The sin of refusing sex

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

Treeboy

Member
#401
Apr 3, 2020
68
22
8
#401
If women dont think they are supposed to have sex with their husbands thats fine. Just tell men that when you date them instead of lying. It appears to b most womens plan have sex with a guy for a few years and completely cut him off. My ex wife told me she never wanted to have sex the rest of her life. Funny thing she was cheating on me? Fascinating. And the neighbor buddy of mine said there were many different trucks spending the night after we were done. Its almost like she did want to have sex but loved manipulation and emotional abuse more?
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#402
#402
Treeboy said:
If women dont think they are supposed to have sex with their husbands thats fine. Just tell men that when you date them instead of lying. It appears to b most womens plan have sex with a guy for a few years and completely cut him off.
Click to expand...
A lot of women are actually indifferent about having sex, below is an interesting article on this. However, there is still the expectation/desire for women to have children. So after having children they show less interest in sex as their mission has been accomplished.
https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/i-feel-no-sexual-attraction-should-i-still-pursue-marriage

However, some women do enjoy sex well into their elder years. Before, in the older times, it was taboo for an elderly woman to enjoy sex. So, part of the reason why a woman shows disinterest as she gets older is that she is dealing with that taboo and pressure from society (esp. if she is from a different culture).

On your ex-wife, I am totally guessing here, maybe she was seeking emotional connection and/or dealing with loneliness and it came out in the form of sex.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#403
#403
Treeboy said:
My ex wife told me she never wanted to have sex the rest of her life.
Click to expand...
I have a friend who told me this about her ex-husband - that she never wanted to have sex with her husband. They had marital problems so I think that was the reason. She said she has high sex drive so it wasn't about the sex.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#404
#404
Treeboy said:
If women dont think they are supposed to have sex with their husbands thats fine. Just tell men that when you date them instead of lying. It appears to b most womens plan have sex with a guy for a few years and completely cut him off. My ex wife told me she never wanted to have sex the rest of her life. Funny thing she was cheating on me? Fascinating. And the neighbor buddy of mine said there were many different trucks spending the night after we were done. Its almost like she did want to have sex but loved manipulation and emotional abuse more?
Click to expand...
Women get married and have the same issue. That's the point of the thread. You marry, the two become one. If you don't, you're breaking your marriage vows, man or woman.
 
Shepherd

Shepherd

Active member
#405
May 11, 2022
272
91
28
#405
Yes, it's commanded in the word of God. So it's a sin. You almost never hear this taught in church or hear it preached. Nowhere does the Bible tell husbands to "do these 10 things" or "talk to your wife about it" either. To husbands it only says "love your wives". Sometimes, however, "loving your wife" isn't enough. So the Bible commands the Godly (not the feministic) "aged women" to "teach the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children". Why would that work? Perhaps for 3 reasons #1 Aged women are more mature emotionally, spiritually, and mentally: They are wiser. #3 Because it's another woman doing the teaching, instead of some man or husband teaching only because "he wants sex". #3 "Aged women" have already experienced the troubles and the joys of refusing or not refusing.

Also, why does the verse say, "teach them to ...love their children"? Don't most wives put the children first? I'm not sure what all of it entails but consider this: A child is not getting the love and the happy home they so desperately need when Mom and Dad are at constant odds with each other over sex. So if Dad learns to love Mom, and Mom is taught to love Dad enough that there's no conflict over sex, WOW, methinks there would be far fewer divorces and children without a father in the home.
 
true_believer

true_believer

Well-known member
#406
Sep 24, 2020
1,133
384
83
#406
Treeboy said:
If women dont think they are supposed to have sex with their husbands thats fine. Just tell men that when you date them instead of lying. It appears to b most womens plan have sex with a guy for a few years and completely cut him off. My ex wife told me she never wanted to have sex the rest of her life. Funny thing she was cheating on me? Fascinating. And the neighbor buddy of mine said there were many different trucks spending the night after we were done. Its almost like she did want to have sex but loved manipulation and emotional abuse more?
Click to expand...
Thanks to social media and dating apps, this gives men and women more opportunities to be unfaithful or replace a partner with rapid ease.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#407
Jan 16, 2021
6,574
2,726
113
#407
true_believer said:
Thanks to social media and dating apps, this gives men and women more opportunities to be unfaithful or replace a partner with rapid ease.
Click to expand...
Nope...
Because sexual partners are people with feelings.
They bring with them a laundry list of history and family members...
Your "encounter" with them might be brief...but it still will have lingering effects. It's never "one and done" sex.

People talk like that happens but it really doesn't.
 
Willow

Willow

Well-known member
#408
Oct 10, 2021
435
405
63
ohio
#408
I would consider it a sin to withhold sex if it were being self centered or as a punishment for one to get their own way. But do not feel that in this verse it is considered a sin. Just a warning it will cause marital issues. Also perhaps may cause your partner to sin. But in all actuality we are held accountable for our own decision to sin.
 
C

chongjasmine83

Guest
#409
#409
Sex is all right if you are married. And it is better to agree to have sex with your spouse if you lack self control than be filled with lust.
 
true_believer

true_believer

Well-known member
#410
Sep 24, 2020
1,133
384
83
#410
JohnDB said:
Nope...
Because sexual partners are people with feelings.
They bring with them a laundry list of history and family members...
Your "encounter" with them might be brief...but it still will have lingering effects. It's never "one and done" sex.

People talk like that happens but it really doesn't.
Click to expand...
"Nope" to what exactly?
This is a fact of modern society and the digital age.
Everyone knows individuals that are guilty of this.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#411
Jan 16, 2021
6,574
2,726
113
#411
true_believer said:
"Nope" to what exactly?
This is a fact of modern society and the digital age.
Everyone knows individuals that are guilty of this.
Click to expand...
I know many people who have tried "one and done" but it NEVER works out to be that way. They get entangled much much more than they ever wished to be. And it always ends in a disastrous mess.
 
CS1

CS1

Well-known member
#413
May 23, 2012
13,623
4,590
113
#413
the bedroom is between you and your husband and wife never bring others into it. the text is speaking to those who are young and lacking self-control and the sexual immorality of that day and who are not married yet. CS1 how can you say that?
I am glad you asked :).

1Corthinains 7:1-7

7 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7

In this context, Paul is speaking to those who are young and not married. if he was speaking to those who were married why did he not just say you who have your own wife make sure you touch her. Pauls starts by saying

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Paul did not say the word Wife did he. of course not it is good that you touch only your wife once you are married. Paul goes on to say :


7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. (unmarried) But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

the reason why Paul said he would like all to be as him( unmarried) is only because of the work for the kingdom of God and the Gospel.
God expects us to take care of our family first when we get married.

FYI any married build from SEX will not work out very well.
 
Shepherd

Shepherd

Active member
#414
May 11, 2022
272
91
28
#414
CS1 said:
the bedroom is between you and your husband and wife never bring others into it. the text is speaking to those who are young and lacking self-control and the sexual immorality of that day and who are not married yet. CS1 how can you say that?
I am glad you asked :).

1Corthinains 7:1-7

7 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7

In this context, Paul is speaking to those who are young and not married. if he was speaking to those who were married why did he not just say you who have your own wife make sure you touch her. Pauls starts by saying

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Paul did not say the word Wife did he. of course not it is good that you touch only your wife once you are married. Paul goes on to say :


7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. (unmarried) But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

the reason why Paul said he would like all to be as him( unmarried) is only because of the work for the kingdom of God and the Gospel.
God expects us to take care of our family first when we get married.

FYI any married build from SEX will not work out very well.
Click to expand...
Yes, I agree, the bedroom is a private thing and should be so. Brother Paul would agree. Yet here he, in the Word of God, is giving a commandment: "defraud not" your husband or wife. Preachers should be preaching this. Why? because God thought it important enough to have Paul pen it down in the Word of God. That is not an intrusion into anyone's personal bedroom; it's a general command given to all married couples. Neither should any man intrude, in anyway, verbally or otherwise into one's married sex life. However, the Bible does say that "aged women" are to teach "younger" women to love their husbands. I wonder why that command was given to "aged women"? Because experienced, Godly ladies are the only persons qualified to do so.

Yes, Paul says he wishes everyone were like him, apparently unmarried; I get that. But in verses 3-6 he is specifically addressing those who are already married. Those who do decide to get married do not marry solely for platonic reasons. If that were the case, why not just live with the same sex? I say that it's normal, and God made us so to have sexual attraction to our mate at the beginning, I mean; that's why he made us "male and female". But then the couple is meant to grow closer and deeper in "agape" love as time goes on. So I agree, a marriage which continues to build on nothing but sex, cannot succeed very well at all. But a marriage IS based on sexual attraction/desires. Like it or not.
 
CS1

CS1

Well-known member
#415
May 23, 2012
13,623
4,590
113
#415
Shepherd said:
Yes, I agree, the bedroom is a private thing and should be so. Brother Paul would agree. Yet here he, in the Word of God, is giving a commandment: "defraud not" your husband or wife. Preachers should be preaching this. Why? because God thought it important enough to have Paul pen it down in the Word of God. That is not an intrusion into anyone's personal bedroom; it's a general command given to all married couples. Neither should any man intrude, in anyway, verbally or otherwise into one's married sex life. However, the Bible does say that "aged women" are to teach "younger" women to love their husbands. I wonder why that command was given to "aged women"? Because experienced, Godly ladies are the only persons qualified to do so.

Yes, Paul says he wishes everyone were like him, apparently unmarried; I get that. But in verses 3-6 he is specifically addressing those who are already married. Those who do decide to get married do not marry solely for platonic reasons. If that were the case, why not just live with the same sex? I say that it's normal, and God made us so to have sexual attraction to our mate at the beginning, I mean; that's why he made us "male and female". But then the couple is meant to grow closer and deeper in "agape" love as time goes on. So I agree, a marriage which continues to build on nothing but sex, cannot succeed very well at all. But a marriage IS based on sexual attraction/desires. Like it or not.
Click to expand...
not all marriage is based on that and it was not the case in the word of God. As we see many were arranged by the parents. Attraction was not always the case :). I am not looking for one to agree I am speaking of what the text provides in context.
 
true_believer

true_believer

Well-known member
#416
Sep 24, 2020
1,133
384
83
#416
JohnDB said:
I know many people who have tried "one and done" but it NEVER works out to be that way. They get entangled much much more than they ever wished to be. And it always ends in a disastrous mess.
Click to expand...
It might end up in a mess, but many are taking that risk.
Not all are looking for a fling or "one and done" as you put it. Some are replacing their partners/spouses with online meet ups.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#417
Jan 16, 2021
6,574
2,726
113
#417
true_believer said:
It might end up in a mess, but many are taking that risk.
Not all are looking for a fling or "one and done" as you put it. Some are replacing their partners/spouses with online meet ups.
Click to expand...
Oh there's always idiots who believe in a fantasy life...

Who get crushed by reality.

There is no big red "Easy Button" that gives you a fantasy life and lifestyle.

It's been proven that even when placed into a fantasy lifestyle we, as humans mess it up.

Look at how many lottery winners end up going broke once again.

It's dumb stuff.
 
T

TheLearner

Well-known member
#418
Jan 14, 2019
8,344
1,598
113
68
Brighton, MI
#418
presidente said:
I Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Click to expand...
7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
 
T

TheLearner

Well-known member
#419
Jan 14, 2019
8,344
1,598
113
68
Brighton, MI
#419
TheIndianGirl said:
I agree that neither should withhold sex, but they should agree on certain details such as frequency, acts, etc. Maybe counseling is needed. However, it is not a good idea to threaten one's spouse with this verse as it is a huge turn-off if that spouse is feeling distant for whatever reason (over some disagreement, some issue such as lying, being disrespectful, etc.).
Click to expand...
3 in the morning does not work for me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.