All Da Single Ladies (Who Aren't After a Man's Money), Holla Back!!

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#41
May 23, 2009
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#41
(Ugly posted):
I am also not bitter. Making a comment in response to another in a forum was not an indication of bitterness, but rather more of regret, coming from one who never has, and likely never will, make a lot of money. (end of quote)



Ugly, I wanted to say that I really liked this part of your post because it was so honest, heartfelt, and made me a little sad.

If it's any consolation, I'm never going to be a cash cow, either.
 
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Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#43
Jun 15, 2014
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#43
seoulsearch said:
If Roh were to lust over anything, I'm guessing it would be a high-end buffet. :p
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No money = no high-end buffet, Kim. You better start paying up fast!

The way I see it, most men eat to live, while I live to eat. :p
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#44
#44
I wouldn't use a man for money.
Yes, money is important for a relationship and it's silly to ignore that or say "money doesn't matter" because it does. But I wouldn't really call it a huge deal breaker. For me, as long as he's working a job and earns a decent living, that's all that matters. :)
 
JonahLynx

JonahLynx

Senior Member
#45
Dec 28, 2014
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#45
MollyConnor said:
For me, as long as he's working a job and earns a decent living, that's all that matters. :)
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Maybe that's what gets misconstrued on our end? :p I'm thinking lots of women would rather a man who "earns a decent living." But to us that is directly translated "makes enough money" ... and "enough money" is a wildly different standard from person to person.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#46
#46
JonahLynx said:
Maybe that's what gets misconstrued on our end? :p I'm thinking lots of women would rather a man who "earns a decent living." But to us that is directly translated "makes enough money" ... and "enough money" is a wildly different standard from person to person.
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It's kinda like when a guy says "I need to be with a girl that is at least somewhat attractive." It's subjective and drives women crazy wondering if they have it or not. I guess that's how men are too...wondering if they make enough or not.
 
JonahLynx

JonahLynx

Senior Member
#47
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
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#47
MollyConnor said:
It's kinda like when a guy says "I need to be with a girl that is at least somewhat attractive." It's subjective and drives women crazy wondering if they have it or not. I guess that's how men are too...wondering if they make enough or not.
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Yeah, I can see that. Same deal. :(
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#48
May 23, 2009
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JonahLynx said:
Maybe that's what gets misconstrued on our end? :p I'm thinking lots of women would rather a man who "earns a decent living." But to us that is directly translated "makes enough money" ... and "enough money" is a wildly different standard from person to person.
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This is such an excellent point, Jonah, thank you for sharing.

This definitely contributes to helping the genders understand each other a little better instead of feeding into stereotypes from either side.

When it comes to money and relationships, I've always been "the guy", so to speak. For some reason, I wound up with guys who couldn't pay for anything for themselves, let alone me, and out of that frustration, I admit that yes, I am hoping to find a man who can at least pay for himself. That, to me, is "a decent living"--someone who is able to take care of himself. Now it would have been understandable if they had medical bills or whatever, but the guys I was with loved to spend their money on video games, alcohol, and "man bling" instead of paying their bills, and often couldn't keep a job due to pride or laziness, not disability.

I remember once when my high school boyfriend had a financial emergency and I went out and bought what he needed, and his mother even said something to me like, "Oh, it was nice of you to buy such-and-such for him," and I was like, "It's not a gift. It's a loan," because I'd already dumped several hundreds of dollars into other things he couldn't pay for. It had come to a point where his family was EXPECTING me to look after him, so that they were free of the responsibility. And predictably, he never paid me back for anything.

Believe me, gentlemen, I'm writing all these posts out of the frustration of being used for money myself, and I don't want it to happen again, just like you.

This is just my own opinion but to me, a "decent living" means he can pay his bills on time and knows how to be responsible with money, even if he's living at home with his parents (some guys don't have a place of their own because they're going to school, saving money for the future, or caring for their family--and I have nothing but respect for that.)
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#49
May 23, 2009
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#49
MollyConnor said:
It's kinda like when a guy says "I need to be with a girl that is at least somewhat attractive." It's subjective and drives women crazy wondering if they have it or not. I guess that's how men are too...wondering if they make enough or not.
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Molly, this is one of the best posts I've ever read on this subject. I'm definitely going to have to remember this one.

Thank you!
 
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Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#50
Aug 13, 2014
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seoulsearch said:
Here's something I'm always amazed no one seems to consider: What if a woman has her OWN money?
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Then I ask her if she could loan me $50 until next Monday. :D :D :D

Kidding of course. I don't ask for loans unless I really need one, and I try to make sure to never need one. But I couldn't pass up the straight line. If you throw the ball underhand I gotta hit it out of the park.
 
phil38111

phil38111

Banned
#51
Feb 21, 2012
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JonahLynx said:
I agree with the core of what you're saying but you got an extreme perspective lol. But also the way we think instinctively isn't the way we should be approaching it. Yeah there are lots of women who look for success over anything else and there are lots of men who look for beauty over anything else. But didn't God say that beauty is vain and we cannot serve Him and money? So whether or not you're right about how people think doesn't mean that's the way it should be in a Christian life. Can't defeated by fleshly desires.

Not gonna pretend to know how each person here goes about relationships though. Way too much generalization, which I think is the point of the thread, unless you're calling seoul and mcsmitty and viola liars? :p

$0.02
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I gotchu. I dont think we should live as the world and respect a person because of their beauty or money, but rather treat the person working at McDonalds the same as maybe someone as rich as Donald Trump. Agree 100 percent
 
phil38111

phil38111

Banned
#52
Feb 21, 2012
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seoulsearch said:
Here's something I'm always amazed no one seems to consider: What if a woman has her OWN money?

No, I'm not rich. But I don't need anything from a man, and have been living independently and self-sufficiently for a very long time. For me, this factors a man's money right out of the equation.

All I ask of a guy is that he won't expect me to pay his bills (because that's all I've done in my past relationships), and we're good.

Your post reminds me of a guy I went out with who could pretty much read the Bible in its original languages and was an engineer. When he found out I don't have... quite a prestigious job... he said, a bit condescendingly, "And you're able to make it on that?"

In the same conversation, he also told me that he had almost foreclosed on his house but was managing. It's ironic because he obviously felt he was in the superior position.

But what he didn't know is that I have no debts. And because of his obvious contempt for what he thought was my low-class life, I didn't think he had a right to know.

Credit makes it easy to obtain things and make it LOOK like you have money.

If you compared our paychecks, sure, his would blow mine out of the water, I'm sure (we didn't talk numbers.) But if you looked at his ratio of debts, his ship was already sunk.

P.S. It should be obvious, but money differences wasn't the reason I didn't go out with him again. I just didn't feel like being around someone who obviously looked down on me without even knowing me.
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Im sorry I remind you of that guy. I dont make much money myself. I was just trying to be honest. I was watching a comedy show on TV with shaquille Oneal on it and Mike Epps started joking about how unattractive shaquille Oneal's baby's mothers were compared to the women he got after he got rich. Which shows that money can help boost a mans attraction to women. It's like one of those things everybody knows but rarely speaks about. Which is why I have a hard time beleiving some of the women here claiming they "would rather have a man without money then with money blah blah blah.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#53
May 23, 2009
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#53
phil38111 said:
Im sorry I remind you of that guy. I dont make much money myself. I was just trying to be honest. I was watching a comedy show on TV with shaquille Oneal on it and Mike Epps started joking about how unattractive shaquille Oneal's baby's mothers were compared to the women he got after he got rich. Which shows that money can help boost a mans attraction to women. It's like one of those things everybody knows but rarely speaks about. Which is why I have a hard time beleiving some of the women here claiming they "would rather have a man without money then with money blah blah blah.
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To be clear, I want to say that you as a person don't remind me of anyone in particular, it was the point in your post that reminded me of that particular story. I don't want you to think that I'm somehow associating you personally with any negative memories.

I think your post illustrates something that needs to be taken into account, though: notice that the show you mentioned was about celebrities. In another thread, a study endorsed by Dr. Phil was offered as "proof" that this stereotype is accurate. Does anyone else not realize that these are not "real" people living in the "real" world? The media and its idols are an entirely different entity than real life.

Again, it's like the stereotype of all men being out for sex. But I'm also getting the sense that what most men seem to "know" about women... Is mostly picked up from television and the media and not from actually talking to women? Or, the men here who HAVE had some bad experiences in real life have then seen a lot of media coverage that seems to "support" that all women are like this?

I knew a guy once who always bragged about how "good-looking" he was and that he was a "mack daddy" because he had "read that women hate insecurities." I tried to explain to him that this doesn't mean women want a guy who boasts about himself 24/7. For me, at least, it means, I want a guy to be secure enough to not freak out about every little thing I'm doing or if I'm spending time with friends or family. But what struck me is that what he thought he knew about women... was mostly what he read or saw on TV.

Is it true that a lot of what men "know" about women is derived from entertainment and NOT real life interactions? And what kind of women are they talking to? (Maybe women only know what they know about men from the media, I'm not sure? But I think women have more interactions with men in non-dating situations?)

As I said in my original post, am I truly missing something? I'm genuinely interested in the answer. I'll ask again: are the women I know who are serving at church in Sunday using a man for money on Friday nights?

Or are men not talking to women in the church? You're free to correct me if I'm wrong, but the women I knew who were using men for money were 1. not in church, or if they were, they weren't living their faith (had several baby daddies, etc. I say this not in criticism but just as a general profile), 2. were above-average beautiful (so looks definitely seem to have something to do with it...)

If this is the secret lives of God-fearing women... I'd honestly like to be aware because it's quite interesting (and totally possible. I can tell you stories about Praise-and-Worship team men who would imply they'd take you home right after church if only you'd say yes.)

Or... are men not asking out women in the church (because they're not "hot" enough)?
 
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phil38111

phil38111

Banned
#54
Feb 21, 2012
414
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#54
seoulsearch said:
To be clear, I want to say that you as a person don't remind me of anyone in particular, it was the point in your post that reminded me of that particular story. I don't want you to think that I'm somehow associating you personally with any negative memories.

I think your post illustrates something that needs to be taken into account, though: notice that the show you mentioned was about celebrities. In another thread, a study endorsed by Dr. Phil was offered as "proof" that this stereotype is accurate. Does anyone else not realize that these are not "real" people living in the "real" world? The media and its idols are an entirely different entity than real life.

Again, it's like the stereotype of all men being out for sex. But I'm also getting the sense that what most men seem to "know" about women... Is mostly picked up from television and the media and not from actually talking to women? Or, the men here who HAVE had some bad experiences in real life have then seen a lot of media coverage that seems to "support" that all women are like this?

I knew a guy once who always bragged about how "good-looking" he was and that he was a "mack daddy" because he had "read that women hate insecurities." I tried to explain to him that this doesn't mean women want a guy who boasts about himself 24/7. For me, at least, it means, I want a guy to be secure enough to not freak out about every little thing I'm doing or if I'm spending time with friends or family. But what struck me is that what he thought he knew about women... was mostly what he read or saw on TV.

Is it true that a lot of what men "know" about women is derived from entertainment and NOT real life interactions? And what kind of women are they talking to? (Maybe women only know what they know about men from the media, I'm not sure? But I think women have more interactions with men in non-dating situations?)

As I said in my original post, am I truly missing something? I'm genuinely interested in the answer. I'll ask again: are the women I know who are serving at church in Sunday using a man for money on Friday nights?

Or are men not talking to women in the church? You're free to correct me if I'm wrong, but the women I knew who were using men for money were 1. not in church, or if they were, they weren't living their faith (had several baby daddies, etc. I say this not in criticism but just as a general profile), 2. were above-average beautiful (so looks definitely seem to have something to do with it...)

If this is the secret lives of God-fearing women... I'd honestly like to be aware because it's quite interesting (and totally possible. I can tell you stories about Praise-and-Worship team men who would imply they'd take you home right after church if only you'd say yes.)

Or... are men not asking out women in the church (because they're not "hot" enough)?
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I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. What I was talking about has nothing to do with USING A MAN FOR MONEY. What I was saying was having alot of money makes a man somewhat more attractive to women. And I don't mean because he is spending money on her, not at all.

I have talked to various women that tell me this is true, so it is not just from watching television.

One woman told me biggie smalls was ugly looking but the fact that he had so much money made him more attractive.

On the other hand I have talked to women that tell me looks don't mean much when it comes to men being attractive to women, and I have talked to other women that tell me looks play a major role, if not just as big as it is for men.

The conclusion I have come to is that not ALL women are honest about things like this. So you just have to observe their actions instead of their words and trust your instincts.
Either that or they are not fully aware of what triggers their attraction to a man. Women are alot more complicated then men are, and I don't think any man can fully understand women 100 percent because he is not a woman himself. Heck I don't think women even understand women 100 percent.


Now, for your question of why aren't men asking women out in church????

I don't know the answer to that. I don't even know if it is true. Me personally I don't ask women out in church either, because I am scared their boyfriend or husband or parent will walk up, and talk about awkward. In church a man has to be like an opportunist and ask a woman out when the opportunity presents itself. And that doesn't happen often. Too many people there and you don't know if the woman has a bf or husband hiding somewhere, ready to pop up.

I suppose if my church had a singles group that would make things alot easier. But it doesn't unfortunately.


Now I have never been to your particular church and I don't know what goes on there so I can't say. I will just say that is the main reason I don't approach women at church.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#55
Aug 13, 2014
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#55
For some reason I'm reminded of a rhyme I heard in a movie. Can't remember what the name of the movie was but it was something about leprechauns.

I wish I was married
to old Miss Muldoney
she' as ugly as sin
but has beautiful money
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#56
Feb 21, 2014
70,920
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#56
phil38111 said:
Ahhh phooey. Ya'll women are full of it. One thing I noticed about the majority of women especially on here is they are major people pleasers. If a man having money makes him more attractive that is nothing to be ashamed of. Theirs nothing wrong with the fact that a man's ability to provide makes him somewhat more attractive. God made women biologically attracted to men that can help them survive. Meaning they are attracted to men that can protect and provide for them. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I am attracted to a woman's physical attributes. Now I'm not shallow. I'm just keeping it real. A woman's bank account doesn't get me aroused, her sweet personality doesn't do anything for me. It looks. Sorry, I won't apologize for the way God made me. Now, will I choose a wife because of her looks? No. I'm not shallow. The attraction must be there but more important is the woman's character and her morals, etc. But character and morals don't make me say oooooooooh baby. Your integrity is so sexy. lol. it's a womans looks that do that. Now am I saying you should go out and marry a man for his money? No. Am I saying that a man that doesn't have much money is unattractive? No. I'm not saying that. All I'm saying is that a man's ability to provide can make him more attractive to a certain extent, not to mention that he will have more to offer in a marriage for the children, etc. I hope I don't upset any of the women here for calling them out on their bull, but I have a bad habit of keeping it real. lol.
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Speaking of keeping it real, obviously you haven't a clue about what these women want in a guy. I know several of these ladies fairly well, and trust me, snagging a man for his money is the LAST thing on their minds. Personally I would rather be dirt poor and happily married, than be filthy rich and married to a millionaire with a 20-bedroom, 14-bathroom mansion with maids and housekeepers. I don't care about money and in fact, I'm always putting some of it outside for others to find. :) As long as the man is christian, loves God and loves me, and protects me, then I'm happy--no money involved.. :)
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#57
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,379
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#57
phil38111 said:
I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. What I was talking about has nothing to do with USING A MAN FOR MONEY. What I was saying was having alot of money makes a man somewhat more attractive to women. And I don't mean because he is spending money on her, not at all.

I have talked to various women that tell me this is true, so it is not just from watching television.

One woman told me biggie smalls was ugly looking but the fact that he had so much money made him more attractive.

On the other hand I have talked to women that tell me looks don't mean much when it comes to men being attractive to women, and I have talked to other women that tell me looks play a major role, if not just as big as it is for men.

The conclusion I have come to is that not ALL women are honest about things like this. So you just have to observe their actions instead of their words and trust your instincts.
Either that or they are not fully aware of what triggers their attraction to a man. Women are alot more complicated then men are, and I don't think any man can fully understand women 100 percent because he is not a woman himself. Heck I don't think women even understand women 100 percent.


Now, for your question of why aren't men asking women out in church????

I don't know the answer to that. I don't even know if it is true. Me personally I don't ask women out in church either, because I am scared their boyfriend or husband or parent will walk up, and talk about awkward. In church a man has to be like an opportunist and ask a woman out when the opportunity presents itself. And that doesn't happen often. Too many people there and you don't know if the woman has a bf or husband hiding somewhere, ready to pop up.

I suppose if my church had a singles group that would make things alot easier. But it doesn't unfortunately.


Now I have never been to your particular church and I don't know what goes on there so I can't say. I will just say that is the main reason I don't approach women at church.
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I'm not talking about literally asking women out "at" church (having to be at church.) I'm talking about being a regular member at a church, getting to know someone of the opposite gender there, developing an interest, and asking them out, whether in the church building or not.

I also have to wonder if may you don't see any red flags with the fact that every single one of your references--Shaq, Mike Epps, and now Biggie Smalls... are all celebrities? And therefore, do not model real life.

Now, as far as women who are groupies and throw themselves at famous men? I would absolutely agree that what you're describing is probably what you'll find in the majority of cases. But again, these women don't represent real life.
 
phil38111

phil38111

Banned
#58
Feb 21, 2012
414
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#58
And you may be a 100 percent correct. And alot of the men here may not want a woman for her beauty. That doesn't mean we don't find beauty attractive. It just means we are not shallow. Which the women here may not be shallow. But that does not mean they don't find a man that makes a good provider attractive. It just means they place higher value on more important things like a man's character and integrity, rather than the shallow superficial qualities, that while still make them attractive, are far less important. @BLUELADYBUG
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#59
#59
 
phil38111

phil38111

Banned
#60
Feb 21, 2012
414
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#60
seoulsearch said:
I'm not talking about literally asking women out "at" church (having to be at church.) I'm talking about being a regular member at a church, getting to know someone of the opposite gender there, developing an interest, and asking them out, whether in the church building or not.

I also have to wonder if may you don't see any red flags with the fact that every single one of your references--Shaq, Mike Epps, and now Biggie Smalls... are all celebrities? And therefore, do not model real life.

Now, as far as women who are groupies and throw themselves at famous men? I would absolutely agree that what you're describing is probably what you'll find in the majority of cases. But again, these women don't represent real life.
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Because celebrities are REAL LIFE. They just have more fame then we do, and sometimes more money. That doesn't make their lives fake. They are still real people like you and me. They aren't mythological creatures. lol.

Well, if you got to know the person, and they still never asked you out. I don't know. I think every man is different and every situation is different. He could either be intimidated, or he may like you as a friend but you don't meet the standards for what his ideal wife may be like. And there is nothing wrong with that. You can't please everyone. A woman can be the perfect wife to one man while another man may have a different idea of what he wants in a woman.

For example I would never marry the woman my friend is getting married too. But he loves her to death. Not my type though. So I would not get discouraged, I would just wait for a man that appreciates you and recognize s you for the good wife you will become and not worry about those that have a different idea of what they want in a woman.

And it may not even be that. This guy or imaginary guy whoever it is, may be too nervous to ask the woman out. But there's no way for me to know. And if there was an epidemic of men in the church not stepping up to the plate in that area, I wasn't aware of it. I would like to think that Christian men are bolder than that and not too intimidated by the women in the church, but I don't know.
 
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