work place bullying.

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Feb 7, 2015
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#21
I've lived with two basic things that I was told years ago, by two different people."

"To be happy, just forget about YOU."
and
"Some will, Some won't, So what?"

And I will add one more: "You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time...... And, those are pretty good odds."
 
Aug 13, 2017
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#22
Willie-T.
I understand. I respect your opinion admire your people like you that have thick skin and confidence. I guess I have areas of weakness in me that I am working on strengthening.
But nobody is the same not everyone experiences things the same way.
 
Jul 20, 2017
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#23
If they try to take your crumb cake you better defend it with your life or they will try to make you their property.
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#24
Willie-T.
I understand. I respect your opinion admire your people like you that have thick skin and confidence. I guess I have areas of weakness in me that I am working on strengthening.
But nobody is the same not everyone experiences things the same way.
Good. Keep strengthening them.

You think I have thick skin and confidence? Well, yes, I do have a measure of confidence in quite a few areas. But, do you know why? Because I made myself face a bucketful of uncomfortable and even, sometimes, frightening situations. There is no other way. What you fear, grows. What you face, falls.

But as for skin: All of us, as infants, are born with very tender and thin physical skins. Your skin only toughens by exposure to surfaces less inviting and protective than the interior of the womb. It is the same thing with your emotions............. they will always remain fragile and susceptible to injury if you avoid the friction of personal interaction that lets them mature.
 
Aug 13, 2017
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#25
Willie-T
Yikes! straight forward no sugar coating advice tough. I must admit when I first got to the forum to post bad day at work. I got the impression from your first response that you were mean. I know see that you are like my high school soccer coach tough but honest.His toughness helped us pushed us out of our comfort we grew evolve because of it .. Willie-T Thank you.God bless
 

Miri

Senior Member
Jul 22, 2012
7,781
537
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#26
Hi Celi

I work for the civil service and it has strong anti bullying
policies in place and a grievance procedure.
It is well recognised that bullying in the work place reduces
efficiency, causes stress, sickness absence, loss of employees so
loss of experience etc.

Its a far greater problem than just a few words, it effects people's ability
to do their work. When it is set out to people what is acceptable and
what isn't, they soon stop it.

Anyway have a look at this you might find the guidance for
employees and managers useful, as it defines what bullying and
harresssnent are.

https://www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment

http://www.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/r/l/Bullying-and-harassment-at-work-a-guide-for-employees.pdf
 
Aug 13, 2017
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#27
Thanks Miri
I just started working there so when I saw them maliciously attack that girl for nothing just her appearance I felt so bad for her.Grown women shouldn't behave like that. I saw that kind of behavior back in high school and the effects it had on the victim was beyond hurt words are powerful mean girls but sad cause this is grown women.They form cliques to intimidate.Miri am I just being thin skinned? I feel so sad pray for me please just pray . I guess I am not confident God I am so weak cause I am different God I don't belong! My soul Miri I hurt so much how can people be so cruel? I need that job to survive . I began to see them kissing the supervisor butt and how unprofessional bias he's been.
Miri women can be mean girls.They form cliques play psychological mind games play dirty attacking you every form way trying to get you fired or make you feel sad miserable so you quit.

Miri I just need you pray please pray.God I hurt my soul I just can't.How do I assimilate get confident strong from this?
 

Miri

Senior Member
Jul 22, 2012
7,781
537
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#28
Thanks Miri
I just started working there so when I saw them maliciously attack that girl for nothing just her appearance I felt so bad for her.Grown women shouldn't behave like that. I saw that kind of behavior back in high school and the effects it had on the victim was beyond hurt words are powerful mean girls but sad cause this is grown women.They form cliques to intimidate.Miri am I just being thin skinned? I feel so sad pray for me please just pray . I guess I am not confident God I am so weak cause I am different God I don't belong! My soul Miri I hurt so much how can people be so cruel? I need that job to survive . I began to see them kissing the supervisor butt and how unprofessional bias he's been.
Miri women can be mean girls.They form cliques play psychological mind games play dirty attacking you every form way trying to get you fired or make you feel sad miserable so you quit.

Miri I just need you pray please pray.God I hurt my soul I just can't.How do I assimilate get confident strong from this?

Strength comes with experience and age.

Give yourself time to learn the job and be good at it, that will give you more
confidence. But if it gets to the point where it's too much, just look for another
job you don't have to "put up" with that. There are other jobs, the best part is that
as you are in a job, you can be more picky about your next one.

When I was your age I would have put up and shut up, not now though I would
tell them their behaviour was unacceptable. I'm the sort of person who would
have said something when I saw they were critising someone else. Maybe I
would have said that they reminded me of the "mean girls" from that film and
did they realise it was just a film, not a character trait to inspire to. Ha ha
aren't I mean.

I once said to one of my bosses that the TV programme The Apprentice, was a
made for TV entertainment show, not a management style to aspire to!

Or you never know, as you get more familiar with people they might start to
respect you.

I came across this the other day and thought it was good, put off fear, put on
courage.


Do not be afraid of the enemy; [earnestly] remember the Lord and imprint Him
[on your minds], great and terrible, and [take from Him courage to] fight
for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and
your homes. —NEHEMIAH 4: 14

All of us, at one time or another, wish we had more courage. Think about the
courage that Jochebed, the mother of Moses, showed. She defied Pharaoh’s
order to kill all of the Hebrew boys and hid her son for three months before
finally placing him in a basket, praying and trusting that God would provide.

Her daughter, Miriam, exhibited great courage when she watched her little
brother’s makeshift boat float right to Pharaoh’s daughter. Instead of hiding
or running away, she approached the princess with boldness and offered
to get a Hebrew nurse (Moses’ mother) to help care for the child.

Courage means to be brave, bold, and adventurous. It’s a quality like that
in Jochebed and Miriam’s example that allows a person to encounter danger
and challenge with firmness and resolve. We all need courage. Courage comes
from God, while fear is what Satan tries to give us. In the Bible we see the
phrase “take courage.” Courage is available, the same way fear is, but
we can choose to reject fear and take courage.

Lord, I choose to reject the
fears that will arise today. I look to You and “take courage” for all the challenges
that are before me. Imprint upon my mind the constant remembrance of
who You are and what You can do for me. Amen.
 

AbigailZeke

Senior Member
Mar 11, 2016
3,041
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Singapore
abigail.pro
#29
Hello there Celi. I'll add my two cents are, although I know the previous responses are already good enough to equip you.

First, saying 'no' is not rude. I'm just making assumptions here but if they intimidate you in some way, I assume it's not something obvious that you can report for harassment. Which means, it can be either the way they interact with you or your assumption of how they react to you.

Either way, getting affected by what they do or say, is how they are trying to take control of your emotions, aka manipulate you into being bullied and intimidated. If you let them, it will only get worse.

There is this saying that I like so much, by Eleanor Roosevelt, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

If you ignore them, they will surely get annoyed at first and even try harder in bullying you. But, eventually, if you don't budge, they will leave you alone. They will realised that they're wasting their time.

So, just ignore them and keep your mind occupied with whatever or whoever else you can find in your workplace.

This has happened to me a lot, ever since I was in high school. I was too eager to please anyone in hopes of them 'liking' me. I ended up getting suffocated and hurt. As a result, I hurt other people too cuz hurting people hurt people. Anyway, a good friend recommended a book to me which has changed my life, and taught me to have thicker skin :)

And the other book I sought out, to help me start relationships with people following bible standards. Check them out when you get free time.

Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

I just started working at a new company. I tend to keep to myself cause in the past people at work have betrayed my trust.I see a lot of hypocrisy, immature, behavior gossip. I strongly dislike that behavior so I keep to myself.
Three ladies at work asked me to join them during lunch break. I didn't want to be rude so I said OK.While we sat a pretty young lady sat near our table.They began ripping her apart.Mocking and criticizing her appearance.I felt bad for her . The next day I kept my distance from them after seeing how mean spirited gossip they were.
They got mad at me for distance myself from them.They along with another young lady began acting very childish. I ignore them but when they see me coming they form a clique try to intimate me cause I'm alone(loner keep to myself continue work) they form clique numbers to bully by intimidate.

Luckily someone there noticed what they were doing and offered advice.She said that I shouldn't isolate myself she was kind sat with me talking.

Too old for this bullying.Why would they want to hurt me just cause I keep to myself? Terribly sad. I 'm very sensitive so hurt.
 

Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
480
83
Philly, PA, USA
#30
I just started working at a new company. I tend to keep to myself cause in the past people at work have betrayed my trust.I see a lot of hypocrisy, immature, behavior gossip. I strongly dislike that behavior so I keep to myself.
Three ladies at work asked me to join them during lunch break. I didn't want to be rude so I said OK.While we sat a pretty young lady sat near our table.They began ripping her apart.Mocking and criticizing her appearance.I felt bad for her . The next day I kept my distance from them after seeing how mean spirited gossip they were.
They got mad at me for distance myself from them.They along with another young lady began acting very childish. I ignore them but when they see me coming they form a clique try to intimate me cause I'm alone(loner keep to myself continue work) they form clique numbers to bully by intimidate.

Luckily someone there noticed what they were doing and offered advice.She said that I shouldn't isolate myself she was kind sat with me talking.

Too old for this bullying.Why would they want to hurt me just cause I keep to myself? Terribly sad. I 'm very sensitive so hurt.
You really are too old for all this. Everyone is out to get you, and it's never your fault. You're not in seventh grade anymore.

The second they started gossiping, I would have told them, "I don't gossip." Then they decide if they want me there or not. It can go one of two ways, but gossips are often too cowardly for the first approach anyway. The first approach would be to tell me to leave. The second choice would have been to switch to a different conversation. And, in doing so, we could become friends.

Your approach seems to be to gossip some more and paint yourself as the victim. I'm not just talking about this post. You've done this two other times in the last couple of weeks on here. You really are too old for this. Now what are you going to do about it? You are also old enough to deal with them and this.
 

Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
480
83
Philly, PA, USA
#31
bully:
verb
gerund or present participle: bullying
use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.


persecute, oppress, tyrannize, browbeat, harass, torment, intimidate, strong-arm, dominate...

seems like a fair use to me....



i know youre from a time where people had thicker skin

and youve been through enough to have met unloving people for it to not impact you like it may impact others....


but i know what kind of harm ive inflicted on others in the work place and out of the work place....


it may start small like back yard fights or pickin on someone until they submit

but eventually (for some) youre willing to murder a parent in front of their infant child for looking at you too long....


youre not wrong in saying this kind of thing has been going on forever

shoot....

youve probably seen half of it
x'D (jp brother)

but this woman isnt wrong for wanting to be in a more loving situation and to not be attacked (even if just verbally) without cause


and to celi

dont be overcome by evil
overcome evil with good

id avoid them bratty hostile chicks unless they come to you

maybe spend your lunches with the one lady they first picked at

and do your best to not harbor hate towards them

pray in your head if you have to

YOU may end up being a blessing to them God willing


"kill em with kindness" kinda deal

God wants them to come to Him too
Since you know what harm you've caused, would you turn around and do it again?

The problem started with gossiping, and, instead of dealing with the problem, she kept quiet, let it happen, walked away, and then came here to gossip about the gossipers. I don't like liars, so I don't lie. I have been convicted by God about gossiping, so I don't gossip. But, I'd be quite the hypocrite if I then chose to hang around the Clintons after announcing those two things.

This isn't an issue of thin skin. This is an issue on high noses.
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#32
Hi Celi

I work for the civil service and it has strong anti bullying
policies in place and a grievance procedure.
It is well recognised that bullying in the work place reduces
efficiency, causes stress, sickness absence, loss of employees so
loss of experience etc.

Its a far greater problem than just a few words, it effects people's ability
to do their work. When it is set out to people what is acceptable and
what isn't, they soon stop it.

Anyway have a look at this you might find the guidance for
employees and managers useful, as it defines what bullying and
harresssnent are.

https://www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment

http://www.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/r/l/Bullying-and-harassment-at-work-a-guide-for-employees.pdf
More and more coddling really only serves one purpose. At first, just like welfare floating, it appears good. But, in the long run, all it does is weaken people and it curtails what should be a natural tendency for them to learn to stand on their own two feet without the need to have an outside force hold them up.

Seriously, remove that support (any of it) and the people who have been taught to be dependent on it, will crumple and fold like a castle made of playing cards. Why? Because they actually have nothing inside them. They have allowed themselves to become emotional weaklings that will always need someone else to shelter them..... right up to the day they die.
 

Miri

Senior Member
Jul 22, 2012
7,781
537
113
#33
More and more coddling really only serves one purpose. At first, just like welfare floating, it appears good. But, in the long run, all it does is weaken people and it curtails what should be a natural tendency for them to learn to stand on their own two feet without the need to have an outside force hold them up.

Seriously, remove that support (any of it) and the people who have been taught to be dependent on it, will crumple and fold like a castle made of playing cards. Why? Because they actually have nothing inside them. They have allowed themselves to become emotional weaklings that will always need someone else to shelter them..... right up to the day they die.

There is standing on your own two feet and allowing yourself to be trampled
all over in the guise of "it's good for you". The two aren't the same in my book.
 
Aug 13, 2017
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#34
Depleted
What? I had a bad day of work sought some wayy to express it here how is that compared remotely to what they did?So coming home telling your loved ones home about your day of work is gossiping really?Too old? How sold are you?
 
Aug 13, 2017
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#35
Miri . Thanks God bless you
Thank you so very much for your non judgmental caring helpful advice cause ultimately that is all I was seeking coming here. I came here not to be called old... Old?So people through out their lives can't say hey had this happen to me... cause they're gossiping really ?? I came here for guidance some advice.....not to be judged.
God bless you Miri
Very helpful Christian advice
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#36
Willie-T
Yikes! straight forward no sugar coating advice tough. I must admit when I first got to the forum to post bad day at work. I got the impression from your first response that you were mean. I know see that you are like my high school soccer coach tough but honest.His toughness helped us pushed us out of our comfort we grew evolve because of it .. Willie-T Thank you.God bless
Do me a favor, will ya? It is all too easy for us to relate times when we feel we weren't treated fairly. But, do you think that for every post you make about those times, you can ALSO post at least a line or two where you faced up to something, and came away with a feeling of knocking the hell out of it?

It doesn't have to be a total and complete win. Even if you feel you stood for yourself on a minor point somewhere in a conversation...... post about it.

Now, there is a danger in this. There are four basic way people present themselves...
1) They can be "Passive" (not good.)
2) They can be "Aggressive" (This is the way you saw me... also not good.)
3) They can be "Passive-Aggressive" (This is the worst of all — and also the most common, by far. But, it is deceptive, phony, and leads us to live a lie, emotionally.)

4) And then there is "Assertive" (This is the lifestyle to strive for because it allows you to be honest. Honest with yourself, and honest with others.

These 4 concepts are worth some online study. I hope you will look into it.
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#37
There is standing on your own two feet and allowing yourself to be trampled
all over in the guise of "it's good for you". The two aren't the same in my book.
Thinking you are limited to only two choices in your interaction with others is a bit defeating, and leaves you with only the choice of losing or winning.

This is probably the biggest fault many of us have in our "discussions" in this forum.
 
Aug 13, 2017
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#38
Willie-T
Thank you.
God knows I'm not perfect by any means but I'm trying. I honestly thought this place this site forum was a place to come express yourself.. with good Christian people that weren't going to lash out solely cause I said .....hey hey. I hurt right now someone anyone listen.. listen I need someone right now cause I feel alone... just seek advice not judgment.
God bless.Thank you
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
11,386
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#39
Peter offers some encouragement having been through some tough spots himself.

1Pe 3:14 But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled;

1Pe 4:14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.

Take courage while they are picking on you someone else is getting a break. Have pity on them as they likely need the Lord.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#40
Willie-T
Thank you.
God knows I'm not perfect by any means but I'm trying. I honestly thought this place this site forum was a place to come express yourself.. with good Christian people that weren't going to lash out solely cause I said .....hey hey. I hurt right now someone anyone listen.. listen I need someone right now cause I feel alone... just seek advice not judgment.
God bless.Thank you
Try to see that you are describing a very detrimental thing that is springing-up all over our nation in schools and Universities... and even in some workplaces: "Safe Spaces."

This stifles growth. Remember that Jesus prayed NOT that His disciples would be removed from harassment, but that they would learn (with the Spirit's help) to withstand the attacks of the enemy.