This is interesting. I've read the entire thread (something I don't do often- I'm a pro at 'skimming' now lol), but I just wanted to throw this out there:
I've been married almost 7 years (will be 7 years this October) and let me tell you - we're still figuring some of that 'sex' stuff out.
I honestly can't remember if we talked about the subject before we got married (my memory is terrible these days), but we talked about anything and everything, so I'm sure it would have come up. Neither of us are subtle people, and nothing phases us, so nothing really seemed a big deal to us anyway.
However, my point is, people seem to think that 'Once we get married we'll just figure it out'... but you know, it's not that easy. My husband had some views on this subject that I never knew about until just recently. He's not a big 'talker' so he figured he'd go the whole 'just try it and see what happens' approach. BIG MISTAKE! I would have appreciated if he had talked to me first. I mean heck, we're married - he should be able to say something like 'Hey baby what would you think about xxx' without feeling awkward. We worked it out, and now we laugh about it. And yes, we still discover stuff about each other in this area all the time- that's half the fun.
But my advice to the guys who think they'll just 'figure it out once we're married' is tread VERY carefully. Even if you think you know your potential spouse well enough, there are some things you may never understand fully about her. That is why God gave us mouths- with which to communicate.
Effective communication = effective relationship...as my husband says Happy wife = Happy life.
The other thing to remember is that each of us has different needs/expectations, as previously mentioned in this thread. Now, I'm not saying this to scare anyone but IT IS a reality we should all consider so here goes. Let's say a couple have different expectations on frequency. For the purpose of this example let's say the guy wants sex way more than the girl- she's happy with say once or twice a week and he wants it every other day. Well okay, therein lies a problem. If this isn't discussed and brought out into the open how will they ever come to a mutal satisfactory arrangement?
I have seen marriages fall apart from this. One of the TOP REASONS men have affairs is because they aren't 'getting enough' so to speak, from their wife. How is that their wife's fault if she isn't aware of his needs. (This is a different story if she simply refuses him- which is unbiblical anyway, and an altogether different topic). I've seen men fall into the trap of pornography to 'make up for' the lack of satisfaction they get in their marriage bed. I KNOW for a fact that their wives would much rather have had an 'awkward conversation' and possibly review her own views on the matter, rather than lose her husband to adultry or pornography.
These are very REAL issues, and for that reason (among others) I think talking about this subject is VERY important. Even AFTER marriage the subject will come up (however, probably from entirely different angles than the conversations that took place pre-marriage).
So anyway, sorry for the rant. My point is couples should talk. Sex shouldn't be a 'taboo' subject. No, it's NOT the be-all and end-all of the relationship, but it is an important factor. Just like communication, finances, riasing children, where to live, it plays it's part in the relationship and shouldn't be overlooked or taken lightly. If it's put properly into perspective, it can actually play a HUGE part in helping mould a healthy relationship. Understanding that things like respect and intimacy go hand in hand is a good place to start too...
***end rant***
