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N
I think there are standards and then there are "stipulations". Standards are what we live our own lives with and also what we expect from each other. Things we hold ourselves and others up TO. "Stipulations" are things we hold each other up against. Then there are "preferences". *sigh* All I know is, is that if we hold ourselves accountable for our own actions, accept others for who they are and allow ourselves to grow and change as we become familair with reasons/changes that made others who and how they are, we should be able to get along. Standards are good....stipulations set people up---those who make them, and those the people who make them come in contact with---for a hard time of it.
MahogonySnail, while I find your list of reasons a person may not want to marry a virgin to be true reasons for a standard, I have to agree with Kay_Kay and say shame on you for calling Dread_Zepplin's comments on this, "stupid". We each have our opinions, and even when we don't agree with each other, we can be civil.
o.k. now I have to ask this......
Having been married for over 24 years, maybe I am just not "in touch" with the dating world anymore (thank God!!! hahaa) but....what do you guys/gals DO?? Ask each other if your virgins on the first date????? What I guess I am getting at is, is how do you write a person off from your even considering ever dating/marrying them based on this imformation, when you haven't even dated them yet?? And how do you know that once your dating, falling in love etc. that you couldn't ever "forgive" a past mistake such as drugs, sexual experience, etc......until you are in this situation?? Just food for thought....
MahogonySnail, while I find your list of reasons a person may not want to marry a virgin to be true reasons for a standard, I have to agree with Kay_Kay and say shame on you for calling Dread_Zepplin's comments on this, "stupid". We each have our opinions, and even when we don't agree with each other, we can be civil.
o.k. now I have to ask this......
Having been married for over 24 years, maybe I am just not "in touch" with the dating world anymore (thank God!!! hahaa) but....what do you guys/gals DO?? Ask each other if your virgins on the first date????? What I guess I am getting at is, is how do you write a person off from your even considering ever dating/marrying them based on this imformation, when you haven't even dated them yet?? And how do you know that once your dating, falling in love etc. that you couldn't ever "forgive" a past mistake such as drugs, sexual experience, etc......until you are in this situation?? Just food for thought....
V
Yes, I agree about Snail's "stupid" comment, it was kinda uncalled for =/
As for your question, you don't just jump in dating a person. It's not like smoe list of questions you ask them. It works something like this for me (this is all hypothetical since I'm not out on my own dating yet lol)-
#1- See them, if they look good and don't already show significant turn-offs (like smoking or cussing), I somehow get to meet them
#2- If they start to seem interested in me back, I get to know them
#3- Through hanging out as friends for a while, a lot of things become apparent- Habits, personality, even a lot of things from their past
#4- If it all checks, date them. When it DOES get more personal and they start telling you things about your past you may not know, they realize they're taking the risk by telling you, but would rather tell you than have you never know.
#5- This is when it comes down to my discretion, which in reality probably isn't quite as strict as I make it seem here online =P If it's something that I HONESTLY can't handle though, I'd end it before it got even deeper =(
As for your question, you don't just jump in dating a person. It's not like smoe list of questions you ask them. It works something like this for me (this is all hypothetical since I'm not out on my own dating yet lol)-
#1- See them, if they look good and don't already show significant turn-offs (like smoking or cussing), I somehow get to meet them
#2- If they start to seem interested in me back, I get to know them
#3- Through hanging out as friends for a while, a lot of things become apparent- Habits, personality, even a lot of things from their past
#4- If it all checks, date them. When it DOES get more personal and they start telling you things about your past you may not know, they realize they're taking the risk by telling you, but would rather tell you than have you never know.
#5- This is when it comes down to my discretion, which in reality probably isn't quite as strict as I make it seem here online =P If it's something that I HONESTLY can't handle though, I'd end it before it got even deeper =(
I think we all have our viewpoints and we should be careful of condemning others for their approaches and stances. This thread seems to get out of hand with the attitude. We are to love one another. Love covers a multitude of Sins. I think some people may feel rejected because someone had the standard/preference/whatever you want to call it. I would move on and stop trying to change someone else to fit into your persception of what is right and wrong. We each have our choices and consequences for what has happened to us, We can live like we are still in bondage or live set free in Christ. I used to think some people were wrong for never marrying. But they feel led to be single, not to marry, not to have sex. Are they wrong for doing that? no that is their preference. After reading what Paul talked about, in 1 Corinthians 7 concerning singleness and marriage, perhaps God has them set aside for a different purpose. Then again paul emphasises that it is his perspective and not a command of the Lord. He also said it is better to be married than to burn with passion. I hope I am not derailing the original intent of the conversation. But I think the original thought was that people who set a preference are wrong. If Love is not in it then it is wrong. If their desire is to seek a mate that they see as pure physically, not necessarily spiritually, then that is where they are. Some can see past that and forgive and accept someone, love them.
There needs to be a balance between legalism and lawlessness... and that is Love. Think about that as you go and remember that Love never fails. If you personally feel it is ok to marry someone who is not a virgin then do so, if you personally feel that it is not ok to marry someone who is not a virgin then do not marry that person, you may not find someone, then again you may find what you seek. Seek first the Kingdom of God and His rightousness, and these things shall be added unto you.
There needs to be a balance between legalism and lawlessness... and that is Love. Think about that as you go and remember that Love never fails. If you personally feel it is ok to marry someone who is not a virgin then do so, if you personally feel that it is not ok to marry someone who is not a virgin then do not marry that person, you may not find someone, then again you may find what you seek. Seek first the Kingdom of God and His rightousness, and these things shall be added unto you.
V
^^Just pointing out, I don't think anyone here thinks it's WRONG for a virgin to marry a nonvirgin. There are jut a lot of virgins who would be hesitant or even resistant to marrying a nonvirgin. A personal decision on their part, and not some sort of "Oh no, that is evi;23!#@$!%!%!" condemnation thing.
If anyone thinks that it's WRONG, that's a whole new issue I think. This is about nonvirgins feeling continually rejected because of a past decision they had made. It's unfortunate, but there really isn't much that can be done to change the minds of these people (including me) =S
If anyone thinks that it's WRONG, that's a whole new issue I think. This is about nonvirgins feeling continually rejected because of a past decision they had made. It's unfortunate, but there really isn't much that can be done to change the minds of these people (including me) =S
M
YOU KIDS (yeah you heard me children) PREACHING ABOUT NOT HAVING THIS AND NOT HAVING THAT!!! LISTEN UP!
If God brings along a woman who wasn't everything that is not on your list. And then said "this is your wife" what would you do?
Instead of sitting here judging what you will and wont take in a new creation in Christ, why don't you start preparing your heart for when God wants to bring that perfect someone for you.
thats all - D
If God brings along a woman who wasn't everything that is not on your list. And then said "this is your wife" what would you do?
Instead of sitting here judging what you will and wont take in a new creation in Christ, why don't you start preparing your heart for when God wants to bring that perfect someone for you.
thats all - D
Whoa, I'm a little late to this thread... sorry everyone... but, all I can say is--the CC Singles Forum is definitely NOT going to be the same without a certain user telling us repeatedly that he has to marry a virgin white girl.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course!! It's just that the implication of the posts always seemed to be that anyone who didn't fit that description was somehow a heathen bar maid...
*starts to whistle... even though she can't whistle at all... and slowly walks away*
Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course!! It's just that the implication of the posts always seemed to be that anyone who didn't fit that description was somehow a heathen bar maid...
*starts to whistle... even though she can't whistle at all... and slowly walks away*
One thing to note biblically there are stories of people who had preferences of where they chose to find a mate. Sometimes they did not even have a choice but their family set them up. Take for example Isaac's wife was picked by a preference of someone who drew water for the servant of Abrahaam. Jacob preferred to marry one wife and worked hard to get her and was set up with the sister Leah. There are other persons of the Bible who had preferences and circumstances set up for them. Because someone wants to have preferences they should not be looked down upon, because someone does not have preferences they too should not be looked down upon. I see judgement coming from both sides of this issue. I think both sides need to go before God in prayer and see where their motives and intent are coming from. I sort of want to go back to the whole arranged marriage thing, that is still done in many countries and cultures. Talk about marriage material. Everyone has their own preference or lack of preference, you should not judge someone too harshly for their choice. Move on and find someone who shares your desires (equally yoked people). Otherwise one person will end up dragging the other person around, or one person will be slowing the other person around.
I just found some more cents. thought I'd share.
I just found some more cents. thought I'd share.
J
Glad you found these cents (and sense 
). Thanks for sharing and I completely agree!
My only qualm is this, though. I don't see how "preferring a virgin" can line up with Scripture, or with the Christian faith. Both tell us that we are "new creations," "white as wool," and our sins are "as far as the East is from the West." If someone prefers a virgin, fine, but don't use Christianity to somehow justify it. Our faith is the faith of many chances, of forgiveness and redemption.
). Thanks for sharing and I completely agree!My only qualm is this, though. I don't see how "preferring a virgin" can line up with Scripture, or with the Christian faith. Both tell us that we are "new creations," "white as wool," and our sins are "as far as the East is from the West." If someone prefers a virgin, fine, but don't use Christianity to somehow justify it. Our faith is the faith of many chances, of forgiveness and redemption.
L
Personally, if I end up in a relationship with a man who isn't a virgin, he has to get tested before we get married. Period. Even if he has been tested before, I'd make him get tested again.
Most importantly though, is premarital counseling. While I do believe every couple should get premarital counseling, couples where either one or both were not virgins should definitely get counseling. There the couples could discuss any issues that might arise because of the fornication. That way the couples would not have to deal with any sort of physical, spiritual, or emotional surprises because they would have discussed it before their marriage, and would have already prayed about and fixed the problems.
Of course, the premarital counseling could also reveal that the couple shouldn't get married, and that would be fortunate as well. It would save them from a rough marriage.
Most importantly though, is premarital counseling. While I do believe every couple should get premarital counseling, couples where either one or both were not virgins should definitely get counseling. There the couples could discuss any issues that might arise because of the fornication. That way the couples would not have to deal with any sort of physical, spiritual, or emotional surprises because they would have discussed it before their marriage, and would have already prayed about and fixed the problems.
Of course, the premarital counseling could also reveal that the couple shouldn't get married, and that would be fortunate as well. It would save them from a rough marriage.