Single Men It's Time to Step Up!

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sc81

Senior Member
Dec 17, 2013
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well every church i've been in there's been more single men than women, tried online and same problem, more men that women.

so I don't try initiating dating naymore because there isn't a point as a man from my point of view due to just numbers
 
Dec 8, 2014
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I know this is a complicated and touchy subject for all of us, so think clearly before you respond. The title of this post was taken from the following article.

The first post I wrote just now (and promptly deleted after a change of heart) complained bitterly about the passivity of men in the Christian community. I had written a similar post a few years ago regarding single men and their lacklustre approach towards single women, leaning heavily on my own frustrating experiences with men who always admired from afar but were too chicken to actually approach me. I'm not gonna be easy... and no woman who is worth it is gonna be easy for you, stallion.

In my experience beautiful Christ-centred women (I know many!) are sitting there waiting for a Christ-centred man to approach them, to make a move, to be a leader, to fight... and yet there they sit waiting and waiting and the men don't come. Why is this happening? Where are you guys?

But there are two sides to every story and I'm trying to do some fair research on the topic after an older woman approached me and incredulously asked me why I wasn't married and the best answer I could muster up was, "I guess I just haven't met him yet", which sits on my chest heavily laden with spiritual concern for the men in our church. I have my own issues to deal with, as all women do, so I'm not going to blame men entirely for my own experience. But I don't want to make this post about me.

The article I linked is a good first glimpse inside this matter. If you feel that it's a TLDR (Too Long Didn't Read) type of deal then allow me to highlight some of, what I feel, are the best points made:

Women still want men to lead them. This means being an initiator of the relationship. Don't give us that "it's the 21st Century" spiel. WE. WANT. YOU. TO. LEAD.

Men are not preparing themselves to be the men they should be. That means morally, financially, spiritually and relationally.

It is okay to ask God for a wife! My favourite part of this article is this: Spiritual development also involves the building of a prayer life. Speaking of which, it is surprising how few men actually ask God for a wife. Of all things, why would we leave this matter off our prayer list? Perhaps some would argue that it is unspiritual to pray about such a thing, that if God intends us to be married we should disengage from the process and allow Him to override our neutrality. Being neutral is fine if it means surrender and waiting by faith on God's answer (which, by the way, first demands that a request be made), but it is not fine if it implies apathy or cowardice.

The key words here are apathy and cowardice. Does this sound like you or somebody you know?

Lastly, this life is a journey. Take a risk, trust in God, surround yourself with other Christians and meet single women, befriend us and don't be afraid of us! If you want to be loved then you must first love. Ask yourself this: If you believe God has already met you in the depths of your soul then what have you got to lose? Open your hearts, gents. We are waiting for you and we love you!
Yes, it is ok to ask God for a wife. But, is it the will of God that I begin working toward marriage right now? We must also remember that God answers all of our prayers.. and sometimes the answer is "no". His will be done.
 
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agirlandherguitar

Guest
well every church i've been in there's been more single men than women, tried online and same problem, more men that women.

so I don't try initiating dating naymore because there isn't a point as a man from my point of view due to just numbers
Maybe you should come to my church. That's where all the single ladies at. Now put your hands up! *dance*

Donkeyfish, good insight. I haven't given a lot of thought to how I present myself in public. It seems that if a guy does start to like me on the rare occasion it begins online, like facebook, because we can message each other nonchalantly and I don't feel as inhibited in what I say, though in the past that has resulted in some... misinterpretations. The online world is not at all like talking face to face as we all know.
 

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
Dec 11, 2014
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Some of you were confused by my "fight for us" comment. No, I don't believe I am to be placed on a pedestal, worshipped from afar and expecting you to fight some grizzlies with your bare hands in order for me to consider dating you. It's an exaggeration for initiating something. The real fighting comes when you're actually in a relationship and it must be fought on both sides in different ways. Some guys have no idea how much we women admire a man who bothers talking to us at all. Maybe most women are so cold and turned their hearts off that they don't show these men what they mean to them.
I guess this is what I was confused by, and what I didnt get. I notice this with both genders, today while working I actually saw this perfume called "Idol Me". I actually thought this was a horrible thing to be teaching young women. And being male, I have times where I fall into this feeling of being "put on a pedestal" too, I play music in a band, and I often get compliments from my playing. There are sadly times when I let this get to my head, and actually imagine people praising me for playing, and even start comparing my playing with other musicians. I always have to take a moment to come back down to earth, and remember Im just a man whos done nothing special at all.

I definitely dont like the idea of men chasing women to earn their love. But I have kinda noticed that I can fall guilty of that myself anyways. A Christian couple should put God before all else, even each other. As a Christian I should not allow that for my partner or myself.

But as for initiating, I do think that is important. God wanted men to be the head of a family, so I do think it is important for a man to take the first step. I think I have a better understanding of the conversation now.
But, something I have noticed, I think there is alot of confusion about roles in todays world, and not even from things like gender issues, but just with pop culture and the world itself. I watched this video with my mom once, it was a video of a woman walking down a street in NYC to show how rude men were to her. And some of them were pretty horrible, though there were times she seemed to roll her eyes at guys saying hello. But some of these guys would say horrible things, and some just said....well, dumb things. I do kinda think that we should teach young men on HOW to say hi to a woman. There is so much focus on evil in the world, alot of times when I try to talk to non Christian men about how to say hi to a woman they kinda talk as if Im trying to get her to sleep with me, when Im merely trying to be the one to introduce myself. This might sound like some kind of lame cop-out, but it can be kinda confusing to really know how to introduce yourself or if the woman your wanting to say hi to is even looking for the same thing as you. Sadly we live in a mixed up "do what you want" world where everything is chaotic. I dont think thats gonna change either, the world wants to push for lawlessness.
But anywho, my point is that men have alot to deal with in this area, we are really influenced by a world where everyone is fighting for what they want and not what was created to be whats best for all of us. I would imagine that saying hi to a woman who you see regularly in hopes to get to know her would be all it would take. But we have all these weird things pushed on us daily, and it can be chaotic.
My best friend met a very awesome Christian girl who Im a massive fan of, and they met because he asked her to spar with him at a play sword fighting event they both enjoy going to. Haha, this seems like the way to me.

*long winded post*
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
Men, if you step up and have a child with her and/or marry her, you become another battery government uses to fuel the present feminist matrix construct. It cannot exist apart from you.




[video=youtube_share;Czb3JG5YyTU]http://youtu.be/Czb3JG5YyTU[/video]
 
May 3, 2013
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Here is a funny piece of "a tale" where a man was asked to step out (or up) and I´d dare to say MANY men like to be approached this way (or another) yet all genders get suspicious, when that happened.

Written by Robert L. Stevenson: (http://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/30700/pg30700.txt)

"Armed with these reflections, he advanced boldly from his corner; but he
had not taken above a couple of steps before a hand was laid upon hisarm. He turned and beheld a lady cast in a very large mould and withsomewhat stately features, but bearing no mark of severity in her looks."I see that you are a very self-confident lady-killer," said she; "foryou make yourself expected. But I was determined to meet you. When awoman has once so far forgotten herself as to make the first advance,she has long ago left behind her all considerations of petty pride."Silas was overwhelmed by the size and attractions of his correspondentand the suddenness with which she had fallen upon him. But she soon sethim at his ease. She was very towardly and lenient in her behaviour; sheled him on to make pleasantries, and then applauded him to the echo; andin a very short time, between blandishments and a liberal exhibition ofwarm brandy, she had not only induced him to fancy himself in love, but to declare his passion with the greatest vehemence."
 
May 3, 2013
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Men, if you step up and have a child with her and/or marry her, you become another battery government uses to fuel the present feminist matrix construct. It cannot exist apart from you.




[video=youtube_share;Czb3JG5YyTU]http://youtu.be/Czb3JG5YyTU[/video]
Is it marriage the only way to be single cowards? (no offence on the thoughts, by the way)

Legalisms could be arranged, too: Amos 3:3
 
May 3, 2013
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well every church i've been in there's been more single men than women, tried online and same problem, more men that women.

so I don't try initiating dating naymore because there isn't a point as a man from my point of view due to just numbers
Same "numbers" exist when you want a job or a new position on a firm. If you want a kiss you surely go to a face and a mouth, ignoring numbers (even their past or yours).

Another idea, online, those numbers are faked. Married ones use it to lure people away. It is married men and women using online dates to learn more about themselves, to get some "pleasure" as a pryers, to do what they cannot do in real life. That´s why many profiles are impersonated, not real and, I have a couple of my friends who fell in love with the one they liked and, at the 1st date, they knew they fell in love WITH A WOMAN, not with the men they were seeking (I haven´t learnt of many cases where one of my male friends had found an sodomite, but these had played the role of a woman, on line).
 
May 3, 2013
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I must say that in my latest "escapade" of attempted dating, that the folks here were very positive in their beliefs of my chances with someone I met in a Christian setting.
However there is a non-Christian men's site I visit for other issues, and I brought my latest issue up, and unfortunately their responses were more in line with what to expect from this Christian woman.

What this tells me is 1) the people here have good hearts, and 2) even some Christian single women deal with men the same way as non-Christian women. And since she came out of a long abusive relationship, judging from my entire life experience I'm predicting she will do the same again, because lots of modern women have a very distorted view of what good "marriage material" is. Tall, dark, handsome, rich and alpha enough to impress her family and friends. Won't matter if it's good for her.

Now I know this isn't a positive post, but it represents the things I have seen in my adult life since my twenties.
So do they really want a good man? "What is their idea of a good man?" might be a better question. And what do they really want out of life?

It just could be that collectively men are finally wising up and realizing what we don't want. No power struggles, no silly games just a good Christ-centered life partner. Not all that glitters is Gold!
I´m glad I was hurt, I´m glad I did wrong and tried all (almost all). Christ-centered people also seek what others seek: safety, easy living with its comforts, loyalty, etc., but -when their chance comes- we all show we are the same.

Walk around and try to see what a mother or father tell their daugters: "marry a man like that for..." and write down whatever the list of things you may hear and make your your conclusions.

Besides, when you had some success listening at distance, listen to what women talk to their friends and see what, because many (not all) had similar talking we men have had our privacy, yet -in public- I can pretend to be the one I am not.

I will not blame the world for what it is, I blame the faults and my own mistakes: Nothing is better than loving, although I have failed.
 

Descyple

Senior Member
Jun 7, 2010
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Maybe it's a suggestion for men to try step aerobics (which yes, I used to do. All hail the fitness crazes of the 90's...)
I attempted step-aerobics once, but I kept tripping over the stepper (I guess I shouldn't have been wearing flip flops!!!).
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
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I mean I can go enjoy a drink with friends and participate in none of the grinding and dry-humping that some people do on the dance floor section.
O.K. Then fair enough, but really the next question is.....How many of your Christian girl friends from church have you really seen doing these activities? Or are you assuming they are Christian girls?
 
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Richie_2uk

Guest
Maybe it's a suggestion for men to try step aerobics (which yes, I used to do. All hail the fitness crazes of the 90's...)
Who me do aerobic? I have no coordination, I tell my left arm to move and my right fingers move instead LOL
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
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What do women know anyway? I believe the tread was started asking men to step up a little.....I mean half of this site some of the men don't think we (women), should talk or preach in church and the other half of them must think we are lucy goosey grinding on men in bars....I'm a Blond so what do I know?

Personally I think that no matter the gender that should one claim to be a Christian we should remember that we are representatives of God. So many people think that Christians are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites so yes the people not going to church will fault you for going to have your innocent drink and fault any Christian for doing anything they think we shouldn't be doing.

There is a whole lot of representing going on here for both genders. We do also have to be careful about the appearance of evil. Even I myself have been called out on that on this site. People are watching us all the time so what kind of representative of God are you?

Believe me I question myself on that one all the time. I pray that I am a good representative even though I am Blond and a sinner....Forgiven one (sinner that is).....
 
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agirlandherguitar

Guest
They're supposed to Step Up like Channing Tatum did. Wasn't that obvious from my original post? Yeesh!

Sadly we live in a mixed up "do what you want" world where everything is chaotic. I dont think thats gonna change either, the world wants to push for lawlessness.
But anywho, my point is that men have alot to deal with in this area, we are really influenced by a world where everyone is fighting for what they want and not what was created to be whats best for all of us. I would imagine that saying hi to a woman who you see regularly in hopes to get to know her would be all it would take. But we have all these weird things pushed on us daily, and it can be chaotic.
Yeraza-Bats, this makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of us are starting to understand what is really going on here. Men and women are so confused with all of these conflicting messages. It's easy to say, "just follow what God wants" but it's another thing to actually do that and be in that place where you know exactly what God wants. You pretty much have to have gone through the fire in order to understand that. I have not been through that fire yet. All I see in most people right now is indifference, a largely North American problem.
 

Chopper

Senior Member
Nov 8, 2014
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Baahh... I stepped up as so asked... explained my situation and nothing happened... LOL