Confession Thread.

[seoulsearch]

WW21 and Itore, thank you for being so honest.

I've had several major prayers in my life that were solidly answered with a no. Not to go off on a big tangent, but a few examples were:

1. That my husband would change his mind about the divorce. (NO.)
2. That my beloved Grandma would pull through and be miraculously healed. (NO, she died a week later.)
3. That a medical issue I've struggled with for years would be healed and that a very expensive, newer treatment I paid for myself would be successful. (NO and NO.)
4. That a situation in my workplace would turn around (NO, it just got worse.)
5. That I wouldn't be so alone anymore (this is either a very long WAIT--15 years and running--or, another NO.)

I admit I'll be the first to tell you that God has done some wonderful things in my life and blessed me with an amazing family, But now I pray mostly for other people, countries, and situations (I did this before, too, it's just that now, I pray very little about anything for myself anymore.)

To be honest, I've felt beaten down for years. My biggest prayer regarding my own life now is: "Lord, let your will be done... Because I already know that whatever is your will is what's going to happen anyway. So please, help me learn to live with it."

Yup. It's the prayer of a cynic and would probably be torn apart by most Christians. But it's also the prayer of someone who doesn't know what to expect... except, most likely, the opposite of what she asked.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to look me up.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

..and Thank you as well seoul. The prayer of a cynic. You may see yourself as that,but I certainly don't. I think God would rather have us be honest & open to Him & other's about our pain,or shortcoming's than try to pretend as if they don't exist,or that we don't all deal with disappointment & unanswered prayer.

It's not to revel in it,or act as though God is not true to His word,it is simply admitting that we don't always understand,and while we are strong in Christ,we are weak in ourselves.

I'd be a fool to think for one minute I'd even be sitting here today typing this if it weren't for the Spirit of God in my life & heart. My life has been filled with disappointments & questions of why? since my divorce...but in all that,even without much answered as to why...or solutions to certain problems being resolved...and still this very moment struggling with life,somehow He has held me,made a way..not always my way,or my idea of how thing's should have manifested,but still He's been faithful. Beyond all of that..He blessed me with something I never knew I could have again...and I wasn't even expecting it. I feel that in some way my honesty with Him all those years ago,and even now..being open with other's has helped me grow & allowed Him to bless me in ways I never thought possible.

I'll be praying for you too seoul...not just for God's will in your life...but that He in fact does bless you with those desires you long for. If not...then you will have His peace & joy,and it won't be fake...or cynical..it will be true heart knowledge.

One last rambling....
Sometime's looking back we don't see clearly...but think of all the thing's we've been spared from that we may not even fully understand? I am sort of looking forward to the day I see those thing's fully. I actually thank God sometime's about that now in prayer...thanking Him for the thing's He's spared me from that I don't even know.

 

[rachelsedge]

In regards to the OP, I feel that much of the "feel good/emotions" false teaching comes from a lack of reverence of the holiness of God. Yes, He is our friend, Father, healer, comforter, etc. But He is holy, meaning He is set apart. He is not "one of our buddies". He is not like us. To make Him so is not giving Him the respect and awe that He deserves, though "deserves" seems like such a contrite word for it.

 

[NightRevan]

I think to respond more to recent posters, rather then the confession title, is the hard times when we realise that each of us is called to take up our cross and deny ourselves and follow Him, and He never (or ever will or can) lied to us, it's going to be hard, painful and sometimes truly terrifying. But that is how things are in the Kingdom, that is how it comes in this world through self-sacrificial love, not through arrogant glory, or the violent taking or lording it over others:

Matthew 20:25-28: But Jesus called them to him and said: 'You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whosoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and give His life as a ransom for many.'

This is not just a verse for atonement theory, this is how God's Kingdom comes in the world, in our lives, it's how His Lordship of the world is exercise, not in triumphalism but in self-sacrificial love and humble service through His church. And following Him at these times, as many here show can be so hard and tough, but it's in that moment, just choosing in each moment, step but step, day by day, to put your faith in Him, believing in Him and not the lies that assault and accuse us, tell us we are worthless, that we find our true life. And it's there we begin to be renewed into the full human being we shall be, and finally will be when He appears, as we are all now shadows of our future selves, and then will know as we are known. But for now, the great truth is He doesn't ever ask us to do this alone, or in our own power (I would fail utterly, myself on my own, I'm a coward and a failure) but He enables us to do it by His Spirit, and He is with us in the midst of the storm, holding us up, ready to carry us through, we just need to lean on Him. And He is there for us to cry out to Him, we don't need to hold anything back (they never did in the Psalms, and we don't need to be any less real before our Heavenly Father then ancient Israel was), and just cling to Him, even when we don't understand, just putting our faith in Him, and what He says, knowing that He loves us and will never abandon us, but is always with us and will carry us through, and bring us all into the future He has prepared for us (we can't even imagine yet just what He has prepared ).

And every time we take a step more forward in faith, trusting in His faithfulness and not in despair, or in lies that tells us He doesn't care, or we or worthless etc, He cheers over us, and truly is proud of us a we make or way forward, and works through even the pain to bring us to what we are called to, and through it helps bring the Kingdom to a broken world that needs His restorative love so much.

I think each and every one of you is an excellent person, and never believe any lies of the enemy or anything else that ever tells you different, and to those who have shared your honest stories of hardship and pain, I can see Jesus coming through and in those stories, and can see the Kingdom coming in and through them, even if you find it hard to right now. I hope He brings a revelation of His love for you and your infinite value to Him into your lives, your families lives and all around you, shining forth His restorative love and saving power to you.

Hmm, um, this kinda became more then I intended, ah carry on

 

[ServantStrike]

I didn't make the bed when I left the motel early this morning.

I'm a horrible person. At least there were no bed bugs though. And I get to sleep in my own bed now.

 

[TaylorTG]

@Fenner

Confession number 1: I'm tired of being sick. I want to feel better today.

2: There is an over dramatic person in my family who need to stop making a big deal out of everything.

3: If my Sister begins to try to tell me what she would and wouldn't do with kids again, I might have to bring some stuff up, it's very annoying.

That is all.

If you can't stand your own family, your inner circle, then how can you stand people from outside the inner circle!

Blood is thicker than water! Family is everything! They are 2nd in the 'most important things you can have' list! (right after God)

Don't take your family/sister for granted! Just tolerate them because they are your blood!! The family is the cornerstone of society , so it's vital for the whole family to get along just fine!!!!

Change yourself, lady! You have only 57 years left!!!!!!

 

[kenthomas27]

WW21 and Itore, thank you for being so honest.

I've had several major prayers in my life that were solidly answered with a no. Not to go off on a big tangent, but a few examples were:

1. That my husband would change his mind about the divorce. (NO.)
2. That my beloved Grandma would pull through and be miraculously healed. (NO, she died a week later.)
3. That a medical issue I've struggled with for years would be healed and that a very expensive, newer treatment I paid for myself would be successful. (NO and NO.)
4. That a situation in my workplace would turn around (NO, it just got worse.)
5. That I wouldn't be so alone anymore (this is either a very long WAIT--15 years and running--or, another NO.)

I admit I'll be the first to tell you that God has done some wonderful things in my life and blessed me with an amazing family, But now I pray mostly for other people, countries, and situations (I did this before, too, it's just that now, I pray very little about anything for myself anymore.)

To be honest, I've felt beaten down for years. My biggest prayer regarding my own life now is: "Lord, let your will be done... Because I already know that whatever is your will is what's going to happen anyway. So please, help me learn to live with it."

Yup. It's the prayer of a cynic and would probably be torn apart by most Christians. But it's also the prayer of someone who doesn't know what to expect... except, most likely, the opposite of what she asked.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to look me up.

And would the souls sweetly touched by Seoulsearch feel the same had the marriage lasted? Would you wish the torment of a fading bodily life longer still for your grandmother? What would you have learned had your work not been challenged or how would your heart appreciate the concept of patience without waiting?

Today Liamson said something important (or at least more important than usual) with his realization that the theologic arguments he and others discussed had all been discussed before, probably in much greater depth. What he was crying was that there is nothing new under the sun, vanity vanity, all is vanity.

Would we pray that spring comes after summer or that all diversity of wind blows no more? What would we change that could be better so that all things under the sun are served?

Thus is our omnipotent God Who was and Who is and Who will be forever. And how did he ask us to pray? That His will be done on earth.

You and I have the distint priviledge of providing these bodily vessels for His use. We can expect to witness the supernatural works of God performed in His natural way! So when you and I espect things from our prayers, what do we expect? That our will be done?

 

[rachelsedge]

Confession: Sometimes I wish I could be a guy for a day or so. Not in a cross dressing/transgendered way of wishing... But I want to know what it feels like to have a beard, to know how their thinking is different than mine, to have really short hair... Stuff like that. I think it would be interesting and give me a lot of perspective.

 

[Misty77]

I'm my own worst enemy. Every one of those left brain/right brain tests I have taken put me almost evenly divided. That means that I am always late, and I am always annoyed that I am always late. I create a type-A list, then get distracted before item #2. I abhor herd mentality, but I hate being an outsider. Maybe I was supposed to be twins. =P

 

[seoulsearch]

And would the souls sweetly touched by Seoulsearch feel the same had the marriage lasted? Would you wish the torment of a fading bodily life longer still for your grandmother? What would you have learned had your work not been challenged or how would your heart appreciate the concept of patience without waiting?

You and I have the distint priviledge of providing these bodily vessels for His use. We can expect to witness the supernatural works of God performed in His natural way! So when you and I espect things from our prayers, what do we expect? That our will be done?

I understand and appreciate what you're saying, kenthomas, thank you. It's just that, if we're admitting some true confessions here, this is something that's always bothered me in the Christian circles... In my discouraged mind, it starts to sound like this (about both my own situation and others):

"Praise God that (your spouse died, you had that miscarriage, your child had that brain tumor, your husband is dying of cancer, your teenager is on drugs, your mother abandoned you) because without all that, you could have never become the person you are today!!! Think of all the people you can reach now because of (X, Y, and Z happening in your life.)"

I'm not meaning to sound ungrateful or go against the will of God, but it just doesn't exactly build my confidence for evangelism... Because I start to get REALLY angry when I hear people trying to "convert" others to Christianity by telling them how wonderful their life is now that they're a Christian. I understand it CAN be, but, as you said, the entire message has to be included, which also means denying ourselves and carrying our crosses.

I personally get really upset when I hear about ministries talking about how many people they "got saved". If they did, that's GREAT!!!! Of course I'm in full support of that. But what I always wonder is, have they been prepared enough to withstand the Christian walk in its entirety? (Cross-Carrying 101.) Will they still be an active Christian after 5, 10, or 15 years?

@Fenner

If you can't stand your own family, your inner circle, then how can you stand people from outside the inner circle!

Blood is thicker than water! Family is everything! They are 2nd in the 'most important things you can have' list! (right after God)

Don't take your family/sister for granted! Just tolerate them because they are your blood!! The family is the cornerstone of society , so it's vital for the whole family to get along just fine!!!!

Change yourself, lady! You have only 57 years left!!!!!!

Taylor,

If you're familiar with any of Fenner's posts, you'll realize she's one of the most level-headed, compassionate people here in the forum. Like anyone else, she's going through things and just venting over the everyday stress of life.

There's no reason to judge or sentence her, honest.

As far as family goes, I was adopted as an infant and never met my birth family (blood, as you point out.) To be honest, even if they came to find me, I wouldn't simply tolerate or just unquestioningly accept them because they were my blood. If we got along, great. If not, well, they made it all this time without me, and it would be time for them to move on again.

I know most people wouldn't agree with this, but it's how I see it. To me, family isn't about who donated your chromosomes... It's about the people who actually took care for you. I understand we sometimes do things for family out of obligation. But, and this is just my opinion, family isn't always blood (the people who left you in a box on a street when you were 3 days old.) Family is group of people who came and made you there own when no one else would.

Fenner is every bit a Godly, commited, family person who is gracious enough to share her wisdom and caring here, I assure you. Hang around and read your posts and you'll see for yourself.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

All information will be given on a strictly need to know bases... lol.

 

[rachelsedge]

I'm my own worst enemy. Every one of those left brain/right brain tests I have taken put me almost evenly divided. That means that I am always late, and I am always annoyed that I am always late. I create a type-A list, then get distracted before item #2. I abhor herd mentality, but I hate being an outsider. Maybe I was supposed to be twins. =P

I'm almost dead even as well, and what you just described makes total sense to me because I am the same! I never really realized that could be why! You learn something new every day.

 

[ji]

Read Holy Bible.It's your ticket to Heaven.Do not meditate on other things.Listening to testimonies of other people is not a big deal.Whether you believe it or not,put your trust in the Lord God Jesus first.He will clear all doubts.

Every problem you face has answer when you look up not here on earth.

What is impossible for man is possible with God.
God Bless

 

[ji]

Confession: Sometimes I wish I could be a guy for a day or so. Not in a cross dressing/transgendered way of wishing... But I want to know what it feels like to have a beard, to know how their thinking is different than mine, to have really short hair... Stuff like that. I think it would be interesting and give me a lot of perspective.

We were three bothers.Now two.I believe in faith God called one of us early.
Back in my childhood,i wished i had a sister,or maybe i could have been a girl.I wished why God din't God make me a girl.Later it struck in my dumb head that every time i wish like that i am making God sad.He created me as a man,and in course of time a valiant soldier in Christ.So for me where did that 'being-woman' stuff came from?..
Yes,the devil and that's where the idea for cross dressing/transgendered way comes from.
Please don't think i am accusing you.If you are truly single and have good faith in God,he will give you a man suitable for you.And he will be gentle enough to give you a good perspective or about how men think.
Stay in God.(Please don't take things in a negative way)
God Bless

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I'm glad you started this thread. I have a few confessions i'd like to make.

I listen to the Backstreet boys. (oh shut up, like you don't?!)

I dropped my brothers tooth brush in the toilet once then put it back in the holder (Whatever,It's not like he used it anyway)

My cousins and i used to go knocking on old peoples doors asking for toilet paper (When you gotta go, you gotta go)

My crazy Aunt Bonnie was an un medicated Schizophrenic. She would arrange and number all her Pepsi's. 16 years later i confess i re-arranged and added numbers to all her Pepsi's, and on occasion i would flicker the lights in the house and tell her it wasn't me, it was the Pepsi's. (It could have been!)

One night when my cousin was sleeping, i hit him in the head with the Red power Ranger. (What?!)

I can recite all the words to Disney's Pocahontas (There is no reasonable explanation for this)

 

[rachelsedge]

I confess: At this point in my life, I don't really want a typical wedding. I don't want to spend thousands of dollars on one day. I don't want to feed 100+ people afterwards. I don't want a million pictures. I don't want bridesmaids or frilly things.

Last night, my friends and I watched The Prince of Egypt. When Moses and Zipporah got married, I thought, "That's what I want mine to be like." A simple white dress, married under the stars by the mountains with a big bonfire in the back, some flower petals, married by my dad (he's a pastor, he's allowed to ); just a wonderful get together on a beautiful, warm spring night.

I know, "But you're a girl!", and shouldn't I have been dreaming about the best wedding ever since I was 4, and looking at magazines and picking out dresses, but nope. I'm not even trying to be a "wedding hipster", I just...really don't want the whole shebang. It seems like too much. And it's totally okay for others that do, I'm not putting them down at all, just saying that my confession is that I want it to be as simple as possible.

 

[just_monicat]

I confess: At this point in my life, I don't really want a typical wedding. I don't want to spend thousands of dollars on one day. I don't want to feed 100+ people afterwards. I don't want a million pictures. I don't want bridesmaids or frilly things.

Last night, my friends and I watched The Prince of Egypt. When Moses and Zipporah got married, I thought, "That's what I want mine to be like." A simple white dress, married under the stars by the mountains with a big bonfire in the back, some flower petals, married by my dad (he's a pastor, he's allowed to ); just a wonderful get together on a beautiful, warm spring night.

I know, "But you're a girl!", and shouldn't I have been dreaming about the best wedding ever since I was 4, and looking at magazines and picking out dresses, but nope. I'm not even trying to be a "wedding hipster", I just...really don't want the whole shebang. It seems like too much. And it's totally okay for others that do, I'm not putting them down at all, just saying that my confession is that I want it to be as simple as possible.

ditto. i couldn't agree more.

 

[ServantStrike]

I was stuck in a car for two days with XM radio and a broken CD player (fixed that now by the way... added bluetooth audio to the mix in the process too).

Their Christian metal was a pretty poor selection (read none - kinda sad, their hardest Christian station was well... not even Red hard). I went with my backup favorite - electronic music. Now I like dubstep because they mixed it in with the trance music. Instead of just liking some rare dubstep tracks, I'm a lot less selective.


I have become the man I hate. There is literally no rock bottom I can hit musically now. The only thing left I can't stand is (99 percent of) rap and (95 percent of) pop music.


House is still better though. Vocal trance still dominates all.






As for the people listening to XM, I bet there's somebody who plays that "edgy" Christian station and thinks Chris Tomlin is heavy metal (they played an awful lot of his material it seems).

 

[Misty77]

ditto. i couldn't agree more.

Exactly! My second wedding is going to be a barbecue at my parents' lake house where I'll wear a whitish sundress and flip flops. Then honeymooning at the winery down the road. Simple and fun with awesome people, and good food, and and great wine.

All I need now is the groom. =)

 

[ServantStrike]

I confess: At this point in my life, I don't really want a typical wedding. I don't want to spend thousands of dollars on one day. I don't want to feed 100+ people afterwards. I don't want a million pictures. I don't want bridesmaids or frilly things.

Last night, my friends and I watched The Prince of Egypt. When Moses and Zipporah got married, I thought, "That's what I want mine to be like." A simple white dress, married under the stars by the mountains with a big bonfire in the back, some flower petals, married by my dad (he's a pastor, he's allowed to ); just a wonderful get together on a beautiful, warm spring night.

I know, "But you're a girl!", and shouldn't I have been dreaming about the best wedding ever since I was 4, and looking at magazines and picking out dresses, but nope. I'm not even trying to be a "wedding hipster", I just...really don't want the whole shebang. It seems like too much. And it's totally okay for others that do, I'm not putting them down at all, just saying that my confession is that I want it to be as simple as possible.

You've got to love it when people drop 10 grand and then when the honeymoon is over they go back to living in an apartment - there's nothing wrong with living in an apartment but 10 grand is a down payment on a condo, which can be sold later as a down payment on a house, which is a great place to raise children. A condo is also nice in that you can paint the place and hang picture frames and such without asking anyone's permission. The interest is tax deductable, and you can usually have one for just a bit more than a large apartment if that down payment is taken care of.


I always tell people to have a small wedding and after the kids are out of college, have one of those fancy re marriage ceremonies and go nuts if they want to then.