Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

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Tintin

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2013
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#21
When I make my husband angry and I bring something up from year's ago he will say, I don't know why the FBI hasn't called you yet. You remember everything and everyone from 20 year's ago, then he fumes off and sometimes I'll say, oh I making note of that comment sir. He he
Haha! That's a good one. I hear they pay well too. :)
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
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#22
When I watch NCIS or crime shows I wish I would've gone to school for that. The. I realize how different it would be in reality and snap out of it.
 

Tintin

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2013
20,301
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#23
When I watch NCIS or crime shows I wish I would've gone to school for that. The. I realize how different it would be in reality and snap out of it.
Yeah, you'd get paid well, but you'd also have to do mountains of paperwork. I mean, you'd regularly see the darkest and most disturbing side of life. It would take its toll physically, emotionally, spiritually. Some people can handle it and come out the other end unscathed. I don't think I'd be one of them.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,860
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Florida
#24
In my opinion this guy is definitely interested in you. Maybe you should give him a call or the next time you meet have an in-depth conversation and see where it leads. The squeezing of the hand should tell you something also.
 

Archerylvr

Junior Member
Aug 10, 2016
13
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#25
Hey Spirit,

Based on what I've read, I would say that he is both interested and trying to be a good, considerate Christian. In this modern-day era, Christian dating (or potential) looks much more different than secular. With sex, immorality and hedonism being paramount in the secular world, many Christians lost the ability to recognize Christ-centered dating.

One of the questions I have opposed by one of the other readers which I didn't pick up was, besides you expressing here that you definitely were interested, what verbal or non-verbal gestures did you display to let him know that you were absolutely interested.

ie... just like you thought he was simply being a "good Christian" he could be thinking the same thing. Hope this makes sense and helps. Whatever the case, because you are interested in him I will pray for you guys.
 

spiritleadme23

Junior Member
Apr 30, 2016
31
4
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#26
Hey Spirit,

Based on what I've read, I would say that he is both interested and trying to be a good, considerate Christian. In this modern-day era, Christian dating (or potential) looks much more different than secular. With sex, immorality and hedonism being paramount in the secular world, many Christians lost the ability to recognize Christ-centered dating.

One of the questions I have opposed by one of the other readers which I didn't pick up was, besides you expressing here that you definitely were interested, what verbal or non-verbal gestures did you display to let him know that you were absolutely interested.

ie... just like you thought he was simply being a "good Christian" he could be thinking the same thing. Hope this makes sense and helps. Whatever the case, because you are interested in him I will pray for you guys.
Thank you for posing that it's actually a really good question and it made me think. I feel like I'm a very emotional person and people can just tell things about me by seeing my reactions but maybe I am being too subtle with him. I thought by my saying that I'd like to go out again soon and always smiling at him and flirting back a bit when it feels like he's flirting and I do text him even when he hasn't texted me to ask about his day or that I was praying for him and stuff but maybe he just considers that friendly as well. I don't really know what else other than actually saying I like him romantically I could do?
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
22,937
2,700
113
#27
Yeah, you'd get paid well, but you'd also have to do mountains of paperwork. I mean, you'd regularly see the darkest and most disturbing side of life. It would take its toll physically, emotionally, spiritually. Some people can handle it and come out the other end unscathed. I don't think I'd be one of them.
Yea but think of all the cool stories you'd be able to tell people! :D
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
22,937
2,700
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#28
Thank you for posing that it's actually a really good question and it made me think. I feel like I'm a very emotional person and people can just tell things about me by seeing my reactions but maybe I am being too subtle with him. I thought by my saying that I'd like to go out again soon and always smiling at him and flirting back a bit when it feels like he's flirting and I do text him even when he hasn't texted me to ask about his day or that I was praying for him and stuff but maybe he just considers that friendly as well. I don't really know what else other than actually saying I like him romantically I could do?
You can write him a letter (or an email I guess) that says something like this...

"I really enjoy your company..blah blah blah... and you seem like great guy... blah blah blah... and if you are interested in being in an exclusive relationship, I'd be interested too... but if not, then I hope we can stay great friends..."

If you write him a handwritten letter you can give it to him in person and tell him not to open it until he gets home.. :rolleyes:
 

Nice_Lady

Senior Member
May 13, 2014
148
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#29
This reminds me of one guy i met in the church. He was so attracted to me... for short. I d seen all the pics with different ladies in his fb and i didnt trust him. And sure enough, the day came he arrived at the church with a new, very attractive lady, and coming to sit next to me!! I couldnt believe my eyes! By God s grace there was not enough space on the bench and he said "WE will sit there." We??? No need to mention his message earlier, in the morning, saying "what r OUR plans for today?". I went on my way ashamed that i allowed my feeling to break loose so quickly.. After the sermon i left and he could find me. :D yes, he was searching.. he called me after the church "where r u?" :D i was so silly to pretend nothing had happened when he came back to meet me alone. I couldnt ask him on that point "will u marry me or not?" for we didnt get to that phase yet. But i should had left him. After time he left anyway.. Yes i saw the way he is and i was warned and i tried to protect myself, but i falled. So my point still is the same - why would u flirt with someone when ur life partner could be different person? How will be able to delete all those sweet memories from the past? Be sure of this - the sin will find its way. Be strong and pray, so that u fall not into tempation!
 

spiritleadme23

Junior Member
Apr 30, 2016
31
4
8
#30
This reminds me of one guy i met in the church. He was so attracted to me... for short. I d seen all the pics with different ladies in his fb and i didnt trust him. And sure enough, the day came he arrived at the church with a new, very attractive lady, and coming to sit next to me!! I couldnt believe my eyes! By God s grace there was not enough space on the bench and he said "WE will sit there." We??? No need to mention his message earlier, in the morning, saying "what r OUR plans for today?". I went on my way ashamed that i allowed my feeling to break loose so quickly.. After the sermon i left and he could find me. :D yes, he was searching.. he called me after the church "where r u?" :D i was so silly to pretend nothing had happened when he came back to meet me alone. I couldnt ask him on that point "will u marry me or not?" for we didnt get to that phase yet. But i should had left him. After time he left anyway.. Yes i saw the way he is and i was warned and i tried to protect myself, but i falled. So my point still is the same - why would u flirt with someone when ur life partner could be different person? How will be able to delete all those sweet memories from the past? Be sure of this - the sin will find its way. Be strong and pray, so that u fall not into tempation!
No disrespect but I know the guy I'm interested in isn't like that. I've never seen him act the way he does with me with other girls in our small group. Also when did flirting become a sin? If it turns out that we aren't meant to be how was it harmful?
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
73
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#31
No disrespect but I know the guy I'm interested in isn't like that. I've never seen him act the way he does with me with other girls in our small group. Also when did flirting become a sin? If it turns out that we aren't meant to be how was it harmful?
Because flirting usually means one is interested. Someone can take that the wrong way, and if the other person is just doing it for you know what and giggles, then the person who thought it was more serious ultimately gets hurt, and the friendship is ultimately hurt and ruined.
 

Nice_Lady

Senior Member
May 13, 2014
148
2
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#32
Because ur standarts r low. Be perfect because ur God is perfect. If grace abounds shall we purposely sin? And is not adultery starts at the heart? An unpure thought is sin.. i will not talk about an action. Watch out! People r destroyed for lack of knowledge and self control.
 

Tintin

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2013
20,301
295
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#33
Because ur standarts r low. Be perfect because ur God is perfect. If grace abounds shall we purposely sin? And is not adultery starts at the heart? An unpure thought is sin.. i will not talk about an action. Watch out! People r destroyed for lack of knowledge and self control.
You didn't read the thread, did you?
 

Nice_Lady

Senior Member
May 13, 2014
148
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#34
I was answering why flirting is wrong - because it leads to sin (is the shorter answer).
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#35
You know what would be nice? If people would be up front about their intentions. For example, I'd like to see if this could turn from friendship into a relationship. Or, Hi, I would like to take you out as a friend. Life would be so much easier if people were more upfront with each other.
Maybe he is just getting to know her and her beliefs. Relationships work out better of people have common goals and values ( what you should spend money on, saving, kids, where you want to live, etc.) not everything has to match but what are you willing to compromise to make the relationship work.

For example I prefer living in the country surrounded by nature and would be sad living in the city but would compromise if my husband wanted to.

Then how to raise kids..homeschooling, public private?

Vacations, visiting family, etc.

*****to the OP*****

It sounds like he really likes you and is interested, but I wouldn't rush it. Guys like it when they are allowed to lead in romantic relationships. However you might drop hits that you are interested as well...they tend to be insecure sometimes and want to know they mean more to you also.

Either way, just be yourself.

Personally I would just ask "are we going out as a date or just friends? because I am okay either way. I like you enough that I would like to date but your such an awesome person that I really value your friendship even if you aren't interested in a romantic relationship."

Just because the not knowing would drive me to distraction.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#37
Thank you for posing that it's actually a really good question and it made me think. I feel like I'm a very emotional person and people can just tell things about me by seeing my reactions but maybe I am being too subtle with him. I thought by my saying that I'd like to go out again soon and always smiling at him and flirting back a bit when it feels like he's flirting and I do text him even when he hasn't texted me to ask about his day or that I was praying for him and stuff but maybe he just considers that friendly as well. I don't really know what else other than actually saying I like him romantically I could do?
Send him flowers.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#38
I am not exactly sure what flirting is....the whole squeezing hand thing would have gone over my head...if I am close to someone male or female and they are going through a rough time I would give them hugs and squeeze their hands when we pray.

I only kiss my husband and my kids.

So for me that would be the line between innocent friendship and romantic interest...the kiss....

Flirting is not the same as commiting adultery or leading someone on. Flirting is not a sin..the other two are. If you are married, you shouldn't flirt with anyone but your spouse. If you aren't serious about a romantic relationship, you shouldn't flirt with anyone who takes you seriously and lead them to think of wedding bells.
 

Nice_Lady

Senior Member
May 13, 2014
148
2
18
#39
Ariel82 i think u confuse playing with flirting. Playing is beeing cheecky (like for example mother is playing with her baby or a man is testing the strenght in a small child or best female friends r acting silly or whatever innocent joyful act, without evil intentions could be described). Flirting is trying to pump up romantic emotions and affections and attractions (or whatever) in order to fullfil ur own lust in the mind. Step 2 is touch with lust -kiss or sex. So i agree with u that u shouldnt even think of flirting if u r not married or intended to do so.
 
Apr 30, 2016
31
4
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#40
First of all can we stop arguing about flirtation? It is not a sin to show romantic interest that way and it most certainly isn't step 1 flirt with someone you like and step 2 take your clothes off and have sex. Also when did a kiss become a sin? It's not sinful to want to kiss the person you are in a relationship with nor is it wrong to be physically affectionate. It's knowing where the boundaries are and making the decision as a couple to not cross them or test them and it's good to have others that can keep you accountable like making sure you're never alone with them in an intimate setting. Kissing before marriage is not a sin and it doesn't tempt everyone to go further you should know your own boundaries and let your partner know firsthand so they can respect it as well. Rant over.

Anyway the real reason I came to post was I have a small update. So last week in one of our conversations he mentioned wanting to go out to dinner but because of his work schedule it wasn't doable. Yesterday I casually mentioned rescheduling the dinner sometime soon and he said sure how about tonight you pick the restaurant so I said yes. He picked me up again and we had nice conversation but we weren't constantly filling the time with talking and during the silence it didn't feel uncomfortable. We got to the restaurant and he told me I looked nice as he opened the doors for me and when we ordered food he paid without hesitation. Then we went back to a little private corner booth and instead of sitting in the chair across from me he slid into the booth with me. We weren't on top of each other but he was a lot closer than if he had sat across. Most of our conversation was about struggles he's having in his family and reassurances that God will take care of things and also discussions on different sermons we listen to outside of church and talking about serving in church and we each talked a little about our jobs. I was kind of bummed that it ended so soon because it seemed like the first time we spent a lot more time talking but I'm hoping that was only because he left work late and couldn't pick me up until 845 and had me home at 10 and that he was just tired from work and having to get up early the next morning to go to church and then work again. We still haven't broached a defining the relationship moment yet.