If None of Us Get Married, Who is God Calling to Raise His Next Generation?

[djness]

Hey Everyone,

*I wasn't sure how to "summarize" this one, so I know some people will want to read this and some will see it as being too long. My thanks in advance to those who want to read and discuss the topic.*

Something I was thinking about today: many of us here in Singles have a variety of different reasons as to why we aren't married. I could list a thousand different reasons and every single one has some validity. Some of the most popular reasons here in the forum seem to be: fear, hurt, rejection, can't find the right person (or any person), wanting to concentrate on other things right now (career, raising children, etc.), and believing that marriage has more negative outcomes than positive.

All of these reasons can be perfectly legitimate. But I couldn't help but ask, if most Christian singles don't get married, who is God calling to create and raise His next generation of believers?

As many here know, I myself am adopted. For whatever reason they had at the time, my birth parents (presumably) put me in a cardboard box and left me in a public place to be found. I was born into a society that sees no use for an unwanted child, except as an object or slave. I am very thankful to God that a young Christian couple in the middle of No
Where's Land, USA, very much wanted that unwanted child.

But what if a Christian couple had not stepped up? What if I had been adopted by two people who were very loving... but gay, and that was the only environment I had known? I can only imagine the stones and hellfire I would be walking through right now from the CHURCH, and not necessarily from God, because He would have understood my situation. Let me also tell you, as someone who went back to her own orphanage as an adult and saw for herself many, many children who will never be adopted, if this would have been MY ONLY CHOICE, I would have surely chosen two gay people who loved me as their own child rather than an institution. I am certainly NOT saying IN ANY WAY that it is God's plan for gay couples to raise the next generation.

BUT at the same time, if so many of us Christian singles aren't, who is God calling to raise the children who are both created and abandoned in order to fill the earth? God has never taken back the command to "Be fruitful and multiply," though that can mean very different things for different people.

The point of my post is this--many of us aren't married because we haven't found the "right" person, situation, or set of benefits that will entices us into getting married. Some of us are waiting for perfect people and perfect situations. Some just haven't found anyone willing to marry them (and I am certainly NOT condoning getting married just to be married or because you're in a rush.) Others are too afraid, hurt, bitter, or just not interested in looking. All of these situations might be acceptable in their own situations. But here are some questions I've been thinking about.

1. Do you think God will simply call together the "right number" of Christian couples to produce (whether on their own or through adoption, etc.) enough human beings to carry us into the future? Will they all be "nearly perfect couples", as we all seem to hope for in our own lives, or do you think they will be marriages purposely called together with a lot of flaws and heartaches?

2. Could God be calling us to what would be very hard marriages, partially in order to learn to trust Him, and partially in order to raise children? I once knew a couple who married in their early 20's. Everyone, including the groom's father, told her not to marry him because he was already a raging alcohol. But at 16 years old, she felt God was calling her to stand by and marry this man. It took 20 years of living hell--suicide attempts, drunken rages, ultimatums and near-divorce--but he finally gave his life to Christ. And, they had a beautiful daughter whom they both loved very much.

3. Instead of marrying, do you believe God is calling many of us singles to adopt, foster children, help raise the families of those around us who are struggling?

I understand that God's will and plans will prevail whether we all marry or not.

But I have to wonder, is the reason many of us aren't married and having families because we are refusing to answer a call into a life that might not have the happily-ever-after story we think we can find if we just hold out long enough? And if we don't answer the call, what will become of the next generation of Christians?

(I am not criticizing anyone for where they are at in life or why. After all, I happen to be one of those people hoping to hold out for a "good" situation! I just thought this might be an interesting topic of discussion.)

I don't think we need anyone making any more people at this point. Christian or not.

 

[gypsygirl]

while many don't care for the person credited with "it takes a village to raise a child", this concept is entirely true.

and probably not unlike most of you, i would further assert that the "village" that was required to help me to become who i am, is no a tiny group. the mentors, friends, leaders, teachers, relatives, bosses and church family all played vital roles in "raising me" and their collective contributions are no less significant than what my own family provided.

i think one of the many reasons why we are called to serve, to bear one another's burdens, to show love and care for His people is because "raising the generation" is one that falls upon all of us, not just the parents. and when i say that, in no way do i intent to diminish the role that parents play, either.

therefore, as a christian, childless single, i reject the notion that i am not "helping to raise the generations" that is currently growing up.

perhaps this is only one reason why we are told over and over again to love one another, to care for one another, to serve one another --in which we can contribute and fulfill such precious calling, while distinguishing and reflecting Christ in us. sometimes it's our action, and not our words that the world needs to witness to understand what sets us apart.

love, the VERB, that "roll up your sleeves, show up, get out of your house, get dirty, and involved" kind of love through service--not in a passive, "14% Christian, lip service way".

the inconvenient, purposeful kind of service, motivated by love, that is deliberate. not the obligatory thing you're willing to do because someone strong-armed or guilted you into becoming involved.

instead, the opportunities taken to become involved with someone who perhaps isn't your kin, but rather, your younger sister or brother in Christ--perhaps that person who is floundering and everyone just continues to validate and placate in their lost state (or simply offer a "i'll pray for you" as they scurry out of church) but is desperately in need of someone to come alongside in some form of discipleship, encouragement or practical assistance.

as i look around my world, the space that i occupy in any seven day stretch, there are so many around me who could benefit from someone else becoming truly involved in their life, taking the time and interest in someone, simply for the opportunity to se.

there are so many charities, causes and ministries dying for ONE person to become involved, such as the one i am involved in with jr. high girls in the school.

i am sort of baffled by those who feel too busy, shy, inadequate, or otherwise exempt from such opportunities to become involved in others' lives. on some level we're all "too ______".

one of the most memorable bible study teachings i ever heard was many years ago, when the speaker talked about "finding your purpose in life", a topic and quest that fascinated me for many years, as i listened to with keen interest. she summarized her message by saying, "we can never fulfill our purpose and calling alone, away from others, or from a distance." it was such a simple concept, but one that spoke deeply to me because in spite of so many around, i was alone, doing only MY thing. and all my volunteering was oriented towards animals, instead of people. rewarding, but insufficient.

regardless of the reason that one is single, we are never exempt or excluded from helping to "raise the generations". we may not have the specificity of assignments, but our obligations are no less significant or sacrosanct.

 

[seoulsearch]

Please note--this thread is NOT about how many people we have to populate the earth or whether there will be enough people on this planet. Humans will always have sex, and whether intentional or not, there will always be cases of procreation resulting from humans having sex. Furthermore, as one of my teachers once pointed out, God does not put limits on the human population. His command was to "be fruitful and multiply," NOT, "When you reach 7.2589 billion people, STOP."

I'm not worried about the human species dying off. But what about Christian households in which to raise them? In my own personal life, I was thinking about the fact that God found a Christian couple to adopt me and raise me as a Christian. But what if I had been sent to non-Christian household because of a lack of Christian households to send me to?

If all of us stay single, whether by situations we choose or not, how are all the future generations of human beings going to be raised as Christians?

This thread is also not about saying that we all have to get married or have children, either. But as I said in an earlier post, this is meant to be a reality check. Does God want us to contribute to "raising" other Christians in other ways besides marriage and are own families?

Also, as stated before... I have been thinking about the war in the threads over who "benefits most from marriage."

If our sole focus is "How will I benefit the most from this situation?" or "What's in it for me?", who are we really serving?

P.S. Gypsy, just read your post.

THANK YOU for getting the gist of what I've been trying to say here... PRAISE God for people who can act as my interpreters!

 

[seoulsearch]

Conservatives tend to be the ones who have less children.

So, Christianity is in very real danger of becoming extinct over successive generations. Either that or it will morph into something very different than it is today.

ServantStrike's post was exceptional and also communicated something I was trying to say but couldn't figure out how to say it.

It's not about creating JUST people or growing the population in numbers. There are NO WORRIES about that. Rather, it's about creating, raising, and perpetuating a strong, CHRIST-FOLLOWING next generation.

 

[cmarieh]

Hey Everyone,

*I wasn't sure how to "summarize" this one, so I know some people will want to read this and some will see it as being too long. My thanks in advance to those who want to read and discuss the topic.*

Something I was thinking about today: many of us here in Singles have a variety of different reasons as to why we aren't married. I could list a thousand different reasons and every single one has some validity. Some of the most popular reasons here in the forum seem to be: fear, hurt, rejection, can't find the right person (or any person), wanting to concentrate on other things right now (career, raising children, etc.), and believing that marriage has more negative outcomes than positive.

All of these reasons can be perfectly legitimate. But I couldn't help but ask, if most Christian singles don't get married, who is God calling to create and raise His next generation of believers?

As many here know, I myself am adopted. For whatever reason they had at the time, my birth parents (presumably) put me in a cardboard box and left me in a public place to be found. I was born into a society that sees no use for an unwanted child, except as an object or slave. I am very thankful to God that a young Christian couple in the middle of No
Where's Land, USA, very much wanted that unwanted child.

But what if a Christian couple had not stepped up? What if I had been adopted by two people who were very loving... but gay, and that was the only environment I had known? I can only imagine the stones and hellfire I would be walking through right now from the CHURCH, and not necessarily from God, because He would have understood my situation. Let me also tell you, as someone who went back to her own orphanage as an adult and saw for herself many, many children who will never be adopted, if this would have been MY ONLY CHOICE, I would have surely chosen two gay people who loved me as their own child rather than an institution. I am certainly NOT saying IN ANY WAY that it is God's plan for gay couples to raise the next generation.

BUT at the same time, if so many of us Christian singles aren't, who is God calling to raise the children who are both created and abandoned in order to fill the earth? God has never taken back the command to "Be fruitful and multiply," though that can mean very different things for different people.

The point of my post is this--many of us aren't married because we haven't found the "right" person, situation, or set of benefits that will entices us into getting married. Some of us are waiting for perfect people and perfect situations. Some just haven't found anyone willing to marry them (and I am certainly NOT condoning getting married just to be married or because you're in a rush.) Others are too afraid, hurt, bitter, or just not interested in looking. All of these situations might be acceptable in their own situations. But here are some questions I've been thinking about.

1. Do you think God will simply call together the "right number" of Christian couples to produce (whether on their own or through adoption, etc.) enough human beings to carry us into the future? Will they all be "nearly perfect couples", as we all seem to hope for in our own lives, or do you think they will be marriages purposely called together with a lot of flaws and heartaches?

2. Could God be calling us to what would be very hard marriages, partially in order to learn to trust Him, and partially in order to raise children? I once knew a couple who married in their early 20's. Everyone, including the groom's father, told her not to marry him because he was already a raging alcohol. But at 16 years old, she felt God was calling her to stand by and marry this man. It took 20 years of living hell--suicide attempts, drunken rages, ultimatums and near-divorce--but he finally gave his life to Christ. And, they had a beautiful daughter whom they both loved very much.

3. Instead of marrying, do you believe God is calling many of us singles to adopt, foster children, help raise the families of those around us who are struggling?

I understand that God's will and plans will prevail whether we all marry or not.

But I have to wonder, is the reason many of us aren't married and having families because we are refusing to answer a call into a life that might not have the happily-ever-after story we think we can find if we just hold out long enough? And if we don't answer the call, what will become of the next generation of Christians?

(I am not criticizing anyone for where they are at in life or why. After all, I happen to be one of those people hoping to hold out for a "good" situation! I just thought this might be an interesting topic of discussion.)

In Genesis 1:28, the bible says: "God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
I do believe that we need to be obedient and replenish the earth.

 

[seoulsearch]

This is also why the title of the thread specifically says "RAISE" God's Next Generation.

ALL people are able to biologically create and grow a generation. I would wager to say that many, many more unbelievers are adding to the population than believers (seeing as believers are in the minority as it is.)

So with strong Christian marriages and households becoming a dying (and, some would argue, nearly extinct) breed, who do you believe God is calling upon in order to RAISE this new generation in the ways of Christ?

 

[Lynx]

What part of the country do you live in seoulsearch?

"So with strong Christian marriages and households becoming a dying (and, some would argue, nearly extinct) breed..."

Where I live strong christian marriages are still going strong. Wherever you live, perhaps it's time to move.

I'm not being facetious. I'm really not seeing the problem here. Maybe it's a culture thing, maybe things are different where you live.

 

[seoulsearch]

^^^ I think that's great, Lynx.

I've lived in 3 major regions of the USA.

And in each place, strong Christian family units were a dying breed. Now days, I'M the one who is considered part of the "dysfunctional family" because dysfunction has become the new normal.

Both at work and at church, the "norm" of what I am usually surrounded by are families headed by single moms who have usually been abandoned by their husbands/fathers of their children. I used to work in a state in which many fathers skipped town and "crossed the border" to the another state in order to avoid paying child support and/or serving jail time. This is not to blame men at all, this is simply the culture I was engulfed in and still am today. I knew of a few single fathers but it was much rarer to find, at least where I lived.

One of the churches I attended in my home state for about a decade consisted of almost all single parent/divorced families.

And many of the families I know at church are very, very blended, with one or both spouses usually on a second marriage.

I am NOT saying at all that single parent/blended/remarried families can't be strong influences for Christ. What I AM saying though... is that what you most often found were families going through a lot of issues and much more stress and hardships in order to try to give their kids examples of both a Christian mom and a Christian dad because they would usually see just one or the other in their own home life.

 

[Shouryu]

So with strong Christian marriages and households becoming a dying (and, some would argue, nearly extinct) breed

Source, please.

Consider also...

Prophecy doesn't say that true believers grow in population. Christianity...TRUE Christianity is NEVER going to be the popular choice, the majority faith, the growing sect. Christ Himself had literally thousands of His own followers turn away once they realized how hard His was truly was.

It's not going to get better, because it's not supposed to.

 

[gypsygirl]

So, Christianity is in very real danger of becoming extinct over successive generations. Either that or it will morph into something very different than it is today.

indeed. and expressed pretty well by this passage:

For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.
matthew 7:14

i'm actually more concerned about those who are settling for all the comfort of the christian easy chair, who can spout the buzzwords, walk a few steps, but are doing a terrible job conveying, witnessing or sharing a real bible-based faith, because theirs is built on a bed of marshmallow slogans that excuses us from any heavy lifting and allow us to blame everyone else, from the devil to genetics.

sometimes i feel like the ones who are missing out the most are those who are being raised by, witnessed to, or the unfortunate observers of those practicing this rampant scourge of noisy, "look at me!", selfie-addicted facebook evangelism who only have a whiff of the real thing, and it's passing for a pretty crummy substitute at that.

those enjoying the comfort of a social club, a gossip network, and the guys wing night, but never seem to grasp the concept of sacrifice, service, and loving those who aren't so lovely, simply because we are called to so.

those who only know love as a noun. those christians who tell me their marriage ended because they "fell out of love" with their spouse, and those poor kids "don't deserve to grow up in a home where everyone fights", all while standing in church and saying it with a straight face.

those who think that they can homogenize the christian faith into something that still makes room for "the bachelor" and a reality TV kind of world, cherrypicking their "righteous indignation" for the homosexuals and their "agenda", yet coincidentally seems to have a far kinder view of their own (heterosexual) sin.

those folks who won't shut up about the dishonest politicians but lack any real authenticity and transparency. they appear blind to the fact they have their own 24/7 PR campaign waging, and would sooner lie to 100 folks than appear foolish or portrayed negatively by their "friends".

when i see those people raising kids, sharing their faith, and promoting that counterfeit faith --it's not too hard for me to understand why so many unsaved hate christians.

 

[seoulsearch]

It's not going to get better, because it's not supposed to.

Which is all the more reason why God is likely calling all of us to stand up and do something about it in our own way...

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm trying to find some hardcore evidence that documents both the success and failure rates of Christian vs. nonChristian marriages, as requested by Shour.

Interestingly, I came across an article that says atheists may have longer-lasting marriages than Christians (I know, I know... I'm not saying I agree with that, I just thought it was intriguing.) The other difficult part is that the sources I'm looking at also break down the statistic BY DENOMINATION, looking at rates specific to Catholics, born-again, evangelicals...

Hmm. This is interesting. And a lot more complicated that I had imagined. I guess I shouldn't be surprised!

 

[djness]

Which is all the more reason why God is likely calling all of us to stand up and do something about it in our own way...

Ok well aside from my comment about the population I spend time talking to young people about the bible, what it says, what it means, what I believe about God and pretty much anything else they won't talk to their friends or family about. I think I'm doing my christian duty of raising the generation pretty well.

 

[jeff_peacemkr]

perhaps I'm misunderstanding the gist of this post, but God never told His people, OT, or NT, to do things their own way as far as I've been able to find, read or remember.
in fact, they (and we) ALWAYS get in trouble (sometimes VERY BAD TROUBLE) doing things "our own way". (this is very clear from this forum, and practically ALL the places I've lived, and practically ALL the churches I've seen or heard about in decades all over the usa and the world.)

Which is all the more reason why God is likely calling all of us to stand up and do something about it in our own way...

 

[wisebeardman]

wat...........

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Interestingly, I came across an article that says atheists may have longer-lasting marriages than Christians (I know, I know... I'm not saying I agree with that, I just thought it was intriguing.)

This doesn't surprise me, as spiritual warfare is present, active and dangerous in Christian households.

 

[violakat]

perhaps I'm misunderstanding the gist of this post, but God never told His people, OT, or NT, to do things their own way as far as I've been able to find, read or remember.
in fact, they (and we) ALWAYS get in trouble (sometimes VERY BAD TROUBLE) doing things "our own way". (this is very clear from this forum, and practically ALL the places I've lived, and practically ALL the churches I've seen or heard about in decades all over the usa and the world.)

She's not saying doing it OUR WAY, but, doing things in an unorthodox way, because that is what God has called some of us to do.

 

[ChandlerFan]

Source, please.

Consider also...

Prophecy doesn't say that true believers grow in population. Christianity...TRUE Christianity is NEVER going to be the popular choice, the majority faith, the growing sect. Christ Himself had literally thousands of His own followers turn away once they realized how hard His was truly was.

It's not going to get better, because it's not supposed to.

Not to get way off topic, but while it could be true that Christianity will never be the majority faith in a given place (likely because there are many other religions out there to choose from), there are places where Christianity has grown and is growing incredible rapidly. And actually if you look at world history, attempts to snuff out Christianity by governments and rulers only led to it growing all the more rapidly.

As far as this whole marriage thing goes, I actually believe that it's sort of a widespread, self-deprecating myth that Christian marriages are becoming extinct. Less people in general are getting married because marriage is becoming less and less valuable in a society where people do not generally hold a high view of marriage but hold individualism and self-actualization in high regard, and believe in the cheap, fleeting form of love that Hollywood teaches to us rather than the type of love that God teaches. You could also attribute it to the fact that a lot of people are choosing to live together and never actually take the step to marry, and you don't have to be married in order to be sexually active. Basically, people are getting what they see as all the benefits of marriage without actually having to commit themselves to someone. (The fact that the average age for childbearing is now lower than the average age for marriage is telling.)

The reality is, though, Christians get married at a higher rate than any other demographic, and in studies that I've seen, the divorce rate for evangelical Christian marriages is among the lowest, if not the lowest, of any religious demographic, including the non-religious and atheists. The divorce rate is still unfortunately high, however, but I don't believe that this is something that always has to be this way.

I think the question in the thread title is a good thing to consider, seoulsearch, because the reality is that even as single people, we can have an impact on these statistics if we will take steps of faith to share the gospel with people. We're also in a unique position to get involved in the lives of other people's families and many of us potentially have extra time to evangelize non-Christians and disciple baby Christians. When a person becomes a Christian, it transforms the type of father or mother and husband or wife that person is going to be. So while I don't believe that Christian marriages are going extinct, I do believe that we can have a valuable hand in improving the numbers.

We should also be asking ourselves if we're ready for when God calls us to marriage. Not necessarily ready in the sense that we're prepared for all of the challenges that marriage will present, but ready in the sense that we have a solid foundation in our relationship with God so that we won't crumble when things do go wrong and so that we have a gospel frame of reference with which to relate to a potential future spouse when conflict arises. And also ready in the sense that we are aware of the potential challenges that can come with marriage so that we aren't blindsided by them and we know how to address them.


Sources for above stated facts:
Barna Group Divorce Statistics from 2008
FactChecker: Divorce Rate Among Christians
9 Things You Should Know About Marriage in America

 

[MissCris]

My husband and I are trying to raise our children to grow up to be strong Christians. Obviously we can't force them to believe, we can't force them to accept Christ...but we can, and are trying to, set the example and give them the information, and set the foundation they need.

But we need help. My babies won't be babies forever (they're barely babies NOW, it's scary how fast that happens!), and eventually they are going to need more than just Mom and Dad and grandparents to look up to, and to look to for guidance. It's hard for me to accept that. It's hard to think of letting go of their little hands and letting someone else influence them...but that's how people grow. Like gypsygirl said, about all the different people in our lives that teach us and help to raise us, my kids will need that too.

And I would hope that many of the people who become involved in their lives will be Christians. That seems like an unrealistic hope, wishful thinking. I can only control who comes into their lives to an extent- family, church members, help them learn how to choose friends wisely...but what about when they're in school? The teachers they look up to? What about sports and clubs they join, or their first job, or...

I'm not going to be right there with them every step of the way- less and less, in fact, the older they get. So my hope, my prayer, would be that other Christians they come across would take the time to interact with them and meet them on their level of understanding (whether they're 10 years old or 20) and be the kind of light for them that some of my own family/role models were for me (and man, do I wish I'd had more people willing to step in to help my mom raise me...more people willing to say "Hey, knock it off, listen to your mother, stop being self-destructive").

Anyway, I'm with gypsygirl on the love being a verb thing, and taking opportunities to get involved. Whether we're married or single or young or old or men or women....Christ calls us all to love and serve each other, and this is just another way to do so.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

I might adopt at some point. Always thought adopting a teenager that needs a good home would be a great idea, providing I'm stable enough to do it financially. I don't think I ever will, but I might.