Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

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spiritleadme23

Junior Member
Apr 30, 2016
31
4
8
#1
Hello all I've come here humbly seeking advice. It would help if other men could answer seeings how I'm trying to decipher another man's intentions, but I welcome all helpful thoughts. I've tried seeking advice from close friends but I felt they were either biased or they aren't believers which can influence how they view this situation.

About two and a half months ago at a young adult gathering at church, a guy came up to me and sat down and started a conversation with me out of the blue. I was sitting by myself so I thought maybe he was just being nice because I was alone. I'm not the type of girl where guys just come up to me of their own accord so it truly surprised me. I thought we'd talk for a few minutes and he'd get bored or be taken away by friends or something, but for the rest of that evening he stayed by my side and we chatted on and off and then I went home. I didn't think I'd see him again because it's a very large group and he wasn't in my weekly small group. At the time I was talking to another guy but we weren't more than friends yet and I wasn't sure it felt right with him so I remember praying that I wish I could meet someone at church because it would be so much easier to build a relationship that way. Then that night I met this guy. I don't believe it was just a coincidence that it happened. I prayed again that night that if this was how God was answering my prayer that I would meet him again and it wouldn't be forced and I wouldn't become obsessed with seeking him out again that it would happen naturally. Well the next week I didn't see him so yes I was a tad discouraged but I reminded myself that Gods timing isn't always immediate like we wish. I had already stopped talking to this other guy rather he severed our communication not me but I wasn't very upset over it at all.

The next week I saw him again and it felt kind of like a sign. He sat behind me and when it was time for our meet and greet before the sermon he tapped me on the shoulder and said hey and gave me a hug and then afterwards he invited me to come to his small group and he even gave me a ride there. He offered to buy me food as well but I had previously eaten so I politely declined. The next week I had a meeting at work so I was unable to go but on Sunday I went to a membership class with my mother. They provided us food so when I stepped out to fill my plate he saw me and waved me over and gave me a big hug of course I only had one free hand so it was a tad weird. We chatted a few seconds and then we went back inside to our own tables.

Then a couple days later on group night I wasn't feeling well at all and had had a rough day at work. I sent him a message to ask if he would ask our group to pray for me and he said yes and he asked me what was wrong so I told him I was going through some stuff. He literally replied with: well would you like to have dinner one night and talk about it? Completely out of nowhere I was shocked I mean I've never been asked out before of course I said yes because what harm could come from it. I asked a few friends and they all seemed to agree it sounded like a date but my thing was he didn't say it was one so how could I know for sure. Well Sunday night came and he offered to pick me up. He opened his car door for me and helped me in. He opened doors for me and let me order my food first. Paying was a bit awkward because I went first and I had no idea if I was supposed to buy my own food and I thought if I did he might be offended because he asked me out or whatever but also didn't want to seem like I just wanted a free meal out of him but he did pay. We talked for two whole hours. I've never been able to talk that long with a guy who wasn't my relative. They either get distracted or find me boring or don't want to contribute to the conversation or if it's at church another girl will interrupt because he's her boyfriend or something just its not normal for a guy to want to talk with me for so long. He was engaged he never had his phone out even when I went to the bathroom and every few minutes when I was talking he'd smile at me which was dangerous because his smile would almost make me forget what I was saying and make me blush and he actually wanted to talk to me I didn't have to force him to talk about himself he wanted me to know things about him and we talked about light hearted things and also deep things from our pasts and spiritual things as well. When he dropped me off he asked if he could pray for me and what i needed prayer for and it was just really touching to me.

So then Tuesday night group came again and he offered me a ride again and it was special because it was his birthday. We were the last ones at the restaurant because he was helping with take down and when we got there all eyes were on him because he was the birthday boy and it kind of felt like everyone was staring at the two of us coming in together and that they were all assuming we were a couple which wouldn't bother me mostly because I want it to be true but sometimes guys feel weird about that especially if the girl people assume him to be with isn't the most attractive girl and he might be embarrassed for them to think that and try to pull away from me or whatever. But anyway he asked me if I wanted anything I said it was okay that I would pay for myself I wasn't going to make him buy me food on his birthday. It was nice interacting with other people I didn't work with. The group leader is a guy about the same age as me and it just feels different. Like he's nice to me and hugs me but it's usually only side hugs and very brief and he did offer once to pick up my food for me when my little buzzer went off but I can tell that that's just his personality like he acts that way with all girls. Not that T (my guy) doesn't have a generous personality he really does but I've kind of seen him around other girls and it's like how he treats them is how he'd treat his sisters like I've never seen him have long conversations with them or give them big hugs or offer rides and as far as I know he hasn't asked any to dinner since he's asked me. Maybe I'm reading into it too much or am having false hope. Before he took me home he took the group leader aside to chat in private and they were about ten feet away so I couldn't hear them but I could catch little tidbits when it was quiet and I swear in their conversation I heard one of them say my name not sure which one because I wasn't trying to listen but it's hard to confuse my name with other words really so I have no idea what they could have been talking about that pertained to me maybe.
Well again, the next week I had another meeting at work which sucked but by now him and I were texting a bit but it's kind of hard to gauge anything that way because he's told me he's not a big texter and he works long hours at his job with no breaks unless they aren't busy. So I try not to base his interest in me by our phone conversations because in person he's very engaged and talkative. So the next week I texted him telling him I would be coming that night and he said yay and I said I know you've missed me haha and he replied with yes I have missed you it's been too long. I didn't see him at first but he was late and afterwards he came up to me and hugged me for at least a minute and said its been forever since I saw you and we chatted and he asked if he could give me a ride again and I said yes and he had to stay again for take down and I offered my help to make it go faster. He asked in the car if I was hungry and I was except I hadn't brought my wallet with me so I said that hoping that he didn't take it as I was trying to get free food from him or whatever and he just casually said oh we'll have to take care of that then. So I just ordered a small something on his ticket and he was happy to pay for it and we sat across from each other this time so I could see his face and reactions to things instead of sitting next to me like the las time. So during discussion someone was answering one of the questions and I had to lean forward a little because it was a long table. I had a pen to take notes with in my study guide and he reached over and took my pen and started playing with it and making silly faces and it just felt kind of flirty and silly and of course it made me giggle and he eventually gave it back. Then when it was time for prayer requests one of the girls suggested we all gather in and out our arms around each other. Of course since he and I were a bit apart our arms couldn't reach so we held hands instead and it just felt really nice and almost like it fit. I know it's weird to say all that and overly romanticized but it did and at the end he squeezed my hand before he let go. Also my birthday is at the end of the month and he mentioned at least twice oh we should do something for your birthday and all that. I had a three day weekend because of Labor Day and I was talking about how I wished I had plans but I'd probably just sleep and he said well I wouldn't mind having dinner except I'm going to be working the whole weekend because of the sales. So I didn't push it because forcing someone to go out when they're tired isn't fun but he didn't have to mention that to me so it made me feel good that he thought about that even though he couldn't.

I'm just not sure. One of my friends keeps telling me he's just being a Christian gentleman and respectful and what not but I mean how many guys ask girls to dinner as just friends if they didn't have more intentions? I don't want to ask him point blank I'm afraid that would mess it all up or make things weird but it's making me antsy not knowing. I feel like my prayers to meet someone at church and have it be easier and then boom we meet and things progress can't be coincidences. And every time I think nothing will come of it I pray for some kind of sign or whatever that will let me know if we're meant to progress in our relationship or just stay friends and then something happens whether big or small. But then others tell me that since he hasn't actually asked me out again that he's not interested or since he hasn't brought up his intentions he's just messing around with me. I don't know.
 

BruceWayne

Senior Member
Aug 7, 2013
3,670
320
83
Gotham City
#2
It is possible that he's just found a new friend that he's comfortable with, but I don't think any guy would continuously do all of that if he weren't interested. I certainly wouldn't. Based on this story(I read the whole thing lol) he may just be waiting for the right time. You can either ask him yourself, or enjoy it for what it is and see where it goes
 
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blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
69,933
8,460
113
#3
There is no such thing as coincidence. Maybe he's not good at verbally expressing his feelings, so uses his actions to show you how he feels instead. Or, maybe he just considers you to be a good female friend, and that's all. I think your friends are right, he's just being a good christian gentleman. :) Don't read more into this situation, than what there actually is.
 
U

Ultimatum77

Guest
#4
It is possible that he's just found a new friend that he's comfortable with, but I don't think any guy would continuously do all of that if he weren't interested. I certainly wouldn't. Based on this story(I read the whole thing lol) he may just be waiting for the right time. You can either ask him yourself, or enjoy it for what it is and see where it goes
I agree with BruceWayne, he seems like he's "pursuing" you and if you are really friends you shouldn't feel awkward about asking him in private whether he wants to be in a relationship or just friends.....but guys don't go crazy over a girl and spend huge amounts of time unless they are interested and I would say yea i think he's interested only one way to find out and that 's for you to ask :)

P.S. Just a helpful hint, for some of the older peeps on CC it helps to break the paragraphs into smaller 3-4 sentence chunks b/c reading a block of text on the forum, your eyes tend to jump around and lose your position reading... :) Other than that hope everything works out for you God Bless!
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
104
0
#5
Sounds to me like he is interested in you and getting to know you and liking you. I'd just go at the pace your going because what you have sounds very nice.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
22,940
2,702
113
#6
HE LIKES YOU

any other questions??:rolleyes:
 

spiritleadme23

Junior Member
Apr 30, 2016
31
4
8
#7
Like I said in the original post, I'm not the most physically attractive person so it's hard for me to take all these actions as more than friendly without any verbal confirmation. I also find it ironic that girls are more likely to tell me I'm reading too much into it and guys are telling me he's interested.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
12,840
6,910
113
#8
Well, you answered the question I would have had: are you interested in him? Since the answer is yes, pray for him and for your friendship. Put it in the Lord's hands, and ask Him to move it forward as He sees fit. It sounds like you have a good foundation at this point, which can develop either into a deeper friendship or a good romantic relationship. Give him a few weeks to decide what he wants to do. There is no rush. :)
 
Oct 14, 2015
55
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#9
Like I said in the original post, I'm not the most physically attractive person so it's hard for me to take all these actions as more than friendly without any verbal confirmation. I also find it ironic that girls are more likely to tell me I'm reading too much into it and guys are telling me he's interested.
If I had to guess, going off nothing more than what you posted, I would say he's interested. If you really want to know for sure just ask him. Not sure what you'd be "messing up" or "making weird", you don't want to be just friends, so why would you worry about potentially messing up the friendship? If he's interested, great. If he's not, move on, you don't want just a friendship anyway.

Also, on a side note, don't put yourself down for how you think you appear. You may not think of yourself as being very physically attractive, but your perception is not the perception of anyone else; and most of the time how we judge ourselves is far worse than how others judge us. I've struggled with this for a while, still do from time to time. When we think we're physically "unattractive", it's because we are comparing ourselves to others based upon societal "standards" of attractiveness. That standard changes constantly, so rather than comparing yourself to others and feeling down about yourself, understand that you were created by a God who loves you and created you in His image. You are perfectly unique and exactly the way God wants you to be. I remember reading a quote somewhere and I'm paraphrasing but it went something like this: "be yourself, everyone else is taken". Hope this helps. God Bless!
 
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
114
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#10
He definitely sounds very interested in you. He's probably taking it slow, just getting to know you as friends, and will progress as time goes on. I don't think I'd rush it. Let him set the pace, and enjoy getting to know him too. If it seems to just go on indefinitely without any further progress, perhaps you could ask him to clarify on whether you are dating or just hanging out as friends. :) He sounds very kind and sweet, and I love that he's reaching out to you this way.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
5,851
2,489
113
#11
Like I said in the original post, I'm not the most physically attractive person so it's hard for me to take all these actions as more than friendly without any verbal confirmation. I also find it ironic that girls are more likely to tell me I'm reading too much into it and guys are telling me he's interested.
Physical attraction is not the main thing if your dealing with a Christian man.. He may be attracted to you for other qualities you have.. Indeed beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. So not all men are attracted to the Media's idea of what is and is not attractive.. From what you have posted i believe the man is interested in you.. But from your posts it seems that you are simply lacking in a bit of self confidence.. Maybe he is also the cautious type and is lacking in a bit of the same stuff as you.. But at lest he is stepping forward and having a go at establishing a relationship.. I hope He is as genuine and as nice as you make him sound like..

So yeah here is another guy telling you that he is interested in you.. I cannot see how a guy would show so much interest in you without being interested in you :)
 

T_Laurich

Senior Member
Mar 24, 2013
3,206
78
48
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#12
Take it from a guy...
If a guy makes time out of his life and daily routine to be around you or hang out with you, than you are most likely something to him....

Look how he treats his guy friends... If he treats you better and makes more time for you, than yes you are something...

Ill be honest, physical attraction does catch my eye personally... But i would rather have a dirt ugly woman who loves me and God... Than a super model who doesnt love God...

All looks fade and go away...
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#13
Take it from a guy...
If a guy makes time out of his life and daily routine to be around you or hang out with you, than you are most likely something to him....

Look how he treats his guy friends... If he treats you better and makes more time for you, than yes you are something...

Ill be honest, physical attraction does catch my eye personally... But i would rather have a dirt ugly woman who loves me and God... Than a super model who doesnt love God...

All looks fade and go away...
Amen to that same here! :) nice post!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,460
3,118
113
#15
I actually read the whole OP, but I will answer the title question: Sounds a lot like he likes you. But even if he is just being a gentleman, don't let him get away! :cool:
 

Tintin

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2013
20,301
295
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#16
Wow. You girls really examine every little detail, don't you? That's so different to guys. But I guess that's one way that God made us different. Seems to me that the guy likes you.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
104
0
#17
Wow. You girls really examine every little detail, don't you? That's so different to guys. But I guess that's one way that God made us different. Seems to me that the guy likes you.[/QUOTE


There are times I wish I didn't go over all the details like a detective. Probably would make life easier.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
104
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#18
You know what would be nice? If people would be up front about their intentions. For example, I'd like to see if this could turn from friendship into a relationship. Or, Hi, I would like to take you out as a friend. Life would be so much easier if people were more upfront with each other.
 

Tintin

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2013
20,301
295
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#19
Wow. You girls really examine every little detail, don't you? That's so different to guys. But I guess that's one way that God made us different. Seems to me that the guy likes you.[/QUOTE


There are times I wish I didn't go over all the details like a detective. Probably would make life easier.
It's not just with romantic relationships or potential ones. I remember my mum telling stories at tea/dinner time about what had happened to her during the day and something as simple as going to the shops to buy XYZ, turned into a complex (but remarkably dull) story about everything but that. I don't need to know about the shopkeeper's relationship to their brother whose pet turtle was the uncle of someone's former roomate's nephew's dog. I just want to know the most basic outline of what happened (went to the shops and bought XYZ), otherwise, I'll zone out (not on purpose). It's probably a guy thing.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
104
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#20
It's not just with romantic relationships or potential ones. I remember my mum telling stories about what had happened on the day and something as simple as going to the shops to buy XYZ, turned into a complex (but remarkably dull) story about everything but that. I don't need to know about the shopkeeper's relationship to their brother whose pet turtle was the uncle of someone's former roomate's nephew's dog. I just want to know that she want the basics (went to the shops and bought XYZ), otherwise, I'll zone out (not on purpose). It's probably a guy thing.
When I make my husband angry and I bring something up from year's ago he will say, I don't know why the FBI hasn't called you yet. You remember everything and everyone from 20 year's ago, then he fumes off and sometimes I'll say, oh I making note of that comment sir. He he