Do you find it hard to be "just friends" with people of the opposite sex?

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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#41
Strong opinions are great. Insistent and loud strong opinions means there is probably something behind it. So what causes this insistent, loud and strong opinion of yours on this topic?
Who died and made you Dr. Phil?

I am not into being counseled or psychoanalyzed by cats online.

I happen to have a great many strong opinions on a great many subjects. I recall a much heated debate about gun control on the Miscellaneous thread two ids ago.

I could ask you why you insist on wearing toe shoes.

Did a snake bite your foot when you were a child wearing sandals?

Did you have to wear hand-me-down shoes that pinched and made you hate shoes for all time?

Did you have an unfortunate experience with shoe polish?

There must be SOME reason behind your disdain for actual shoes.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,360
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#42
No, I just hate how "normal" shoes force the user into a heel-toe stride instead of a more natural mid-foot first strike. I have some shoes without toes, but with the same zero-drop-ratio balance.

So how about you? Why are you so loud and insistent about this particular topic?
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#43
No, I just hate how "normal" shoes force the user into a heel-toe stride instead of a more natural mid-foot first strike. I have some shoes without toes, but with the same zero-drop-ratio balance.

So how about you? Why are you so loud and insistent about this particular topic?
I did not realize I was “loud”. I thought CAPS lock was off. I will be careful about this in the future, or until I am banned.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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#44
I see my husband chatting to one of his exes online every once in a while. Why shouldn't he? The three of us are friends from the early days of our marriage and we met up again a couple of years ago and friended on FB. She's a nice enough lady, simply not the one my husband married. And we all know that's where it stays, because that's where it's stayed for decades. I knew about her and then became friends with her before we married. And he knew she wasn't the one before we were married.

I trust my husband. If I didn't, he wouldn't be my husband. And he has great taste in woman. He married me, after all.

If you don't trust your man enough to talk to other women, turn him lose. You don't trust him enough to keep him. Wait for the guy you do trust. But don't cancel out half of all people simply because of gender or marital status. Marriage means trust. If you don't trust, don't marry, but also don't assume everyone else shouldn't trust too.
This right here. If I could hit the "Agree" button ten times I would.

Do you feel you can trust your spouse to have the common sense to be friends with people of the opposite gender without falling in love with them? Love is a choice - we choose to love, and we choose how much we love. If you do not think you can trust your spouse far enough to have friends of the opposite gender... what are you doing permanently connected to such an untrustworthy companion?
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
9,622
5,876
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#45
Lynx meet Rose.
Rose meet Lynx.
May you both live happily together ever after.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,360
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#46
No. No, no, no. That is the epitome of the Proverbs verses about contentious women. I'd rather live in the corner of an attic.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,236
1,271
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#50
Let's see my honest perspective on this: Yes it's possible, but it seems to be more difficult as I get older and there's just not as much in common and fewer mixed social groups where friendships can develop. In practice it doesn't happen much and being a gal who's usually been more comfortable being friends with guys I've kind of developed an early warning system and some rules to help guard my heart and keep my emotions in check. For what it's worth here are some of my basics:

1) The 2 hour rule- don't spend more than 2 hours a week engaged in personal conversation with a member of the opposite sex that you're not intending to date when you get the chance. That was something I picked up from an article someone posted about those too close friendships that become pseudo relationships and how to avoid them.

2) Keep it shallow - Books, TV, sermons, current events, politics, etc not hopes and dreams and past traumas and especially no secrets, secrets or implied secrets are one of the fastest ways to get too close

3) Include spouses- Should be obvious, but especially with friends of the opposite gender just make it a 3 way friendship and include the spouse in activities and conversations. And if it's new friends, try to let the same gender spouse be the person you make plans with when you make plans with the couple.

4) Cultivate an off limits mindset - Again should be obvious but people who are in a relationship aren't available for you to be in a relationship with. They're off limits. You have no chance and shouldn't be angling for one. They've already chosen and it wasn't you so move on. And anyone who is willing to break their commitments for you is likely one day to be willing to break their commitments to you. That's just so not worth it.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#51
No, I just hate how "normal" shoes force the user into a heel-toe stride instead of a more natural mid-foot first strike. I have some shoes without toes, but with the same zero-drop-ratio balance.

So how about you? Why are you so loud and insistent about this particular topic?
See, this is what you do. You push and agitate people then act innocent or even sometimes like a victim after pushing people's buttons.
You did it to me a few weeks ago, I witnessed you do it to another before that and here you are doing it again.
You play yourself off as such a nice guy but you like to single people out and agitate them. Then blame them. You have a lot of pride and arrogance to work through.

She told you it's none of your business why she has such strong opinions on any topic. If you were as nature as you pretend to be you'd have accepted that answer and left her alone. But no, you push and push and push then accuse her of her attitude. You're a joke.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,360
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#52
I didn't accuse her of an attitude. I just asked why she had such a strong (adamant, black-and-white) opinion (that she voices repeatedly, stridently and vociferously) about this topic.

And she still hasn't answered. The balance of probability is that her strong opinion about this topic is something she heard somebody else say, or it is caused by a traumatic experience.
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#53
Lynx meet Rose.
Rose meet Lynx.
May you both live happily together ever after.
No thank you very much. I think you and he will make a very happy couple. You seem to both have a lot in common.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,918
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#54
... back to the OP.

is this woman someone you know in person or online? the truth is that if you keep talking to her, your feelings are NOT going to fade away.
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#55
No. No, no, no. That is the epitome of the Proverbs verses about contentious women. I'd rather live in the corner of an attic.
I could not agree with you more. I am an EXTREMELY contentious woman, along with some other unsavory adjectives.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,360
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#56
I think we have done scared the OP away, but just in case...
It's a question that's commonly asked. That is, can a guy and a girl be just friends and nothing more?


Until recently, I always thought that was a stupid question. I always thought I'd have no problem being just friends with a girl. But I found out it's not as easy as I thought it would be.


I had never really had a close friend that was a girl. Until recently.


I've been talking a lot to this girl that I met. She's not single, but she was still looking for a friend, I think. But since I've been talking to her, I haven't been myself. I kind of fell for her. I think about her all the time and that's not an understatement either.


It's kind of an embarrassing thing to admit. But then again, it's the Internet and no one really knows who I am. So maybe I shouldn't be embarrassed.


Anyone else have any similar stories like mine? I'm sure I'm not the only one here.
I would abort that immediately. By your account that has already gone well over the line into "Certain Doom" territory. You are too late to nip it in the bud, but you can still cut the sapling down before it becomes a full grown tree.
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#57
See, this is what you do. You push and agitate people then act innocent or even sometimes like a victim after pushing people's buttons.
You did it to me a few weeks ago, I witnessed you do it to another before that and here you are doing it again.
You play yourself off as such a nice guy but you like to single people out and agitate them. Then blame them. You have a lot of pride and arrogance to work through.

She told you it's none of your business why she has such strong opinions on any topic. If you were as nature as you pretend to be you'd have accepted that answer and left her alone. But no, you push and push and push then accuse her of her attitude. You're a joke.
He has a personal grudge against me because I shipped he and Seoul together. I have been his nemesis ever since.

You would think he would be highly pleased and honored I suggested he ask out a lovely woman, but I became the enemy who must be destroyed for suggesting they go out.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,360
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#58
Personal grudge? Nemesis? Hardly. I just wanted to know why you were so adamant and strident about this particular topic. And you still haven't answered. But I gotta go to bed now so I guess I won't find out.
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#59
I didn't accuse her of an attitude. I just asked why she had such a strong (adamant, black-and-white) opinion (that she voices repeatedly, stridently and vociferously) about this topic.

And she still hasn't answered. The balance of probability is that her strong opinion about this topic is something she heard somebody else say, or it is caused by a traumatic experience.
I don’t know why people are not allowed to have opinions.

It is beyond me. Just report my posts as not conforming to the majority’s pleasure and have me banned.

Get the snake out of the garden.