Worried for a Friend,Dont know What to Tell Her

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kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#41

Just an FYI,my husband told me to check, and there is an advisory to Americans that they should not be traveling in Pakistan unless it is essential.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,051
1,853
113
#42
Sorry but an American woman traveling to Pakistan to marry a foreignor, is NOT what I'd classify as "essential"..
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,073
1,611
113
63
Florida
#43
If she goes to Pakistan and actually marries this guy she will be making the worse mistake of her life.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,634
442
83
#45
Had you read the OP, you'd see she wants to go to Pakistan to marry this guy. AND also because she's infatuated with his male model looks, AND seems eager to get it on for the wedding night.. I fear she's being guided by lust right now, and the "promise" of being a "pampered" wife.. She can't see the forest OR the trees.. All she sees is a sexy guy, hot sex, being a pampered wife whose hubby gives her anything..

Sorry Kayla, no disrespect to your friend, but that last part is essentially what it boils down to. :(
===================================================

what can compare to 'discernment'??? tanks Blue, once again!, for talking REAL WORLD!!...
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,634
442
83
#46
Sorry but an American woman traveling to Pakistan to marry a foreignor, is NOT what I'd classify as "essential"..
======================================

in so many ways, this definitely doesn't sound like Jesus Christ is the 'CENTER'
of this drama...
 

Pilkington

Senior Member
Jan 13, 2015
640
53
28
#47
I am going to be synical, has he started asking for money. I wonder if that is the case whether he will keep putting her off from coming to Parkistan there never being a safe time and just bleed her dry finacially or until she wakes up. This kind of happened to a friend with a Nigerian guy living in Holland on a friend. Oh she did meet him but it didn't work out. She has married a wonderful British Christian and it is a great marriage. As I have already said Cross cultural marriages are far from straight forward.
 
Dec 16, 2012
1,462
96
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#48
IDK, she's telling me he's a Christian and an evangelist...
If anyone has a sound education or at least a basic awareness of Pakistan they'd be well versed in the knowledge that christianity has its definite place there. It's not all "ISLAM - TERRORIST - HEAD GEAR - OWNERSHIP - DEATH" that sort of ignorance just spreads fear and racist ideas.

She said that his family,who met her online,have accepted her and love her. Well my head was spinning with all this news when she informed me she is going to Pakistan to meet him. Pakistan is an Islamic state and my heart fell. Before I could form a thought she tells me she's going to be married! She says her fiances father has given them a home in Pakistan. She told me the weddings there are elaborate and they pamper the bride.
I'll leave the concerns about the country and faith completely. To address the 'relationship' itself is an entirely different story. This woman is 60 years and has yet to actually meet this man in person. It's one thing to get to know someone from a distance, but to make all these conclusions prior to even meeting not even once, is extremely concerning to put it politely. She hasn't met this man, she doesn't know him in many ways and seems to be totally taken by 'a wedding' and being 'pampered' as she falls in love with the idea of being a bride. This level of stupidity I'd expect to find in someone with verified special needs who has no proper carer at hand. He may well be Christian, there's nothing wrong with moving to Pakistan if that's God's will, those two elements I won't argue with with the right person in the right situation. However your friends mentality and her issues need significant intervention.

She has no real relationship with this person. She has incredibly low self esteem in order to be falsely built up by the idea of being a 'pampered bride' and is lacking sorely in basic intellect to be drawn in with this foolishness. It's not even basic cyber safety that's absent, it's her intellect and her own personal issues as an adult that's going to lead her down the wrong path if either her friends and family don't intervene.

 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
11,890
634
113
#49
Where does God promise to protect us in all situations? As far as I know, 11 apostles were killed, Corrie Ten Boom's family was killed, and most evangelists that go to Muslim countries are killed anywhere between setting their foot off the plane to two years.

And you can't say any of those people were fools.
The Good Shepherd does not allow His sheep to fall prey to the wolves. I see Gods hand of protection each and every day in my life. Don't you know of Gods protection?

The Psalms are replete with God guiding the footsteps of His loved ones.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#50

Just an FYI,my husband told me to check, and there is an advisory to Americans that they should not be traveling in Pakistan unless it is essential.
Since she can't go there now, how about have him come here? It's not too much to ask, since he was already asking her to go there and marry him. And they can spend time together to get to know each other. That would be the natural path for this relationship. I can even see friends offering him a place to stay while he visits her for a week or two to cut down on expenses.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#51
The Good Shepherd does not allow His sheep to fall prey to the wolves. I see Gods hand of protection each and every day in my life. Don't you know of Gods protection?

The Psalms are replete with God guiding the footsteps of His loved ones.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
I'd love to see Stephen responding to your "teaching."
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#52
I am going to be synical, has he started asking for money. I wonder if that is the case whether he will keep putting her off from coming to Parkistan there never being a safe time and just bleed her dry finacially or until she wakes up. This kind of happened to a friend with a Nigerian guy living in Holland on a friend. Oh she did meet him but it didn't work out. She has married a wonderful British Christian and it is a great marriage. As I have already said Cross cultural marriages are far from straight forward.

So far he's been acting like he or his family has money. His father gave them a home,though who knows if thats true or what it looks like. She has told me,along with being pampered for 3 days,that there will be a tv crew there for their wedding. It all sounds odd to me,and fake. She's acting like she's a princess marrying a prince. I want it to all be true for her,but everything she's saying tells me otherwise.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#53
If anyone has a sound education or at least a basic awareness of Pakistan they'd be well versed in the knowledge that christianity has its definite place there. It's not all "ISLAM - TERRORIST - HEAD GEAR - OWNERSHIP - DEATH" that sort of ignorance just spreads fear and racist ideas.



I'll leave the concerns about the country and faith completely. To address the 'relationship' itself is an entirely different story. This woman is 60 years and has yet to actually meet this man in person. It's one thing to get to know someone from a distance, but to make all these conclusions prior to even meeting not even once, is extremely concerning to put it politely. She hasn't met this man, she doesn't know him in many ways and seems to be totally taken by 'a wedding' and being 'pampered' as she falls in love with the idea of being a bride. This level of stupidity I'd expect to find in someone with verified special needs who has no proper carer at hand. He may well be Christian, there's nothing wrong with moving to Pakistan if that's God's will, those two elements I won't argue with with the right person in the right situation. However your friends mentality and her issues need significant intervention.

She has no real relationship with this person. She has incredibly low self esteem in order to be falsely built up by the idea of being a 'pampered bride' and is lacking sorely in basic intellect to be drawn in with this foolishness. It's not even basic cyber safety that's absent, it's her intellect and her own personal issues as an adult that's going to lead her down the wrong path if either her friends and family don't intervene.



She really has no self esteem. As I said,she's been through a lot in life and she's a sweet person,but vulnerable. I can't exactly shake my finger at her because my husband and I met online,but we were in the same country,met in person and took time to know one another. What really gets me is the grand promises being made and the age difference. If we took the country he lives in completely out of the picture I still see only red flags.

She lives with her daughter who is married ,and before that lived with her sister,who's married. I know she's been feeling like a third wheel. And after all the hurt and things that have happened to her she's vulnerable to a man that tells her she's beautiful,especially a good looking young man. I just really dont want him to hurt her. I think deep down she knows there is danger,otherwise she would have told her sister and daughter before she told me. I just pray she's kept from danger and heartbreak,she's very sensitive right now.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,051
1,853
113
#54
A TV crew? Seriously? WHY would a TV crew be there unless he's a big shot of some sort, which is highly doubtful?? This sounds more and more bizarre. Ain't no way this is true..


So far he's been acting like he or his family has money. His father gave them a home,though who knows if thats true or what it looks like. She has told me,along with being pampered for 3 days,that there will be a tv crew there for their wedding. It all sounds odd to me,and fake. She's acting like she's a princess marrying a prince. I want it to all be true for her,but everything she's saying tells me otherwise.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#56
Why is the teaching of Gods love so strange to you?

For the cause of Christ
Roger
God's teaching isn't. Yours is. You seem certain that God promised a rose garden.
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
11,890
634
113
#57
God's teaching isn't. Yours is. You seem certain that God promised a rose garden.
Nope but even in the darkest times He is near and He still cares.

Read the 23rd Psalm and meditate upon it.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Feb 5, 2017
1,119
34
0
#58
Yes we do have God's protection always. As we walk through the valley of death, which can be many places, even in our own countries or walks of life or people we meet. Danger can be anywhere, not just in Pakistan. Our faith is our staff, even if it leads to error or mistake maybe we are to learn something or become more humble. Even if we get fleeced it can teach us something, even if it is that we are too weak and we need to be strong.

But often it is fear of death which gets you killed, which unwittingly is trying to be taught here. If I fear crashing my car, fear crashing my car, fear crashing my car am I more likely to crash? Yes. If I love driving safely, love driving safely, love driving safely am I more like to crash my car? No.

So if anything wish the best, wish a safe journey, wish faith in her heart. Because faith is truly discerning and if it is true that this is all a mistake which could lead to death as people are so inclined to say here, then God won't let it happen. But if faith is replaced with fear, she will more likely walk into a pit and whatever bad that could happen, happens.

The best thing I learnt from bad experiences, is to love more, trust more, and have more faith. Attitudes here, are in reaction to bad experiences and learning the opposite, fear more, trust less, use reason more than faith, in essence build walls. When people do this to themselves, fear being hurt, fear being hurt, fear being hurt, they nearly always end up with someone who will hurt them.

Blessed are the optimistic.

Like missionaries, I mean they really are overcomers of the traps of self-preservation. And without the faith they have, lots of people would be dying in poorer countries, and less people would be inspired of their bravery.


Nope but even in the darkest times He is near and He still cares.

Read the 23rd Psalm and meditate upon it.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
3,430
255
0
#59
'kg, i'ma just throw this out there... my niece lived in Bahrain for three years. she worked for a US based company that had employees from many other nations, too. it was........ difficult, though she and her co-workers had the support of the company and to some extent, their protection, providing they would abide by certain cultural and religious restrictions.

i could tell you stories. sad stories. but i'll pray for your friend, instead.
would you mind letting us know how she is? what happens?
 
Dec 16, 2012
1,462
96
48
#60
She really has no self esteem. As I said,she's been through a lot in life and she's a sweet person,but vulnerable. I can't exactly shake my finger at her because my husband and I met online,but we were in the same country,met in person and took time to know one another. What really gets me is the grand promises being made and the age difference. If we took the country he lives in completely out of the picture I still see only red flags.

She lives with her daughter who is married ,and before that lived with her sister,who's married. I know she's been feeling like a third wheel. And after all the hurt and things that have happened to her she's vulnerable to a man that tells her she's beautiful,especially a good looking young man. I just really dont want him to hurt her. I think deep down she knows there is danger,otherwise she would have told her sister and daughter before she told me. I just pray she's kept from danger and heartbreak,she's very sensitive right now.
This just illustrates everything I said further. She clearly has problems from her own life and is employing this ridiculous situation in the most ignorant and destructive way possible to 'redeem' herself of her past and current circumstances.

I'm not asking you to shake your finger at her, you do as it calls you to do, as I posted initially - intervene. Intervention doesn't involve a simple slap on the wrist. Regardless of where you met your husband and how you got to know him, none of that justifies what she's doing as permissible. Certainly, turn to the Lord and ask Him on how you should intervene in the most powerful manner possible because this is bound to be disastrous.