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I AM ACTUALLY HAPPY FOR YOUR PARENTS
IN FACT THE GENERATION BEFORE MINE SEEMINGLY HAS MANY STORIES SIMILAR
UNFORTUNATELY HOWEVER
SINCE THAT PERIOD
INCLUDING THE NOW 8 BILLION PEOPLE OF THE CURRENT TIME AND WORLD
DATING 10 TO 20 PEOPLE BEFORE YOUR 30 IS NO LONGER A STRETCH OF IMAGINATION
IN FACT
GROWING UP IN A CHRISTIAN FAMILY
IS NO LONGER AT THE SAME VALUE AS LETS SAY 25 YEARS AGO
GENERALLY FROM THOSE IN MY OWN CHURCH I HAVE LEARNED
MOST OF THEM AS YOUNG ADULTS WENT PRETTY MUCH AS WILD AS POSSIBLE
BEFORE RETURNING BACK TO THE LORD
AND THE YOUNG ADULTS OF THIS GENERATION ARE WELL BEYOND
WHERE I WAS AT 20 AND I MYSELF LIVED FOR ONE PURPOSE
AND THAT WAS NOT MARRIAGE OR LOVE BUT NUMBERS IF YA CATCH MY DRIFT
I FIND IT COMPLETELY ADMIREABLE FOR YOU YOUNG ADULTS
LOOKING FOR LOVE IN YOUR FIRST SHOT AT DATING
BUT
COMMON SENSE TELLS US ASIDE FROM STATISTICS ALONE
THE AVERAGE AGE FOR A PERSON TO REMAIN A VIRGIN IN THIS TIME OF WORLD
IS TRAGICALLY AROUND THE AGE OF 14
WHICH MEANS THOSE YOU MEET AT 25
COULD HAVE POSSIBLY HAD 5 TO 7 SEXUAL PARTNERS BEFORE YOU
SO
FOR THE PERSON WHO IS CHERRY PICKING FOR THAT SPECIAL -------ONE-------
REMEMBER
THAT PERSON IS STILL SPECIAL TO THE LORD EVEN IF THEY HAVE BEEN
A MEMBER OF THE TRACK TEAM AND ACCUMULATED SEVERAL LAPS BEFORE YOU
SO
I AM NOT SAYING MY APPROACH IS ALWAYS THE BEST
EVEN THOUGH IT WORKS GREAT FOR ME
WHAT I AM SAYING IS
LET US BE PERFECTLY HONEST HERE FOR A MINUTE
NOT MANY OF US WILL EVER BE IN A SITUATION
WHERE THOSE AROUND US ON A CONSISTANT BASIS WILL ALWAYS BE CHRISTIAN
SO THIS LEAVES A VARIETY OF PEOPLE THAT NOW INCLUDE NON-BELIEVERS
THIS MEANS CHANCES ARE FOR YOU TO FIND SOMEONE SPECIAL
NOW INCLUDES EVERY WALK OF LIFE
BUT
EVEN NOW IN MY WORLD WHICH IS MOSTLY OF THE CHRISTIAN WORLD
I STILL HAVE NO DOUBTS
MY APPROACH WILL GET ME WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR WHEN I CHOOSE TO DO SO
I can completely respect your experiences and unique personality as an individual, Joint Heir.
I just want to be sure that the guys out there know it is perfectly FINE if they don't feel a need or at all comfortable with the thought of asking out scores of women. Everyone has their own God-given style and approach.
Yes, some people have been on "sports teams" and have "accumulated many points", and of course, God loves them and forgives them just as much as the person who never played sports.
It's just that some of us are looking for the guy who's been sitting on the bench the entire time and was never even given a chance to play.
I know what you are saying about statistics and the world today--I was once in a Master's degree for psychology so I had my fair share of studying those numbers--but I want everyone to remember as well:
THE GOD WE SERVE AND BELIEVE IN IS A LITTLE (JUST A LITTLE, I'M TOLD
) ABOVE STATISTICS AND THE SUPPOSED "COMMON SENSE" OF THIS WORLD, SO NEVER FEEL YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE CROWD.I went to see a childhood friend yesterday--did I mention her husband was a virgin as well? And they married while in their late 20's.
I have had the privilege of meeting some great guys in their late 20's who are sweet, considerate, well-mannered (these are the things that always catch my attention) and are still virgins, so it's not impossible.
My ex-husband, by the way, was not a Christian, but he attended Lutheran church with me every Sunday, which is one of the reasons why I had agreed to marry him.
This is just me personally, but if I had to choose between a sweet, inexperienced guy who was open to my faith and in support of pursuing it with me vs. an ex-player who was now returning to the Christian life, guess which one I would choose? But, that's just me. The problem I've found with ex-players is that yes, they are wanting to follow God, but they are used to pursuing many women out of lifestyle habits, and because of that, being loyal and faithful to one woman is extremely difficult for them. They become bored, restless, and have an "itch" to go out and "pursue"--the devil knows this as well and is sure to place plenty of temptation in their lives. THEN the guy will proceed to blame everyone but himself, while quoting Scriptures as a backup and demanding forgiveness.
I'd rather have a good person with a kind soul whom God is working on than a Christian bully who uses his Bible as a billy club with which to subdue and manipulate other people while using God's Word to try to justify his own actions the entire time--I've been more than a few situations where this has happened, so this is not just harsh criticism.
Not ALL are like this, of course, but I have yet to meet the exception for myself.
And I know you're probably thinking, "Well, Seoulsearch is probably saying all this because she's a dried-up old hag who couldn't get a date to save her life."
I actually had a first date with someone yesterday who, bless his heart, was very complimentary and has been the entire time I've been talking to him. I told him I was a jeans and t-shirt girl and that's exactly what i wore, which he thought was great--said he liked that I was down to earth.
So, believe it or not, I'm actually speaking from experience as well. Granted, not nearly as much experience as some
, but it's not all hypothetical rambling, I promise. And the reason I choose to keep the personal photos of myself private (accessible only to those on my Friends List) is because I would hope that if someone would want to talk to me here, it would be on the basis of what he's read in my posts and not because of looks. (I have some very kind friends who tell me I'm at least not an ogre, but maybe they are just being generous.
)
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I can completely respect your experiences and unique personality as an individual, Joint Heir.
I just want to be sure that the guys out there know it is perfectly FINE if they don't feel a need or at all comfortable with the thought of asking out scores of women. Everyone has their own God-given style and approach.
Yes, some people have been on "sports teams" and have "accumulated many points", and of course, God loves them and forgives them just as much as the person who never played sports.
It's just that some of us are looking for the guy who's been sitting on the bench the entire time and was never even given a chance to play.
I know what you are saying about statistics and the world today--I was once in a Master's degree for psychology so I had my fair share of studying those numbers--but I want everyone to remember as well:
THE GOD WE SERVE AND BELIEVE IN IS A LITTLE (JUST A LITTLE, I'M TOLD) ABOVE STATISTICS AND THE SUPPOSED "COMMON SENSE" OF THIS WORLD, SO NEVER FEEL YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE CROWD.
I went to see a childhood friend yesterday--did I mention her husband was a virgin as well? And they married while in their late 20's.
I have had the privilege of meeting some great guys in their late 20's who are sweet, considerate, well-mannered (these are the things that always catch my attention) and are still virgins, so it's not impossible.
My ex-husband, by the way, was not a Christian, but he attended Lutheran church with me every Sunday, which is one of the reasons why I had agreed to marry him.
This is just me personally, but if I had to choose between a sweet, inexperienced guy who was open to my faith and in support of pursuing it with me vs. an ex-player who was now returning to the Christian life, guess which one I would choose? But, that's just me. The problem I've found with ex-players is that yes, they are wanting to follow God, but they are used to pursuing many women out of lifestyle habits, and because of that, being loyal and faithful to one woman is extremely difficult for them. They become bored, restless, and have an "itch" to go out and "pursue"--the devil knows this as well and is sure to place plenty of temptation in their lives. THEN the guy will proceed to blame everyone but himself, while quoting Scriptures as a backup and demanding forgiveness.
I'd rather have a good person with a kind soul whom God is working on than a Christian bully who uses his Bible as a billy club with which to subdue and manipulate other people while using God's Word to try to justify his own actions the entire time--I've been more than a few situations where this has happened, so this is not just harsh criticism.
Not ALL are like this, of course, but I have yet to meet the exception for myself.
And I know you're probably thinking, "Well, Seoulsearch is probably saying all this because she's a dried-up old hag who couldn't get a date to save her life."
I actually had a first date with someone yesterday who, bless his heart, was very complimentary and has been the entire time I've been talking to him. I told him I was a jeans and t-shirt girl and that's exactly what i wore, which he thought was great--said he liked that I was down to earth.
So, believe it or not, I'm actually speaking from experience as well. Granted, not nearly as much experience as some, but it's not all hypothetical rambling, I promise.
And the reason I choose to keep the personal photos of myself private (accessible only to those on my Friends List) is because I would hope that if someone would want to talk to me here, it would be on the basis of what he's read in my posts and not because of looks. (I have some very kind friends who tell me I'm at least not an ogre, but maybe they are just being generous.)
I just want to be sure that the guys out there know it is perfectly FINE if they don't feel a need or at all comfortable with the thought of asking out scores of women. Everyone has their own God-given style and approach.
Yes, some people have been on "sports teams" and have "accumulated many points", and of course, God loves them and forgives them just as much as the person who never played sports.
It's just that some of us are looking for the guy who's been sitting on the bench the entire time and was never even given a chance to play.
I know what you are saying about statistics and the world today--I was once in a Master's degree for psychology so I had my fair share of studying those numbers--but I want everyone to remember as well:
THE GOD WE SERVE AND BELIEVE IN IS A LITTLE (JUST A LITTLE, I'M TOLD
) ABOVE STATISTICS AND THE SUPPOSED "COMMON SENSE" OF THIS WORLD, SO NEVER FEEL YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE CROWD.I went to see a childhood friend yesterday--did I mention her husband was a virgin as well? And they married while in their late 20's.
I have had the privilege of meeting some great guys in their late 20's who are sweet, considerate, well-mannered (these are the things that always catch my attention) and are still virgins, so it's not impossible.
My ex-husband, by the way, was not a Christian, but he attended Lutheran church with me every Sunday, which is one of the reasons why I had agreed to marry him.
This is just me personally, but if I had to choose between a sweet, inexperienced guy who was open to my faith and in support of pursuing it with me vs. an ex-player who was now returning to the Christian life, guess which one I would choose? But, that's just me. The problem I've found with ex-players is that yes, they are wanting to follow God, but they are used to pursuing many women out of lifestyle habits, and because of that, being loyal and faithful to one woman is extremely difficult for them. They become bored, restless, and have an "itch" to go out and "pursue"--the devil knows this as well and is sure to place plenty of temptation in their lives. THEN the guy will proceed to blame everyone but himself, while quoting Scriptures as a backup and demanding forgiveness.
I'd rather have a good person with a kind soul whom God is working on than a Christian bully who uses his Bible as a billy club with which to subdue and manipulate other people while using God's Word to try to justify his own actions the entire time--I've been more than a few situations where this has happened, so this is not just harsh criticism.
Not ALL are like this, of course, but I have yet to meet the exception for myself.
And I know you're probably thinking, "Well, Seoulsearch is probably saying all this because she's a dried-up old hag who couldn't get a date to save her life."
I actually had a first date with someone yesterday who, bless his heart, was very complimentary and has been the entire time I've been talking to him. I told him I was a jeans and t-shirt girl and that's exactly what i wore, which he thought was great--said he liked that I was down to earth.
So, believe it or not, I'm actually speaking from experience as well. Granted, not nearly as much experience as some
, but it's not all hypothetical rambling, I promise. And the reason I choose to keep the personal photos of myself private (accessible only to those on my Friends List) is because I would hope that if someone would want to talk to me here, it would be on the basis of what he's read in my posts and not because of looks. (I have some very kind friends who tell me I'm at least not an ogre, but maybe they are just being generous.
)
I CAN COMPLETELY WITHOUT DOUBT AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID
BUT
I AM REMINDED OF ONE THING
I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO OBVIOUSLY HAS BEEN AROUND THE TRACK
AND HAS BEEN FAMILIAR WITH MORE THAN ONE WOMAN
SO
EVEN THOUGH LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
WE WANT THAT FRESH FACED NEVER BEEN TOUCHED ICONIC EMBLEM OF PRESTIGE
I STILL MUST ALWAYS REMIND MYSELF
IT WOULD BE HYPICRITICAL TO SET A STANDARD TOWARDS OTHERS
THAT I CANT UPHOLD IF THEY WERE USED TO COMPARE ME
AND
MANY OF US IF WE WERE TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST
WOULD FALL THEMSELVES INTO THAT SAME CAREGORY
AND IT SOON BECOMES
NOT AS I HAVE DONE BUT AS I WANT
AND THAT IS UNFAIR AND HYPICRITICAL TO EVERYONE
I admire your honesty, Joint Heir, and I agree with you in that I would not demand a standard from someone that I was not able to meet as well in those aspects.
Having once been married, I obviously have a bit of a "count" as well, and as I said, some guys have rejected me because of that, which I understand and respect. I would not, in any way, shape, or form, demand that a guy must be a virgin in order to date me, obviously.
But on the other hand, the problem I have with some "reformed Christian players" I've met is that they aren't reformed at all--they've just slapped the name of Jesus onto their addiction and somehow think a good Christian girl will "keep them good." A good Christian woman can't keep them good at all--I used to buy into that lie at one time-- and I can tell you, what she'll really have to do is stand by and be embarrassed by all the messes. Ask me how I know this!!
I just want to make sure there is room here for an open variety of personalities and approaches, because I hate seeing good, sweet guys thinking they must turn into loud, boorish, take-no-prisoner-type brutes (and I am NOT saying that to you specifically, Joint Heir--I am speaking in general here, so please don't take offense!) in order to get a date!
I have a very tender spot in my heart for guys who are a little more laid back and used to standing in the shadows while it seems all the jocks are getting the girls. I just want to hug them and say, "Please don't give up, and please don't stop being who God made you to be. Keep trying, keep praying, keep seeking after who you really are, and don't let someone else tell you what you have to be."
I was one of those awkward, always-overlooked types and still am at heart. The jocks at school used to talk to me only because 1. they wanted to talk to my friends or 2. they wanted me to do their homework. (Being a bitter and spiteful teen back then, I used to purposely give them the wrong answers or put things in such a confusing way, they quickly stopped asking.)
But time has a strange way of equalizing odd social norms. I see members of the old "beautiful" crowd from high school around town, and they're not so beautiful anymore. Oddly, people who see me tell me I get better-looking the older I get (maybe it's THEIR eyesight that's just getting worse, I don't know). But as proof that God has an ironic sense of humor, I have, through a work situation, had a high school jock (member of the football team) try to ask me out at last--several times. Too bad it occurred about 15 years too late!
To all you guys out there who are shy or more introverted, please don't give up. I just saw an excellent series ("Don't Get Married Until...") by a guy named Perry Cole who is about my age, and he said, "When I was in the dating scene, I got turned down more often than the sheets at the Hampton Inn." It took two years (that's a tad bit more than ten seconds) for his future wife to even agree to go out on a date with him.
He just stuck with who he was and followed his dream of becoming a pastor. And what a Godly woman he finally found!! Not only is she beautiful and in enviably great shape (they have a young daughter), but she is also a medical doctor.
Don't ever stop following what God has for you and don't let anyone else tell you you're a failure for who you are--who you are may be someone who doesn't date much or doesn't seem to have much "dating experience", but that is perfectly all right with God.
And it may be much more than just "all right" to the woman you may marry someday--she may be ecstatic to have found you and to learn about the way you've lived.
I know I will be when I meet that guy!!! And I'm going to thank him as often as I can for hanging in there and believing God that there was someone out there who would appreciate the unique person that he is.
Having once been married, I obviously have a bit of a "count" as well, and as I said, some guys have rejected me because of that, which I understand and respect. I would not, in any way, shape, or form, demand that a guy must be a virgin in order to date me, obviously.
But on the other hand, the problem I have with some "reformed Christian players" I've met is that they aren't reformed at all--they've just slapped the name of Jesus onto their addiction and somehow think a good Christian girl will "keep them good." A good Christian woman can't keep them good at all--I used to buy into that lie at one time-- and I can tell you, what she'll really have to do is stand by and be embarrassed by all the messes. Ask me how I know this!!
I just want to make sure there is room here for an open variety of personalities and approaches, because I hate seeing good, sweet guys thinking they must turn into loud, boorish, take-no-prisoner-type brutes (and I am NOT saying that to you specifically, Joint Heir--I am speaking in general here, so please don't take offense!) in order to get a date!
I have a very tender spot in my heart for guys who are a little more laid back and used to standing in the shadows while it seems all the jocks are getting the girls. I just want to hug them and say, "Please don't give up, and please don't stop being who God made you to be. Keep trying, keep praying, keep seeking after who you really are, and don't let someone else tell you what you have to be."
I was one of those awkward, always-overlooked types and still am at heart. The jocks at school used to talk to me only because 1. they wanted to talk to my friends or 2. they wanted me to do their homework. (Being a bitter and spiteful teen back then, I used to purposely give them the wrong answers or put things in such a confusing way, they quickly stopped asking.)
But time has a strange way of equalizing odd social norms. I see members of the old "beautiful" crowd from high school around town, and they're not so beautiful anymore. Oddly, people who see me tell me I get better-looking the older I get (maybe it's THEIR eyesight that's just getting worse, I don't know
). But as proof that God has an ironic sense of humor, I have, through a work situation, had a high school jock (member of the football team) try to ask me out at last--several times. Too bad it occurred about 15 years too late! To all you guys out there who are shy or more introverted, please don't give up. I just saw an excellent series ("Don't Get Married Until...") by a guy named Perry Cole who is about my age, and he said, "When I was in the dating scene, I got turned down more often than the sheets at the Hampton Inn." It took two years (that's a tad bit more than ten seconds) for his future wife to even agree to go out on a date with him.
He just stuck with who he was and followed his dream of becoming a pastor. And what a Godly woman he finally found!! Not only is she beautiful and in enviably great shape (they have a young daughter), but she is also a medical doctor.
Don't ever stop following what God has for you and don't let anyone else tell you you're a failure for who you are--who you are may be someone who doesn't date much or doesn't seem to have much "dating experience", but that is perfectly all right with God.
And it may be much more than just "all right" to the woman you may marry someday--she may be ecstatic to have found you and to learn about the way you've lived.
I know I will be when I meet that guy!!! And I'm going to thank him as often as I can for hanging in there and believing God that there was someone out there who would appreciate the unique person that he is.
If the root is Holy then the tree is Holy. Good trees produce good fruit. While that doesn't make us perfect, a person who you are considering to date and possibly marry someday is held to a higher standard in my book. Because you will be yoked together. Lots of people have been fooled by someone who says they are a christian only to get married then find out later the person is just a sunday morning christian. That person abandons the faith in the afternoon and walks like the world until church comes around again.
I deffinatly think you also shouldn't be unequally yoked with one of those if you are trying to walk in the light. Some christian guys will avoid christian women who dress sensually, who attempt to attract men with their body. The bible actually says THAT along with alot of other things (adulteries, fornications, hatred, murders, deceit) come from the hearts of men. That being said, there are probably some women who have been truly born again and from the lies of the world and weak pulpits don't understand that anymore.
But anyway, if the first thing that comes out of somebodies mouth is crude, especially considering they are trying to make an impression, then that is not a leap in my opinion. First impressions are everything.
I deffinatly think you also shouldn't be unequally yoked with one of those if you are trying to walk in the light. Some christian guys will avoid christian women who dress sensually, who attempt to attract men with their body. The bible actually says THAT along with alot of other things (adulteries, fornications, hatred, murders, deceit) come from the hearts of men. That being said, there are probably some women who have been truly born again and from the lies of the world and weak pulpits don't understand that anymore.
But anyway, if the first thing that comes out of somebodies mouth is crude, especially considering they are trying to make an impression, then that is not a leap in my opinion. First impressions are everything.
M
If the root is Holy then the tree is Holy. Good trees produce good fruit. While that doesn't make us perfect, a person who you are considering to date and possibly marry someday is held to a higher standard in my book. Because you will be yoked together. Lots of people have been fooled by someone who says they are a christian only to get married then find out later the person is just a sunday morning christian. That person abandons the faith in the afternoon and walks like the world until church comes around again.
I deffinatly think you also shouldn't be unequally yoked with one of those if you are trying to walk in the light. Some christian guys will avoid christian women who dress sensually, who attempt to attract men with their body. The bible actually says THAT along with alot of other things (adulteries, fornications, hatred, murders, deceit) come from the hearts of men. That being said, there are probably some women who have been truly born again and from the lies of the world and weak pulpits don't understand that anymore.
But anyway, if the first thing that comes out of somebodies mouth is crude, especially considering they are trying to make an impression, then that is not a leap in my opinion. First impressions are everything.
I deffinatly think you also shouldn't be unequally yoked with one of those if you are trying to walk in the light. Some christian guys will avoid christian women who dress sensually, who attempt to attract men with their body. The bible actually says THAT along with alot of other things (adulteries, fornications, hatred, murders, deceit) come from the hearts of men. That being said, there are probably some women who have been truly born again and from the lies of the world and weak pulpits don't understand that anymore.
But anyway, if the first thing that comes out of somebodies mouth is crude, especially considering they are trying to make an impression, then that is not a leap in my opinion. First impressions are everything.
But what are you saying? That a woman who accepts such a compliment is straying from the path? I honestly can't see any reason at all why one would come to such a conclusion or even be using this as some kind of 'holiness test' in the first place.
L
The best way to do it is to just be bold and walk up to her and start up a conversation. You could start by introducing yourself and talk about your surroundings or the event that you are at, or you could compliment her on something like her outfit, then just be yourself. If you still like her at the end of the conversation, you could ask her if she wants to go get coffee (or whatever you like to do) so you could get to know her better.
Most women want a guy who is confident and sure of himself but not cocky. So take some risks, compliment her, make her laugh and be direct with her about what you want so she doesn't get confused.
Most women want a guy who is confident and sure of himself but not cocky. So take some risks, compliment her, make her laugh and be direct with her about what you want so she doesn't get confused.