As An "Older" Single, What Advice Would You Give to Younger Singles?

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,209
3,406
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

Many of us here have been single for a long time, and have learned a lot about coping with singlenss along the way. For those of you who have had a bit of experience with being single, what do you find yourself wanting to tell younger singles that you meet?

I know that "younger" is a very relative term--to a 25-year-old, someone who is 18 is a younger single. To someone who is 50, you might be giving advice to someone in their 40's. I also know several older single people in their 70's and beyond who could call just about any of us "younger singles."

I have to be honest--when I see people 30 and under posting about how they are single and hate it, I usually don't make a reply--not because I don't care, but because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing.

One of the things I told God as I was trying to find my way through several years of singleness was, "Please don't get me through all of this just to turn around and tell other single people all the same baloney that other people have told me for all these years."

What I mean is... Most especially when you're "young", people always seem to tell you that God is preparing the perfect person for you, or that God has the perfect person for you, or that God is going bring the perfect person to you when the time is right.

Now, that very well may be true. But it also may very well be just a happy Christian cookie cutter answer that has absolutely no grounds in reality, and I was given plenty of those in my 20's that I clung to for many years, only to find their words fruitless and empty. I don't want to leave other singles with the same bitterness I still have over hollow words.

As I've gotten older, I find myself in this place of wanting to hug other young singles and try to tell them something hopeful, but I know that at the same time, I am probably a young single person's worst nightmare--a woman who is still very single, and headed into middle age with no immediate hope of changing her single status.

Instead, I ask them about who they are, what they feel called to, and what their interests are. My goal is to try to shift their focus onto ways they can bring about more positive interactions along the way, whether or not they meet someone.

However, I realize there is always room for improvement, and so I'd really like to hear thoughts from other singles.

What do you find yourself saying, or wanting to say, to younger singles or those who have less experience with being single?
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,916
1,966
113
#2
It's much more miserable to be in a bad relationship than to be single.

Don't let your heart run away with your head, that usually leads to heartache

Pay attention to how your dates treat waiters and family, this is how they will end up treating you

There's nothing wrong with being single

If God could make you as unique as you are, then God could also have made someone who will match that uniqueness

Just because you aren't married does not mean that you are not loved.

Don't wait for someone else to come along to start living the life you want to live

Ice cream is the enemy, and an ever present comfort in times of stress and discouragement
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
5,826
2,385
113
#3
As one who hasn't been single in a few years but spent most of my adult life in the single category the best advice I could ever give is to take your time in any relationship.

I spent a lot of my 20's and 30's absolutely miserable because I would dive into relationships blindly. My self worth came from having that significant other but at the same time my self worth eroded a little bit at a time because of the dysfunctional relationships I would plunge into.

Make sure you are mentally and emotionally healthy before you get involved because you are more likely to make HUGE mistakes otherwise.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,941
4,762
113
#4
Almost everything your peers think is important, probably isn't important. One of your first priorities should be to find what is important to YOU, not to everybody around you. As soon as you determine what is important to you, you should make following the important things a big priority.

Figuring out WHY things are important to you is every bit as important as determining WHAT is important to you. When you figure out why, the things that are important to you might change.

If you feel like you have to get married soon, you should stop and figure out why you feel that way. That feeling almost always comes from a problem that needs to be fixed in your life, and I can guarantee the fix will not be finding somebody to marry.

Don't let your life go by just because you're waiting for something you might or might not find. Live your life so if you find a spouse, you will have a life to share with that person. If you put your life on hold until you find a spouse, you won't have much of a life to share.
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#5
Dont let the pressure to get married in your 20s get to you..date someone at least 2 yrs..and try and be financially stable..
 
May 12, 2016
443
365
63
#6
I would have to say take your time. Know who you are and what you are looking for. Enjoy your life, when we are young we think we know it all. WE don't!! If you choose to get in a relationship, make sure ya'll are equally yoked or much trouble can arise. Make sure you are healthy enough for one, and that you know what love is. Pay close attention to the person you are involved with. Words are a dime a dozen, watch their actions. Watch for alarms and red flags going off. If they are pay attention to why!!!!

I guess my biggest words of wisdom would be, strengthen your walk with the Lord. Know who you are as his child. Going off the bible what a relationship should look like, will give you a big head start on the rest of the world. Most of us don't learn this lesson till later in life after heartache. Get to know your own heart!!
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,460
6,580
113
#7
Enjoy your single life while you can!
 

ToastAndTea

Well-known member
Jul 31, 2018
301
382
63
#8
Focus on improving yourself. Allow God to work in you to make you or prepare you to be the best person you can so that you can sow into someone else's life when that person arrives (or God chooses to bring that person to you).
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,624
3,022
113
#12
If you are a woman,, if you can,, seek to be married by your 27th year..

If you are a man.. watch out and be wary.. Your choice of a woman to be your wife is critical to your long term happiness.. Try to find a more traditional Christian woman who will stand by you through good and bad times, because in western nations, that have No Fault divorce laws and legal systems that are totally biased against men you can quickly find yourself without a wife and with a court enforced order barring you from contact with your kids and your home gone and your salary reduced to poverty levels because your money is automatically being taken for alimony and child support..

Marriage has become a minefield for young western men.. So beware..
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#13
Dont let the pressure to get married in your 20s get to you..date someone at least 2 yrs..and try and be financially stable
If you are a woman,, if you can,, seek to be married by your 27th year..

If you are a man.. watch out and be wary.. Your choice of a woman to be your wife is critical to your long term happiness.. Try to find a more traditional Christian woman who will stand by you through good and bad times, because in western nations, that have No Fault divorce laws and legal systems that are totally biased against men you can quickly find yourself without a wife and with a court enforced order barring you from contact with your kids and your home gone and your salary reduced to poverty levels because your money is automatically being taken for alimony and child support..

Marriage has become a minefield for young western men.. So beware..
Hmmmmm..interesting..i thought there were more women with kids at risk of provery after divorce especially bevause of how lax child support enforcement has become? Not judging..just interesting..btw..i thought the courts were changing that more MEN were at least getting joint or full custody of the kids?
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#14
If you are a woman,, if you can,, seek to be married by your 27th year..

If you are a man.. watch out and be wary.. Your choice of a woman to be your wife is critical to your long term happiness.. Try to find a more traditional Christian woman who will stand by you through good and bad times, because in western nations, that have No Fault divorce laws and legal systems that are totally biased against men you can quickly find yourself without a wife and with a court enforced order barring you from contact with your kids and your home gone and your salary reduced to poverty levels because your money is automatically being taken for alimony and child support..

Marriage has become a minefield for young western men.. So beware..
Hmmmm...i thought more women and children were more at risk of poverty with such lax child support enforcement. And that more MEN are getting at least joint custody of the kids and sometimes full..no judgement just curious.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,460
6,580
113
#15
If you are a woman,, if you can,, seek to be married by your 27th year..

If you are a man.. watch out and be wary.. Your choice of a woman to be your wife is critical to your long term happiness.. Try to find a more traditional Christian woman who will stand by you through good and bad times, because in western nations, that have No Fault divorce laws and legal systems that are totally biased against men you can quickly find yourself without a wife and with a court enforced order barring you from contact with your kids and your home gone and your salary reduced to poverty levels because your money is automatically being taken for alimony and child support..

Marriage has become a minefield for young western men.. So beware..
Why 27th year?

Have you not heard of the 27 Club?
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,624
3,022
113
#16
Dont let the pressure to get married in your 20s get to you..date someone at least 2 yrs..and try and be financially stable


Hmmmmm..interesting..i thought there were more women with kids at risk of provery after divorce especially bevause of how lax child support enforcement has become? Not judging..just interesting..btw..i thought the courts were changing that more MEN were at least getting joint or full custody of the kids?
This would depend on what particular jurisdiction the divorce happens in.. In a lot of places failure to pay child support and alimony will see the man convicted and thrown in prison.. It is in the authorities interest to make someone pay for the financial support of a divorced woman and her Children.. If the former husband does not pay then the state has to step in with social security payments to support the woman and the children.. Therefore it is in the states interests to make an example of men who fail to pay..
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#17
This would depend on what particular jurisdiction the divorce happens in.. In a lot of places failure to pay child support and alimony will see the man convicted and thrown in prison.. It is in the authorities interest to make someone pay for the financial support of a divorced woman and her Children.. If the former husband does not pay then the state has to step in with social security payments to support the woman and the children.. Therefore it is in the states interests to make an example of men who fail to pay..
My ex skipped arpund so much to bypass all the legal red tape it took for enforcing thinhs in another state..he knew how to play the system..get paid cash so government doesnt know what youre gettimg and dont claim all etc...a lot of men know that stuff and sadly..its the kids that pay..DEARLY..
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,624
3,022
113
#18
Why 27th year?

Have you not heard of the 27 Club?
Because the attractiveness of a woman to men starts to rapidly decrease after the age of 27 ( taking about averages here there are always exceptional woman )

Men are attracted to Fertility.. This is the No 1 concern for men because most men get married to become dads, to have a family..
Under Fertility you can add all the other attributes like personality and intelligence.. But firtility is king when it comes to men.. Woman know this at a deeper level.. That's why woman always try to look younger and will invest a lot of time and effort in trying to make themselves look younger..

Now a woman can still attract a man at 37 or 47 but the quality of the man she will attract will be nothing near the level of man she could have attracted at 27.. So if a woman is an average woman and wants the best chance to attract the best man she can attract she should want to have a guy committed and have a ring on her finger when she is 27..
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,624
3,022
113
#19
Have you not heard of the 27 Club?
Oh yes i have heard of the 27 club.. That's the age when a lot of famous musicians have died.. I have heard a few conspiracy theories about it, but yeah i know about the 27 club..
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#20
Because the attractiveness of a woman to men starts to rapidly decrease after the age of 27 ( taking about averages here there are always exceptional woman )

Men are attracted to Fertility.. This is the No 1 concern for men because most men get married to become dads, to have a family..
Under Fertility you can add all the other attributes like personality and intelligence.. But firtility is king when it comes to men.. Woman know this at a deeper level.. That's why woman always try to look younger and will invest a lot of time and effort in trying to make themselves look younger..

Now a woman can still attract a man at 37 or 47 but the quality of the man she will attract will be nothing near the level of man she could have attracted at 27.. So if a woman is an average woman and wants the best chance to attract the best man she can attract she should want to have a guy committed and have a ring on her finger when she is 27..
Lol..most men i knew were thinking NOTHING bout family..just wanted sex..lol