How Long Until Proposal?

[Fenner]

You know, I'm going to admit that the first couple years were pretty rough. I wasn't a kid when I got married either, I was 29 and he was 30. I will also admit I wasn't the easiest person to live with either. Much of the strife was caused by me and I have apologized to my Husband for that, I'm not proud of what a brat I could be. Even my Mother once said, that poor boy love's you so much that he can't see what a pain the a** you are sometimes.

I was and still can be a pretty stubborn person. Not to say he's faultless because he can be a pain too, just in a different way. Getting to know someone is a good idea. Although for me him not knowing me benefited me. See it's all about me. I'm kidding.

 

[Pipp]

In my opinion ... I'd rather be good friends for a while before even dating so that if it did happen quickly after dating we'd already know each other very well.

 

[Tintin]

Either way, I would make doubly sure that we had some quality pre-marriage counselling together.

 

[Dino246]

If you have dated her for longer do you think you wouldn't have married her? (Just curious)

It is possible that I would have learned enough and asked around regarding her 'flag issues' that I would have hesitated, and perhaps not married her. But then I wouldn't have had the kids that I do.

 

[laura_charlotte]

My last gf wanted to get married fast, but she knew i wouldn't propose before a year of dating, even though i knew i wanted to marry her. But she understood my reasons and was glad i was not rushing. Despite spending months of talk about how she wanted to get married, she dumped me. Now where would we be if i had rushed into marriage, then she had the same reasons later?

The first statement is a warning sign about the person unto themselves. There would've been plenty of other warning signs along the way before this fell apart.

 

[Test_F_i_2_Luv]

i married my hubby 3 months after meeting him and we've been together almost 16 years now and have 3 kids. I dont think there is an appropriate time just when the people know its right.

35-16 = ~19.

How many 19/20 year olds realistically know they're ready to get married after 3 months of dating? Your situation seems more like that rare winning lottery ticket.

I dont think there is an appropriate time just when the people know its right. While I agree, I also think too many people "know its right" and then find out they were wrong not too long after they tie the knot.

Heck, at 3 months in the dating process aren't both the dude and dudette usually still dealing with infatuation? Somehow s/he "knows" s/he's found the right person?

 

[renewed_hope]

Honestly I thought I would be married with a house full of kiddos by now, but God had different plans. I had one specific type of guy in mind back in high school in who I wanted but my mindset has changed so much. I think it depends on the person and the couple. My parents dated two weeks and got engaged and they have been married for 25 years and counting. My dad has stuck by my mom in her illness and watched as my sister dealing with the same. So my answer to this is when it's the right person you will know and allow God to guide you and there is no right or wrong answer but there is a right time for you. Golly I hope that makes sense lol

 

[AsifinPassing]

Honestly I thought I would be married with a house full of kiddos by now, but God had different plans. I had one specific type of guy in mind back in high school in who I wanted but my mindset has changed so much. I think it depends on the person and the couple. My parents dated two weeks and got engaged and they have been married for 25 years and counting. My dad has stuck by my mom in her illness and watched as my sister dealing with the same. So my answer to this is when it's the right person you will know and allow God to guide you and there is no right or wrong answer but there is a right time for you. Golly I hope that makes sense lol

Makes sense to me...


Anyway, my answer to this is...probably at least 6 months (if you didn't know them previously), otherwise you're jumping into into what should be a permanent commitment with a person you barely even know.

Ideally, you would get to know each other and be friends a bit. Learn who the person really is in all sorts of circumstances, and like everyone else said...after getting to know them, if it's right and your following God's Will, then time frames are pretty variable.

 

[MollyConnor]

I think between 6 months to a year is good.
But lately I've been feeling I don't want to marry. So maybe never? lol

 

[violakat]

I'm going to say it depends. I know a lot of people who married soon after they met, and stayed married for years. Then I've also known people who got divorced despite dating for several years. Also, probably some who married quickly that got divorced as well. I will say that the younger you are, the better it is to wait to propose.

 

[chickwithsticks]

I have no answer but I have learned length of dating is not directly linked to outcomes. I dated my ex husband for 2 years, went through 8 weeks pre marital counseling/course through our church and was divorced 4 years after marriage. I have friends who dated for 4 months and have an amazing marriage..

 

[NukePooch]

To determine if your other would be your ideal soulmate for the rest of your days, I would have to say longer is generally better, as it gives more time to figure out who is going to take the trash out, who gets to kill bugs, and who does the dishes for the next 40 years. These are important issues that need not be rushed. Unless she makes nachos. Then I'm on bended knee in 30 minutes or less.

 

[melita916]

my fiance and i were friends (and still are friends lol) for 7 months before we officially became a couple. at almost 9 months of being together, he proposed. early in the relationship, we knew we wanted to get married. we didn't rush it though.

 

[Depleted]

One of my friends recently proposed to his girlfriend after dating for roughly 3 months and she said yes. That seems insanely quick to me but maybe I'm out of the loop? After how long would you say it is appropriate in general?

I was engaged a week after our first date. Married seven months later. And only that much later because it just felt wrong to marry before my brother. He had been engaged for 10 months before I even went on a date with future-hubby. (We married two weeks after they did.) Still married, and our 36th anniversary is coming up in a couple of months.

It's about how God leads. I never was one for doing what others expected me to do.

 

[Depleted]

Thanks for the responses. I made a poll so it's easier to keep track. And I'm also curious if the opinions are different for people who prefer the single life. (If you're married and want to vote then pick the first set por favor).

I never wanted to get married. I married the guy who changed my mind. And, funny thing, he never asked. He told me on the first date (after telling his entire life history) that he wasn't out to date, he was out to marry. I took that to heart. After the good-night kiss on that first date, I called Dad to tell him I just dated the guy I would marry. Five days later, I was asking him what we needed in our kitchen together. (I'm not much of a cook, and he's chef material.) Two days later, I asked him when we started talking marriage, and he told me. Freaked him out, but he went home, prayed about it, and thought it was a good idea. lol

 

[Depleted]

I have no idea how the word hated got in there.

Before we met, future-hubby lived in a house with a couple of other guys. One of the guys was madly in love with a girl from church. The girl was hysterical, constantly talking to future-hubby on how to get that guy away from her. He was "stalking" her.

Two years later, they married. I just thought your relationship started out like theirs. (BTW, they're still married. lol)

 

[Fenner]

I really think it depends on the couple. If I dated my Husband when I was 19, we probably wouldn't have gotten engaged so quickly. We had discussed the fact that we'd both like to marry and have kid's, but I didn't know he was going to ask.

I single-handedly unknowingly ruined his first attempts. He was going to college a couple of hour's away, he was in his last semester. I drove to visit him. He went to Penn state and there was a basketball game that weekend. That town revolved around Penn state sport's. He wanted to take me out to a nice dinner and ask there, well the wait for every restaurant. I was so hungry that I begged him to take me to Wendy's. He didn't want to ask me there. The next day we were supposed to hike, I forgot my sneakers, he was going to ask me on top of Mount Nitnay. The next day we went for a walk around the campus. I was freezing, it was so cold. He kept making me walk. We finally made it to a nice spot and he asked me. I asked, if I say yes, can we go inside? Then of course I said, yes a million times.

 

[Depleted]

35-16 = ~19.

How many 19/20 year olds realistically know they're ready to get married after 3 months of dating? Your situation seems more like that rare winning lottery ticket.

I dont think there is an appropriate time just when the people know its right. While I agree, I also think too many people "know its right" and then find out they were wrong not too long after they tie the knot.

Heck, at 3 months in the dating process aren't both the dude and dudette usually still dealing with infatuation? Somehow s/he "knows" s/he's found the right person?

Neither one of us cleaned up before the other one came over. We're both slobs, but in different ways. He had to ask me to change the cat litter. I was appalled he'd slap my cat off the counter just because he was preparing shrimp. (What? The cat can't grab any to eat raw?) He was allergic to the long-haired cat and told me either the cat goes or he goes. And then he watched me think that over quietly for quite some time. He was impressed I'd stick with a truly crappy job that paid less than minimum wage. I was impressed he'd actually pay for my dinner when we went to a restaurant. I'm also impressed he was that good at a trade, since I've got no mechanical skills. He was impressed I have a college degree but didn't think I was too good for that crappy job. He had to teach me that a three-year-old jar of opened Maxwell House coffee really doesn't count as coffee. I had to teach him liver shouldn't even be served to a dog. (A cat, sure, but not a dog. lol)

What we had and what we still have is full freedom to be who we are without ever being told we have to change in major ways, and yet, when we do want to change encouragement and support from the other. We both are completely open on who we are, so no hiding sped things up.

 

[Depleted]

To determine if your other would be your ideal soulmate for the rest of your days, I would have to say longer is generally better, as it gives more time to figure out who is going to take the trash out, who gets to kill bugs, and who does the dishes for the next 40 years. These are important issues that need not be rushed. Unless she makes nachos. Then I'm on bended knee in 30 minutes or less.

Bugs? The one who doesn't run away, of course!

The rest is determined by who it bothers first. lol

 

[Ultimatum77]

I would say at least 6 months, it's important to see how people respond to pressure situations/difficulties....it reveals their true inner character and not the fluff they present to you on an initial date.....when tough situations come, the tough keep going while others sometimes fall to pieces and leave.... other than infidelity/physical/emotional abuse marriage is a covenant that should never be broken.....