Am I Invisible or Am I Not Weak Enough

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Lenardzw

Lenardzw

Senior Member
#21
Jul 31, 2015
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#21
Galatea said:
You won't be invisible to the right one. The right one who sees you will discover a treasure, and look around in amazement wondering HOW ON EARTH no one else has not already found you.
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I agree. I remember having a chat with a friend over a coffee once. He felt invisible (in his early thirties at the time) and I remember pointing out two random people - another patron and a man walking on the street - and telling him that they may be invisible to most people but someone somewhere is crazy about each of these individuals.

Being seemingly invisible should never make us feel less than we actually are, as Christians. As pleasant as it is to be validated by others in some way, we don't need to feed on the validation of others. Knowing that you have worth, no matter how you are wired (and not flaunting it), respectfully engaging all people and trusting that God will guide you through the murky waters of meeting someone, just try to enjoy the company of others in the meantime. Soon enough some guy will catch your eye somewhere. Then he will rush off to the rest room to make sure that his hair is okay before pinching himself to make sure this "dream" is actually happening before summoning the courage (guys get scared too - that bravado "I'm a chick magnet" thing is a myth) to walk across and strike up a conversation.
 
G

GODisLOVE7

Guest
#22
#22
Lenardzw said:
I agree. I remember having a chat with a friend over a coffee once. He felt invisible (in his early thirties at the time) and I remember pointing out two random people - another patron and a man walking on the street - and telling him that they may be invisible to most people but someone somewhere is crazy about each of these individuals.

Being seemingly invisible should never make us feel less than we actually are, as Christians. As pleasant as it is to be validated by others in some way, we don't need to feed on the validation of others. Knowing that you have worth, no matter how you are wired (and not flaunting it), respectfully engaging all people and trusting that God will guide you through the murky waters of meeting someone, just try to enjoy the company of others in the meantime. Soon enough some guy will catch your eye somewhere. Then he will rush off to the rest room to make sure that his hair is okay before pinching himself to make sure this "dream" is actually happening before summoning the courage (guys get scared too - that bravado "I'm a chick magnet" thing is a myth) to walk across and strike up a conversation.
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This made me smile... Thank you! I needed a break from the BDF forum. :p
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#23
Mar 26, 2014
4,436
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#23
My two cents would be that maybe it's not about being intimidating or too strong as it is being so outwardly competent and put together that all the guys think they have nothing to offer you. If you never show your longing, even a little bit, no one will know that you are the least bit interested. I know the reverse works for me in that if I can't see what "need" I'm meeting in a person's life, I inevitably end up wondering why they want to keep being around me. So it's possible that there are guys around who think you are amazing, but don't think they are worthy of amazing and so don't even try.

Of course, I'm pretty sure I'm invisible because I'm homebody extraordinaire and that's why none of the guys looking for me can find me.
 
Lenardzw

Lenardzw

Senior Member
#24
Jul 31, 2015
425
22
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#24
cinder said:
My two cents would be that maybe it's not about being intimidating or too strong as it is being so outwardly competent and put together that all the guys think they have nothing to offer you. If you never show your longing, even a little bit, no one will know that you are the least bit interested. I know the reverse works for me in that if I can't see what "need" I'm meeting in a person's life, I inevitably end up wondering why they want to keep being around me. So it's possible that there are guys around who think you are amazing, but don't think they are worthy of amazing and so don't even try.

Of course, I'm pretty sure I'm invisible because I'm homebody extraordinaire and that's why none of the guys looking for me can find me.
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That's a little more than two cents
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#26
#26
Lenardzw said:
I agree. I remember having a chat with a friend over a coffee once. He felt invisible (in his early thirties at the time) and I remember pointing out two random people - another patron and a man walking on the street - and telling him that they may be invisible to most people but someone somewhere is crazy about each of these individuals.

Being seemingly invisible should never make us feel less than we actually are, as Christians. As pleasant as it is to be validated by others in some way, we don't need to feed on the validation of others. Knowing that you have worth, no matter how you are wired (and not flaunting it), respectfully engaging all people and trusting that God will guide you through the murky waters of meeting someone, just try to enjoy the company of others in the meantime. Soon enough some guy will catch your eye somewhere. Then he will rush off to the rest room to make sure that his hair is okay before pinching himself to make sure this "dream" is actually happening before summoning the courage (guys get scared too - that bravado "I'm a chick magnet" thing is a myth) to walk across and strike up a conversation.
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Beautifully written. Have you ever considered writing? I think you have a definite talent for it.
 
Lenardzw

Lenardzw

Senior Member
#27
Jul 31, 2015
425
22
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#27
Galatea said:
Beautifully written. Have you ever considered writing? I think you have a definite talent for it.
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Thank you. :)I have been considering it lately. Its on my 2017 "to try list." For now its just a few forums and the occasional blog on this site. Have to remove a couple of irons from the fire first before I try something different.
 
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cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#28
Mar 26, 2014
4,436
2,423
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#28
Lenardzw said:
That's a little more than two cents
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I can be a bit generous. And to totally take a scripture out of context, " Are you envious because I am generous?" (Matt 20:15) :p
 
Lenardzw

Lenardzw

Senior Member
#29
Jul 31, 2015
425
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#29
cinder said:
I can be a bit generous. And to totally take a scripture out of context, " Are you envious because I am generous?" (Matt 20:15) :p
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No. its a good thing. There was more than two cents worth of wisdom in that comment. :)






:( okay okay I'm envious!
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#30
Oct 17, 2016
1,779
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#30
Seriously....I'm strong minded but I'm not a brick wall...I tend to state my mind and agree that it's ok to disagree...not fight and argue. There's nothing wrong with each person in a relationship having their own opinions and belief's. It's the main things you have to jive on for things to be great!
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#31
Oct 17, 2016
1,779
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#31
Seriously....I'm strong minded but I'm not a brick wall...I tend to state my mind and agree that it's ok to disagree...not fight and argue. There's nothing wrong with each person in a relationship having their own opinions and belief's. It's the main things you have to jive on for things to be great!
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#32
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
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#32
Lighthearted said:
When you're a woman in your 40's you're probably set in your ways a lot like a man in his 60's. Maybe I'm alone in thinking that a strong minded, knowledgable, and Godly woman with a good sense of humor would be a great catch...but instead you feel invisible. I'm seriously thinking if you're young and a little ditsy, then you've got it made. Where are the men that really want that equal minded partner? Just wondering.
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Women who are kind of ditzy often come across as more approachable - there is little fear in going up to them and asking them out. Even a "no" response will be met with a lot of gentle flattery and giggles, or maybe a hug and a "that's so sweet, honey, but I'm with someone." even if it is not the truth. So men know that there is little risk in asking out someone like that.

Women like that tend to bore me, though. And yes, strong minded, knowledgeable, and godly women with a good sense of humor are a great catch, but they are hard to get to know. Also, some women who consider themselves strong-minded are really just loud and caustic. This is considered "strong" by our society's standards - but our society is quite warped. I am making no assumptions about you, personally, but self-assessment never hurts anyone who reads this.

As I stated before - these quality women like yourself are hard to get to know, despite the many rewards. They are often engaged in whatever activity they are doing, be it work, or running errands, and are not really demonstrating that they are open to chit-chat with a stranger of the opposite sex. In fact, they are often put off by it. And at church, they are usually accompanied by a gaggle of other women, making it hard to talk one-on-one. So I'll turn your question around: How does a man meet and express interest in a woman like you?

If I were in Ohio or you were in Northern California, I'd have no qualms asking you out for coffee (or better yet, a glass of wine) just to see what happens. A "yes" would be great - a "no" would be okay too. Having survived a divorce that I wanted no part of, I consider that a much bigger rejection than declining the invitation to a date - so I know I can manage.

However, I am also big on friends first before dating. I'm not a big believer in the "friend zone" idea. I think there is a different type of risk than rejection here though: one makes the risk of making things awkward with one's circle of friends - one risks even losing her as a friend if interest isn't mutual. Ah, but what is life without risks?
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#33
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
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Philippines Age 40
#33
How does a man meet and express interest in a woman like you?

Good question. Also good topic for another thread.

I don't know the answer, maybe you just have to be more creative and strong minded women should be more open. For the those women, it would not be pretending something you are not but surely it won't be easy to go against the natural you.

I think Adam Sandler was very creative in the movie 50 first dates. But well, it was just a movie and it's more difficult in real life.
 
IDEAtor

IDEAtor

Senior Member
#34
Aug 15, 2012
827
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#34
I imagine a fair number of male managers could be your type.
If they are climbing the ladder, growing their income or reach;
and if they are dedicated to helping those they manage to achieve better,
then surely one of those are the type for you.

"Lord, help Lighthearted to meet someone who will work well with her in life and witness."
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#35
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
2,609
113
#35
Lighthearted said:
Seriously....I'm strong minded but I'm not a brick wall...I tend to state my mind and agree that it's ok to disagree...not fight and argue. There's nothing wrong with each person in a relationship having their own opinions and belief's. It's the main things you have to jive on for things to be great!
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Ok, so are you saying it's ok to disagree with you right now,
or do you have to specifically say when it's to begin the disagreement,
and then you say "go" or something?

I just don't want to overstep my disagreement boundaries and disagree in some disagreeable way.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#36
#36
Lighthearted said:
Seriously....I'm strong minded but I'm not a brick wall...I tend to state my mind and agree that it's ok to disagree...not fight and argue. There's nothing wrong with each person in a relationship having their own opinions and belief's. It's the main things you have to jive on for things to be great!
Click to expand...
Its could be the way you present yourself. Many men may not have a problem with a woman who believes the way you wrote, but often times women who view themselves that way come off as unapproachable.

I, for one, have gained a reputation on this site as being not just outspoken but harsh. In my own mind I believed myself to be helpful, since that was my intent, but over time I learned that my good words were ruined by my approach. So I have been trying to learn to maintain my directness yet give it in a gentler way. I'm not compromising what I want to say, just making it easier to take in. And it also forces me to put other aspects of myself into practice that I typically don't express outwardly, though I felt them inwardly, such as sympathy.
This may be something to reflect on in regards to yourself. The problem may not be Who you are but how you present yourself.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#37
Mar 13, 2014
42,655
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Tennessee
#37
Lighthearted said:
When you're a woman in your 40's you're probably set in your ways a lot like a man in his 60's. Maybe I'm alone in thinking that a strong minded, knowledgable, and Godly woman with a good sense of humor would be a great catch...but instead you feel invisible. I'm seriously thinking if you're young and a little ditsy, then you've got it made. Where are the men that really want that equal minded partner? Just wondering.
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There's probably quite a few on this site who are worth considering.
 
G

GODisLOVE7

Guest
#38
#38
tourist said:
There's probably quite a few on this site who are worth considering.
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Keep focused on the "invisible"! Lol!

1 Corinthians 4:18

AMP
So we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are unseen; for the things which are visible are temporal [just brief and fleeting], but the things which are invisible are everlasting and imperishable.

NIV
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
 
J

Jannyleigh

Guest
#39
#39
Im just glad to know im not the only one thinking this.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#40
Jun 23, 2011
949
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#40
Lighthearted said:
When you're a woman in your 40's you're probably set in your ways a lot like a man in his 60's. Maybe I'm alone in thinking that a strong minded, knowledgable, and Godly woman with a good sense of humor would be a great catch...but instead you feel invisible. I'm seriously thinking if you're young and a little ditsy, then you've got it made. Where are the men that really want that equal minded partner? Just wondering.
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Sounds like your venting and I guess that's okay.

Men want women that are feminine. I suppose that does mean being a bit delicate and women are naturally more delicate... instead of strong. Women are more delicate in it seems every way. I think it's attractive. I like a touchy feely sensitive-ness of women. I like how emotional they are and how personal they take everything. More often than not it's feminine to be weak. More often than not it's for men to be strong.
 
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