Why Don't We Ever Hear About Wives Who Are Addicted to Porn?

[Talljake]

Thank you for your encouragement. I just don't want to come across as being rude .

But our giants shouldn't hinder us from marriage as long as the lord is going to approve. Yes I do understand if a person has a drug giant in their life and you have that same giant then it might be a good idea to find someone who does not have a drug giant in their life. That's up to the individual and the lord though.

 

[Lanolin]

people are forgetting that being married is being yoked, bound, chained etc.

If you have children, they are going to suffer from your giants you are constantly battling. Do you want that. Why do you think Jesus never had children of his own and didnt marry on earth.

Will your spouse die with you? It is rare that couples actually die together.

 

[Lanolin]

some men need to get over themselves and also maybe read She is Not Your Rehab.

 

[Talljake]

people are forgetting that being married is being yoked, bound, chained etc.

If you have children, they are going to suffer from your giants you are constantly battling. Do you want that. Why do you think Jesus never had children of his own and didnt marry on earth.

Will your spouse die with you? It is rare that couples actually die together.

Hmmm...maybe we shouldn't have kids? But if I choose to have kids I would pray they didn't have giants at all, but they will....the best I can do is raise them to be godly. To put god in their life and when they are old enough they will have to choose to live for God or not. Just as we all have this choice.

Jesus didn't have kids for a couple of different reasons. But Jesus said he was here to do the father's will....maybe the father didn't have it in his will to let Jesus have children as well as this applies to us. Is it in the Lord's will to let us all have children?

Us dieing together has a lot of different scenarios. Example: I get married and my wife passed away, I would take the time needed to mourn over her and if the lord placed someone else in my life to marry, I would. Thus breaking the dieing together. And yes I would pray she would remarry if it was in the Lord's will, if I passed before her.

Thank you for speaking your mind. It helps me to think of situations that were not of something I had considered. Thank you for that☺️

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

people are forgetting that being married is being yoked, bound, chained etc.

If you have children, they are going to suffer from your giants you are constantly battling. Do you want that. Why do you think Jesus never had children of his own and didnt marry on earth.

Will your spouse die with you? It is rare that couples actually die together.

Jesus didn't marry or have children because that wasn't His mission. He came to save mankind. The Bibles doesn't discourage marriage or having children.

 

[Lanolin]

Jesus didn't marry or have children because that wasn't His mission. He came to save mankind. The Bibles doesn't discourage marriage or having children.

Dont all Christians have a mission to carry out though (the great commission)?

People forget the new covenant. The population on earth isnt 2 people anymore lol I think weve exponentially multiplied that many times over ...and caused most of the other creation to become extinct in the process.


God didnt open Rachels womb and when she did have children she died in childbirth (possibly taking mandrake fertility drugs had something to do with it as well). Poor Leah had many children but Jacob didnt love her.

Bible doesnt forbid marriage but it doesnt say everyone has to marry and have children either.

 

[Lanolin]

what about the woman at the well who married five times, did Jesus say she should marry again? I dont recall that he did.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

some men need to get over themselves and also maybe read She is Not Your Re

Dont all Christians have a mission to carry out though (the great commission)?

People forget the new covenant. The population on earth isnt 2 people anymore lol I think weve exponentially multiplied that many times over ...and caused most of the other creation to become extinct in the process.

God didnt open Rachels womb and when she did have children she died in childbirth (possibly taking mandrake fertility drugs had something to do with it as well). Poor Leah had many children but Jacob didnt love her.

Bible doesnt forbid marriage but it doesnt say everyone has to marry and have children either.

I didn't say have to, but the family is certainly God's foundation for civilization. I wasn't able to have children but I am married. I think unless God has told you to stay single and childless, unless you have sought Him and feel you have been given the gift of singleness, then you should be looking for the mate God has for you and considering a family.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

what about the woman at the well who married five times, did Jesus say she should marry again? I dont recall that he did.

She was in sin, that was His main concern, that doesn't pertain to regular relationships. Clearly God made man and woman to be together.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

Hi Everyone,

In another thread, I was talking about the fact that many of the single girls I know (including myself) are remaining single in the hopes of finding a man who doesn't have an addiction or strong attraction to porn (as in regular dependency -- daily viewings, regular time and money spent on materials by choice, can't go for very long without it, etc., not just occasional dabblings most everyone has.)

I had made the observation that I knew many women (again, including myself,) seemed to find great guy friends who weren't into porn, but for some reason, we were always just friends. And then often the ones we were attracted to were also hooked on porn. It's not an absolute, of course, but seemed to happen a lot in my observation.

This brought up an exchange that has me thinking:

(CC Member) Sculpt wrote:

"So, the guys (these women) do have romantic chemistry with are only the guys who are a slave to porn? In other words, the guys that are a slave to porn are the only guys that give the single girls some romantic chemistry? It sounds like a Catch 22 lol. Do you think there's a problem on both sides?"


Seoulsearch (I) responded:

"Sculpt, do you have women in your life that you've Friend Zoned, or they have Friend Zoned you? What are the reasons? The biggest one I hear from whoever has decided it will only be a friendship is that there is no "chemistry" between them. Whatever that means, as people have been trying to decipher it from the beginning of time, but for whatever reason, the person has no romantic feelings for the other person.

Now I can only speak from my experience, but I've met some awesome guys who are not into porn, but for whatever reason, we were just friends. I have not had many relationships in my life, but of the ones I did and of the guys I was attracted to, porn was often a regular habit for them. I'd like to think I'm older and wiser now, and have learned I'd rather stay single than be with someone who constantly needs to look at other women.

I understand being human in a fallen world. We can't avoid everything, and we are all going to fall at some point, and on occasion. But if someone is regularly, willfully, and intentionally seeking such material on a regular basis, I have to pass on anything more than a friendship. The female friends I have feel the same way -- but of course, we are just a small sampling of all the possible outlooks out there.

I do think that porn has probably been a long-time problem for women in modern society, but often more in the written sense. Any used bookstore I've ever been to has had at least one entire wall of "romance novels," so for a few dollars, women could stock up on literal armfuls of literary porn daily. And of course, with even ads these days being borderline and sometimes over the top, I'm sure many women get hooked on the visuals too. I talked to one woman a long time ago who, while trying to police her husband's porn habits, was falling into an attraction to it herself -- and they still wound up divorcing.

I do think though that in general, many women need more of a background story to go with it, which is why literary porn would be popular with them (and why they are into romance novels being turned into movies.) This is part of why women love to hear about how couples met, how they fell in love, how they started flirting and what made them attracted to each other, etc. The story and process is a big part of the attraction for many women.

You do have me thinking about something interesting... In my time here on CC, there have been tons of women asking for help because their husbands are regularly watching and sometimes preferring porn to them. I've also seen some posts here from women who were addicted to porn and asking for advice.

But in 14 years, I can't recall ever seeing a husband asking for help because his wife was addicted to porn. I'm sure it exists, and maybe there have been threads here about it that I've missed. But it has me wondering why men don't reach out for help with this issue when it's their wife who is the one with the problem.

Is it because they're battling their own porn addictions? Is it because they're too embarrassed to ask for help and admit their wives are turning to sources other than them? Do some men not care or are willing to ignore it if their wives are reading or looking at trash, just as long as she makes personal time for him?

I don't know the answers, but now you definitely have me thinking about the other side of the coin."


I have literally been thinking about this subject ever since. I have been in the homes of married Christian women in which they have entire bookcases filled with "romance" novels -- and it might just be me, but I see this as the equivalent of a husband who has his own library of pornographic materials.

It's odd to me that these types of books have seemingly been accepted as something normal in some Christian circles. I have a collection of cookbooks (even though I don't really cook -- that's another story for another day) from a company called Gooseberry Patch. Some of the ladies here may have heard of them, as they are very popular among church-going, country-living homemakers.

A series of their books feature a set of fictional cartoon characters who represent other women "in the neighborhood," as each book has a very down-home, hang-out-with-neighbors-on-the-porch kind of style.

The books have little illustrations of the characters doing everyday things, almost like a comic book. And I was personally shocked to see some of the pictures showing the women lazily reading books entitled "Lust in the Afternoon," while watching their kids at the pool on a summer day.

These characters are represented as having husbands and children, and the books often talk about things like church attendance, potlucks, and sometimes include Bible verses.

As I said earlier in the post, I'm sure more and more women have become addicted to visual and more "mainstream" porn in our modern indecency-saturated culture, but why don't we see men asking for help when their wives are addicted to porn?

* If a wife's addiction is in the form of books, is it simply overlooked? If he caught her actually viewing materials, would it then seem like more of a "real" addiction?

* Are husbands too embarrassed to ask for help? Or for the ones who battle their own porn addictions, it the thought of also trying to help their wife too overwhelming?

* Husbands, have you or would you have a talk with your wife if she was reading a steady stream of questionable books? Have you ever sought help or gone to the church for these kinds of issues?

I am genu59-husbands) more than what is talked about. I'm looking forward to learning from what you all have to say.

P.S. @Subhumanoidal -- thank you for your insightful answer in the other thread. I decided to just expand the topic to a dedicated thread in the hopes of even further constructive conversations.

I can't speak for other countries, but America/Canada sell sex daily in every form you could imagine. We're literally drowning in it. I remember when my nephews were younger how many times I would have to jump and change a channel to shield them from something inappropriate. Back in the day people had to seek it out, go to "those" places where someone might see them. Now it's everywhere, you don't even have to search, it comes to you.

I've said it before and I will say it again, the church needs to deal with the issue of sex before marriage and within marriage. Views are extremely old fashioned and I think women are afraid to share their needs at all. I wouldn't be shocked to find a lot of Christian women in the closet over a porn addiction of their own. I think there are very few Christian counselors that know how to teach a couple in marriage how to meet each others needs sexually and so they reach outside each other to get those needs met. Men tend toward porn, and women to books as others have said. The success of 50 Shades of Gray should tell us a lot. I believe our parents kept these issues quiet and suffered through them. But today the church really lacks in these areas of counseling.

Secondly I think women are often told they are to blame if a marriage isn't going well. And it usually comes down to sex. And there are two sides to that coin if you are married because it's about loving, growing together and meeting each others needs. These conversations really should be had in marriage counseling before the ring is on the finger. But sex is still a taboo subject in the church which is odd because it's how we all got here! I told before about a pastors wife that told me a lady in her congregation didn't want to think that her pastor had sex. She said "we have three kids, where does she think they came from, the stork"?! It cracked me up and shows that our attitude to sex is terribly outdated. When between a married couple, it is sacred, it is important and should be able to be discussed openly and honestly between a couple, and there should be counseling for couples who need it. But I really feel that we takes our cues about sex more from the world than the Word because it's taboo to talk about and deal with within the church. Just my five cents.

 

[presidente]

Hi Everyone,

In another thread, I was talking about the fact that many of the single girls I know (including myself) are remaining single in the hopes of finding a man who doesn't have an addiction or strong attraction to porn (as in regular dependency -- daily viewings, regular time and money spent on materials by choice, can't go for very long without it, etc., not just occasional dabblings most everyone has.)

Just to clarify, 'occasional dabblings' are sinful also....or at least, if it involves looking in order to lust... which is generally the purpose of using porn.

I had made the observation that I knew many women (again, including myself,) seemed to find great guy friends who weren't into porn, but for some reason, we were always just friends. And then often the ones we were attracted to were also hooked on porn. It's not an absolute, of course, but seemed to happen a lot in my observation.

I wonder if watching porn caused the men to exude pheromones that caused you and your friends to be attracted to. Or maybe it caused him to feel less desperate and not care what women think, which might make him seem more attractive.

But more likely it is probably the case that until you find someone who ticks your boxes who you hit it off with, you will find men who are you are attracted to who have flaws, and men who tick your boxes who you aren't attracted to. And he has to like you back, too.

"Sculpt, do you have women in your life that you've Friend Zoned, or they have Friend Zoned you? What are the reasons? The biggest one I hear from whoever has decided it will only be a friendship is that there is no "chemistry" between them. Whatever that means, as people have been trying to decipher it from the beginning of time, but for whatever reason, the person has no romantic feelings for the other person.

When I was single, the main reason for no chemistry had to do with looks. It is possible the looks were the right type, but personality, a brother-sister vibe, etc. could result in no chemistry.

Now I can only speak from my experience, but I've met some awesome guys who are not into porn, but for whatever reason, we were just friends. I have not had many relationships in my life, but of the ones I did and of the guys I was attracted to, porn was often a regular habit for them. I'd like to think I'm older and wiser now, and have learned I'd rather stay single than be with someone who constantly needs to look at other women.

Until you meet the person you will marry, there is likely some problem. It may be his looks appeal to you but there is another issue. In this case, porn, or it could be he is an unbeliever, or you find out his personality is just too incompatible, or he just isn't serious and diligent enough to be husband material in your option, or he doesn't ever want kids, or you see how he treats his mother, or he has a girlfriend, who he doesn't feel 'chemistry' with you when you feel it with him. Porn is one of a million potential problems that could disqualify a man as being a desirable mate for a Christian woman, right?

I have daughters, a young adult teen, another teen and a tween. I wouldn't advise them to get into a relationship that could lead to marriage with a porn addict.

On the other hand, I think it is fairly normal for a man to have the potential to be attracted to another woman. It isn't a sin for a man to be attracted to other women, realize they are pretty. And for a lot of men, there is an appeal to looking at porn. Some of it is gross, but the flesh of an attractive female is an eye magnet to a lot of men. It doesn't have to be 'porn' per se, but if a beautiful fit young woman walks by in a low tank top and a skirt way up above the knee, a lot of us Christian men, even married men, have to exercise some willpower not to look. If we don't look in order to lust or otherwise yield our members to sin, we aren't sinning. That's different from actively looking up naked pictures online, bikini pictures or whatever.

Some men say they only have eyes for their own wife, no one else is interesting to them may be sincere and telling the truth. I also know there are some married women who say, "He won't hardly ever touch me" who rarely have intimate time with their husbands--- maybe enough to produce a couple of children over the years. And of course there are men in that situation as well. I do wonder if men who don't have to make a conscious to guard their eyes are more likely to have lower testosterone. That may not be the case, but I am curious.

I understand being human in a fallen world. We can't avoid everything, and we are all going to fall at some point, and on occasion. But if someone is regularly, willfully, and intentionally seeking such material on a regular basis, I have to pass on anything more than a friendship. The female friends I have feel the same way -- but of course, we are just a small sampling of all the possible outlooks out there.

That seems reasonable. Our world is not always reasonable. Statistically, finding a spouse with that criteria seems tough. If you could find a man who has seen porn but stopped using it as a part of his lifestyle, your odds would be better than finding one whose never seen it. Of course, God isn't dependent. He knows everything about all of us and knows where to find the non-porn-using men.

I do think that porn has probably been a long-time problem for women in modern society, but often more in the written sense. Any used bookstore I've ever been to has had at least one entire wall of "romance novels," so for a few dollars, women could stock up on literal armfuls of literary porn daily. And of course, with even ads these days being borderline and sometimes over the top, I'm sure many women get hooked on the visuals too. I talked to one woman a long time ago who, while trying to police her husband's porn habits, was falling into an attraction to it herself -- and they still wound up divorcing.

Unless the romance novels have dirty pictures in them, I don't consider that to be quite the same thing. Reading them could involve not thinking on things that are good, noble, and pure. But it isn't the same thing as looking with lust and committing adultery with someone in one's heart. Do novels ever name anyone in particular to lust after? Maybe back in the day, some women would lust after Fabio, the romance novel cover model who had a brief stint several years back as the rival Old Spice man.

If someone reads marital sex manuals, gets excited by it, then tries stuff on one's spouse, is that a sin? What about a romance book starring 'your husband' with his 18 pack abs, etc.? (I never read one of those books. I'm just imagining? Would that be sinful to read?

But in 14 years, I can't recall ever seeing a husband asking for help because his wife was addicted to porn. I'm sure it exists, and maybe there have been threads here about it that I've missed. But it has me wondering why men don't reach out for help with this issue when it's their wife who is the one with the problem.

According to the following article, over 50% of women surveyed admitted to watching porn monthly, and over 40% admitted to watching it weekly.

Be warned, men, there were thumbnail bikini clickbait ads on the page when I looked up the article.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/...ly-watch-porn-daring-40-admit-making-own.html

The books have little illustrations of the characters doing everyday things, almost like a comic book. And I was personally shocked to see some of the pictures showing the women lazily reading books entitled "Lust in the Afternoon," while watching their kids at the pool on a summer day.

I remember a preacher remarking on 'Lust in the afternoon' back when 'Love in the afternoon' was a slogan or jingle from a commercial to get people to watch afternoon soap operas in the 1980's.

As I said earlier in the post, I'm sure more and more women have become addicted to visual and more "mainstream" porn in our modern indecency-saturated culture, but why don't we see men asking for help when their wives are addicted to porn?

I wonder if porn-watching women tend to be more liberal types who end up with porn-watching men.

* Husbands, have you or would you have a talk with your wife if she was reading a steady stream of questionable books? Have you ever sought help or gone to the church for these kinds of issues?

My wife doesn't read romance novels and rarely watches TV.

 

[seoulsearch]

Just to clarify, 'occasional dabblings' are sinful also....or at least, if it involves looking in order to lust... which is generally the purpose of using porn.

Of course any kind of participation with something that results in lustful thoughts and/or actions is sinful. The point isn't trying to excuse "occasional dabblings" as somehow justifiable, but rather, to gauge the severity of the problem.

For example, someone who has the exposure we all do through things that are tough to avoid vs. the person who is actively logging on to porn sites and/or paying for them daily. While not a perfect parallel, it could be seen as similar to drinking or smoking -- contrasting the person who occasionally drinks and smokes with friends vs. the point where they're smoking like a chimney and drinking like a fish.

I personally might not date someone whose actions were that intentional/at the addictive level, but someone else would, and that's why I made that distinction.

Unless the romance novels have dirty pictures in them, I don't consider that to be quite the same thing. Reading them could involve not thinking on things that are good, noble, and pure. But it isn't the same thing as looking with lust and committing adultery with someone in one's heart. Do novels ever name anyone in particular to lust after? Maybe back in the day, some women would lust after Fabio, the romance novel cover model who had a brief stint several years back as the rival Old Spice man.

There was a discussion in some of the threads about whether or not written porn could be seen as visual porn. As far as stimulation goes, I think it can be but I also think it's not an absolute, but is probably also a subjective opinion. Yes, the novels most certainly name people to lust after. That's the whole point. The main characters sex appeal, body parts, and actions will be described in agonizing detail.

It's probably harder to picture (pun intended) in today's world where there is so much visual and not so much in words, but the whole point of such novels is to set up stories for women to see mentally place themselves into. You might have never read how descriptive they can be, but as someone who uses words to communicate, I've picked up a few on bookshelves just out of sheer curiosity and I can tell you they describe everything, and I think even more graphically than the visuals do. (To be honest, after paging through a couple at a library when I was young adult, I found them very repetitive and boring, which is why I never got into them.) But they are indeed designed to try to get product lustful feelings in every way.

I think there's a reason why people who read almost will always say, "The book is SO much better than the movie!!" when a film adaptation of even normal books are made. Even with just words and no pictures, the human mind creates its own visuals far more intricate than even Hollywood filmmakers with seemingly unlimited budgets can't match.

Women also generally like a different approach with a longer build-up of the romance between the characters, and that's what these books try to provide (filling a niche for that particular need or desire.)

I gave the example of, let's say a company wants to profit by making porn for both seeing men and blind men. The materials for the seeing men would be obvious --but what about the materials for the blind men, whether audio or in Braille? Would they result in the blind men being any less aroused than the seeing? (I know it brings up other questions if a man had never seen a human body before, but let's just say it was someone who was once sighted and now could no longer see.)

I would argue that the company would have both customers equally hooked -- because they were able to find away to work around each customer's specific needs, which is what I personally suspect happens with women and romance novels.

But again, I do think it's a topic that will result in subjective opinions; and in other posts, it was also talked about how visual porn supports an often criminal underground of trafficking that written porn would not require, giving it an additional angle of wickedness.

 

[seoulsearch]

If someone reads marital sex manuals, gets excited by it, then tries stuff on one's spouse, is that a sin? What about a romance book starring 'your husband' with his 18 pack abs, etc.? (I never read one of those books. I'm just imagining? Would that be sinful to read?

There have been some questions about that here in the threads with no real resolutions as well...

I've heard fragments of inquiries over the years but never any solid answers, as this kind of boils down to the questions of, "What should be allowed for a married Christian couple?"

And I think your example would fit into this -- "Would Christian spouses be fine if they wrote/read erotic stories/materials about each other, only for each other?"

I've heard other variations of this as well, like whether Christian spouses are allowed to photograph, film, record each other and/or themselves, buy "accessories" to use, etc.

Do you remember when the Polaroid cameras first came out, long before even digital models? They were seen as revolutionary, because for the first time, people could take and develop pictures in the privacy of their own home instantly, with no special skills or equipment.

(For anyone born after this time, you used to take pictures on rolls of film and drop them off at a store to have them developed by someone else.)

I remember there was a certain... kind of looming sense of, "Would this or wouldn't this be allowed?" hovering over this technology.

I certainly don't want to turn this into an 18+ conversation, lol, nor be banned by the mods, but I think your question is valid.

And I guess the only generic answer I can give (though I'm sure there are better answers out there,) is that it would be a personal matter of prayer between God and the married couple.

 

[presidente]

There have been some questions about that here in the threads with no real resolutions as well...

I've heard fragments of inquiries over the years but never any solid answers, as this kind of boils down to the questions of, "What should be allowed for a married Christian couple?"

And I think your example would fit into this -- "Would Christian spouses be fine if they wrote/read erotic stories/materials about each other, only for each other?"

I've heard other variations of this as well, like whether Christian spouses are allowed to photograph, film, record each other and/or themselves, buy "accessories" to use, etc.

Do you remember when the Polaroid cameras first came out, long before even digital models? They were seen as revolutionary, because for the first time, people could take and develop pictures in the privacy of their own home instantly, with no special skills or equipment.

(For anyone born after this time, you used to take pictures on rolls of film and drop them off at a store to have them developed by someone else.)

I remember there was a certain... kind of looming sense of, "Would this or wouldn't this be allowed?" hovering over this technology.

I certainly don't want to turn this into an 18+ conversation, lol, nor be banned by the mods, but I think your question is valid.

And I guess the only generic answer I can give (though I'm sure there are better answers out there,) is that it would be a personal matter of prayer between God and the married couple.

If it isn't called a sin in the Bible, I don't see a reason to label it as a sin. If a married couple take Polaroids of each other naked, that's okay with me. I don't see a problem with it if they don't let the photos fall into the wrong hands or the kids don't end up seeing them when they go through their parents' stuff after they die. There is also the issue of the widow or widower keeping the naked Polaroids from the previous marriage. That could be an issue.

The main issue with porn is looking at someone who isn't one's spouse with lust. Written erotica about your own spouse? The only issues I see with that are whether it is good stewardship of time and if someone else gets a hold of it.

 

[seoulsearch]

I don't see a problem with it if they don't let the photos fall into the wrong hands or the kids don't end up seeing them when they go through their parents' stuff after they die. There is also the issue of the widow or widower keeping the naked Polaroids from the previous marriage. That could be an issue.

The main issue with porn is looking at someone who isn't one's spouse with lust. Written erotica about your own spouse? The only issues I see with that are whether it is good stewardship of time and if someone else gets a hold of it.

Would it be a sin if I admitted my brain scrambled the words as it often does, and I read this as, "Just as long ad the kids don't end up seeing their parents' stuff after they die!"

Thanks for the chuckle!

Interesting point regarding the death of a spouse... If the survivor kept those materials for years on end or indefinitely and used them as a source of "relief," would it THEN be considered pornography in a sinful sense if it was of someone deceased?

And, I'm guessing they would need to have it destroyed and break all ties before considering dating/looking for another spouse.

 

[presidente]

Interesting point regarding the death of a spouse... If the survivor kept those materials for years on end or indefinitely and used them as a source of "relief," would it THEN be considered pornography in a sinful sense if it was of someone deceased?

And, I'm guessing they would need to have it destroyed and break all ties before considering dating/looking for another spouse.

Is it actually coveting (lusting) after someone if they were married.... and if the person is dead? I don't know. But I can see how it could be a marital issue if a widow or widower remarried, so that could be a reason to get rid of it.

But, she's not an ex. The new spouse is wanting the widow/widower to get rid of pictures of the late spouse. That sounds cruel... if you leave the nudity part out.

 

[seoulsearch]

Is it actually coveting (lusting) after someone if they were married.... and if the person is dead? I don't know. But I can see how it could be a marital issue if a widow or widower remarried, so that could be a reason to get rid of it. But, she's not an ex. The new spouse is wanting the widow/widower to get rid of pictures of the late spouse. That sounds cruel... if you leave the nudity part out.

I would guess that any decent married person would have plenty of photos of their spouse they could keep that WEREN'T nudes... So it's not like they were being asked to throw away all their pictures, just the racy ones. To me, it seems like it would be a common courtesy to throw out any sexual pictures of your old spouse if you were marrying someone else.


I just remembered something interesting.

When my husband left, God eventually convicted me to throw all His pictures away. I don't have a single one left.

He was very into fitness and trying to break into modeling, and while we never took "personal" photos at all, there were some left over model-style portraits in which he looked particularly handsome -- and God told me to throw those away first.

It might be different for anyone else.

But for me, I believe God was telling me they were causing me to cling too much to the past, especially since he never came back.

 

[Moses_Young]

My guess is that it's part nature. The male body simply isn't beautiful to look at as the female body is, and I think that's simply how God designed it. So to me, as males are naturally more drawn to the female form than vice versa, and therefore more males have the propensity to go beyond admiration and in search of something sinful, such as pornography.

Also, our culture considers it acceptable for men to be topless in public (e.g. at the beach) and no one thinks twice. But if a woman were to go topless, it is considered nudity. It's possible - although I'm not certain - that if females appeared topless in public and magazines etc. as often as males did, there would be less of a desire in males to seek out such magazines, as the natural curiosity/interest would be reduced.

I think the pornography issue is deeper than the above, and is a kind of depraved sexual desire. But I do also think there is also a normal and natural attraction in both men and women, and a kind of double-standard in that women (or wives) can read say a fashion magazine with topless male models without anyone thinking anything sinister, but were a man (or husband) to read a similar magazine with a topless female model, the thought would likely be that it is pornography.

 

[Lanolin]

50 shades of grey was actually really popular among housewives/female readers

I never read it though

Yes there is erotic fiction that can range from sweet amish romances to raunchy racy novels. Some of which were restricted in the public library (cos of bondage elements, and violence) . Paranormal romance is also a genre in itself.

In japan, manga can be quite graphic and porn is seen as a normal consumable. Also many manga and comics depict females in erotic poses or suggestive graphics.

I think many women just dont have time to watch porn and also, women can just look at themselves in the mirror! Looking at naked men just doesnt appeal because most men who do that sort of thing are rent boys for homosexuals. Most women have seen nakedness before because they have had babies who dont come into the world with clothes on and changed their sons nappies, so, seeing a penis is nothing new and nothing attractive about it. But for men seeing a boob is like their eyes go a bit gaga

If you want to see someone naked (and dying) well Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross and most paintings show him bare chested.

Good love scenes are hard to write or act because they are about emotions (song of solomon was about one as is a lot of poetry/song)
Bad sex scenes are rife though and there are actually awards for bad sex scenes in stories. Orgasms are really only personal experience though to watch someone else have one - whether faked or real is something God really only wants between two (married) people to be intimate in private not the whole world watching. When you really know someone, you know not just their body but their soul I guess.

Porn is just about the appearance. There is food porn too. so lust and coveting can just happen to about anything that is attractive and that you feel like you have to have.

I grew up in the 90s . we talked about sex. People were dying of HIV AIDS which was a STD. Magazines like Cosmopolitan gave advice and tv shows like Sex and the City talked about it. It wasnt taboo to discuss it for women anymore. We had to know about it so we could be in charge of our own bodies and not be rape victims or taken advantage of or you know, die from it. Or fall preganant..theres that too. People tend to forget thats what can happens and think its just a leisure activity lol

 

[presidente]

Secondly I think women are often told they are to blame if a marriage isn't going well.

I notice a lot of blame toward men if marriages don't work out well. But as a man, I probably hear or notice that more.

And it usually comes down to sex. And there are two sides to that coin if you are married because it's about loving, growing together and meeting each others needs. These conversations really should be had in marriage counseling before the ring is on the finger.

I had a conversation with a psychologist who specialized in cross-cultural psychology. He said that there were psychologists here and there in large cities around the world, but by and large it was a western philosophy. In western culture, there are people who are not living close to their families, who do not have a lot of friends who spend long hours working and go home to an apartment alone, and then go to a therapist to talk through their issues. In his country, an extended family would live in one house, and a young person, including a young married adult would get a lot of advice about his marriage when he came home whether he asked for it or not.

The psychologist's couch goes back to the late 1800s with Sigmund Freud and other psychologists. Before that, people got advice and talked through their issues with friends and family, I suppose.

But sex is still a taboo subject in the church which is odd because it's how we all got here! I told before about a pastors wife that told me a lady in her congregation didn't want to think that her pastor had sex. She said "we have three kids, where does she think they came from, the stork"?! It cracked me up and shows that our attitude to sex is terribly outdated.

It's most likely the effect of Victorian culture on churches. In the Bible, Israel was to hear the law read, with it's talk of circumcision, menstruation, and even laws against vile sex acts, every seven years. All ages were to be present. The little kids were supposed to hear all that stuff. Victorian culture was against discussing some of these matters in public. I think a lot of churches absorbed and retained Victorian ethics in cases where it doesn't align with Biblical morality when it comes to prudishness and discussing such topics. Of course, outside of the church, a lot of people talk openly about sexual topics in mixed company.

Just my five cents.

It used to be two cents, but with inflation, everything seems to be going up.