The Male and Disrespect

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Jul 12, 2012
69
8
8
#1
Hello everyone,
I'm a man. Lately I have been trying to have worship with my family, but it seems futile. Every time I try and have worship, something happens. To give a little background, my wife and I have 4 children. So when we are sitting down the evening to have worship, and I say it's time for prayer, I look and notice that no one is paying attention and that everyone is doing there own things. I try to gently call things to order, and no one listens. They just keep doing whatever they have been doing. When I go to enforce things by discipline, my wife does not do anything, but rather supports the children in their disrespect.

This was something that I dealt with a lot when I was younger. I would try and share my faith with my friends, and they would make fun of me. I remember being called "preacher boy" at camp meeting, for trying to share some things about the Bible. What cuts the deepest is the fact that it is my wife now who is treating what I do when it comes to worship with contempt.

In fact, while I am trying to read to the children, a lot of times, she is on her phone and not paying attention to what I am saying. The children watch her and then follow suit.

As a result of this I find myself isolated, and feeling like what I say or do does not matter. I also feel emasculated and like less of a man. I know that an elder must have his children in subjection under him with all gravity, and I don't feel like they are. My brother is constantly telling me I need to "be the man, and take off the dress" and "wear the pants in the relationship." I feel pressure from almost every angle when it comes to this. I don't know if any other men can relate on this area, but it hurts, and it hurts deeply. I don't know why this is such a huge wound, but it is. I still remember my grandpa calling me a "mammas boy" at a very young age and it cutting to the heart. Feeling worthless and disrespected is a huge wound. I'm not sure how I'm going to get over it, but I know one thing for sure: God IS going to give me the victory! He would not have brought me to this Jordan, if He did not have a plan.

So on that note, I guess the question is: What should I do in this situation? My wife is a believer, but she is not supportive of me and who I am and what I stand for and that just hurts. I plan, by God's grace to be married to this woman for the rest of my life, and so I am just looking for solutions to the problem.

God calls me to be the spiritual leader in my home and I can't be that because I'm constantly being undermined by my wife. There has to be solutions.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
685
575
93
#2
You were undermined as a kid and as an adult you carry that with you, and it robs you of any sense of authority. Chances are this is how you've taught your children and wife to treat you, as one who is Not in charge. First step is dealing with the root issues that cause you to lack authority. Simply being in a position of authority does not grant you authority by default. In fact I've seen parents nearly being lead by their kids because they couldn't gain the authority and respect of a parent over their children. But until you get past that you won't be able to really gain that position fully. It's somewhat of an earned respect. Granted, ideally, your wife should still be more supportive either way, but this isn't an ideal world.
It seems your brother is actually aiding in beating you down, and your inability to shut him up, or take any action to end his verbal diarrhea is a prime example of why you are not running your own house. You can't even manage a mouthy brother so how can you expect to earn the respect of your wife and kids? Or make them feel protected? As you allow yourself to be badgered and beat down.
Your wife needs an outside source (a pastor ideally) to remind her of her role and what exactly that means. And to be reminded it is her duty as a spouse to support you and build you up, not to continue undermining you as a father. She needs some accountability.
As she has accountability and a refresher on her expectations as a wife, you can also begin building respect for yourself and letting it show as you become more of the person your wife expects from a husband.
And if your wife is so contemptuous about exercising your faith as a family and is taking a plainly anti-biblical approach to her role in marriage then it's time to consider the possibility that your wife's beliefs may no longer line up with yours. She may not verbalize it but that doesn't mean something isn't going on internally.

Though it is possible one reason she selected you is because you lack authority and she knew you wouldn't fight back (in any meaningful way) as she took control. There are a Lot of Christian women that feel no qualms about attempting to replace the man as the head of the household, no matter how much they say they know it's not biblical.

As far as 'God leading you to this', that suggests that God caused you to be demoralized as a child, currently by your brother and then caused you to marry someone that will disrespect you to your face over and over. That's akin to saying God plauged Job, God took all Job had. Well, that wasn't how God operated normally, as that story proves, so why do people think that now?
No.
This is a group of people making choices and reacting to things. God didn't 'bring you here'. In fact the bible talks about God bringing people out of tough spots, not putting them in them. We don't need God's help to screw up our own lives, or those of others around us.
 

Gracie_14

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2017
4,052
1,973
113
17
Surrey, Southern England
#3
You were undermined as a kid and as an adult you carry that with you, and it robs you of any sense of authority. Chances are this is how you've taught your children and wife to treat you, as one who is Not in charge. First step is dealing with the root issues that cause you to lack authority. Simply being in a position of authority does not grant you authority by default. In fact I've seen parents nearly being lead by their kids because they couldn't gain the authority and respect of a parent over their children. But until you get past that you won't be able to really gain that position fully. It's somewhat of an earned respect. Granted, ideally, your wife should still be more supportive either way, but this isn't an ideal world.
It seems your brother is actually aiding in beating you down, and your inability to shut him up, or take any action to end his verbal diarrhea is a prime example of why you are not running your own house. You can't even manage a mouthy brother so how can you expect to earn the respect of your wife and kids? Or make them feel protected? As you allow yourself to be badgered and beat down.
Your wife needs an outside source (a pastor ideally) to remind her of her role and what exactly that means. And to be reminded it is her duty as a spouse to support you and build you up, not to continue undermining you as a father. She needs some accountability.
As she has accountability and a refresher on her expectations as a wife, you can also begin building respect for yourself and letting it show as you become more of the person your wife expects from a husband.
And if your wife is so contemptuous about exercising your faith as a family and is taking a plainly anti-biblical approach to her role in marriage then it's time to consider the possibility that your wife's beliefs may no longer line up with yours. She may not verbalize it but that doesn't mean something isn't going on internally.

Though it is possible one reason she selected you is because you lack authority and she knew you wouldn't fight back (in any meaningful way) as she took control. There are a Lot of Christian women that feel no qualms about attempting to replace the man as the head of the household, no matter how much they say they know it's not biblical.

As far as 'God leading you to this', that suggests that God caused you to be demoralized as a child, currently by your brother and then caused you to marry someone that will disrespect you to your face over and over. That's akin to saying God plauged Job, God took all Job had. Well, that wasn't how God operated normally, as that story proves, so why do people think that now?
No.
This is a group of people making choices and reacting to things. God didn't 'bring you here'. In fact the bible talks about God bringing people out of tough spots, not putting them in them. We don't need God's help to screw up our own lives, or those of others around us.
This is exactly what I had in mind. Absolutely agree...spot on brother (y)

To the OP, I hope you find some wisdom in this....I'll say, seek the Lord in this...let Him deal with the root issues that have brought on the estrangement on the lack of authority...
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
7,778
2,622
113
#4
Hello everyone,
I'm a man. Lately I have been trying to have worship with my family, but it seems futile. Every time I try and have worship, something happens. To give a little background, my wife and I have 4 children. So when we are sitting down the evening to have worship, and I say it's time for prayer, I look and notice that no one is paying attention and that everyone is doing there own things. I try to gently call things to order, and no one listens. They just keep doing whatever they have been doing. When I go to enforce things by discipline, my wife does not do anything, but rather supports the children in their disrespect.

This was something that I dealt with a lot when I was younger. I would try and share my faith with my friends, and they would make fun of me. I remember being called "preacher boy" at camp meeting, for trying to share some things about the Bible. What cuts the deepest is the fact that it is my wife now who is treating what I do when it comes to worship with contempt.

In fact, while I am trying to read to the children, a lot of times, she is on her phone and not paying attention to what I am saying. The children watch her and then follow suit.

As a result of this I find myself isolated, and feeling like what I say or do does not matter. I also feel emasculated and like less of a man. I know that an elder must have his children in subjection under him with all gravity, and I don't feel like they are. My brother is constantly telling me I need to "be the man, and take off the dress" and "wear the pants in the relationship." I feel pressure from almost every angle when it comes to this. I don't know if any other men can relate on this area, but it hurts, and it hurts deeply. I don't know why this is such a huge wound, but it is. I still remember my grandpa calling me a "mammas boy" at a very young age and it cutting to the heart. Feeling worthless and disrespected is a huge wound. I'm not sure how I'm going to get over it, but I know one thing for sure: God IS going to give me the victory! He would not have brought me to this Jordan, if He did not have a plan.

So on that note, I guess the question is: What should I do in this situation? My wife is a believer, but she is not supportive of me and who I am and what I stand for and that just hurts. I plan, by God's grace to be married to this woman for the rest of my life, and so I am just looking for solutions to the problem.

God calls me to be the spiritual leader in my home and I can't be that because I'm constantly being undermined by my wife. There has to be solutions.
Aside from the wounds in childhood, I had a similar experience when I was married. I made several attempts to lead devotional times with my family; they weren't interested.

From that experience, I recommend these actions:
- Take your time with God on your own. Welcome the others in, but don't try to force them.
- Discuss privately with your wife what your intentions are and what her resistance is about.
- Get professional Christian counseling help for your own wounds, because until you deal with them, you're going to feel insecure.
- Be the spiritual leader by example, not by demanding followers.

I don't know how serious your wife's undermining is, but in my case it was constant. I'd suggest some marital counseling, because this will not end well otherwise. God isn't going to give you any victory if you aren't willing to look in the mirror. I had some unhealthy patterns that needed to be sorted. My identity is not rooted in having followers, but in following the Lord.
 
Sep 3, 2016
2,037
186
63
#5
Hello everyone,
I'm a man. Lately I have been trying to have worship with my family, but it seems futile. Every time I try and have worship, something happens. To give a little background, my wife and I have 4 children. So when we are sitting down the evening to have worship, and I say it's time for prayer, I look and notice that no one is paying attention and that everyone is doing there own things. I try to gently call things to order, and no one listens. They just keep doing whatever they have been doing. When I go to enforce things by discipline, my wife does not do anything, but rather supports the children in their disrespect.

This was something that I dealt with a lot when I was younger. I would try and share my faith with my friends, and they would make fun of me. I remember being called "preacher boy" at camp meeting, for trying to share some things about the Bible. What cuts the deepest is the fact that it is my wife now who is treating what I do when it comes to worship with contempt.

In fact, while I am trying to read to the children, a lot of times, she is on her phone and not paying attention to what I am saying. The children watch her and then follow suit.

As a result of this I find myself isolated, and feeling like what I say or do does not matter. I also feel emasculated and like less of a man. I know that an elder must have his children in subjection under him with all gravity, and I don't feel like they are. My brother is constantly telling me I need to "be the man, and take off the dress" and "wear the pants in the relationship." I feel pressure from almost every angle when it comes to this. I don't know if any other men can relate on this area, but it hurts, and it hurts deeply. I don't know why this is such a huge wound, but it is. I still remember my grandpa calling me a "mammas boy" at a very young age and it cutting to the heart. Feeling worthless and disrespected is a huge wound. I'm not sure how I'm going to get over it, but I know one thing for sure: God IS going to give me the victory! He would not have brought me to this Jordan, if He did not have a plan.

So on that note, I guess the question is: What should I do in this situation? My wife is a believer, but she is not supportive of me and who I am and what I stand for and that just hurts. I plan, by God's grace to be married to this woman for the rest of my life, and so I am just looking for solutions to the problem.

God calls me to be the spiritual leader in my home and I can't be that because I'm constantly being undermined by my wife. There has to be solutions.
When the Believer doesn't understand how the "Law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus operates (Romans 8:2)," they enter back into the "Law of sin and death."

You are proclaiming Jesus, but ignoring the Cross (half measures won't do - lukewarm). This is called "spiritual adultery." Christ is become of no effect unto you, because you are you are frustrating grace. All born again Christians place their Faith in Jesus Christ and the Cross of Calvary for Salvation. But few Christians place and maintain their Faith exclusively in Christ and the Cross of Calvary for Sanctification. In other words their Faith may be in Christ but not the Cross, i.e., "The Finished Work," i.e., "The Blood of Jesus." The Apostle Paul calls this "another Jesus" (2 Cor. 11:4). Christ must never be separated from the Work of the Cross; to do so is to produce "another Jesus" (2 Cor. 11:4). The Cross of Christ is as necessary for Sanctification as it is for Salvation (1 Cor. 1:18).

“If the Believer doesn’t understand the Cross of Christ as it refers to Sanctification, in other words, how we live for the Lord on a daily basis, the only other alternative is “spiritual adultery.” And, to be sure, even as physical adultery destroys a marriage, likewise, “spiritual adultery” will destroy the marriage of the Believer with the Lord. It cannot be otherwise!”

JSM
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
8,685
1,609
113
UK age 50
#6
The first thing that struck me is that your wife and you are not on the same wave length.
Not on the same spiritual level.

First prayer with your wife, maybe suggest a time once a week, once a month,
once every two weeks to prayer about things which matter to you both and to
build each other up, both in your relationship and spiritually.

It needs to be when there are no other distractions, definately not at meal times.
You also need to consider what is going on in your wife’s life as well.
3pm on Sundays might be fine for you, but it might not be fine for your wife.

It will take time but you can’t really hope to sort your children out until
you have sorted out your relationship with your wife and you are both
on the same wave length.

Worship after meals times isn’t always the best time in most
homes. But that is for you to decide.


I also wondered what your definition of worship is.
Is it the case you sing to music etc?

I wondered as not everyone can sing. Why not mix it up a bit. Can anyone
play a musical instrument? If not, why include in the time as a family
learning how to play something like the guitar, or something else.


Worship can also be expressed in art or writing, peotry. Do any of your family
enjoy art and writing. If so include that in your time.

Worship can include reading the bible, and each person to read out a favourite
bible verse.

if you have girls, buy some beads etc and some tiny crosses. Their worship
could be to include making some bracelets and threading them to include the
crosses as a way of expressing their worship and Christian faith.

Maybe the issue is that your form of worship is too boring and you have not
thought about the needs of everyone and what will best suit them.

If they are all obsessed with mobile phones. Maybe you can somehow incorporate that
Into your time. Get them to all look up a verse and the first person to text it to you
in full is the winner. Another person can try to say what they think it means.

If they have smart phones and are older ask them to look up things on the internet
about the meaning of a bible verse/passages and compare what different web sites
say and discuss it.

You just need to be more creative and ensure you are meeting everyone’s needs.
 

selfdissolving

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2018
325
279
63
32
#7
Hello everyone,
I'm a man. Lately I have been trying to have worship with my family, but it seems futile. Every time I try and have worship, something happens. To give a little background, my wife and I have 4 children. So when we are sitting down the evening to have worship, and I say it's time for prayer, I look and notice that no one is paying attention and that everyone is doing there own things. I try to gently call things to order, and no one listens. They just keep doing whatever they have been doing. When I go to enforce things by discipline, my wife does not do anything, but rather supports the children in their disrespect.

This was something that I dealt with a lot when I was younger. I would try and share my faith with my friends, and they would make fun of me. I remember being called "preacher boy" at camp meeting, for trying to share some things about the Bible. What cuts the deepest is the fact that it is my wife now who is treating what I do when it comes to worship with contempt.

In fact, while I am trying to read to the children, a lot of times, she is on her phone and not paying attention to what I am saying. The children watch her and then follow suit.

As a result of this I find myself isolated, and feeling like what I say or do does not matter. I also feel emasculated and like less of a man. I know that an elder must have his children in subjection under him with all gravity, and I don't feel like they are. My brother is constantly telling me I need to "be the man, and take off the dress" and "wear the pants in the relationship." I feel pressure from almost every angle when it comes to this. I don't know if any other men can relate on this area, but it hurts, and it hurts deeply. I don't know why this is such a huge wound, but it is. I still remember my grandpa calling me a "mammas boy" at a very young age and it cutting to the heart. Feeling worthless and disrespected is a huge wound. I'm not sure how I'm going to get over it, but I know one thing for sure: God IS going to give me the victory! He would not have brought me to this Jordan, if He did not have a plan.

So on that note, I guess the question is: What should I do in this situation? My wife is a believer, but she is not supportive of me and who I am and what I stand for and that just hurts. I plan, by God's grace to be married to this woman for the rest of my life, and so I am just looking for solutions to the problem.

God calls me to be the spiritual leader in my home and I can't be that because I'm constantly being undermined by my wife. There has to be solutions.
The solution is to stop allowing yourself to be undermined. Instead of just sit there and passively allow it to occur, be dynamic. Stand up, express your disapproval, spell out the changes that are going to be made, and then implement them. Take authority over your house with your actions and words. Don't overshoot the mark and become aggressive, but be assertive. With gentleness and humility stand firm as the head of household.

Another suggestion I have for you is to ask yourself if you have been feminized. If so, do what you can to correct it. Men should be masculine and females should be feminine. That's how God designed it, and that's the best way for us to do it.
 

selfdissolving

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2018
325
279
63
32
#8
When the Believer doesn't understand how the "Law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus operates (Romans 8:2)," they enter back into the "Law of sin and death."

You are proclaiming Jesus, but ignoring the Cross (half measures won't do - lukewarm). This is called "spiritual adultery." Christ is become of no effect unto you, because you are you are frustrating grace. All born again Christians place their Faith in Jesus Christ and the Cross of Calvary for Salvation. But few Christians place and maintain their Faith exclusively in Christ and the Cross of Calvary for Sanctification. In other words their Faith may be in Christ but not the Cross, i.e., "The Finished Work," i.e., "The Blood of Jesus." The Apostle Paul calls this "another Jesus" (2 Cor. 11:4). Christ must never be separated from the Work of the Cross; to do so is to produce "another Jesus" (2 Cor. 11:4). The Cross of Christ is as necessary for Sanctification as it is for Salvation (1 Cor. 1:18).

“If the Believer doesn’t understand the Cross of Christ as it refers to Sanctification, in other words, how we live for the Lord on a daily basis, the only other alternative is “spiritual adultery.” And, to be sure, even as physical adultery destroys a marriage, likewise, “spiritual adultery” will destroy the marriage of the Believer with the Lord. It cannot be otherwise!”

JSM
Huh?
How does this relate to the original post?
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
1,632
342
83
#9
It’s a societal problem you are facing. You can’t counteract years of social conditioning. God designed a patriarchal family and society/powers that be, redesigned it to be matriarchal. I’m not saying you are feminine, but if you aren’t Alpha, you can’t marry a strong women and expect her to listen. It’s biological. She has to submit, and if she finds you less than worthy, she won’t, no matter what church officials tell her too. So what are your choices? Hit the gym brother! Of course many on here think this is a spiritual problem, and it is, because she doesn’t submit to the ordinance of God. However if you choose to stay in this relationship, you need to take the biological route, Alpha up. I’m not saying “fifty shades of grey” was a good book but I will say that because how women reacted to it, burning in their loins for this Alpha style character, it was a glimpse into the heart of women. God designed every animal so that the strong and dominant procreate. It is decided by the females. Everything is out of whack. Don’t be “the nice guy”. Women use “the nice guys” and fantasize about the Alphas. I really don’t care if everyone disagrees, I’m 100% correct about this.
 

selfdissolving

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2018
325
279
63
32
#10
It’s a societal problem you are facing. You can’t counteract years of social conditioning. God designed a patriarchal family and society/powers that be, redesigned it to be matriarchal. I’m not saying you are feminine, but if you aren’t Alpha, you can’t marry a strong women and expect her to listen. It’s biological. She has to submit, and if she finds you less than worthy, she won’t, no matter what church officials tell her too. So what are your choices? Hit the gym brother! Of course many on here think this is a spiritual problem, and it is, because she doesn’t submit to the ordinance of God. However if you choose to stay in this relationship, you need to take the biological route, Alpha up. I’m not saying “fifty shades of grey” was a good book but I will say that because how women reacted to it, burning in their loins for this Alpha style character, it was a glimpse into the heart of women. God designed every animal so that the strong and dominant procreate. It is decided by the females. Everything is out of whack. Don’t be “the nice guy”. Women use “the nice guys” and fantasize about the Alphas. I really don’t care if everyone disagrees, I’m 100% correct about this.
yup! lift those weights. it'll make you stronger and more resilient.

i highly recommend kettlebells.
 

selfdissolving

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2018
325
279
63
32
#11
Patriarchy is how God designed the social hierarchy. Therefore we should advocate for and support the patriarchy. The Bible teaches a complementarian worldview. Men and women are equal in personhood, importance, and value, but distinct in authority and role.

Here's a good sermon on Biblical gender roles. Check it out because it properly expounds upon the Biblical counsel concerning this issue.

 

preacher4truth

Senior Member
Dec 28, 2016
7,995
1,654
113
#12
Hello everyone,
I'm a man. Lately I have been trying to have worship with my family, but it seems futile. Every time I try and have worship, something happens. To give a little background, my wife and I have 4 children. So when we are sitting down the evening to have worship, and I say it's time for prayer, I look and notice that no one is paying attention and that everyone is doing there own things. I try to gently call things to order, and no one listens. They just keep doing whatever they have been doing. When I go to enforce things by discipline, my wife does not do anything, but rather supports the children in their disrespect.

This was something that I dealt with a lot when I was younger. I would try and share my faith with my friends, and they would make fun of me. I remember being called "preacher boy" at camp meeting, for trying to share some things about the Bible. What cuts the deepest is the fact that it is my wife now who is treating what I do when it comes to worship with contempt.

In fact, while I am trying to read to the children, a lot of times, she is on her phone and not paying attention to what I am saying. The children watch her and then follow suit.

As a result of this I find myself isolated, and feeling like what I say or do does not matter. I also feel emasculated and like less of a man. I know that an elder must have his children in subjection under him with all gravity, and I don't feel like they are. My brother is constantly telling me I need to "be the man, and take off the dress" and "wear the pants in the relationship." I feel pressure from almost every angle when it comes to this. I don't know if any other men can relate on this area, but it hurts, and it hurts deeply. I don't know why this is such a huge wound, but it is. I still remember my grandpa calling me a "mammas boy" at a very young age and it cutting to the heart. Feeling worthless and disrespected is a huge wound. I'm not sure how I'm going to get over it, but I know one thing for sure: God IS going to give me the victory! He would not have brought me to this Jordan, if He did not have a plan.

So on that note, I guess the question is: What should I do in this situation? My wife is a believer, but she is not supportive of me and who I am and what I stand for and that just hurts. I plan, by God's grace to be married to this woman for the rest of my life, and so I am just looking for solutions to the problem.

God calls me to be the spiritual leader in my home and I can't be that because I'm constantly being undermined by my wife. There has to be solutions.
Are you in church? Have you spoken with your pastor about this?
 

Ellorah

Well-known member
Jan 28, 2019
242
388
63
25
South Carolina
#13
Patriarchy is how God designed the social hierarchy. Therefore we should advocate for and support the patriarchy. The Bible teaches a complementarian worldview. Men and women are equal in personhood, importance, and value, but distinct in authority and role.

Here's a good sermon on Biblical gender roles. Check it out because it properly expounds upon the Biblical counsel concerning this issue.


Loved this ! Thank you for sharing. The bible clearly defines Gods expectation for a husband in a marriage as well as defining a Godly woman. Prayerfully this will help the poster reclaim his gender role. God bless.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
7,778
2,622
113
#14
Patriarchy is how God designed the social hierarchy. Therefore we should advocate for and support the patriarchy. The Bible teaches a complementarian worldview. Men and women are equal in personhood, importance, and value, but distinct in authority and role.

Here's a good sermon on Biblical gender roles. Check it out because it properly expounds upon the Biblical counsel concerning this issue.

God didn't design any "social hierarchy". That's all the doing of humans. He designed a religious hierarchy for Israel, and He designed roles within the church to be filled by His willing servants; male and female.

You clearly have an opinion, otherwise you wouldn't label sexist sermons as "proper", "Biblical" and "good".

I disagree, for good, biblical, and proper reasons.
 

mar09

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2014
3,931
431
83
#15
Hbg,
As i consider and pray about your post, just made me wonder what age your children are. Someone said it's not a generation thing, learning to understand and reach our kids, but a communication thing. Like we discover how to better 'support' them when they need us, not 'direct' them. In some ways that may be so, but we look at things from believer's point of view.

As some have said, i think how impt that you can pray with your wife every once in a while. I know my husband prays, and i do too, but our together-time in prayer is not that consistent. Pray the Lord give you a common time bet. yourself first. As to leading with the children there, it's me who likes the more 'formal' family gathering/sharing or worship time, but hubby prefers to do it less formally. While i try to initiate the schedule at times, i let him lead when he is ready for that, and it turns out better most of the time i think=).

But i hope and pray God lead you to the time to do these things with your family. Some think once a week is too soon, so dont do it to appear like a chore, but instead with variety and things to look fwd to. Once we themed our simple 'mtg' Action words. We listed the things we do, compared w/ each other, and reminded each other who 'forgot' to list praying, giving, other good action words. And we better understood each other, like when someone wrote stuff we didnt know they were doing, we asked each other what that was abt and laughed w/ and at each other. I think they appreciated that day, and i wish we could be creative abt it more...
 
Jul 30, 2018
86
41
18
#16
Hello everyone,
I'm a man. Lately I have been trying to have worship with my family, but it seems futile. Every time I try and have worship, something happens. To give a little background, my wife and I have 4 children. So when we are sitting down the evening to have worship, and I say it's time for prayer, I look and notice that no one is paying attention and that everyone is doing there own things. I try to gently call things to order, and no one listens. They just keep doing whatever they have been doing. When I go to enforce things by discipline, my wife does not do anything, but rather supports the children in their disrespect.

This was something that I dealt with a lot when I was younger. I would try and share my faith with my friends, and they would make fun of me. I remember being called "preacher boy" at camp meeting, for trying to share some things about the Bible. What cuts the deepest is the fact that it is my wife now who is treating what I do when it comes to worship with contempt.

In fact, while I am trying to read to the children, a lot of times, she is on her phone and not paying attention to what I am saying. The children watch her and then follow suit.

As a result of this I find myself isolated, and feeling like what I say or do does not matter. I also feel emasculated and like less of a man. I know that an elder must have his children in subjection under him with all gravity, and I don't feel like they are. My brother is constantly telling me I need to "be the man, and take off the dress" and "wear the pants in the relationship." I feel pressure from almost every angle when it comes to this. I don't know if any other men can relate on this area, but it hurts, and it hurts deeply. I don't know why this is such a huge wound, but it is. I still remember my grandpa calling me a "mammas boy" at a very young age and it cutting to the heart. Feeling worthless and disrespected is a huge wound. I'm not sure how I'm going to get over it, but I know one thing for sure: God IS going to give me the victory! He would not have brought me to this Jordan, if He did not have a plan.

So on that note, I guess the question is: What should I do in this situation? My wife is a believer, but she is not supportive of me and who I am and what I stand for and that just hurts. I plan, by God's grace to be married to this woman for the rest of my life, and so I am just looking for solutions to the problem.

God calls me to be the spiritual leader in my home and I can't be that because I'm constantly being undermined by my wife. There has to be solutions.
I would talk to your wife first and let her know how you're feeling when she's not on your team. Remind her (with love) that you are trying to raise the kids the best way you can and you want them to understand the word of God. To also share that experience as a family.

For your kids, try bible trivia or games as well. They have a bible comic book or children's devotional. Something that is age appropriate and not "boring" to them. Once you have the habit you can add in more bible reading as well. Don't add in disciples if you can avoid it. It makes it a huge deal and makes them think of discipline with religion. It's counter productive. Start with 10 min. after dinner or a time where the kids aren't tired or hungry.

Hopefully that helps..you're doing the right thing! Though it doesn't feel like it ;)
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
10,382
1,340
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#17
So much, bad sexist advice, based on NO knowledge of Hebrew and Greek.

God created Eve to be an ""ezer" warrior beside Adam. Not a door mat. And Greek and Roman household Codes don't count.

It's late, past my bedtime, I will post
More about what God created women to be, and how the model of the Fall is actually the paradigm which most are espousing here.
 

lightbearer

Senior Member
Jun 17, 2017
1,623
254
83
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HBG. Pa. USA
#18
No offense to your wife but you are unequally yoked in this and maybe more. She is not on the same page with GOD's plan for your household. Give it to GOD through prayer and do not give up.
Does she have a time each day that she sets apart herself for prayer and GOD's Word?
Do you?
 

selfdissolving

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2018
325
279
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#19
God didn't design any "social hierarchy". That's all the doing of humans. He designed a religious hierarchy for Israel, and He designed roles within the church to be filled by His willing servants; male and female.

You clearly have an opinion, otherwise you wouldn't label sexist sermons as "proper", "Biblical" and "good".

I disagree, for good, biblical, and proper reasons.
Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

As i said before, men and women are equal in personhood, importance and value, but distinct in role and authority.

If you can show me from the Scriptures that I'm wrong, i will gladly amend my position. If you can't.....maybe the one who needs to amend their position is you?
 

proverbs35

Senior Member
Nov 10, 2012
656
87
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#20
@ humbledbygrace25

Questions to Ponder

How are you modeling your faith (behaving) when you are not trying to read the Bible to your family? Are you leading by example? Are you doing the things that the Bible says a husband should do? BTW, being a husband and father is about more than preaching to your family and reading scriptures to them. Actions (deeds) speak a whole lot louder than words.

This was something that I dealt with a lot when I was younger. I would try and share my faith with my friends, and they would make fun of me. I remember being called "preacher boy" at camp meeting, for trying to share some things about the Bible.
Therefore, YOU (not your wife and kids) are the common denominator in these scenarios. By your own admission, people not taking you seriously as relates to you praying and sharing scripture with them was a problem for you BEFORE you married and had kids. In that case, I can't help but wonder if the way that you present yourself to others has something to do with it. What are you doing in action and deed that would cause people, not limited to your wife and kids, to not listen to you? I don't know. Those are questions for you to ponder and pray about, although I suspect you have a better answer to those questions than you revealed in your posts.

You say that you feel “emasculated” because others, not limited to your wife and kids, don't listen to you when try to share your faith. As Christians our self worth has to be centered on Christ. It's not another's person's job to make you FEEL like a man. Our FEELINGS (emotions) too often betray us.
Your manhood and personhood needs to be derived from Christ and not another human being. When our worth is centered on Christ, we will not be so easily swayed by what others think of us.