Divine Discontent
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well, i think this is certainly true for many.
i've been dumbstruck by the sheer number of people who seem completely incapable of even pretending to be finding contentment in their current state. who almost seem oblivious to the fact that their anger and discontent, resentment and misery might present larger concerns than the fact they don't have the mate of their dreams.
i can't think of a better description for "discontent" than any group of people who are convinced their life is incomplete, entirely lacking, diminished and even resentful for the "love" or "mate" they have yet to receive so that the life they believe they are entitled to can commence.
while we all need to learn how to "count it all joy..." one thing cc has shown me is just how many christians believe that life only begins after love, regardless of any statements proclaiming otherwise. : )
i've been dumbstruck by the sheer number of people who seem completely incapable of even pretending to be finding contentment in their current state. who almost seem oblivious to the fact that their anger and discontent, resentment and misery might present larger concerns than the fact they don't have the mate of their dreams.
i can't think of a better description for "discontent" than any group of people who are convinced their life is incomplete, entirely lacking, diminished and even resentful for the "love" or "mate" they have yet to receive so that the life they believe they are entitled to can commence.
while we all need to learn how to "count it all joy..." one thing cc has shown me is just how many christians believe that life only begins after love, regardless of any statements proclaiming otherwise. : )
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oh, absolutely! they do exist, and i'm grateful that i've met a number of singles who have been nothing short of role models and godly examples, showing what it can look like.
and i've seen a number of those folks on cc, showing how full and joyful life can be, even while "longing for more".
however, my heart breaks when i read/hear about the men and women who ask us what they're doing wrong because they're 22 and have yet to get married. or even go on a date.
or the folks who are younger than me and tell the world that they've come to believe they're too old for love
or the folks who are resentful of what others have and yet, lonely and yet, continue to do nothing to really change their circumstance.
those who are angry at God that He has denied their dreams, while supposedly giving them to others
or those who seem to resigned to the fact that most women (or men) will treat them _____ and therefore, they should avoid it all, bitter and alone
or, the very unhappily single who i've been "quasi-discipling" with another who said something like "gee, i wish i could just be happy-go-lucky like you, but it doesn't work that way for me".
i'm not picking on anyone. far from it. i just think that part of what frustrates me is that part of being content in our circumstances is accepting that we ALL go through loss, pain, difficulty. we all struggle. we all want, and we all long for what is missing in our lives. what i've come to accept is that much of what has legitimately been withheld from me was probably done so because God was telling me "not now" because He was intending to nurture change, growth, fruit or behavior that was more important than granting my wishes like a genie.
maybe it's because mostly what i hear from the unhappy ones cuts at my core.
reading this stuff frustrates me, but mostly breaks my heart. we were created for a dream and hope greater than this, spending our lives trying to walk according to our calling, not spend all my time trying to jaywalk to the corner of my selfish wants and be a poor sport when God says to me, "hold on, it's time yet." don't believe me? i've spent virtually all of my adulthood hearing from God the words, "not now". i think i'm entitled to speak for the impatient, the disappointed, the ones who thought they were passed over, the ones who feared they'd never meet that one, and the ones who are *this close* to having a conniption and the ones who never wanted to give up on love but occasionally felt foolish for being optimistically inclined.
part of our calling as christians is, at the very least, cooperation and faith in the fact that God doesn't always give us what we want, but belief in the fact that His ways are better than mine.
but most of all, trusting that what i can acquire rebelliously, will never supersede what God can grant righteously, in His time. my dreams and desires don't compare with the dreams and plans God has for us. but we want what we want and we wanted it yesterday. does this entitle us to whine and begrudge others? to be jealous for what i haven't received?
we are impatient people, and we sometimes forget that our charter here on earth isn't to cultivate the lives that we always wanted, and fulfill every item of our bucket list.
you read these threads where people are clearly annoyed that God isn't giving them their whims and what they believe their entitled to:
my desire, my game plan, my 4.2 kids on the 8 year plan which requires that requires me to be knocked up by next tuesday and married to the man who fulfills exactly the requirements that i deserve, or the woman that i deserved, and the family i was told i'd get to raise.
this sort of single-thinking, this folly brings about what i'd call a tiny life, a fraction of what i think we were called to live. it's not abundant life. i'm not sure what it is.
usually when i come across this stuff, be it on the forum, or elsewhere, i just say a prayer for them, sometimes shed a tear, and remember that we are all works of progress.
full of messy, ridiculousness of every kind. : )
i would wager to say that if you stick around long enough you'll see the ebullient, the content, the stoic, the mildly cranky and the crotchety... and all manner in between. : D
i wish it was my nature to ignore all those who aren't positive, but usually i tend to focus on the ones on the fringes. the ones who are alone. the ones whose pain is only thinly covered by some extraordinary attempt conceal it. those are the ones i see and hear the loudest, maybe because i hurt for them. you might say i've always had a heart for the disenfranchised and the forlorn.
oh, and in case nothing makes much sense, i should probably point out i have yet to sleep in a long time. i should probably take a nap or something. : )
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I'm not sure how useful it is to derail a topic with ad hominems.
1. I'm not "stuck" on this idea (pejorative language). I was attempting to clarify based on your previous post.
2. The fact that you've never seen anyone here "teach it," means nothing in terms of its viability.
There's actually a long history within the church of believing that our sufferings are a way to connect us to Jesus and his sufferings.
It's also summed up in Philippians 3:10-11
"that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that if possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead"
While many people want us to focus on knowing Jesus in the power of His resurrection, there is no resurrection without a crucifixion. So we must become like Him in His death. To imply that "becoming like him in his death" is something that happens on a spiritual kind of level and involves no actual suffering on our part would be an interesting, and even appealing idea...but not accurate. (Unless one has an underlying sort of attachment to gnosticism).
Clearly, no one holds the corner on suffering. Being single involves a particular kind of suffering, but so does being married. They are each a crucible wherein God burns out our impurities. I was simply trying to articulate what happens in that crucible of singleness.
If you disagree, why not present another idea or focus on aspects of the idea I actually presented instead of making remarks that have no bearing on the idea itself.
Here's the story I hate the most: Once I was X-way. But ever since blahblahblah happened, I've never ever been X...and I'll never be X again.
Mainly I dislike this story because it's reductionistic and doesn't bear much resemblance to lived human experiences.
Honestly, all these scenarios you presented engender compassion in me...because I've so been there (and continue to visit occasionally).
It's not like being "content" is a one-time decision people make (or unmake, for that matter).
I can be perfectly happy one moment...even glorying in the fact that I'm free to impetuously take a trip, or come and go as I please, or spend as I choose, or leave wet towels on the bathroom floor...and in the next moment I could read a passage from a book, or hear a song, or see a couple walking through a store holding hands and have a pang of longing.
If I came on the boards and wrote about that pang moment (in all likelihood as a bid for connection), I could easily be characterized as "discontent," or "lacking a vision" for the greatness God has planned for me.
But I'm human...and my emotions are variable. Some humans have more variable emotions than others. So I get it. I wanted to marry and have a large family since I was a child. When I was 22 I was unmarried and had never had a date...and it was painful for me. I often expressed a belief that "love had passed me by" when I was younger. I've also been resentful, angry, and resigned at various times.
And yet, I also had the Holy Spirit within me working, working working. God is big enough to handle all my emotions. He's gracious enough to accept me as I am in any given moment. He's faithful enough to keep drawing me toward Him.
So I'm not heartbroken that they're experiencing something negative. I'm heartbroken because it sucks. It sucks to feel lonely and unwanted. It sucks to feel like you work hard to be a decent person and lots of indecent people find mates. It sucks that our idealization of another state causes us to overlook the good parts of the state we're actually in. It sucks when you talk about how sucky it is and people imply that you're not holy, spiritual, wise, wonderful, or good enough...just work harder and all the negativity will go away.
Because it doesn't. It's a continual, disciplined decision to embrace what God has for us now. And sometimes we do well at it (and people never notice). Other times we bite the dust (and they all show up to watch). Which sucks!
Here's the story I hate the most: Once I was X-way. But ever since blahblahblah happened, I've never ever been X...and I'll never be X again.
Mainly I dislike this story because it's reductionistic and doesn't bear much resemblance to lived human experiences.
Honestly, all these scenarios you presented engender compassion in me...because I've so been there (and continue to visit occasionally).
It's not like being "content" is a one-time decision people make (or unmake, for that matter).
I can be perfectly happy one moment...even glorying in the fact that I'm free to impetuously take a trip, or come and go as I please, or spend as I choose, or leave wet towels on the bathroom floor...and in the next moment I could read a passage from a book, or hear a song, or see a couple walking through a store holding hands and have a pang of longing.
If I came on the boards and wrote about that pang moment (in all likelihood as a bid for connection), I could easily be characterized as "discontent," or "lacking a vision" for the greatness God has planned for me.
But I'm human...and my emotions are variable. Some humans have more variable emotions than others. So I get it. I wanted to marry and have a large family since I was a child. When I was 22 I was unmarried and had never had a date...and it was painful for me. I often expressed a belief that "love had passed me by" when I was younger. I've also been resentful, angry, and resigned at various times.
And yet, I also had the Holy Spirit within me working, working working. God is big enough to handle all my emotions. He's gracious enough to accept me as I am in any given moment. He's faithful enough to keep drawing me toward Him.
So I'm not heartbroken that they're experiencing something negative. I'm heartbroken because it sucks. It sucks to feel lonely and unwanted. It sucks to feel like you work hard to be a decent person and lots of indecent people find mates. It sucks that our idealization of another state causes us to overlook the good parts of the state we're actually in. It sucks when you talk about how sucky it is and people imply that you're not holy, spiritual, wise, wonderful, or good enough...just work harder and all the negativity will go away.
Because it doesn't. It's a continual, disciplined decision to embrace what God has for us now. And sometimes we do well at it (and people never notice). Other times we bite the dust (and they all show up to watch). Which sucks!
1) indeed, we all have a range of the human emotion that swings from happy to lonely to sad or whatever. this is part of the human experience, and certainly not unique to single people. what may be more unique to singles are some of those instigating things.
2) there is a subtle but very significant difference between feeling the pain of your single experience, but recognition of the fact that priorities, sense of self/purpose, and perception of your "calling". what i am objecting and to is the fact that many people seem to have very unrealistic/faulty expectations along with disordered priorities that fly in the face of the so-called christian calling and purpose.
THAT is heartbreaking.
here's a brief example. i know a woman who feels the burden of christianity quite heavily, usually seeing this as the "church of we-don't-do-that". this is only further compounded by the fact that she resents that God hasn't dropped someone for her to marry.
is her pain real? oh yes. as you said, it sucks. but a big part of WHY it sucks is that she has a very skewed expectation of who God is, and what God is supposed to "give her". do you see how this young sister could be one of those women i'm talking about who sees God as the One who takes from her and gives her nothing back. and yet, she wants nothing more than to be married and have children.
i'm referring primarily to those who believe their very lives have been truncated and diminished simply because they haven't been given what they need for their lives to commence. they believe that to be single is to be cursed and personally denied by God.
while i'm not entirely on board with the concept of God-given pain for the purpose of illustration, i do think there is a big difference to cry out to God to grant something, vs. cry out to God, why have you chosen to curse me? there is a difference, but it's a real thing that i've witnessed over and over.
what i'm not referring to is someone venting their emotions or sharing a private moment to gain some connection, as you referred to.
let me ask you a question. what if you never leave that place of misery? what if everything you share is ONLY discontent that speaks of virtually unceasing misery because God hasn't granted you a spouse?
further, i want to kindly mention that you've put a few words and some intention to my words that simply isn't the case, and i want to clarify. you opened your post by stating something something "that you hated most of all" but i've not said anything of the sort. perhaps i wasn't very clear.
any growth i've implied or hinted at would be largely attributed to two sources: becoming a christian and learning what my bible says about what we can expect from God, what He expects of us, and what He desires for us. and i've discovered a lot of what the younger gypsygirl expected or believed, that was simply unfounded.
what am i doing? i'm trying my best to walk according to my calling. as to what God has done in my life? what i shared in that post is only a piece of my testimony, not a declaration of arriving anywhere, or what i believe you perceived my intention to be. however, i feel rather confident in my ability say that i no longer view my life as incomplete as a single person, and i'm thankful to have learned what the bible says i should aim for, what i should long for, what i should seek, what i can take joy and comfort in, and what i can count on.
this has dramatically shifted my perception to the extent that i can't "unsee" something i've learned.
and yeah, those scenarios? they definitely engender compassion. that's exactly why i wrote that. it's hard for me to read those things, realizing that until perceptions shift, things won't get much easier.
the pain and hard times are something we will all go through, and yes, we need to bear one anothers' burdens and encourage one another. i have never objected to the pain and difficulty that unites us.
my problem is myth and tales that continue to be perpetuated, and validated, and the words unsaid because we we would rather hear a soothing sentiment than honesty spoken with love and concern.
what i was referring to, and continue to be sad for, is those who suffer for what doesn't exist. who deny themselves in anticipation for the "reward" that isn't ever coming. perhaps what i hurt for most is those who are looking for the desert oasis that isn't.
it's that the mirage in the desert that isn't what it appears, but just more sand.
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