Feeling single and alone and thinking about starting online dating. Advice or site recommendations?

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carag73

New member
Sep 25, 2018
3
8
3
#1
Hey everyone, I know it's 2018 and everyone seems to be doing online dating. I'm thinking about getting involved and have never really tried it before. If it any of you have any experience with online dating including sites, general advice etc. that would be very helpful. I guess I first need to take a few good pictures of myself haha. It seems like the sites for adults are something like Christian Café, Christian mingle or eHarmony so maybe I will start there unless you guys have better recommendations. I hope to hear from all of you.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,150
2,344
113
#2
I didn’t use online dating websites, but I remember falling hard for someone I chatted with online, and then it didn’t work out.

My advice is to keep your feet on the ground. Too often, we let our emotions get ahead of us before we really get to know the other person.

Pray for the Lord to direct you and to give you wisdom and discernment. Many will say they are Christian, but remember to look at their character. What fruits do they bear?

Pay attention to any red flags that show up.

I’m sure others have stories/advice.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,815
11,535
113
66
Tennessee
#4
Hey everyone, I know it's 2018 and everyone seems to be doing online dating. I'm thinking about getting involved and have never really tried it before. If it any of you have any experience with online dating including sites, general advice etc. that would be very helpful. I guess I first need to take a few good pictures of myself haha. It seems like the sites for adults are something like Christian Café, Christian mingle or eHarmony so maybe I will start there unless you guys have better recommendations. I hope to hear from all of you.
I met my late second wife in an AOL Romance Christian Single chat room in 2002 and my current (and last) wife here on CC in 2014 so my experiences has been positive.

I believe that there is a lot less pressure in the initial stages of establishing a relationship as you have time to be alone to formulate the thoughts that you are trying to express.

Yes, at least one current pic of yourself will be a must and be honest with the details that you provide about yourself. It may take a little time to really get to know someone and to discern who is phony and who is genuine. My thoughts are someone who is not sincere will not waste a lot of time trying to develop a relationship that may never happen in the first place. I would also pray about this before beginning this endeavor.

One other piece of counsel and that is never date a man that you would not consider marrying and to realize that the person you are communicating with is a real human being and not some virtual character that can simply be deleted if you get cold feet or lose interest.

For both of my experiences the process was quite an adventure and well worth the cost of admission. May your journey be equaling rewarding. I wish you all of God's best to search and find the man of your heart's desire.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,402
1,978
113
#7
Hey everyone, I know it's 2018 and everyone seems to be doing online dating. I'm thinking about getting involved and have never really tried it before. If it any of you have any experience with online dating including sites, general advice etc. that would be very helpful. I guess I first need to take a few good pictures of myself haha. It seems like the sites for adults are something like Christian Café, Christian mingle or eHarmony so maybe I will start there unless you guys have better recommendations. I hope to hear from all of you.
I've never tried online dating Sites. From what bit I've heard they aren't so great, Especially the Christian ones.
Many use such sites for reasons other than dating. Both Christian and secular.
But, again, that's what I'm hearing, not what I know.
I have, however, done quite a bit of online dating apart from dating sites.
It's good to know some of the things to watch out for.
Anyone too eager to meet early on. Or expressing an excessive amount of feelings too soon.
Anyone claiming they can't do video chat. That's one of the biggest red flags. Even more so for phone calls.
Or if they do video chat but you can't see them clearly.
One asking for, or hinting at, issues about money, no matter the amount, earlier on.
People whose ability to communicate is always limited. If they always have to keep things short, or seem to speak in quieter tones, or disappear for long periodsiof time they're either hiding something, such as an offline relationship/marriage or are too busy to give you the attention you need. If that's the case, why bother?

That's a few big ones. There are plenty more. It would probably be beneficial to search it out online to find out more. Also check out the show Catfished to pick up things to watch out for. It may sound ominous, but it's not that bad if you know what precautions to take.

There are always naysayers, so take them with a grain of salt. Just go slow and don't rush into anything.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
16,724
9,102
113
#8
Hey everyone, I know it's 2018 and everyone seems to be doing online dating. I'm thinking about getting involved and have never really tried it before. If it any of you have any experience with online dating including sites, general advice etc. that would be very helpful. I guess I first need to take a few good pictures of myself haha. It seems like the sites for adults are something like Christian Café, Christian mingle or eHarmony so maybe I will start there unless you guys have better recommendations. I hope to hear from all of you.
Firstly, find your identity and security in Christ first. Without that, you will find every relationship unsatisfying anyway. :)

Decide what you are seeking before signing up, and be specific about what you want (or don't want!).

Unless you live in or near a large population centre, or are open to a long-distance relationship, the Christian sites are probably a waste of time (and money). The secular sites provide a larger pool, but will have more "chum" than "game fish".

In my limited experience, many people claiming to be Christians on secular sites are "Christian" only in that they aren't Moslem, Buddhist, or something else. Plus, secular sites usually don't offer distinctions between Evangelical and Catholic (or JW, or Mormon, or any other pseudo-Christian group). By being specific in your description you can filter out a lot of "not a chance" and "fishy" fishes.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,637
9,304
113
#10
Online dating rarely if ever works. And you never know who you're actually talking to. There's a lot of cat fish out there. Meet a person in real life and not online.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,150
2,344
113
#11
Online dating can and has worked in the past for many folks.

One thing that helped me was I didn’t assume my husband liked me before meeting him in person. I prayed for God to help keep me level headed. Husband and I didn’t become a couple until 2 months AFTER we met in person.

Others may have established a relationship before meeting in person. It has worked for some. It may have not worked for others.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,704
2,974
113
#12
Hi Carag!

Welcome to CC--I hope you enjoy your time here. I can understand your interest in online dating. If I'm ever going to meet someone, it will most likely be online, although I am currently not on any dating sites. When you work all the time, go to a church in which the average member's age is 65, and don't have the time to do whatever it is that people do to meet other single people, online venues might seem like the only viable option.

I've been on all 3 of the sites you've mentioned and while it's been a long time, I would suggest Googling reviews of any site you're interested in. I don't like eharmony because they follow a strict formula--there is a questionnaire that will take about an hour to fill out, and they will only send you matches that supposedly fit within the restraints of that questionnaire. Unless things have changed, all matches are sent to you--you are not able to go through profiles or pick out the prospects you would like to talk to on your own.

As I said, I haven't been on these sites in a long time, so they might be different now. ChristianCafe had a rather small community and not many people, and Christian Mingle was known to count inactive profiles as part of their numbers (so that they could say, for example, that they have 5,000 members, but in reality, maybe only 2,000 were active and out of that, maybe only 20 members are active in your area, and of those, only 5 might be in your age range). I have also read stories about some sites paying people just to talk to members as if they were available members of the site in order to keep people's hopes (and membership dues) up.

I was thinking of rejoining Mingle a few years ago, but I saw that they eliminated their chat rooms, which caused me to lose interest. I found that seeing people interacting in real time cut down on some of the riff raff--maybe someone would try talking to you, but you would quickly find out that this person was also flirting with every other member of the opposite gender in the room.

My best advice would be to:

1. Stay realistic. I don't attract jocks, CEO's, lawyers and doctors, or guys who look like models in real life, and so if someone who claims to be any of those things online approaches me, I always stay guarded (I've only had 3 guys who would fit this description approach me online; 2 were catfish and the other, if he was real, was so arrogant that it was painful even to hear him talk, because it was all about himself.) As much as we would all like to think our online unicorn is out there and just waiting for us to login to the right site, I truly believe it's better to know yourself and what kinds of people talk to you in real life. My experience is that this doesn't change online, unless people are pretending to be someone they are not.

2. Stand your ground. Don't let anyone bully or manipulate you into giving out your information or doing anything you don't feel comfortable with. Some people might claim I'm a catfish but I don't feel comfortable with video calling, and I don't give out my information (phone number, personal email, etc.) unless someone has been willing to stick around and exchange messages for a while. Most people won't wait around that long, and many are just looking for a quick hook-up, whether claiming to be a Christian or not.

I could tell you a ton of stories, like the guy who said, "Well unlike some people (he was throwing shade at me), I'm an actual adult without being paranoid all the time" when I wouldn't give him my phone number after his first message. Or the guy who thought I would be a perfect mother to his son because of a similar family history, and when I told him (which I clearly state in my opening profile page) that I don't plan on having or raising any kids, he pretty much cussed me out, told me it was my loss, and then blocked me so I couldn't even make a reply. People won't like you if you don't agree to be what they want in order to make their own lives better.

3. Always put your safety first. I would recommend not meeting anyone in person until you've talked to them for quite some time, and when you meet, do so in the middle of the day (coffee or lunch is a good option), at a very public place, and park as close as you can to the establishment where you meet. (I have heard of some women being followed to their vehicles and assaulted, but this could happen with any kind of dating.) I would also suggest that if it's long-distance, request that the gentleman visit you first so that it's on your own territory and you have friends and family to look out for you, and if I met someone long-distance, I would offer to split the cost of his travel, hotel, and food, in order to make it fair.

I always let a friend or relative know I am meeting someone and text them before I leave and when I get home. For a first date, I always make it sound like I have somewhere to be ("I'd love to meet for lunch at 12:30, but I only have until 3 PM, because I'm helping my brother with a project," so that the other person clearly knows that someone expects to hear from me at a specific time, just in case they're planning on throwing me in a van and driving away.

Although there's a lot of ruckus you have to deal with, I can't say that I would trade my online experiences because I learned a lot and have met some very interesting people.

Even though CC isn't a dating site, I've also had some great online experiences as far as meeting people here and making new friends, both online and in real life.

Best wishes to you, and please keep us posted on how it goes!
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
35,008
12,578
113
#13
As much as we would all like to think our online unicorn is out there and just waiting for us to login to the right site, I truly believe it's better to know yourself and what kinds of people talk to you in real life. My experience is that this doesn't change online, unless people are pretending to be someone they are not.

:)
 

carag73

New member
Sep 25, 2018
3
8
3
#15
Hi Carag!

Welcome to CC--I hope you enjoy your time here. I can understand your interest in online dating. If I'm ever going to meet someone, it will most likely be online, although I am currently not on any dating sites. When you work all the time, go to a church in which the average member's age is 65, and don't have the time to do whatever it is that people do to meet other single people, online venues might seem like the only viable option.

I've been on all 3 of the sites you've mentioned and while it's been a long time, I would suggest Googling reviews of any site you're interested in. I don't like eharmony because they follow a strict formula--there is a questionnaire that will take about an hour to fill out, and they will only send you matches that supposedly fit within the restraints of that questionnaire. Unless things have changed, all matches are sent to you--you are not able to go through profiles or pick out the prospects you would like to talk to on your own.

As I said, I haven't been on these sites in a long time, so they might be different now. ChristianCafe had a rather small community and not many people, and Christian Mingle was known to count inactive profiles as part of their numbers (so that they could say, for example, that they have 5,000 members, but in reality, maybe only 2,000 were active and out of that, maybe only 20 members are active in your area, and of those, only 5 might be in your age range). I have also read stories about some sites paying people just to talk to members as if they were available members of the site in order to keep people's hopes (and membership dues) up.

I was thinking of rejoining Mingle a few years ago, but I saw that they eliminated their chat rooms, which caused me to lose interest. I found that seeing people interacting in real time cut down on some of the riff raff--maybe someone would try talking to you, but you would quickly find out that this person was also flirting with every other member of the opposite gender in the room.

My best advice would be to:

1. Stay realistic. I don't attract jocks, CEO's, lawyers and doctors, or guys who look like models in real life, and so if someone who claims to be any of those things online approaches me, I always stay guarded (I've only had 3 guys who would fit this description approach me online; 2 were catfish and the other, if he was real, was so arrogant that it was painful even to hear him talk, because it was all about himself.) As much as we would all like to think our online unicorn is out there and just waiting for us to login to the right site, I truly believe it's better to know yourself and what kinds of people talk to you in real life. My experience is that this doesn't change online, unless people are pretending to be someone they are not.

2. Stand your ground. Don't let anyone bully or manipulate you into giving out your information or doing anything you don't feel comfortable with. Some people might claim I'm a catfish but I don't feel comfortable with video calling, and I don't give out my information (phone number, personal email, etc.) unless someone has been willing to stick around and exchange messages for a while. Most people won't wait around that long, and many are just looking for a quick hook-up, whether claiming to be a Christian or not.

I could tell you a ton of stories, like the guy who said, "Well unlike some people (he was throwing shade at me), I'm an actual adult without being paranoid all the time" when I wouldn't give him my phone number after his first message. Or the guy who thought I would be a perfect mother to his son because of a similar family history, and when I told him (which I clearly state in my opening profile page) that I don't plan on having or raising any kids, he pretty much cussed me out, told me it was my loss, and then blocked me so I couldn't even make a reply. People won't like you if you don't agree to be what they want in order to make their own lives better.

3. Always put your safety first. I would recommend not meeting anyone in person until you've talked to them for quite some time, and when you meet, do so in the middle of the day (coffee or lunch is a good option), at a very public place, and park as close as you can to the establishment where you meet. (I have heard of some women being followed to their vehicles and assaulted, but this could happen with any kind of dating.) I would also suggest that if it's long-distance, request that the gentleman visit you first so that it's on your own territory and you have friends and family to look out for you, and if I met someone long-distance, I would offer to split the cost of his travel, hotel, and food, in order to make it fair.

I always let a friend or relative know I am meeting someone and text them before I leave and when I get home. For a first date, I always make it sound like I have somewhere to be ("I'd love to meet for lunch at 12:30, but I only have until 3 PM, because I'm helping my brother with a project," so that the other person clearly knows that someone expects to hear from me at a specific time, just in case they're planning on throwing me in a van and driving away.

Although there's a lot of ruckus you have to deal with, I can't say that I would trade my online experiences because I learned a lot and have met some very interesting people.

Even though CC isn't a dating site, I've also had some great online experiences as far as meeting people here and making new friends, both online and in real life.

Best wishes to you, and please keep us posted on how it goes!
Wow thank you so much for the in depth response ( to everyone else as well). It is really cool to hear that some people have even met here on this forum. I definitely agree with you with the whole keeping your guard up thing especially with online dating. Is true that there are a lot of catfish out there that are just trying to scam you out of money or break your heart or both:(

I feel like I'm the person that is fairly grounded and I will definitely stay safe with online dating. I have heard a lot of the same things that you have heard and trust me about that hour-long survey from eHarmony. It is so silly how they do not mention the price anywhere on their website for how much their service costs. I ended up having to Google it and I ran across a site that talks about the apparent eHarmony service costs...

Anyways after this super long survey I finally got the actual prices of their service in a was more than double what this website has told me. Needless to say I did not sign up for it even though I heard that there far lots of Christian couples that have met on eHarmony. Anyways I feel like they were not being transparent from the start so they do not deserve my money I guess.

Maybe I will try Christian mingle or Christian Café in the coming week or so. I have also heard a lot of horror stories as well but I guess it all depends on the chances of who you meet on each of these sites. I also plan on using some sort of background check on whoever I meet on the sites. I will also make sure to have a video chat with somebody before meeting up with them to make sure they are actually a real person haha. Thanks again guys for the tips and I will definitely let you guys know how it goes once I finally take the leap:)
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,268
113
#16
Online dating..hmmm..been there..done that..many sites..some expensive..some free..theyre good for intoductory purposes only..amyone can put anything in thir profiles and sometimes people dont actually want to MEET..a lot just want sex or to text..play the field to feel better bout themselves..HOWEVER 6 of my friends have met n married sucvessfully from online dating..so..use your common sense..lots of scammers out there but have YOURSELF prepared as a person FIRST..emotionally..spirotually..physically..no one else will complete you..:)