How to Get Rich and Attract That Faithful Christian Spouse You've Been Dreaming Of!!!

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seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
11,003
808
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

In a recent thread, a male poster joked that in his quest to find true love, he would make an exception for an older woman--IF she had enough money. This made me think of the hundreds of times I've heard it said in the dating world that "so-and-so (whether man or woman) is only out for money."

I'm pretty sure that all of us, in some way, have be rejected because someone thought we were too poor and/or below someone's (self-perceived) social class.

And so I thought, "If people give you lemons... Make lemonade... Then what would happen if you take that lemonade... and go out and sell the BAZOOKAS out of it???!!!"

This thread is meant to be humorous take on the fact that unfortunately, some people, whether claiming to be Christian or not, will be more concerned about what's in our wallet than in our heart.

If you couldn't tell, everything about this thread is meant to be funny/sarcastic. We all know a "faithful Christian spouse" who married us for our earnings wouldn't actually be faithful to us, but rather, to the greenbacks. So... why not make a few jokes about it along the way?

Therefore, here a few ways in which I am scheming to "Get Rich and Attract That Faithful Christian Spouse I've Been Dreaming Of!"

1. Get a job writing police reports--FOR the police (because I've heard that this is what they dread most about their job.) I'm thinking that as long as they are present--to get the gist of the crime; I can be the one to take on the headache--of putting it all down in rhyme. :D

2. Start up my own business (after all, people seem to come running when you tell them you own your own business!) In particular, I've been thinking about starting up my own Vegemite Food Truck. Australia has long been tops on my life-long bucket list, so why not get a head start familiarizing myself with Australian culture as soon as possible?

I was also thinking that I could rope Toinena into selling her soon-to-be world-famous knit goods on the side, and voila!!! Who could possibly resist a mobile truck selling not only Vegemite Toast, but handmade socks??? I'm pretty sure we'll be on the Forbes 500 list in no time at all.

3. And finally, if all else fails... It's time for my third, and possibly most foolproof plan: ask to "borrow" my brother's prized comic book collection--and then sell it on ebay when he's not looking. After all, I'm fairly confident that he'll forgive me--eventually--when he realizes that I used the money to marry myself off--and out--of the family.

And there you have it: 3 "How-Could-Anything-Possibly-Go-Wrong" get-rich quick schemes... almost certainly guaranteed to attract a future spouse! :p

Plus, here's a Bonus Round: right along with money, most people seem to make "exceptions" to their usual standards IF the person is extremely good-looking, so it's a double whammy if I earn enough money to not only be seen as "rich", but also to be able to afford massive plastic surgery along the way! :cool:

* How about the rest of you?

* What kinds of get-rich schemes would you come up with in order to attract a spouse? :)

Disclaimer: I'm hoping that most people will understand this this thread is a joke, and meant to be a backlash against some of the rejection we have all had over material things. We all know that as Christians, our worth is in Christ, not our bank accounts.

Unfortunately, we still have to deal with worldly expectations, even among fellow Christians... So I say, why not have a sense of humor about it along the way? :D


I'm looking forward to hearing all of your ideas! (It will also be amusing to see how many people answer this thread due to the title alone, and don't even bother reading the original post. :rolleyes:)
 

NoNameMcgee

Senior Member
May 6, 2017
4,977
1,055
113
#2
I have recently decided to win the lottery.






(buuuuut... i bet finding someone who isnt in it for money would be easier if i wasnt rich)
 
Dec 28, 2016
5,455
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#3
Maybe start a socks for mice business? That way ppl won’t hear they as they scurry across the floor.
 

Pipp

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2013
4,021
347
83
#4
Naturally I'll get rich off of my tasty cupcakes.

I'll make an exception for him if he's a professional masseuse. ;)
 

Jennie-Mae

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2017
744
185
43
#5
Making knitwear out of Wiregrass?
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,371
706
113
#6
I thought the point was to attract someone wealthy so that I could get rich....

I think the "poor-me-helpless-woman" trick is making men by the bus loads line outside my door....
 

seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
11,003
808
113
#10
Making knitwear out of Wiregrass?
Yes.

Especially for the people I DON'T want to date. :p
Reckon a date would run to the hills if you gave him that...lololol
Just wait 'til I give him the pair of matching Wiregrass briefs to go along with those socks. :cool:

(Hey, I figure all my plans will bring in such LONG LINES of suitors--take that, NoNameMcGee!!! :D--that I'm going to have to find just as much of a surefire way to chase off any posers.) :p
 
Dec 28, 2016
5,455
173
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#11
If someone could give an actual name to the candy bar ‘whatchamacallit’, I’d think they’d be worth a pretty penny.
 

NoNameMcgee

Senior Member
May 6, 2017
4,977
1,055
113
#12
I didn't want to say anything yet before I file a patent, but posting this on the internet should be safe.


I have actually invented a rock you put on your roof to prevent global (or flat plane) warming...

It also is said to stop ghost attacks....


100$ a pop
 

seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
11,003
808
113
#13
I didn't want to say anything yet before I file a patent, but posting this on the internet should be safe.


I have actually invented a rock you put on your roof to prevent the earth from going flat.

It also is said to stop ghost attacks....


100$ a pop
Fixed your post for ya, NoName.

I'm thinking you'll find plenty of customers on this site.

And hey... Why not make twice the money on one forum?

For all the people who believe the opposite... Just tell them their new pet rock has a "reverse button"--that will promptly keep the earth from going round.

For the win! :D

Forget global warming. I can already feel the chill in the air.

Why... From all that cold hard cash you're gonna rake in, of course. :p
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
6,011
1,340
113
#14
Naturally I'll get rich off of my tasty cupcakes.

I'll make an exception for him if he's a professional masseuse. ;)
Something awkweird here... methinks the word you need is "masseur".... :)
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
1,597
209
63
#15
1. I would create a device or contraption to "re-inflate", so to speak, fast-food sandwiches after they're given to you. Make them appear just as they do in advertisements.

2. I would create a version of the Clapper with a "Silence" or "Mute" function so that if someone's doing a lot of clapping, the lights won't turn on & off constantly.

3. If those two things fail, I'll just speak to my wallet and wait for the money contained therein to multiply. You know, just like some of the prosperity preachers say!

:cool:
 

seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
11,003
808
113
#16
2. I would create a version of the Clapper with a "Silence" or "Mute" function so that if someone's doing a lot of clapping, the lights won't turn on & off constantly. :cool:
Hmmm...

The Anti-Clapper?

It would also be cool to invent a "Multi-Clapper"-- well, not sure about the name yet... But it would be a Clapper with multiple options as to what noises turn the lights on and off. :)

So if everyone in the room is doing a lot of clapping... You could just change the setting to things such as "Whistle" (which would spell trouble for me because I can't whistle), "Fingers Snapping," "Duck Dynasty" (the lights turn on and off with the proper duck call), and, my personal favorite, "Grandma's Dentures" (you just have to get her to stand REALLY close to the speaker.)
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
13,136
833
113
#19
Getting rich is easy. Take any tool men use all the time, coat it in anodized black metal and call it "tactical." Instant Fortune.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
2,570
285
83
#20
1) I will go on multiple consecutive 40 day fasts. By the time I'm done I'll be thin and super spiritual and will have saved a whole lot of money (and if I fast from super expensive luxury foods I can save even more money). Should make me irresistible.

2) I will found the Christian dating site to end all Christian dating sites. Only real, authentic, thoroughly vetted Christians will be permitted on the site (defined as anyone who has been blessed by God enough to be able to afford the fees) and it will have a high membership cost because a godly spouse is a great treasure and worth the investment. Also this will give me first dibs on the guys so I can be sure that the best guy gets matched with only my profile.

3) I will become a christian celebrity by memorizing the whole Bible, then going on tour as the walking Bible so people can marvel and feel holy by association.


And if after all that I'm not rich and married or dead (well I guess rich doesn't matter if I'm dead) then I'll have to take drastic measures.... like contentment or just faking being rich until I sucker that faithful christian spouse into marriage ( a faithful christian spouse could never divorce me after all).