Can Men and Women Be Platonic Friends?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Apr 15, 2022
337
101
28
USA
#21
This video by Allen Parr is incredibly insightful, especially in regard to married couples considering this topic.

This guy really takes what could be said in under 60 seconds and stretched it into 6 minutes-- not that he did it on purpose, but what he said has a higher potential of confusing people than actually setting them on solid ground.

We all can sense the vibes of others, not that we always like to acknowledge what we sense, especially if the person is someone we're supposed to trust. If your girlfriend, fiancee, or wife has a sexual or sensual vibe with a male friend-- or a boyfriend, fiance, or husband has those vibes with a female friend-- that's bad news and is an affair waiting to happen.

We all can sense these vibes. Children can sense these vibes. If grandpa is dangling his six-year-old granddaughter on his lap and his thoughts turn sexual, his granddaughter will sense the change in his vibe or in the emotional temperature of the room and will know, "This is uncomfortable. This isn't good." As adults, some people are in denial and choose to not acknowledge the innate sense that we all have when a relationship or interaction is wrong or 'off'.

Some people don't want to seem jealous, paranoid, etc., so they might shrug off red flags that their significant other is starting to become emotionally attracted/attached to someone besides them. Other people are too busy and preoccupied to see the signs. Many husbands whose wives have cheated on them will often initially say that they didn't see any signs, but when they go back and look or as they tell the story, then they begin to see signs. The fact is they saw those signs at the very times they happened; but they didn't want to believe that their wives were capable of cheating on them.

I think it's simple (like, the type of simple that a lot of people would like to deny): the vibe a man has with his mom, the vibe he has with his sister, the vibe he has with his woman, and the vibe he has with his daughter are all different vibes. There is only vibe out of those four that if he has with another woman is bad news: the vibe he has with his woman. A married (or taken) man's vibe with women who are not his woman should be close to the same vibe he has with his sister. The vibe he has with his woman is a sensual/sexual one. If he has that with any other woman, he's already being unfaithful emotionally. The same applies to women and the vibe they have for their dads, their brothers, their men, and their sons. The vibe they have for other men should be closest to the vibe they have for their brother and shouldn't resemble the vibe they have with their man.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,525
5,456
113
#22
I think that there's A LOT of truth in what you just said...unfortunately.

In other words, that doesn't bode too well for us men.

:cry:
I honestly feel very sad for men in a lot of social situations.

I was glad my Grandpa shared what he did, because it's something I'll never forget and it definitely made me think about "The Friend Zone" issues from a difference perspective.

I know I can't cure any man's loneliness.

But hopefully I can be a little more understanding of what it might be like for him.
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,383
640
113
#23
Learn from Baloo. Just look for the Bear Necessities.

Or learn from Bagheera and just take a nap in a tree. =^.^=
I wish that I could.

Unfortunately, all of this talk about love is merely a reflection of that which is truly abundantly in my heart.

I don't know about anybody else, but my heart doesn't have an "off" switch.

Sticking with the animal analogies, I guess that I just have to "grin and BEAR it".

God help me.
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,383
640
113
#24
I honestly feel very sad for men in a lot of social situations.

I was glad my Grandpa shared what he did, because it's something I'll never forget and it definitely made me think about "The Friend Zone" issues from a difference perspective.

I know I can't cure any man's loneliness.

But hopefully I can be a little more understanding of what it might be like for him.
Most of the time, I honestly don't feel alone.

As I've said before, it truly is a rare occasion when I'm attracted to a woman.

Unfortunately, whenever that does happen, it kind of takes the lid off of all these emotions that I normally bury, and then I have to suffer for a while (like now).

Regarding the dreaded "Friend Zone", I honestly don't dread that. If nothing else, it's potentially a start. I mean, every real relationship needs to have genuine friendship as part of its foundation, so at least there's a chance that things might mutually grow from that point onward. If not, then fine.

As the old expression goes, "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"...or is it?

:unsure:
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,235
2,529
113
#25
Guys bond by building things and fighting common enemies.

Women bond by sharing emotional moments.

Anybody see the issues?

Team sports for men helps...so do construction jobs. But there are other things to build....like missions and programs and....

Just saying....
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,383
640
113
#26
Guys bond by building things and fighting common enemies.

Women bond by sharing emotional moments.

Anybody see the issues?

Team sports for men helps...so do construction jobs. But there are other things to build....like missions and programs and....

Just saying....
I'll make a deal with you...

You can have all of the guys who might want to "bond with me" (I hope that doesn't entail me bending over...lol) in exchange for an emotional woman or two (one at a time, please...lol).

Deal?
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
899
320
63
Bahrain
#27
hmm good question. i guess if she ugly will have to platonic... and if she thinks i ugly she wont even want platonic lol
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,235
2,529
113
#28
I'll make a deal with you...

You can have all of the guys who might want to "bond with me" (I hope that doesn't entail me bending over...lol) in exchange for an emotional woman or two (one at a time, please...lol).

Deal?
ROFL....
We aren't talking about guys who sit down to urinate or wear their boxers inside out because the seams chafe.

Just normal guys who like some of the Discovery Channel shows...
Or sports
Or Bible Studies.
Guys who like camping and fishing and barbecue. We have a group of guys who are involved in Bible study on a regular basis and we like to tease the guy who used to be a logger about driving the small penis truck. (Dually with all the bells and whistles) .

He is anything but effeminate. Neither am I and I'm the baker/chef.

It's just fun to hang out with the guys. We don't have testosterone contests. We are Christian men who understand that God gave each of us unique gifts all our own. Mine aren't the same as yours...the need to compete about who is the most manly isn't there. It's just guys who all have the same Daddy.

That's it....very different than a secular group. All into banging some dame or something else just as idiotic. Drinking vast quantities of alcoholic beverages is not a positive nor is porn.
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,383
640
113
#29
ROFL....
We aren't talking about guys who sit down to urinate or wear their boxers inside out because the seams chafe.

Just normal guys who like some of the Discovery Channel shows...
Or sports
Or Bible Studies.
Guys who like camping and fishing and barbecue. We have a group of guys who are involved in Bible study on a regular basis and we like to tease the guy who used to be a logger about driving the small penis truck. (Dually with all the bells and whistles) .

He is anything but effeminate. Neither am I and I'm the baker/chef.

It's just fun to hang out with the guys. We don't have testosterone contests. We are Christian men who understand that God gave each of us unique gifts all our own. Mine aren't the same as yours...the need to compete about who is the most manly isn't there. It's just guys who all have the same Daddy.

That's it....very different than a secular group. All into banging some dame or something else just as idiotic. Drinking vast quantities of alcoholic beverages is not a positive nor is porn.
Hey, what's wrong with guys who sit down to urinate?!?

lol.

I knew what you were talking about, but I still have absolutely no desire whatsoever to hang out with men.

Seriously, if my only two options in life were to hang out with a bunch of guys or to get run over by the world's largest wheat threshing machine, then I'd be running out into the fields right about now while screaming "GOOD-BYE, CRUEL WORLD!".

I'm just being honest...lol.

If you ever see me hanging out with a bunch of guys, then, seriously...

Just grab the biggest blunderbuss that you can find and blow my head off.

:)
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
10,298
4,345
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#30

Hazelelponi

Well-known member
Jul 8, 2019
609
397
63
USA
#31
No, I don't believe women and men can have actual platonic freindships..

Simple. Freindships are fairly intimate, and too much intimacy between those of the opposite sex will lead to temptation eventually.

I have brothers I consider brothers online - but there's an arms length I keep them. In person? That length is longer than an arm because I'm a married woman who respects and loves her husband.
 

RodB651

Well-known member
Feb 11, 2021
739
455
63
59
#32
I do often wonder if platonic, opposite-gender friendships are tougher on men than they are on women -- and I'm not at all trying to be sexist in any way.

When my Grandma died, I went to visit my Grandpa regularly because as one can imagine, he was having a very tough time coping after having a constant female presence for over 64 years (they were married for 64 but had known each other their whole lives.) It wasn't long before he found another female companion.

He told me that men don't really have friends (at least in his experience and generation,) and so the loneliness, emptiness, and need for human interaction they feel in their lives is always seen as being needed to be filled by a woman.

This made a lot of sense to me because men are, unfortunately, socialized to be strong, silent leaders who aren't really close to anyone except supposedly their wives, if they wind up finding one. I've often felt sorry for men because society, and even the church, seems to discourage and even punish men for trying to build sincere friendships or relationships with other people.

Women are raised to be more social, so many have close friends or at least acquaintances, whether male of female, to fill this void, while men often seem to have no one. Women often have someone to go hang out or talk with, so I think many women might feel less of a desire to settle into a relationship or dating situation -- henceforth why so many guys see women as constant "friend-zoners."

I think women just have more outlets to satisfy a need for social interaction, whereas, men have fewer and therefore, will place most, if not all their bets on a woman (leading to men wanting to attach to women in a romantic way much sooner or more often than women attaching to men in the same way.)

I could be wrong, and I'm sure everyone's experience is different, but I'm finding this to be true in my own life. Back when I was younger, I was more desperate to find someone because I thought I couldn't be alone. But time has taught me that I CAN be alone (and in some ways, even thrive,) so these days I seem to have so much going on that it keeps me from getting too attached, too soon (for the most part, at least.)
I think your Grandpa was right. There are guys I grew up with, the guys I work with, and even guys at church that I just don't feel like socializing with now. It would have been easier in my younger days, but as I've gotten older, minding my business has become a bigger deal to me.
 

RodB651

Well-known member
Feb 11, 2021
739
455
63
59
#33
But as to the question, Can men and women be platonic friends?.. my answer is yes, but depending on their age and maturity, it will be tougher for guys to do this.
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,383
640
113
#34
But as to the question, Can men and women be platonic friends?.. my answer is yes, but depending on their age and maturity, it will be tougher for guys to do this.
It seems to be the majority opinion that it's tougher for men, and I think this is true as well.

Whatever the reason (s) for this may be, it's not always fun being a man...especially a loving Christian man.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,418
9,403
113
#36
Yeah, if you've ever met my dad you know it's possible. He can talk to anyone and be best friends in an hour.

Me, I seem to have not been given the gift of loquacity. Or maybe I just never did learn how.
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,383
640
113
#37
Well, it's past my bedtime (another very early day of work tomorrow), and I'll end for the night with this...

A quick shout out to my platonic, married female friend on this website (who I won't name).

In case you read this, I appreciate and respect you, and you keep my hope alive that there are still decent, kind, and loving Christian women out there.

You're a blessing from above.

Good night, my friend.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#38
Most men say men and women can't be platonic friends. And most women say men and women can be platonic friends. How is each party defining 'friend', and why do they disagree?
I have platonic female friends, so I can say, definitively, yes.
 
Apr 15, 2022
337
101
28
USA
#40
Women, generally speaking, can't give you the straight answer you are looking for....it's not for a lack of willingness but due to inability.

It takes a while to figure out what a woman is really about. Almost two years.
Up to you to figure out if the puzzle is worth solving or not.
Two years? Wow. That's not the way it's meant to be.