Date or court?

[Cameron143]

No wonder I'm single!

I can't even get someone go on a grocery run, let alone as the 3rd wheel on a date!

(I have nothing against courting, I've just never been part of a church or Christian circle that's practiced it.)

Courting is largely a thing of the past. But it was designed to be a period where people could get to know one another without placing them in position to act on their passions. It was designed that such an important decision be made based on reality and not emotion.

 

[Pipp]

Seeing as I'm 40 and have never done either..I'm not positive. I grew up in a very strict only courtship style environment, but Most of the couples started right out of highschool. I think it would be wise to make dates (if alone) to be pretty public places .... not dark movie theaters and places like that. Maybe it depends on each person and their determination/commitment to preserving their purity ?

 

[Lynx]

This brings up a great question.

I'm not even sure what courting would look like at this stage in life? My single friends range in age from about 35 - 55, so what does courting look like at say, age 40?

Who would the couple be able to find to go along? Most people are too busy with their own families and wouldn't have time, unless it was a double date or group social night.

I certainly understand that courting might cut down on some temptations that everyone is vulnerable to at any age, but I'm not sure how, let's say, a 40-year-old person would find someone/volunteers who would be willing to act as chaperones?

Well if we're going old fashioned...

When I meet the love of my life, I will give her father one donkey and two pigs for her hand in marriage.

 

[Lynx]

I'm sure it wouldn't be hard.

When on dates it can leed to kiss goodnight. After awhile feelings can arise to lust.
1)we are to flee from lust so we could potentially always be running from each other lol.
🤔Maybe that's why all the women run away lol

2)if it had been a court situation, it would be a lot less likely to leed to any lusts.

Some people are weaker by their flesh then others, so it's harder to resist temptation. Even as christians, I believe we all can struggle at times especially being single. So courting could be a smart choice for some?

Food for thought ☺️

That is one thing I expect to be a problem when I do start dating, or courting, or whatever you call it, the lady I love. I do not intend to kiss her or even put my arm around her until after we are married. Some women will probably find this odd and even a deal breaker.

It's not because I don't feel like I can trust myself. It's because I just don't feel it would be right until we are married. Until then the lady is not mine and I do not have license to do such things.

Now after the marriage, I will hold her until my arm falls off if she will let me. It sounds quite appealing frankly.

 

[Cameron143]

Well if we're going old fashioned...

When I meet the love of my life, I will give her father one donkey and two pigs for her hand in marriage.

An order from Omaha Steaks will work in a pinch.

 

[Lynx]

An order from Omaha Steaks will work in a pinch.

Sorry, I don't have a steak in the matter.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

Here we go
One more time
Everybody's
Feelin' fine
Here we go now

I grew up with 3 sisters......are those song lyrics 😳. The words line up and now I'm wondering.

Were your sisters into 90's boy bands?

Google says:
"Here We Go" is a song recorded by American boy band NSYNC for their self-titled debut album (1997). It was released as the third single from the album on May 5, 1997, by Trans Continental Records and BMG Ariola.

Thanks for the earbug @Lynx
I never was a endstinks uh, I mean NSYNC fan
now I have several of their songs all stuck in my head at once- it's like a bad greatest hits cd infomercial

 

[Cameron143]

That is one thing I expect to be a problem when I do start dating, or courting, or whatever you call it, the lady I love. I do not intend to kiss her or even put my arm around her until after we are married. Some women will probably find this odd and even a deal breaker.

It's not because I don't feel like I can trust myself. It's because I just don't feel it would be right until we are married. Until then the lady is not mine and I do not have license to do such things.

Now after the marriage, I will hold her until my arm falls off if she will let me. It sounds quite appealing frankly.

This is exactly what I taught my kids. It may seem old-fashioned, but saving all one's intimacy for the one you marry is a gift that a spouse will enjoy for a lifetime. It tells them you were loving them before you even met.

Also, having emotions for those other than your spouse before marriage always leads to emotional instability and clutters the marriage with unnecessary emotional baggage.

 

[Lynx]

Were your sisters into 90's boy bands?

Google says:
"Here We Go" is a song recorded by American boy band NSYNC for their self-titled debut album (1997). It was released as the third single from the album on May 5, 1997, by Trans Continental Records and BMG Ariola.

Thanks for the earbug @Lynx
I never was a endstinks uh, I mean NSYNC fan
now I have several of their songs all stuck in my head at once- it's like a bad greatest hits cd infomercial

I was a child at the time and my sister listened to all the popular stuff. Over and over. For hours and hours...

 

[Lanolin]

Hi everyone 🙂

I have a question for you all. So let's say you found someone your interested in. You would like to get to know them, find out who they are and see if they have faith.

You finally muster up the courage to ask them out do you

A) ask them to go out on a date, witch most likely means just the two of you?

Or

B) ask them to court then witch most likely indicates there being a third party with you?
is B like going to the courthouse and getting a judge to decide whether you are compatible?
Like I have said before, there is no one that I'm currently trying to see. Yes I do believe the lord is who chooses who we are to be with if he chooses us to marry. This is just to see where people stand in their opinion. Please don't turn this into an arguing situation. This is just a question of me wondering.

Thank you for your response in advance
God bless❤️

 

[Lanolin]

sorry my reply got lost inside a quote box

Is B like going to a courthouse and getting a judge to decide whether or not you are compatible?

Could work.

 

[Lanolin]

In the public library I used to work in was right next to the district court, but we mostly got criminals going in there not people getting married or courting.

Then they would come to the library.

I think it would be different if there was a ministry that handcuffed two people together and see if they could last an hour or so perhaps.

 

[cinder]

Now after the marriage, I will hold her until my arm falls off if she will let me. It sounds quite appealing frankly.

Only person I can imagine who finds the idea of an arm falling off appealing. Guess that's one way to lend the future Mrs a hand.

Anyway for a more serious answer to the OP

I definitely grew up during the heydey of the courtship and purity movements in American youth groups. And for the most part, I think they had the effect of making some of us too stressed to start dating and others too quick to get married because they really wanted to have sex with each other. So my first bit of advice is avoid the labels and try to be specific about what you're asking for and expect.

Personally, I've mentally adopted what I call the one dinner rule. And that means I'm trying to be open to being willing to agree to go to one dinner with most any guy I already know. I'll drive myself and if it's miserable I've fulfilled my agreement with no further obligations or if it goes well a second dinner or other activity is a possibility. But these are all public activities and I may well reserve the right to meet him there. If things keep going well at some time we'll have to have the okay now that I've gotten to know you a bit, this seems like it could be a good partnership let's go officially exclusive and see if we can work out the details.

As to chaperones, I think there are better ways to avoid temptation. Frankly a guy wanting to bring his buddy on a first date would be a little concerning because you can easily imagine a story where two guys gang up on an unsuspecting girl for nefarious reasons. When things are just getting started it shouldn't be too hard to keep all interactions in a public setting to avoid the temptations of being alone together. After that it's probably a good thing to talk about and plan together about how you want to have a pure relationship (and exactly what that means) and build into the relationship that giving into temptation together not only hurts you but let's down the one you love.

But then again I'm about the least romantic most practical girl you'll ever meet and my dating life is as non-existent as my romantic sensibilities. So it's a sound theory but pretty much untested here.

 

[seoulsearch]

Only person I can imagine who finds the idea of an arm falling off appealing. Guess that's one way to lend the future Mrs a hand.

Anyway for a more serious answer to the OP

I definitely grew up during the heydey of the courtship and purity movements in American youth groups. And for the most part, I think they had the effect of making some of us too stressed to start dating and others too quick to get married because they really wanted to have sex with each other. So my first bit of advice is avoid the labels and try to be specific about what you're asking for and expect.

Personally, I've mentally adopted what I call the one dinner rule. And that means I'm trying to be open to being willing to agree to go to one dinner with most any guy I already know. I'll drive myself and if it's miserable I've fulfilled my agreement with no further obligations or if it goes well a second dinner or other activity is a possibility. But these are all public activities and I may well reserve the right to meet him there. If things keep going well at some time we'll have to have the okay now that I've gotten to know you a bit, this seems like it could be a good partnership let's go officially exclusive and see if we can work out the details.

As to chaperones, I think there are better ways to avoid temptation. Frankly a guy wanting to bring his buddy on a first date would be a little concerning because you can easily imagine a story where two guys gang up on an unsuspecting girl for nefarious reasons. When things are just getting started it shouldn't be too hard to keep all interactions in a public setting to avoid the temptations of being alone together. After that it's probably a good thing to talk about and plan together about how you want to have a pure relationship (and exactly what that means) and build into the relationship that giving into temptation together not only hurts you but let's down the one you love.

But then again I'm about the least romantic most practical girl you'll ever meet and my dating life is as non-existent as my romantic sensibilities. So it's a sound theory but pretty much untested here.

This is such an excellent point.

On the flip side, with the very real danger of false accusations on both sides, I wonder if the courting community has considered this.

If I had a son, I would never want him to go out on a date with a girl and her female friend, or even little sister.

Just imagine all the accusations that could be brought up by two girls against one young man who was innocent.

 

[RodB651]

B) ask them to court then witch most likely indicates there being a third party with you?

Something about a court and a witch... Sorry, my mind ran in another direction.

 

[RodB651]

Gordon Sumner, aka "Sting" always had a way with words...

I resolved to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me long before I reach the phone
Long before my time has tripped me, must I always be alone?

And this one too..

I, I see me with you and all the things you do
Keep turning round and round in my mind
Forget the weather, we should always be together
Any other thought is unkind
To have you with me, I would swim the seven seas
I need you as my guide and my light
My love is a flame that burns in your name
We'll be together, we'll be together tonight (together)

This doesn't stay within the topic but its what crossed my mind as I've read the responses.

 

[TabinRivCA]

Hi everyone 🙂

I have a question for you all. So let's say you found someone your interested in. You would like to get to know them, find out who they are and see if they have faith.

You finally muster up the courage to ask them out do you

A) ask them to go out on a date, witch most likely means just the two of you?

Or

B) ask them to court then witch most likely indicates there being a third party with you?

Like I have said before, there is no one that I'm currently trying to see. Yes I do believe the lord is who chooses who we are to be with if he chooses us to marry. This is just to see where people stand in their opinion. Please don't turn this into an arguing situation. This is just a question of me wondering.

Thank you for your response in advance
God bless❤️

I wouldn't make it complicated, just step out in faith and get on with it. Of course getting to know them through Christian sites first goes without saying. Btw you mentioned you like the goodies your ma made in another Thread well have you noticed there's some ladies around here who specialize in cooking sweets? 🙏👩‍🍳 (ok, what are you waiting for then?😂)

 

[Talljake]

I wouldn't make it complicated, just step out in faith and get on with it. Of course getting to know them through Christian sites first goes without saying. Btw you mentioned you like the goodies your ma made in another Thread well have you noticed there's some ladies around here who specialize in cooking sweets? 🙏👩‍🍳 (ok, what are you waiting for then?😂)

I am a sucker for sweets lol. In one of souls forums, I stated I am shy.....it gets me nowhere lol. I tend to live under a rock. I will be looking fory own home soon, and lord willing if I do get one I pray to receive a wife some day.

 

[TabinRivCA]

I am a sucker for sweets lol. In one of souls forums, I stated I am shy.....it gets me nowhere lol. I tend to live under a rock. I will be looking fory own home soon, and lord willing if I do get one I pray to receive a wife some day.

You're right, thinking of yourself as shy, will only stop you from progress, and it's not a word used in the KJV. Try this on instead, 'be a confident man in the Lord' 👍

 

[tourist]

A) ask them to go out on a date, witch most likely means just the two of you?

Or

B) ask them to court then witch most likely indicates there being a third party with you?

Two's company, three's a crowd.