Worried for a Friend,Dont know What to Tell Her

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
2,803
186
63
#21
Yep,that was my thought exactly. She's Canadian and apparently,or supposedly, she attends a church that has some kind of outreach in Pakistan. Still doesn't make it seem less dangerous to me.

Hi Kayla,

That's comforting that her church has an outreach there. If there is trouble in paradise, hopefully she'll be able to have them as her rear guard so to speak.
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
11,890
634
113
#22
There is no fool like an old fool. I think it is better to take a dog by the ears than to get in the middle of this situation. I can think of no good outcome from this but I can imagine many bad outcomes.

God promises to protect us in all situations but as the wife of an old evangelist here once said as her husband was speeding down the highway in their new car when he refused to slow down "God sends angels to guide our path but God don't put angels on the fenders of fools". Goodness and mercy are our promised companions but we ought not to tempt God.


For the cause of Christ
Roger
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,051
1,853
113
#23
Not to be TMI, but sounds like she's infatuated with his looks, and seems a little TOO eager for the wedding night... This sounds more like she's an infatuated puppy who is in lust with this guy.


She told me she feels its a "God thing" but then she keeps talking about how gorgeous her future husband is and how she can't wait till the wedding night. So that worries me. Also a friend of hers tried to friend me on Facebook {before she told me about her relationship.} I asked her about him and she said he was from Pakistan. He also looked like a model. I told her to tell her friend Im married and not interested in being friends,at all. So where are all these men coming from? Like I said,I checked the picture of her fiance in google to be sure it wasnt stolen from another page. But its all fishy to me.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,051
1,853
113
#24
THIS RIGHT HERE.... DO IT..


Tell her " as a friend I am telling you DO NOT DO THIS"

Wait,pray,meet here in USA,or whatever,but you are definitely stepping into a big trap.

She could die or even worse. Women are less than a dog there
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
5,810
559
113
#25
This man may be the most wonderful thing that has happened to her. Maybe Im too over cautious but so many red flags are going up.
You are correct in your assessment, and your friend is asking for a lot of grief, perhaps even the loss of her freedom or even her life. Pakistan and Pakistanis hate America and Americans, and the Muslims there have nothing but contempt for the infidels (non-Muslims). There is also bitter persecution of Christians in Pakistan. But the culture itself (especially with the current influence of Radical Islam) should be a deterrent. In other words, no Western woman in her right mind should even dream of going to that cesspool.

Also, the fact that this man in probably half her age indicates that she is being played for a sucker. He claims to be a Christian evangelist, but that could very well be a ploy. On top of that, the fact that this has earned her the bitterness and anger of her daughter should give her pause.

What you could do (if you have not done so already) is ask her to discuss this matter with her pastors and elders and seek their counsel. Since she is not a giddy teenager, she should not be behaving as one, and should be taking some wise counsel from mature Christians. You have not mentioned whether your friend is a Christian, but it would appear to be so. At the very least, you should tell her that she should ask this man to visit her where she lives, so that he can meet her friends, relatives, and others before making any commitment. If you feel it would help, you could print off this response (and any others) and show them to her. In any event you should not be afraid of sharing your serious concerns and letting her know that she is practically putting her head in a noose.
 

stonesoffire

Senior Member
Nov 24, 2013
7,848
180
63
#26
Anybody can say anything they want to online and lie about their profile. Usually it's facebook where this happens the most.

I'm always being hit up for money for their poor orphanages, and then have had some trying to get me to sponsor them here in the states. I am not a church. And they aren't looking for churches...just women.

Others look at my children looking for marriages. She needs to run...and run fast.

There was a program on tv that showed marriages without meeting the other person. Some were legit, but others was just the scam to get here in the states. I assume it's the same with Canada.
 
Apr 30, 2016
5,162
74
0
#27
Normally Id put this in the ladies forum but some men may have good advice and insight. I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I have a dear,dear friend,she's actually a friend of the family. She's my parents age and she's known me all my life. We have some years between us but we've always had a special friendship and its gotten closer over the years. She divorced some years ago and has been single for some time.She has dated on and off but the other night I was talking to her and she told me she'd met someone. I was so happy for her and told her so. Then she told me more about her new love.

Her new love is from Pakistan,they met online and far as I know haven't met in person. He says he's a preacher,an evangelist. Then she sent me his picture. Now my friend is in her 60s,she's certainly not a homely woman and she's very sweet,but she's 60. The picture she sent me was of a man that was in his thirties,early at that I'd say. He looked like a male model and as soon as we were done talking I checked the picture with google to make sure she wasn't getting cat-fished. She said that his family,who met her online,have accepted her and love her. Well my head was spinning with all this news when she informed me she is going to Pakistan to meet him. Pakistan is an Islamic state and my heart fell. Before I could form a thought she tells me she's going to be married! I was dumbfounded. I did not know what to say.She's been through a lot,I want her to be happy but Im so very worried for her. She didn't even tell her own sister,she told me first. Her daughter is so angry with her that she wont talk to her. I didn't want to do something for her to shut me out,she needs someone to confide in.

This man may be the most wonderful thing that has happened to her. Maybe Im too over cautious but so many red flags are going up. She says her fiances father has given them a home in Pakistan. She told me the weddings there are elaborate and they pamper the bride. I want this to be true for her,I certainly want to be happy for her. I told her to please stay in touch. But I just don't know what else to say. All of it has me not sleeping at night worried for her safety. I know if I push in she'll shut down. Im between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Even if he is a Christian,the culture there is very different from here. Im at a loss as to what to do.If she gets hurt I'll feel so awful.
Hi Kaylagirl

Not too much you could say.
She's not a teenager.
It's a very bad situation.
Maybe when she meets him she'll realize what
a mistake it would be to marry.
Some guys do this to come to the US.
Probably this is the case.

We should all pray for her, that some light
enters her mind and she does the right thing.

I have a feeling it might end up OK.
AND How come HE isn't coming to HER?
Ask her...

We'll pray for her.
 
Feb 5, 2017
1,119
34
0
#28
Maybe if you had love for all people, even if they come from a Muslim country you could be optimistic for your friend. But you come across as anti-Muslim eg. your YouTube link to a channel called Halal Pork, which I don't think was particularly respectful to another religion even if you are against it.

Why do you think your friend is unintelligent and cannot think for herself? When people have been through a lot they tend to be more sensitive to things, hence less stupid in making choices than others. Maybe you are worried, but all you will end up doing is pushing her away with your own fears. It is actually more important that you are accepting and loving about her own choices, if you want her to be loving and accepting about your thoughts. But are your thoughts based on love, or are they distorted by mainstream anti-Islam rhetoric?

I have to be blunt with you, sorry about that. I know you, Magenta, Blue_Ladybug support any kind of anti-Islam rhetoric here, but try not to make it racism even though it is really. Just try and be more loving if you want to get through to your friend, and if you want to KNOW MORE about the situation and whether she is safe. Has she even spoken vocally to him or been on webcam? You didn't mention any of that. But I get the feeling she has. Stupidity is meeting someone you have never seen or heard and I doubt that is the case. But if it is the case, then THAT is your point of conversation, not 'Pakistan'. She is less likely to share anything with someone who tells her Pakistan is dangerous, Pakistan is Islamic State, Christians die in Pakistan, etc. Love or fear, one is better than the other.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
5,810
559
113
#29
I have to be blunt with you, sorry about that. I know you, Magenta, Blue_Ladybug support any kind of anti-Islam rhetoric here, but try not to make it racism even though it is really.
No it is not about racism at all. Muslims who have invaded the West believe they have the right to attack non-Muslims as infidels and promote hatred against Christianity, while also promoting Sharia law, but everyone else must keep silent or they will be branded as racists and Islamophobes. That is utter nonsense, and Britain and Western Europe (especially the women) are paying a very high price for their cowardice in the face of Radical Islam. Pakistan is no place for even a Western soldier, let alone a gullible Western woman. If this guy is on the up-and-up he should not hesitate to come a visit his "grandmother" whom he wishes to marry.
 
Apr 30, 2016
5,162
74
0
#30
No it is not about racism at all. Muslims who have invaded the West believe they have the right to attack non-Muslims as infidels and promote hatred against Christianity, while also promoting Sharia law, but everyone else must keep silent or they will be branded as racists and Islamophobes. That is utter nonsense, and Britain and Western Europe (especially the women) are paying a very high price for their cowardice in the face of Radical Islam. Pakistan is no place for even a Western soldier, let alone a gullible Western woman. If this guy is on the up-and-up he should not hesitate to come a visit his "grandmother" whom he wishes to marry.
AMEN TO THAT!!

Some of us are not asleep --- but there's not much we can do.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,051
1,853
113
#31
No one as a Christian, would even think of supporting Islam as a religion.. So sorry, but you're misguided if you think we hate Muslims. We don't, we hate their religion.. ISLAM.. So what would you have Kayla tell her, "it's okay if you go to Pakistan, try not to get killed and I'll pray for you"? :rolleyes:


Maybe if you had love for all people, even if they come from a Muslim country you could be optimistic for your friend. But you come across as anti-Muslim eg. your YouTube link to a channel called Halal Pork, which I don't think was particularly respectful to another religion even if you are against it.

Why do you think your friend is unintelligent and cannot think for herself? When people have been through a lot they tend to be more sensitive to things, hence less stupid in making choices than others. Maybe you are worried, but all you will end up doing is pushing her away with your own fears. It is actually more important that you are accepting and loving about her own choices, if you want her to be loving and accepting about your thoughts. But are your thoughts based on love, or are they distorted by mainstream anti-Islam rhetoric?

I have to be blunt with you, sorry about that. I know you, Magenta, Blue_Ladybug support any kind of anti-Islam rhetoric here, but try not to make it racism even though it is really. Just try and be more loving if you want to get through to your friend, and if you want to KNOW MORE about the situation and whether she is safe. Has she even spoken vocally to him or been on webcam? You didn't mention any of that. But I get the feeling she has. Stupidity is meeting someone you have never seen or heard and I doubt that is the case. But if it is the case, then THAT is your point of conversation, not 'Pakistan'. She is less likely to share anything with someone who tells her Pakistan is dangerous, Pakistan is Islamic State, Christians die in Pakistan, etc. Love or fear, one is better than the other.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,051
1,853
113
#32
Had you read the OP, you'd see she wants to go to Pakistan to marry this guy. AND also because she's infatuated with his male model looks, AND seems eager to get it on for the wedding night.. I fear she's being guided by lust right now, and the "promise" of being a "pampered" wife.. She can't see the forest OR the trees.. All she sees is a sexy guy, hot sex, being a pampered wife whose hubby gives her anything..

Sorry Kayla, no disrespect to your friend, but that last part is essentially what it boils down to. :(


Maybe if you had love for all people, even if they come from a Muslim country you could be optimistic for your friend. But you come across as anti-Muslim eg. your YouTube link to a channel called Halal Pork, which I don't think was particularly respectful to another religion even if you are against it.

Why do you think your friend is unintelligent and cannot think for herself? When people have been through a lot they tend to be more sensitive to things, hence less stupid in making choices than others. Maybe you are worried, but all you will end up doing is pushing her away with your own fears. It is actually more important that you are accepting and loving about her own choices, if you want her to be loving and accepting about your thoughts. But are your thoughts based on love, or are they distorted by mainstream anti-Islam rhetoric?

I have to be blunt with you, sorry about that. I know you, Magenta, Blue_Ladybug support any kind of anti-Islam rhetoric here, but try not to make it racism even though it is really. Just try and be more loving if you want to get through to your friend, and if you want to KNOW MORE about the situation and whether she is safe. Has she even spoken vocally to him or been on webcam? You didn't mention any of that. But I get the feeling she has. Stupidity is meeting someone you have never seen or heard and I doubt that is the case. But if it is the case, then THAT is your point of conversation, not 'Pakistan'. She is less likely to share anything with someone who tells her Pakistan is dangerous, Pakistan is Islamic State, Christians die in Pakistan, etc. Love or fear, one is better than the other.
 
Feb 5, 2017
1,119
34
0
#33
These are massive and horrible assumptions. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

You know, LOVE does exist? It can be something beautiful and amazing?

Try being optimistic rather than so pessimistic in assumption.

Pakistan isn't just some back alley where no-one would be safe. It has safe areas it has unsafe areas. Sounds like if the guys is genuine he is probably from a richer/safer area. Lots of people travel to Pakistan safely and regarded where they were as safe. Stop making such negative assumptions. It's easy to do that, but try thinking outside the box for a change.


Had you read the OP, you'd see she wants to go to Pakistan to marry this guy. AND also because she's infatuated with his male model looks, AND seems eager to get it on for the wedding night.. I fear she's being guided by lust right now, and the "promise" of being a "pampered" wife.. She can't see the forest OR the trees.. All she sees is a sexy guy, hot sex, being a pampered wife whose hubby gives her anything..

Sorry Kayla, no disrespect to your friend, but that last part is essentially what it boils down to. :(
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,051
1,853
113
#34
These are NOT assumptions, these are straight from Kayla's friend. Kayla has seen his picture, and does agree that he looks like a male model. Her friend has told Kayla that she is excited to be a pampered bride, and that is very eager for the wedding night..


These are massive and horrible assumptions. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

You know, LOVE does exist? It can be something beautiful and amazing?

Try being optimistic rather than so pessimistic in assumption.

Pakistan isn't just some back alley where no-one would be safe. It has safe areas it has unsafe areas. Sounds like if the guys is genuine he is probably from a richer/safer area. Lots of people travel to Pakistan safely and regarded where they were as safe. Stop making such negative assumptions. It's easy to do that, but try thinking outside the box for a change.
 
Feb 5, 2017
1,119
34
0
#35
Ok so he is good looking, that's bad? She is excited to be a pampered bride, what bride isn't? She is eager for the wedding night, so she isn't eager before the wedding night?

Any perspective that is not optimistic, is really based on your own perspective. I see no evidence of the latter.

I really believe there are people in this world, who think bad will happen and they are waiting for it to happen so they can say, told you so. Don't be one of those people.

These are NOT assumptions, these are straight from Kayla's friend. Kayla has seen his picture, and does agree that he looks like a male model. Her friend has told Kayla that she is excited to be a pampered bride, and that is very eager for the wedding night..
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#36
There is no fool like an old fool. I think it is better to take a dog by the ears than to get in the middle of this situation. I can think of no good outcome from this but I can imagine many bad outcomes.

God promises to protect us in all situations but as the wife of an old evangelist here once said as her husband was speeding down the highway in their new car when he refused to slow down "God sends angels to guide our path but God don't put angels on the fenders of fools". Goodness and mercy are our promised companions but we ought not to tempt God.


For the cause of Christ
Roger
Where does God promise to protect us in all situations? As far as I know, 11 apostles were killed, Corrie Ten Boom's family was killed, and most evangelists that go to Muslim countries are killed anywhere between setting their foot off the plane to two years.

And you can't say any of those people were fools.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#37
Maybe if you had love for all people, even if they come from a Muslim country you could be optimistic for your friend. But you come across as anti-Muslim eg. your YouTube link to a channel called Halal Pork, which I don't think was particularly respectful to another religion even if you are against it.

Why do you think your friend is unintelligent and cannot think for herself? When people have been through a lot they tend to be more sensitive to things, hence less stupid in making choices than others. Maybe you are worried, but all you will end up doing is pushing her away with your own fears. It is actually more important that you are accepting and loving about her own choices, if you want her to be loving and accepting about your thoughts. But are your thoughts based on love, or are they distorted by mainstream anti-Islam rhetoric?

I have to be blunt with you, sorry about that. I know you, Magenta, Blue_Ladybug support any kind of anti-Islam rhetoric here, but try not to make it racism even though it is really. Just try and be more loving if you want to get through to your friend, and if you want to KNOW MORE about the situation and whether she is safe. Has she even spoken vocally to him or been on webcam? You didn't mention any of that. But I get the feeling she has. Stupidity is meeting someone you have never seen or heard and I doubt that is the case. But if it is the case, then THAT is your point of conversation, not 'Pakistan'. She is less likely to share anything with someone who tells her Pakistan is dangerous, Pakistan is Islamic State, Christians die in Pakistan, etc. Love or fear, one is better than the other.
Since we're going to be blunt and all, how is it you are so perfect, yet no one else is as enlightened as you?

General rule of thumb: If many respond with the same melody of responses, but one responds clunks completely off tune, it's usually the clunker who is wrong. You are spending quite a lot of time trying to prove you aren't just clunking.
 

Susanna

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2013
2,588
70
48
#38
Normally Id put this in the ladies forum but some men may have good advice and insight. I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I have a dear,dear friend,she's actually a friend of the family. She's my parents age and she's known me all my life. We have some years between us but we've always had a special friendship and its gotten closer over the years. She divorced some years ago and has been single for some time.She has dated on and off but the other night I was talking to her and she told me she'd met someone. I was so happy for her and told her so. Then she told me more about her new love.

Her new love is from Pakistan,they met online and far as I know haven't met in person. He says he's a preacher,an evangelist. Then she sent me his picture. Now my friend is in her 60s,she's certainly not a homely woman and she's very sweet,but she's 60. The picture she sent me was of a man that was in his thirties,early at that I'd say. He looked like a male model and as soon as we were done talking I checked the picture with google to make sure she wasn't getting cat-fished. She said that his family,who met her online,have accepted her and love her. Well my head was spinning with all this news when she informed me she is going to Pakistan to meet him. Pakistan is an Islamic state and my heart fell. Before I could form a thought she tells me she's going to be married! I was dumbfounded. I did not know what to say.She's been through a lot,I want her to be happy but Im so very worried for her. She didn't even tell her own sister,she told me first. Her daughter is so angry with her that she wont talk to her. I didn't want to do something for her to shut me out,she needs someone to confide in.

This man may be the most wonderful thing that has happened to her. Maybe Im too over cautious but so many red flags are going up. She says her fiances father has given them a home in Pakistan. She told me the weddings there are elaborate and they pamper the bride. I want this to be true for her,I certainly want to be happy for her. I told her to please stay in touch. But I just don't know what else to say. All of it has me not sleeping at night worried for her safety. I know if I push in she'll shut down. Im between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Even if he is a Christian,the culture there is very different from here. Im at a loss as to what to do.If she gets hurt I'll feel so awful.
Go tell your friend she's a fool, and a dumb one. If that's not waking her ask her if she's ready to date 60 year olds when she was 30.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#39
You are correct in your assessment, and your friend is asking for a lot of grief, perhaps even the loss of her freedom or even her life. Pakistan and Pakistanis hate America and Americans, and the Muslims there have nothing but contempt for the infidels (non-Muslims). There is also bitter persecution of Christians in Pakistan. But the culture itself (especially with the current influence of Radical Islam) should be a deterrent. In other words, no Western woman in her right mind should even dream of going to that cesspool.

Also, the fact that this man in probably half her age indicates that she is being played for a sucker. He claims to be a Christian evangelist, but that could very well be a ploy. On top of that, the fact that this has earned her the bitterness and anger of her daughter should give her pause.

What you could do (if you have not done so already) is ask her to discuss this matter with her pastors and elders and seek their counsel. Since she is not a giddy teenager, she should not be behaving as one, and should be taking some wise counsel from mature Christians. You have not mentioned whether your friend is a Christian, but it would appear to be so. At the very least, you should tell her that she should ask this man to visit her where she lives, so that he can meet her friends, relatives, and others before making any commitment. If you feel it would help, you could print off this response (and any others) and show them to her. In any event you should not be afraid of sharing your serious concerns and letting her know that she is practically putting her head in a noose.


Yes,she is a Christian though a couple years ago she was dating a Muslim man. Thank you for your adivce,you've made some good points and given good suggestions. Right now she is listening to no one. Im hoping to stick with her until she tells me she's making her plans to go. The odd thing is I was talking to her last night and asked her when the date for the wedding was and she said that it was too dangerous for her to go right now. She said things had to settle down before she made the trip so she is not oblivious to the danger there. I feel she is being deliberately blind. I just don't know if I can wake her up,it may take her actually going through this. Im just afraid she'll lose too much before she opens her eyes to the danger.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#40
Go tell your friend she's a fool, and a dumb one. If that's not waking her ask her if she's ready to date 60 year olds when she was 30.

Exactly,that right there is a red flag if nothing else is. The age difference and the fact that he could clearly marry a young woman his age from his own country.