Finding a Christian spouse

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
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#43
Does Christian Chat count as 'social media' after all it does have a conspiracy forum?
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
946
600
93
#44
Thank you, I'm really happy to have found this community! Yes I definitely will not settle. I watched how divorce destroyed our family because I believe my mom and dad were completely mismatched. Both of them subsequently got remarried and divorced again. My dad got divorced twice even. So I am definitely not willing to settle and would rather wait than face heartbreak and devastation because of impatience. I'm sorry to hear that you went through all of that, I hope you have been able to heal.

Yes, I agree nobody's perfect and I know that God can take even the most anti-Christ person and make them a warrior in His kingdom but it seems that I'm always the "spiritual one" in the relationship. All the Christian men that have expressed interest lack prayer lives and that passion for God that I so desperately want them to have. Or they're cessationists who just ignore the devil and pretend that he doesn't exist. I'm hard pressed to find men my age who are actually serious about intercession, fasting, spending more than an hour with God every day.

Someone else said that I should just wait a couple of decades haha I think I will just have to.
I knew a missionary couple. The wife was very vocal and was very comfortable walking up to random people and talking about Jesus. The husband on the other hand, was a Godly man but was very quiet. He mostly listened and stood next to his wife. They probably had the same level of faith, but I felt they were slightly mismatched in their expressiveness. I don't know for sure, but wouldn't be surprised if she led most of Bible study. You have to see for yourself, but some guys may be less expressive about their faith but still have deep faith.
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
5,668
2,295
113
Mesa, AZ
#45
I knew a missionary couple. The wife was very vocal and was very comfortable walking up to random people and talking about Jesus. The husband on the other hand, was a Godly man but was very quiet. He mostly listened and stood next to his wife. They probably had the same level of faith, but I felt they were slightly mismatched in their expressiveness. I don't know for sure, but wouldn't be surprised if she led most of Bible study. You have to see for yourself, but some guys may be less expressive about their faith but still have deep faith.
You'd be surprised. Sometimes these kinds of differences are what make them a puzzle-piece match-up. A woman in my church called my late wife water, and me, fire.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#46
I knew a missionary couple. The wife was very vocal and was very comfortable walking up to random people and talking about Jesus. The husband on the other hand, was a Godly man but was very quiet. He mostly listened and stood next to his wife. They probably had the same level of faith, but I felt they were slightly mismatched in their expressiveness. I don't know for sure, but wouldn't be surprised if she led most of Bible study. You have to see for yourself, but some guys may be less expressive about their faith but still have deep faith.
Sounds like my best friend and his wife. He's like that, and she's like that.

Like Gojira said, they work well as a pair. Each is good at things the other stinks at.

The trick seems to be being aware and able to admit the other person is better than you at something, and being willing to step up and do the things you are better at. But that's just what I've observed - I've never been there myself - so I could of course be wrong.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,645
2,865
113
#47
Thank you, I'm really happy to have found this community! Yes I definitely will not settle. I watched how divorce destroyed our family because I believe my mom and dad were completely mismatched. Both of them subsequently got remarried and divorced again. My dad got divorced twice even. So I am definitely not willing to settle and would rather wait than face heartbreak and devastation because of impatience. I'm sorry to hear that you went through all of that, I hope you have been able to heal.

Yes, I agree nobody's perfect and I know that God can take even the most anti-Christ person and make them a warrior in His kingdom but it seems that I'm always the "spiritual one" in the relationship. All the Christian men that have expressed interest lack prayer lives and that passion for God that I so desperately want them to have. Or they're cessationists who just ignore the devil and pretend that he doesn't exist. I'm hard pressed to find men my age who are actually serious about intercession, fasting, spending more than an hour with God every day.

Someone else said that I should just wait a couple of decades haha I think I will just have to.
The number of threads I've seen on this site on "where are all the Christian men/women" is actually crazy.
It seems to me there are lots of Christians that feel no one they meet with romantic hopes is ever spiritual enough.
It's kind of ironic, actually. Makes me wonder are all these spiritual people just not crossing paths, and if not, why not? Or is it more about how people are perceiving others?


A notion that dawned on many here (at least years ago, not sure if it's as common now) is spend less time on your "I want" list and more time on your "what do I have to offer" list.

Often times what we Believe we want is not what's really best for us. There may be traits less important than we believe, or even traits we never knew we would enjoy we never think to want.
Know your core and most important needs and forget the rest.
 
Feb 27, 2023
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#49
28 Male here and I feel you. As the youngest of 4 brothers who are all now married, I feel pressure to find to find that "right christian woman". You've got to remember though as well, that this is quite possibly the hardest generation to find a good spouse, especially a christian spouse. The wants and needs of many have fallen away from God. Social media and all their backwards ideologies have run rampant. I struggle in the UK to even know where to look tbh. But all I can say is focus on the things of God and continual prayer which I'm sure you are doing!
 

Beckie

Well-known member
Feb 15, 2022
2,516
935
113
#50
Yes honestly I know what you mean. Even the head pastor of my church is a woman. In modern times, women have really taken that mantle of being spiritual leaders. Most of my Christian friends are women too. And all the males in ministry I know are already married.

Yeah I definitely don't want to bring children into the world without a solid family structure with Jesus as our foundation because I grew up in an environment where our family structure was very unstable. So I know firsthand how detrimental that can be to everyone involved.
Not really the topic of this thread but seems the authority of your church is out of line.
 
Feb 17, 2023
44
62
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Somewhere
#51
Not really the topic of this thread but seems the authority of your church is out of line.
I prayed and prayed about this for weeks because I also come from the background of believing that women cannot be pastor's. Now, I truly believe that God led me to the church that I currently go to. When I was praying and fasting for an answer about whether I should continue going to this church which is lead by a woman, God led me to really study about Deborah in the bible and after my study, I learned that Deborah was not just a judge but she was a spiritual leader of Israel and would often preside over spiritual matters. She was also God's mouthpiece as a prophet. As I was studying, God spoke to me in my spirit and said "imagine if everyone opposed that Deborah become a judge because it doesn't fit with creation order." God can use anyone at any point in time to lead a people. The guidelines Paul gave about pastors are just that, guidelines and if God raises a woman to lead His people, then who am I to oppose that? The lead pastor of my church is spiritually sound and preaches about sin and judgement. I have found no error in her preaching and the church as a whole has edified me greatly while I've been in Korea. I understand that people have their convictions and believe that a woman should not lead a church but as for me, this is where God has led me and it's where I'm staying while I live here ☺️

Side note - Paul also states that men shouldn't cover their head and women must cover their heads while praying or prophesying in church but we all seem to just pick and choose what we want to enforce 🤷🏾‍♀️ so it's important to be led by the Spirit for interpretation of the word of God.
 
Feb 17, 2023
44
62
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Somewhere
#52
28 Male here and I feel you. As the youngest of 4 brothers who are all now married, I feel pressure to find to find that "right christian woman". You've got to remember though as well, that this is quite possibly the hardest generation to find a good spouse, especially a christian spouse. The wants and needs of many have fallen away from God. Social media and all their backwards ideologies have run rampant. I struggle in the UK to even know where to look tbh. But all I can say is focus on the things of God and continual prayer which I'm sure you are doing!
That is such a good point Samuel. Honestly evil is increasing and it seems like the devil is doing all he can to make sure that Christians don't get married because he knows that there's so much power in unity and the family unit as God designed it. So true! Every time I go on social media, I'm just disgusted with all the nakedness, pride, and lack of morals. UK and Ireland are pretty similar culture-wise so I definitely get where you're coming from. Yes, that's my plan tbh, I am not looking for anyone anymore. Just focusing on my work in His kingdom, spending time with Him and truthfully, that's all I need ☺️
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
946
600
93
#54
My view on this topic is that it is already hard to find a compatible person, where mutual attraction exists, etc. and now we are also adding another criteria by seeking someone who is Christian (and there are various types/denominations with different views).

For me, while I think about or turn to God every day (for example, if I am going through something, or if someone is sick I ask God to make them well in a few sentences), I don't have a set prayer or devotional life where I spend 30 minutes in the morning or evening praying or reading the Bible everyday. So, personally I wouldn't want someone who never prays or doesn't want to talk about God, but at the same time if someone is spending a lot of time in prayer their lifestyle may also be different from mine and might not be too compatible. For example, would this person mind if I like to read fiction or will he think it is a waste of time, doesn't like going to the movies, etc. I am actually friends with people who are conservative this way, but being friends is one thing and being married to someone is different. So, in the Christian pool you have some who are not living Godly lives at all...all the way to those who are very conservative. Finding someone compatible within the Christian pool is important.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#55
Howdy Samuel, and welcome to the forum.

28 Male here and I feel you. As the youngest of 4 brothers who are all now married, I feel pressure to find to find that "right christian woman". You've got to remember though as well, that this is quite possibly the hardest generation to find a good spouse, especially a christian spouse. The wants and needs of many have fallen away from God. Social media and all their backwards ideologies have run rampant. I struggle in the UK to even know where to look tbh. But all I can say is focus on the things of God and continual prayer which I'm sure you are doing!
Surely thou art in jest! You don't even have to leave the house these days to go looking for a mate. Stacked up against all of history, this generation has the EASIEST time spouse hunting, because of the very technology you cited.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#56
Does Christian Chat count as 'social media' after all it does have a conspiracy forum?
It sure does. In fact, this site is my only resource in regard to social media.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#57
Howdy Samuel, and welcome to the forum.


Surely thou art in jest! You don't even have to leave the house these days to go looking for a mate. Stacked up against all of history, this generation has the EASIEST time spouse hunting, because of the very technology you cited.
I know from personal experience and observation that this is true.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#58
It sure does. In fact, this site is my only resource in regard to social media.
ok but it doesnt have any ads so am wondering does CC really count.
Unless its all the women advertising themselves to be a wife. Maybe.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#59
Even though the Bible says NOT to look for a wife or husband. Because its just gonna be trouble.

1 Corinthians 7:27

But who really listens to what Paul had to say about it anyway.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#60
ok but it doesnt have any ads so am wondering does CC really count.
Unless its all the women advertising themselves to be a wife. Maybe.
In 2014 CC had ads for about 2 weeks. There were so many complaints that the owner removed the ads. As you know this site is supported financialy strictly by donations. I gave a sizeable donation years ago but sadly have been lax since. Time for another one sooner rather than later.