The flip side is, as I'm sure others have mentioned here, the fact that I do feel that in some circles Christian women are afraid of being approached. It's probably not all that different to a lot of social demographics, but I've personally felt like I'm often treading this tightrope between not wanting to be 'pushy', and not being as pushy as women are expecting. I've seen Christian women I know have to push a little hard to 'get their man' for that reason.
The general problem is that all of us, but particularly men
, are generalists. If you ask one, or two, or three Christian women out, and get knocked back before the first date each time (and this happens A LOT in Christian circles, and is actually more common now than it was forty/fifty years ago, for various reasons), you generalise that to all women, so you stop being direct and active. The problem is when you meet a girl who is actually attracted to you or finds you interesting, or who just doesn't mind being asked out on a date by decent guys, your generalisation works against you.
There's not really an easy solution, but the most pragmatic approach I see is - if you would like to date a specific person who is a Christian, just ask them, regardless of whether you're a guy or a girl. If you're the person being asked out, don't give an immediate response, but say you will give an answer after a period of time, say one or two days (this kills the tension a bit). After that time, give your yes or no.
I would recommend accepting at least one date, unless there is a genuine reason you should not go out at all (not a believer, you know them reasonably well and you don't get on, they are a Martian). Attraction is a thing that can grow, and the only way you can know someone better is spending time with them. Group time in church or social group alone is not sufficient for this purpose.
I tend to think Christians should generally adopt an approach (contrary to the courtship movement) of separating the concept dating out from 'going steady'. Dating allows you to build a relationship without BEING IN a relationship, and also erodes the "I'm waiting for a good Christian man" syndrome, because people are more likely to ask, and accept, initial dates.
Assess as you go, maybe commit to a certain number of dates before you work out whether to continue, communicate as you go to check you're on the same page, and if you start to progress to things like introducing family, meeting up regularly, doing the same church regularly, for a sustained period of time, then go 'relationship' status.
Of course, the OTHER, more straightforward possibility (Occam's Razor alert!) is that everyone here in CC singles (including myself) is just unattractive and uninteresting. But that's loser talk.
