mediation
Child Custody
Child Access (visitation)
Child Support (financial)
Daycare Issues
Abuse Allegations
Alienation & Alimony
Property Disposition
Think about this, YOU, her loving, devoted, faithful husband, hurt her so bad, that she no longer wants to spend her life with you and is willing to divorce you. HER one and only God given life.
Divorce is never good, but if she cannot find the time, space to heal, and you are unwilling to change the words you speak to her, and she truly believes you mean it, then it will be a form of hell for the rest of your lives, what misery? I know because I have experienced in a family situation, but not with a husband.
A woman needs emotional taking care of, and happiness, and if she doesn't have it, her husband who if he believes he is to love her as Christ loved the church, then he will set aside some of his own goals and needs to get her back on track. Can your kids, if you have them, bring her happiness?
Anyway, different beliefs,
1. All things are fixable
2. All things are not fixable
I am of the second belief. It works with the body, you lose a limb, you still live, but do you ever walk the same, usually not. A broken heart, do you then move on to ever trust in the same way again, NO, you learn and live. You learn how to handle each relationship.
So, Pastor will help, but listen to all the support you can get.
Here is a website you may want to check out, www.marylandfathers.org
Fathers United for Equal Rights Foundation, Inc., Phone 301-927-7638
Although you may not live in Maryland, this website may be of some help to you and your wife.
Information about:
Divorce
Separation & Agreements
Mediation
Child Custody
Child Access (visitation)
Child Support (financial)
Daycare Issues
Abuse Allegations
Alienation & Alimony
Property Disposition
S
Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers. Unfortunately my wife has informed me tonight that she filed for divorce several weeks ago. This despite promising me and asking me to promise not to do anything behind one anothers back. The whole time this has been going on, since March 26, we have had open lines of communication and she never once mentioned she had even spoken to a lawyer. I feel like I don't even know this woman.
Our pastor, assistant pastor and counselor in separate meetings have asked her not to file until we have had a chance to get to the issues. I thought she had agreed....I guess not. We only have been to 3 counseling sessions and the first was nothing more than a get to know us.
I am afraid my wife's heart is still hardened. I continue to pray and develop my relationship with God as I know He is faithful and true.
God Bless
Our pastor, assistant pastor and counselor in separate meetings have asked her not to file until we have had a chance to get to the issues. I thought she had agreed....I guess not. We only have been to 3 counseling sessions and the first was nothing more than a get to know us.
I am afraid my wife's heart is still hardened. I continue to pray and develop my relationship with God as I know He is faithful and true.
God Bless
E
If she is leaving, Stephen, it's all on her; you did your best to keep it going. Apparently she wanted to get a legal jump on you and I hope for your sake she doesn't take you to the cleaners. You sound like a really sweet person and I hate it that this is happening to you. Right now your Best Friend Jesus is the only true trust you can fall into. Our LORD is the only way you will find peace here and I know you are hurting so bad. If and when this does end I pray the LORD brings you a truly Godly woman that will love you forever. Please Please Please,,,if I remember correctly you have a child with this woman and this woman doesn't particularly like being a mother,,,please fight to keep that child and give it a loving home.
S
We have two sons, four and two. I pray that if she does leave I would have full custody. I gave up my career twice to provide care for the children and wife. So, I have no interest in being a part time father. Thank you for your kind words. While I am not a perfect man I certainly worked hard at trying to be.
I still trust God no matter the outcome. God Bless sister
I still trust God no matter the outcome. God Bless sister
H
My heart goes out to you and your family. From an adult child's perspective...your story reminds me much of my parent's story. My parents' divorce was just finalized in April. I am glad you are a man of God and are so passionate about wanting to work through it with your wife. My father told the same thing to my mother your wife said to you... "She says she still loves and is in love with me but doesn't want to be married to me any longer. I guess I don't understand how that can be." I pray for you, your wife, and your children. In whatever God sends your way, I pray you have a peace and continue to trust and lean on Him. We live in a broken world, but He is the one who will always love, care, and strengthen. I pray you will continue to be a passionate and loving father for your children...if this does finalize in divorce, I pray for the authorities to see your devotion as a father. May God bless you and give you peace.
S
Thank you hikerki. It is difficult as I love my wife so much and have always worked so hard to try to make her happy and succesful in what ever she wanted to do. I know I have not been a perfect husband and have allowed at times the frustration of being a stay at home dad while taking college courses manifest in being irritated at times. But, I never lost control, got physical or called her names.
I do trust God and am focused on my relationship with Him. I know that He is faithful and true and I love Him. I pray that He continues His work in me. My wife and I married as Christians and know what Gods work says about marriage and divorce. I pray and ask others to pray that she softens her heart enough to seek counseling to reconcile.
Thank you beckyz. I'm not quite sure she understands how this will affect the children. While both of us are from broken homes she seems to believe that if we "do it" the right way with a parenting plan and other assistance the hurt will be minimized. And I guess acceptable. It breaks my heart for them. I have resigned from two great careers/jobs to care for these guys and for my wife and now feel powerless to save them from a disastorous divorce.
In conversations she tells me she has been thinking of doing this for a while. I did not know this even though she says she has been sending me signals. I guess I don't understand because for me if the thought of divorcing my wife for some reason other than adultery came into my mind. I would be seeking counseling for myself first then possibly for the both of us. I have always felt my wife was somewhat selfish and it often hurts my feelings but I know she is not perfect so I pray that God will continue His work in her. I would not divorce her for it!
Thank you all and please continue to pray for us. God Bless
I do trust God and am focused on my relationship with Him. I know that He is faithful and true and I love Him. I pray that He continues His work in me. My wife and I married as Christians and know what Gods work says about marriage and divorce. I pray and ask others to pray that she softens her heart enough to seek counseling to reconcile.
Thank you beckyz. I'm not quite sure she understands how this will affect the children. While both of us are from broken homes she seems to believe that if we "do it" the right way with a parenting plan and other assistance the hurt will be minimized. And I guess acceptable. It breaks my heart for them. I have resigned from two great careers/jobs to care for these guys and for my wife and now feel powerless to save them from a disastorous divorce.
In conversations she tells me she has been thinking of doing this for a while. I did not know this even though she says she has been sending me signals. I guess I don't understand because for me if the thought of divorcing my wife for some reason other than adultery came into my mind. I would be seeking counseling for myself first then possibly for the both of us. I have always felt my wife was somewhat selfish and it often hurts my feelings but I know she is not perfect so I pray that God will continue His work in her. I would not divorce her for it!
Thank you all and please continue to pray for us. God Bless