Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#103
Dec 7, 2013
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#103
Sirk said:
I want an answer and I want it now. Seems a little controlling. He might be feeling you out to see what your character consists of. Why not just let time reveal the answer?
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Since he wants to be friends, then the best thing to do is to have group activities instead of one on one activities.

He can determine anyone's character that way too.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#104
Dec 7, 2013
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#104
Sirk said:
how do you know your interpretation isn't off?
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If he wants to be friends, then why did he take her to a restaurant at night and pay for dinner?

Why not take her out for coffee during the day instead?

Making it casual puts less stress on both of you.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#105
Mar 2, 2016
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#105
spunkycat08 said:
If he wants to be friends, then why did he take her to a restaurant at night and pay for dinner?

Why not take her out for coffee during the day instead?

Making it casual puts less stress on both of you.
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i don't know. I guess I try to not put expectations on people. Going with the flow of life makes things much easier. Especially ones I don't know very well.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#106
Dec 7, 2013
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#106
Sirk said:
i don't know. I guess I try to not put expectations on people. Going with the flow of life makes things much easier. Especially ones I don't know very well.
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Then keeping the friendship casual is a much better way to go, but the guy did not do that.


  • Dinner with her at night while paying for it
  • One on one intimate private conversations with her
  • Squeezing her hand

Is not casual.

It is intimate.

That is where the mixed signals lie.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#107
Dec 7, 2013
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#107
Actions speak louder than words.

Your actions should match your words.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#108
Mar 2, 2016
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#108
spunkycat08 said:
Then keeping the friendship casual is a much better way to go, but the guy did not do that.


  • Dinner with her at night while paying for it
  • One on one intimate private conversations with her
  • Squeezing her hand

Is not casual.

It is intimate.

That is where the mixed signals lie.
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Doesnt sound mixed to me unless he did a 180 and treats her the opposite of that now. Maybe the guy doesn't want to foolishly rush into things.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#109
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
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#109
i will say i have met up with a guy friend and had one-on-one meal time. granted, it was lunch, but still lol.

and there have been times a guy friend has paid for my meal while in a group setting.

things can be easily misinterpreted. i remember one time, a guy friend said, "let's go to starbucks. my treat." we talked for 1.5 hrs there. i thought it meant something more. things didn't change at all between us. then i understood it was just 2 friends out for coffee.

at a young age, my mom told me, "don't assume a guy likes you until he tells you he does." lol
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#110
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#110
Sirk said:
Doesnt sound mixed to me unless he did a 180 and treats her the opposite of that now. Maybe the guy doesn't want to foolishly rush into things.
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Then make it casual instead if you do not want to foolishly rush into things.

Their friendship is not casual.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#111
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#111
melita916 said:
i will say i have met up with a guy friend and had one-on-one meal time. granted, it was lunch, but still lol.

and there have been times a guy friend has paid for my meal while in a group setting.

things can be easily misinterpreted. i remember one time, a guy friend said, "let's go to starbucks. my treat." we talked for 1.5 hrs there. i thought it meant something more. things didn't change at all between us. then i understood it was just 2 friends out for coffee.

at a young age, my mom told me, "don't assume a guy likes you until he tells you he does." lol
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There is a difference between paying for your meal in a group setting versus paying for your meal as well as the other person's meal in a one on one intimate setting when you are a man and a woman.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#112
Mar 2, 2016
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#112
spunkycat08 said:
Then make it casual instead if you do not want to foolishly rush into things.

Their friendship is not casual.
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Rules rules rules. Don't understand why people make them. Oh wait....yes I do. People are insecure.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#113
Dec 7, 2013
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#113
Sirk said:
Rules rules rules. Don't understand why people make them. Oh wait....yes I do. People are insecure.
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What happened to being logical?

It would be logical to keep it casual if you do not want to rush into things.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#114
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
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#114
spunkycat08 said:
There is a difference between paying for your meal in a group setting versus paying for your meal as well as the other person's meal in a one on one intimate setting when you are a man and a woman.
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i agree, and i've experienced both in a "just friends" setting. (intimate setting definition may vary from person to person)

i must also include culture/the way a person is raised comes into play. a lot of guys are raised to pay for the meal because it's the gentleman thing to do. maybe? yes?

anywho, i know the op has other factors into play.

OP, i say don't miss out on a good friendship if he is not interested in more. :)
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#115
Dec 7, 2013
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#115
Sirk said:
Rules rules rules. Don't understand why people make them. Oh wait....yes I do. People are insecure.
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Men and women think differently.

Men and women are wired differently.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#116
Dec 7, 2013
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#116
melita916 said:
i agree, and i've experienced both in a "just friends" setting. (intimate setting definition may vary from person to person)

i must also include culture/the way a person is raised comes into play. a lot of guys are raised to pay for the meal because it's the gentleman thing to do. maybe? yes?

anywho, i know the op has other factors into play.

OP, i say don't miss out on a good friendship if he is not interested in more. :)
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That is if the OP is able to keep the friendship strictly platonic.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#118
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#118
Sirk said:
Rules rules rules. Don't understand why people make them. Oh wait....yes I do. People are insecure.
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That is why both of them need to be upfront in the very beginning regarding what types of activities they consider to friendly instead of romantic.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#120
Mar 2, 2016
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#120
spunkycat08 said:
That is why both of them need to be upfront in the very beginning regarding what types of activities they consider to friendly instead of romantic.
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Why does romantic and friendly have to be mutually exclusive? I'd rather have something progress organically than by force.
 
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