Dressing Modestly

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C

CW

Guest
#1
#1
Hello all :)

So there is this girl at my church and she seems very sweet and nice. But sometimes does not dress modestly. She is single and very flirtatious which is nothing wrong with that. But for some reason it kind of worries me that she does not exactly dress modestly sometimes.

I know yes a woman has to attract a man somehow and many time women like to dress up for themselfs and not for anyone else. But this not dressing modestly waves a red flag for me for some reason. I mean its not that bad but sometimes it is not quite what i would expect a young christian woman to wear. I also think her parents are fine with this. She knows she is pretty and Its not like im not going to talk to her and completely cross her off my list. Im just concerned :p

Please tell me what you think or if any of you have been in or seen a situation like this before. Thanks alot and god bless :)
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#2
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#2
I see this every day. It is an example of the world infiltrating the church and it happens because purity and modesty are not being taught in the church these days.

I don't think that being flirtatious is okay, either. I am all about radical purity. We are called to be set apart and to not conform to the ways of this world and yet we will excuse this kind of behavior. Unfortunately, you cannot approach this young lady and talk with her about it if it isn't a dialog that already exists in the church, because you will be rejected outright. Trust me.

Here, however, is a great quote from Lisa Bevere and her book "Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry":

When asked if she thought it was okay for teen girls to dress suggestively, Lisa Bevere responded, "Sure, I think it is a great idea. Go right ahead and dress like a whore if you want to attract a whoremonger. It's like fishing - the bait you use will determine what you'll catch. So if you want to hook a sleazy guy, by all means dress sleazy."

She went on to say, "I 'm not saying it is wrong to dress attractively or even fashionably, but dressing suggestively is only appropriate behind closed doors between a husband and his wife."
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M

Mammachickadee

Guest
#3
#3
CW said:
Hello all :)

So there is this girl at my church and she seems very sweet and nice. But sometimes does not dress modestly. She is single and very flirtatious which is nothing wrong with that. But for some reason it kind of worries me that she does not exactly dress modestly sometimes.

I know yes a woman has to attract a man somehow and many time women like to dress up for themselfs and not for anyone else. But this not dressing modestly waves a red flag for me for some reason. I mean its not that bad but sometimes it is not quite what i would expect a young christian woman to wear. I also think her parents are fine with this. She knows she is pretty and Its not like im not going to talk to her and completely cross her off my list. Im just concerned :p

Please tell me what you think or if any of you have been in or seen a situation like this before. Thanks alot and god bless :)
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I feel that modesty is a state of mind and not of dress. A truly modest woman won't be the flirtatious kind because he heart and mind are focused on the Lord and not gaining attention. A woman can be wearing a gunny sack, but if her heart and mind are not modest she's missing the point of what truly matters. The Bible warns against women who await in the streets to speak enticing words to the men (flirtation), but according to many cultures nakedness in one form or another is commonplace and acceptable. Even Adam and Eve themselves were naked until they dressed themselves in fig leaves. Ever seen how much a fig leaf can cover recently?
Regardless of a woman's dress, if she has to outwardly proclaim that she's modest she isn't necessarily truly modest. The excuse that we need to cover up for the sake of an observing man's mind is not scripturally true because that's giving too much credit to a woman (another person) for the sinfulness of a man's heart. If that man isn't walking close enough to God not to lust then it's his fault, especially in this day and age. It is the the responsibility of a woman to ''protect'' the heart and mind of a man that is not her husband. It's God's responsibility. This is why a woman can easily come to church wearing a flour sack dress and be just as immodest as someone wearing the latest Gucci triangles held together with shoelaces to the beach.
 
C

CW

Guest
#4
#4
Thanks! these are certainly some great points that make me think. And yes modesty is in the mind also. Im sure you guys can see why this kind of waves a red flag for me. It kinda just doesnt add up. We all like attention yes, but when i go to a youth group... it just doesnt seem like the place for it lol! ( dressing this way). trying to get people to look at her in these clothes , etc.

I mean its not toooo bad. Shes not wearing a fig leaf lol!! But sometimes its just a little too provocative for my...um.... liking?? haha you know what i mean! :p
 
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I

Isdaniel

Banned
#5
Oct 14, 2013
4,750
21
0
#5
What is appropriate wear for christian women at beaches ?
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#6
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#6
I think longer tankinis with shorts or skirts are good choices for the beach.

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C

CW

Guest
#7
#7
Thats a very good question. Im not sure. I will google it :). I too am a sinful man and dont want to say that bikini should not be worn. But in reality yes it is showing too much and can inflict lust.
 
C

CW

Guest
#8
#8
truth is that people are visually stimulated. Even that blue outfit will inflict lust lol. We must have the mentality in our minds and out hearts not to lust. Pray to god to help us
 
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M

Mammachickadee

Guest
#9
#9
Isdaniel said:
What is appropriate wear for christian women at beaches ?
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Obviously whatever meets the need for clothing without drowning them. Swimming is a sport that most every person indulges in in a non-athletic fashion. Would a woman be safe wearing a blue jean dress covering them neck to knees into the water? No... because they would drown. lol the same for most any heavy material. However, a woman can wear a simple one piece with any alterations necessary to help her ''feel'' she is honoring God. It's more about the desire a person has to please God than a need to meet the ''dress standards'' of Christian society where there's actually an option. If you are going to a Christian camp or college where there's a dress standard you should observe that dress standard because they are in position over you. However, if it's simply a matter of conviction it's doubtful a woman will have much worry. I would venture to say someone who goes to the beach wearing as little as possible isn't going there to enjoy the water and enjoy freedom of swimming ability in God's creation. Does a Christian woman consider buying a scant bikini because she thinks it will be the best way of honoring God with her body? probably not. lol
 
M

Mammachickadee

Guest
#10
#10
CW said:
truth is that people are visually stimulated. Even that blue outfit will inflict lust lol. We must have the mentality in our minds and out hearts not to lust. Pray to god to help us
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Exactly. lol I have it on the word of many men that it's not always a woman's outward appearance that makes a man want them. Also, a woman's outward appearance becomes an idol to that woman if she's constantly thinking about it in terms of whether or not a man is thinking of her in a sexual manner (whether as a desire to entice or a desire to ''protect''). A truly modest Christian woman will have a conviction when God desires her to change because her focus will be properly place on Him. God will give her the desires of her heart because she will be so bonded with Christ that her desires will be HIS desires. Such a relay of her inward state will make her desirable in a godly fashion no matter what her dress.
I also have it on the word of many men with whom I have had this discussion that a woman who is covered for the sake of covering everything makes him think more about what is under the clothes than if she is simply tastefully dressed. Rather counter-productive if you ask me. The point is to draw attention to God and not to self, requiring a near ignorance of what a ''desire to be outwardly modest'' entails in the eyes of ones fellow man.
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#11
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#11
My church had a baptism beach party a couple of months ago. About 800 of us attended the event at a local water park. Funny thing, not a single mention was made of modesty. No degrading measuring sticks were applied to the women, and the men were not treated as horny dogs about to pounce. Out of love for our brothers and sisters in Christ, we all made efforts toward modesty and respect without being reminded. I don't think I saw any bikinis, definitely no speedos. I wore my vintage-inspired, black, skirted halter in the pool and my Hawaiian-print wrap with my sun hat in the lounge chairs. Pretty much everyone wore generously cut swimwear. Several wore cover ups.

Granted, I felt a little weird sharing a picnic table with my pastor (and professor) and his family while all of us were in our bathing suits. But it was just like a big, loving family. All of us exercised personal responsibility in our choices, and we all extended grace to our neighbor's choices.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
CW said:
Hello all :)

So there is this girl at my church and she seems very sweet and nice. But sometimes does not dress modestly. She is single and very flirtatious which is nothing wrong with that. But for some reason it kind of worries me that she does not exactly dress modestly sometimes.

I know yes a woman has to attract a man somehow and many time women like to dress up for themselfs and not for anyone else. But this not dressing modestly waves a red flag for me for some reason. I mean its not that bad but sometimes it is not quite what i would expect a young christian woman to wear. I also think her parents are fine with this. She knows she is pretty and Its not like im not going to talk to her and completely cross her off my list. Im just concerned :p

Please tell me what you think or if any of you have been in or seen a situation like this before. Thanks alot and god bless :)
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There are a couple of young ladies at my church who dress in a way that bothers me sometimes. It worries me for them. I don't think they realize the impact what they are wearing has on the men around them (of ANY age). That can spell trouble for them that they are not prepared to handle. They hear guys talking about what they think is attractive on a woman and they think that's what they should be wearing. I don't think we do a very good job teaching young women these things to be honest.

The young lady you are speaking of might be very much like some of the girls at my church, whom I know to be VERY innocent minded and who love the Lord and His people with all of their hearts. Try to see beyond her clothing to the person she IS before you decide. You might miss something very precious otherwise.

I have always been a tomboy who enjoyed kidding around with my friends, most of whom were guys. I probably still do. I don't see it as being flirtatious, but I can see how others might. Something to think about...

I also hope that the young ladies who are reading this forum will take your post to heart and give some thought to what they are wearing. I probably should give more thought to it myself. We probably all should. Thank you for posting.
 
M

Mammachickadee

Guest
#13
#13
Misty77 said:
My church had a baptism beach party a couple of months ago. About 800 of us attended the event at a local water park. Funny thing, not a single mention was made of modesty. No degrading measuring sticks were applied to the women, and the men were not treated as horny dogs about to pounce. Out of love for our brothers and sisters in Christ, we all made efforts toward modesty and respect without being reminded. I don't think I saw any bikinis, definitely no speedos. I wore my vintage-inspired, black, skirted halter in the pool and my Hawaiian-print wrap with my sun hat in the lounge chairs. Pretty much everyone wore generously cut swimwear. Several wore cover ups.

Granted, I felt a little weird sharing a picnic table with my pastor (and professor) and his family while all of us were in our bathing suits. But it was just like a big, loving family. All of us exercised personal responsibility in our choices, and we all extended grace to our neighbor's choices.
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That's the way it should be. Babysitting everyone's neck and hip lines with a measuring stick when they are grown adults is spiritual abuse. Feed the soul, trust God, and God will work in the hearts and affairs of mankind as He has always been wont to do.
 
S

simplechick

Guest
#15
#15
I think people should just wear what they wanna wear if I wanna wear a short dress I wear it plus its the heart that counts the most
 
C

CW

Guest
#16
#16
Jullianna said:
There are a couple of young ladies at my church who dress in a way that bothers me sometimes. It worries me for them. I don't think they realize the impact what they are wearing has on the men around them (of ANY age). That can spell trouble for them that they are not prepared to handle. They hear guys talking about what they think is attractive on a woman and they think that's what they should be wearing. I don't think we do a very good job teaching young women these things to be honest.

The young lady you are speaking of might be very much like some of the girls at my church, whom I know to be VERY innocent minded and who love the Lord and His people with all of their hearts. Try to see beyond her clothing to the person she IS before you decide. You might miss something very precious otherwise.

I have always been a tomboy who enjoyed kidding around with my friends, most of whom were guys. I probably still do. I don't see it as being flirtatious, but I can see how others might. Something to think about...

I also hope that the young ladies who are reading this forum will take your post to heart and give some thought to what they are wearing. I probably should give more thought to it myself. We probably all should. Thank you for posting.
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Yes well im just not going to talk to her and cross her off my list because of that. She does seem very nice. Still an issue tho. Sometimes her body language is provocative, bending over, trying to get people to look. I think she might be relying on physical characteristics more so than whats on the inside. I do understand yes women like to be viewed as beautiful, and yes shes pretty and wants look the best she can. So im almost cutting her some slack in my mind and trying to make myself belive its 100% okay. But honstly there's something about it that bothers me. ( never did i think i would live a day where id say something like that LOL)

As for being innocent minded: i think she does has christian values, and will stand firm in them. Again i dont know her that well haha. Everything else seems right in place the only thing i struggle with is the whole not dressing modestly. Belly shirts at a youth group in my mind are not okay.
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#17
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#17
simplechick said:
I think people should just wear what they wanna wear if I wanna wear a short dress I wear it plus its the heart that counts the most
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The problem with this is that any sin can be justified with this mindset. It's the heart that matters...so therefore, sex outside of marriage isn't wrong for us, or homosexuality for that matter, because we love each other and our love is pure and in our hearts, we feel that it's okay, and it's the heart that counts most.

Just saying.

The heart is deceitful. It is out of the heart of man that the sin flows and that temptation comes and that emotions come...the heart is irrational. Our soul and flesh must be lined up under the spirit, where the Lord resides. Modesty is not necessarily about the heart of the person wearing it, but rather the heart of the person seeing it. To incite lust in another carelessly is foolish. Modesty is beautiful and one of the greatest lies regarding it perpetrated by the devil is that it doesn't matter what you wear, so long as your heart is pure. I daresay that if your heart is, in fact, pure, you would dress modestly because anything less is not glorifying to God. IMHO.
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#18
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#18
On a side note of randomness, in "Kiss the Girls and Made Them Cry, Lisa Bevere was asked if it was okay for teen girls to dress seductively. Here's her response:

"Sure, I think it is a great idea. Go right ahead and dress like a whore if you want to attract a whoremonger. It's like fishing - the bait you use will determine what you'll catch. So if you want to hook a sleazy guy, by all means dress sleazy."
Click to expand...
I think that sums it up nicely.
 
M

Mammachickadee

Guest
#19
#19
simplechick said:
I think people should just wear what they wanna wear if I wanna wear a short dress I wear it plus its the heart that counts the most
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Well one thing's for sure. A short dress makes people do a double take cause they wanna see if your panties flash them. It's an involuntary reaction. Some men are blessed with a naivety, but... :)
 
M

Mammachickadee

Guest
#20
#20
CW said:
Yes well im just not going to talk to her and cross her off my list because of that. She does seem very nice. Still an issue tho. Sometimes her body language is provocative, bending over, trying to get people to look. I think she might be relying on physical characteristics more so than whats on the inside. I do understand yes women like to be viewed as beautiful, and yes shes pretty and wants look the best she can. So im almost cutting her some slack in my mind and trying to make myself belive its 100% okay. But honstly there's something about it that bothers me. ( never did i think i would live a day where id say something like that LOL)

As for being innocent minded: i think she does has christian values, and will stand firm in them. Again i dont know her that well haha. Everything else seems right in place the only thing i struggle with is the whole not dressing modestly. Belly shirts at a youth group in my mind are not okay.
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Agreed on the belly shirts. It takes a special kind of figure to even make them tasteful in the first place. lol
Much of it could be a cultural thing. Ya know the song ''I wish they all could be California girls''? One can notice that certain regions have certain cultural norms that influence a person's standards.
 
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