ok, i'm going to say upfront: this thread is starting with a rant. : )
one of the things that i find most frustrating when i meet, or get to know someone is when they have the habit of (sometimes, constantly) putting themselves down.
about a year ago, i went on a (first) date with a guy who seemed pretty cool. but it didn't take long before he started disclosing what he considered his weaknesses. he said "oh, i'm not the smartest guy..." followed by chuckling, then later went on to jab himself about his athletic ability, his laziness, his lack of discipline when it comes to money, that he didn't know the bible as well as he should, and the list went on. some of the statements were said in seriousness, but some were followed by nonchalant laughter.
and i've seen women do it. openly ridicule themselves, offer qualifications and caveats, asking for minimal expectations.
i'm not talking a playful jab at themselves, such as the occasional good-natured self-deprecating humor. in fact, i often poke fun at myself, but there's a difference between something like that, and "leading" with your flaws.
when guys do it (such as on dates) it's one the fastest ways for them to lose my attention.
it never comes of as being humble. instead, it makes me feel like i'm wasting my time with a guy who appears to be trying to talk me out of my interest in him.
obviously, in a friendship there is honest conversation and we discuss our flaws. but there are people who are "leading" with their flaws and i often wonder if they even realize it.
do you tend to "lead" with your flaws or feel compelled to inform people what you're bad at or deficient in? if so, why do you think you do that?
have you all observed this, and/or know people who do this? what are your thoughts on it?
one of the things that i find most frustrating when i meet, or get to know someone is when they have the habit of (sometimes, constantly) putting themselves down.
about a year ago, i went on a (first) date with a guy who seemed pretty cool. but it didn't take long before he started disclosing what he considered his weaknesses. he said "oh, i'm not the smartest guy..." followed by chuckling, then later went on to jab himself about his athletic ability, his laziness, his lack of discipline when it comes to money, that he didn't know the bible as well as he should, and the list went on. some of the statements were said in seriousness, but some were followed by nonchalant laughter.
and i've seen women do it. openly ridicule themselves, offer qualifications and caveats, asking for minimal expectations.
i'm not talking a playful jab at themselves, such as the occasional good-natured self-deprecating humor. in fact, i often poke fun at myself, but there's a difference between something like that, and "leading" with your flaws.
when guys do it (such as on dates) it's one the fastest ways for them to lose my attention.
it never comes of as being humble. instead, it makes me feel like i'm wasting my time with a guy who appears to be trying to talk me out of my interest in him.
obviously, in a friendship there is honest conversation and we discuss our flaws. but there are people who are "leading" with their flaws and i often wonder if they even realize it.
do you tend to "lead" with your flaws or feel compelled to inform people what you're bad at or deficient in? if so, why do you think you do that?
have you all observed this, and/or know people who do this? what are your thoughts on it?
