Are we guilty of becoming bitter towards "pretty people?"

[MissCris]

It's hard for me to get it under control. I wasn't raised to put so much stock in a person's appearance, but I learned on my own...

Wanted to clarify this ^: I guess I sort of was raised to care a lot about a person's appearance, what with all the judginess that went on all around me...I just meant, my mom wasn't the type to wear makeup or fancy clothes or fix her hair up, and so I didn't learn those things from her, and wasn't taught that that was the way to be, the way to look good, or anything. And those things were what my brain tries to make me connect with the word "pretty", so that's where that came from. Uh...yeah.

I have a question for those who struggle with this... Do you also find yourself a little bitter when you see someone who has more money than you, or less problems in life, or a better job? I'm wondering if this isn't just a general jealousy/covetousness problem rather than insecurity, and then when I think about that, I also wonder if jealousy stems from insecurity, or if the two are related at all.

I really and truly am not bothered by people having more money, or less problems...nothing like that. For me, I think it's about the attention/acceptance I see attractive people getting from others, which in the past (and once in a great while now), has set off my own insecurities.

It seems really silly, I know. Looks are not that important. But they are. But they aren't! But they can be...but they're not...
My heart knows better, but my head disagrees and it's almost like having somebody whispering in my ear that this girl or that one is prettier, skinnier, whatever else.

I don't know all the reasons I even have this particular insecurity (that grew and mutated into jealousy), though I can guess at a few. I just know that it's one of the things I've struggled with most of my life, and it seems unconnected to any other kind of jealousy (money or a better life, or material possessions).

 

[Ugly]

Guys Lets talk bible, lets discussion how we can improve the situation. Most of people do not like certain things, its fine, respect their feelings and respect how he or she feels. If he/she can post it then lest respect that can discuss on how help each other. Nay lets based all our discussion on bible.

There is a bible discussion forum, you should go there rather than trying to force a discussion about personal feelings into what you think it 'should' be about. There is room in this life to not have to constantly discuss the bible or God 24/7. This conversation is about feelings and understanding what others feel. There is potential for growth and encouragement here, and all from a biblical perspective. Doesn't mean we need someone to come in and Jesus Juke everyone and try to guilt trip them for not discussing the bible.

 

[JustAnotherUser]

I don't have a problem with pretty people. I'll think 'wow, she's pretty' or 'that guy is handsome' (knowing my chances are slim to be noticed anyway). If anything, it's judgments passed on a pperson who is deemed as unattractive that takes more of the negative attention if given any that tends to go ignored, slight bit understandably since people try to be considerate to not degrade a person even though it still suppress a reality nobody wants to face.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Wanted to clarify this ^: I guess I sort of was raised to care a lot about a person's appearance, what with all the judginess that went on all around me...I just meant, my mom wasn't the type to wear makeup or fancy clothes or fix her hair up, and so I didn't learn those things from her, and wasn't taught that that was the way to be, the way to look good, or anything. And those things were what my brain tries to make me connect with the word "pretty", so that's where that came from. Uh...yeah.

I totally understand. I was raised in the same kind of household, but I always sort of rebelled a bit against the idea by wearing weird clothes and mis matched stuff ect. Used to drive some of my family members crazy, like the fact that I was being individualist was embarrassing to THEM. That always bothered me. Once I started caring about looking nice they were happy. But I was still overweight, so I got talked about on that level. And maybe its more of that stubbornness, but being reminded of it all the time never helped...

 

[MissCris]

I totally understand. I was raised in the same kind of household, but I always sort of rebelled a bit against the idea by wearing weird clothes and mis matched stuff ect. Used to drive some of my family members crazy, like the fact that I was being individualist was embarrassing to THEM. That always bothered me. Once I started caring about looking nice they were happy. But I was still overweight, so I got talked about on that level. And maybe its more of that stubbornness, but being reminded of it all the time never helped...

This...yeah, I absolutely understand about that. In my family, being thin was more important than looking immaculate, so I guess that's where my family's emphasis on "looks" and "attractiveness" was focused at. It always bothered my mom that neither me or my sister were these tiny, petite little delicate flowers, I think. So there was a ton of pressure to look a certain way or else family members would point it out and talk about "how heavy" or "how big" we'd gotten behind our backs.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I admire a man who has all the desirable features of a woman.

I think the term is "scads".

you're welcome.

Well! We can add inability to properly use terms of measurement to my list.

I really and truly am not bothered by people having more money, or less problems...nothing like that. For me, I think it's about the attention/acceptance I see attractive people getting from others, which in the past (and once in a great while now), has set off my own insecurities.

Yeah, this I can totally understand. Thinking back... I remember one person in my life who was very popular, laid-back, smart, funny... people flocked to her, loved to hang out with her. Heck, I did too. She was fun. But I remember being annoyed at how much acceptance she got from everyone she met.

I guess deep down, it's about the needs we have. Beauty isn't something I was taught to care about, and I never worried a lot about it. Feeling approved of and accepted... that's a different story.

 

[Roh_Chris]

Yeah, this I can totally understand. Thinking back... I remember one person in my life who was very popular, laid-back, smart, funny... people flocked to her, loved to hang out with her. Heck, I did too. She was fun. But I remember being annoyed at how much acceptance she got from everyone she met.

I guess deep down, it's about the needs we have. Beauty isn't something I was taught to care about, and I never worried a lot about it. Feeling approved of and accepted... that's a different story.

Apologies on the "typo". I meant to say that "I admire a man who has all the desirable features of a man."

You have a point. I think it is easy to accept someone who is prettier/handsomer (is that a word?) than us. But it's not so easy to accept someone who is more popular or well-accepted than us, within the same social circle. Does that come out of our ego?

 

[maxwel]

Apologies on the "typo". I meant to say that "I admire a man who has all the desirable features of a man."

You have a point. I think it is easy to accept someone who is prettier/handsomer (is that a word?) than us. But it's not so easy to accept someone who is more popular or well-accepted than us, within the same social circle. Does that come out of our ego?

Yeah... but it was so much funnier the other way.

: )

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Apologies on the "typo". I meant to say that "I admire a man who has all the desirable features of a man."

You have a point. I think it is easy to accept someone who is prettier/handsomer (is that a word?) than us. But it's not so easy to accept someone who is more popular or well-accepted than us, within the same social circle. Does that come out of our ego?

Yeah I liked the typo better. *snicker*

Ego sounds about right. I started to say "selfishness", but ego kinda stems from selfishness, so they are both correct.

 

[kenthomas27]

This is something I used to struggle with, in the past. I was not a "desirable" boy in school and college. I used to look like a total misfit and I had many behavioural issues as well. The consequence was that nobody wanted to be my friend. Girls passed over me when it came to crushing on boys. There was little I could do to change my situation so I began to be bitter against beauty in general. I did not like handsome boys because I felt threatened by them. I did not like pretty girls because I knew they would not like me.

Over the last few years things have changed. I have worked a lot on my behaviour, my confidence level and my socialising skills. Today I appreciate beauty positively. I admire a man who has all the desirable features of a woman. I admire a beautiful woman. When I see men with a good physique, I only wish I looked like them.

Then take a gander at this!! (get it? gander? heh heh....get it? you know ....gander? ......you know, the bird? gander? HEY...............get it? .....I said gander?...heh heh...gander? like take a look?...gander...bird? take a gander?....Hey!.



It's like I always sthay - if you're gonna be two facethed, one of em' might asth well look pretty.

 

[christian74]

honestly, no.

i've never been jealous of others, for pretty or other reasons. i don't know how common that is, but that is pretty much how i've always been. i find it very hard to understand why anyone would be jealous or bitter towards another since we all have our strengths and liabilities.

Exactly. Neither do I .

 

[Pipp]

Awww you're too sweet LoveNeverFails! I actually feel the same way about you.... Not only are you beautiful but you have a beautiful heart and are mature above your years (and mine) .

*hugggggssss*

 

[TwoTragedies]

This is something I've been struggling with for a long time, actually...making a snap judgment about someone solely based on the fact that they're really attractive.

I've often caught myself thinking ridiculous and unfair things about another woman just because she's really pretty- things like "She's probably an air head" or "I bet she sleeps around". It's really messed up, and I get so disgusted with myself when I think these things.

I've gotten...better. I do my best to catch myself when I start to have a thought like that, try to think something positive about them instead, try to keep the insta-judging from turning into insults.

It's hard for me to get it under control. I wasn't raised to put so much stock in a person's appearance, but I learned on my own that being the "pretty girl" could count for a lot in life. I was constantly being told, as a child, that I was so pretty, that I reminded this or that person of Shirley Temple, that my hair was so beautiful or whatever else...and I realized that how I looked earned me a type of acceptance that I desperately wanted. As I got older, and started to have a wider range of friends, there were plenty of girls in my immediate circle who were much prettier, and in a way that all the boys noticed. They got a lot of the attention I was craving from boys our age, while I was passed over...and I began to resent it. What was wrong with me? Why didn't boys ask me out? Why was I not good enough?

Unfortunately, that resentment only grew. I started to actually avoid my friends who I felt were better than me, and purposely made friends with girls I didn't feel so threatened by- whether they were heavier than me, or dressed poorly, or whatever else I felt made them less attractive. I disliked the popular girls in school because I was sure they were only popular because they were pretty- which meant that, since I was not popular at all and nobody even really noticed I existed, I must therefore not be attractive. Not good enough.

I didn't even realize what a jerk I was being until just a few years ago. The thing that got me to see this prejudice I have was working with a girl who looked like a model. I was forced to be civil to her since I had to train her when she started the job- I hated being in that position because hello, pretty girls are all snobs, right? Well, after a few days, she started to open up to me and we actually became friends after a while. And she's not only pretty, but incredibly smart, a talented artist, and also has a ton of horrific things in her past.

The thing was, I realized she was human. And that changed my attitude a lot.

I do still sometimes get that pang of jealousy or resentment towards attractive women. But I'm working on that, and I'm a lot more accepting of myself than I used to be, which makes a huge difference in how I percieve others.

Hey, good topic

Wow, that's very much my story, too.

This is really my main insecurity and I've been dealing with it since forever. It is really a serious problem for me and it causes me to be horribly depressed for weeks. When I see a beautiful girl, I feel utterly jealous and I want to kill myself. I sometimes wish there was a pill I could take so that I don't feel this kind of insecurity. Only when I think of Jesus and read the Bible that I manage to get out of this dark pit I often fall into.

 

[Roh_Chris]

Yeah I liked the typo better. *snicker*

Ego sounds about right. I started to say "selfishness", but ego kinda stems from selfishness, so they are both correct.

Does ego stem from selfishness or is the other way around? I digress.

Then take a gander at this!! (get it? gander? heh heh....get it? you know ....gander? ......you know, the bird? gander? HEY...............get it? .....I said gander?...heh heh...gander? like take a look?...gander...bird? take a gander?....Hey!.

View attachment 93299

It's like I always sthay - if you're gonna be two facethed, one of em' might asth well look pretty.

That's the prettiest giraffe I've ever seen!

Not to mention, the shortest of them all...

 

[TwoTragedies]

i find it very hard to understand why anyone would be jealous or bitter towards another since we all have our strengths and liabilities.

This I think partly explains why some people including me feel jealous or bitter towards other people who they think are more physically attractive:

I used to be terribly overweight (age 5 until about I was 18) and I was bullied a lot because of this. Every day, someone would call me "pig", "piglet", "ugly". It was horrible. I was overweight not because I eat too much. That was just my normal weight. I was a kid and didn't know much and so there wasn't much that I could do back then. I couldn't go on a diet because my parents will not let me, they will say I have to eat healthy, etc. There wasn't much that I could do about how I looked/ weighed. I used to look at thin, pretty girls and be really jealous because they never experience being called those names my classmates would call me.

You are lucky if you were never bullied because of something you have no control of.

I've been on a diet immediately after I began to live separately from my parents and now I have full control of what I eat, and I don't have to eat every meal with my parents sitting in front of me telling me to eat this much, or eat this food. I lost so much weight and the size of all my clothes now are either small or extra small, but the pain from the bullying is still there, and whenever I see thin, pretty girls, I am reminded of how jealous I felt towards them when I was a child being bullied and made to feel worthless.

 

[MissCris]

honestly, no.

i've never been jealous of others, for pretty or other reasons. i don't know how common that is, but that is pretty much how i've always been. i find it very hard to understand why anyone would be jealous or bitter towards another since we all have our strengths and liabilities.

Jealousy and bitterness are some people's "liabilities", so if you accept that we've all got them, then it shouldn't be so hard to understand that some people have past experiences and maybe even biology that has lead to them being weak(er) in the areas of jealousy, bitterness, or self-esteem (which is a huge factor in this particular topic I think)

 

[Ugly]

Every day, someone would call me "pig", "piglet", "ugly". .

Sometimes people call me ugly, too. So i can relate. I can't figure out why, though.


=o

 

[Rachel20]

Sometimes people call me ugly, too. So i can relate. I can't figure out why, though.

=o

"When someone calls me ugly, I go up to them, smile tenderly and hug them because I know life ain't easy when you have a seeing disability."



--Mario Balotelli

 

[1joseph]

This I think partly explains why some people including me feel jealous or bitter towards other people who they think are more physically attractive:

I used to be terribly overweight (age 5 until about I was 18) and I was bullied a lot because of this. Every day, someone would call me "pig", "piglet", "ugly". It was horrible. I was overweight not because I eat too much. That was just my normal weight. I was a kid and didn't know much and so there wasn't much that I could do back then. I couldn't go on a diet because my parents will not let me, they will say I have to eat healthy, etc. There wasn't much that I could do about how I looked/ weighed. I used to look at thin, pretty girls and be really jealous because they never experience being called those names my classmates would call me.

You are lucky if you were never bullied because of something you have no control of.

I've been on a diet immediately after I began to live separately from my parents and now I have full control of what I eat, and I don't have to eat every meal with my parents sitting in front of me telling me to eat this much, or eat this food. I lost so much weight and the size of all my clothes now are either small or extra small, but the pain from the bullying is still there, and whenever I see thin, pretty girls, I am reminded of how jealous I felt towards them when I was a child being bullied and made to feel worthless.

Stay healthy, whatever that is for you.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I was guilty of it today. There was a girl talkin on cam who was GORGEOUS. And I got no attention from a gentleman I was talking to on pm. I automatically assumed it was because "oh the pretty girl is talking of COURSE." Bad me, BAD.