Internet, attention, illusions, hope and disappointment.

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AuntieAnt

Guest
#61
#61
Tommy379 said:
You're the squirrel whisperer.
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In all honesty, I do "call" squirrels like my grandpop taught me. You make a clicking sound with your tongue. Or you can hold two quarters horizontally between your finger & thumb and tap on them to make the clicking sound. Squirrels come running to that noise, especially if they know you've got peanuts or crackers. I do feed the squirrels on the campus up the road so he's probably one of my regulars. Hahaha!! ;)
 
Mem

Mem

Senior Member
#62
Sep 23, 2014
7,230
2,208
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#62
Singles has the most interesting discussions, but I often have to suppress the feeling that I am trespassing in comment! Albeit I do this in a lot of what I post.

Using the 'good eye' helps me do this. That is offering the best view first, until I am shown different, and I can adjust accordingly. I don't do this without the awareness that not everyone perceives everything in this way, though, and so realize others may interpret me darkly, as cognitive interference often causes a different message to be received than that which was intended to be sent.

What does help, also, is to not expect that everyone should have just that 'one' face, such as the disparaging term 'two-faced' would imply everyone should rather. Contrarily, a study of the Hebrew for face, panim, reveals a plural form, which indicates many 'facets' of each individual, and would more accurately translate as "faces" rending a (more) biblical truth that says, "Thus the LORD spake to Moses faces to faces,..."

No one can really help how others receive us, our only control is in the messages we (are 'actually' trying to) send and hope the receivers "get it." At the end of the day, though, I know the Lord gets me, as He fluent in heart language. ;)
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#63
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
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#63
Mem said:
Singles has the most interesting discussions, but I often have to suppress the feeling that I am trespassing in comment! Albeit I do this in a lot of what I post.

Using the 'good eye' helps me do this. That is offering the best view first, until I am shown different, and I can adjust accordingly. I don't do this without the awareness that not everyone perceives everything in this way, though, and so realize others may interpret me darkly, as cognitive interference often causes a different message to be received than that which was intended to be sent.

What does help, also, is to not expect that everyone should have just that 'one' face, such as the disparaging term 'two-faced' would imply everyone should rather. Contrarily, a study of the Hebrew for face, panim, reveals a plural form, which indicates many 'facets' of each individual, and would more accurately translate as "faces" rending a (more) biblical truth that says, "Thus the LORD spake to Moses faces to faces,..."

No one can really help how others receive us, our only control is in the messages we (are 'actually' trying to) send and hope the receivers "get it." At the end of the day, though, I know the Lord gets me, as He fluent in heart language. ;)
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Why you feel you are trespassing?
 
Mem

Mem

Senior Member
#64
Sep 23, 2014
7,230
2,208
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#64
Tommy379 said:
Why you feel you are trespassing?
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I have no idea, except maybe the dread of the possibility of having to endure the usual ' have no appearance of evil' admonishment, because, you know, single people are monstas.

[video=youtube;dLdKU4JCYqg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLdKU4JCYqg[/video]
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#65
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
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#65
Mem said:
I have no idea, except maybe the dread of the possibility of having to endure the usual ' have no appearance of evil' admonishment, because, you know, single people are monstas.

[video=youtube;dLdKU4JCYqg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLdKU4JCYqg[/video]
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I've been accused of evil from time to time. I guess all Christians have to be the same prudes.
 
Mem

Mem

Senior Member
#66
Sep 23, 2014
7,230
2,208
113
#66
Tommy379 said:
I've been accused of evil from time to time. I guess all Christians have to be the same prudes.
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Going back to the Lord's fluency in heart language, there are many times I do have to ask Him to explain a person to me. And you should hear the things He says about the pious; cracks me up.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#67
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#67
Mem said:
Going back to the Lord's fluency in heart language, there are many times I do have to ask Him to explain a person to me. And you should hear the things He says about the pious; cracks me up.
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I've been told I'm not a Christian cause I like beer and cigars. I'm convinced me and God will be having one together.
 
Mem

Mem

Senior Member
#68
Sep 23, 2014
7,230
2,208
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#68
Tommy379 said:
I've been told I'm not a Christian cause I like beer and cigars. I'm convinced me and God will be having one together.
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People say this on the platform of 1 Cor 6:19 concerning the temple of the body and fornication, no doubt. But to come to this conclusion about beer and cigars, you have to skip real quickly past verse 18 which says every (other) sin a man commits is outside his body but that sin is against his own body. And, since verse 17 tells us, "But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with Him in spirit," I can see enjoying a cigar and beer together with Him. Well, that is, as long as you two don't leave the bottles and laying empty in your neighbor's parking lot or any burning butts in his yard.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#69
Aug 12, 2011
10,467
2,704
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#69
when I first meet people, I'm more on the quiet side. it takes me a little bit to get comfortable. the way I act online is the way I act when I'm comfortable in person.

as for flirting, when I was single, I never knew how. I never had dem skillzzzzz. while chatting with someone of the opposite sex, I was just myself. nothing more. nothing less. when I started communicating with my husband, I promised myself I was not going to try to impress him. I just presented me. if he liked me, great. if not, great. lol.
 
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toinena

Guest
#70
#70
I am happy for all comments and posts here. It showed me what I expected that we are not on the same line about flirting.

It also changed my view on what it is to be fake and what is real. A shy person is more social on the net without being afraid of blushing. A person with a stutter can feel free to be the true self. I can show who I am without people getting blinded by my chair. So what is real and what is fake? In one way we might be more real online than in the real world.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#71
Aug 13, 2014
27,738
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#71
toinena said:
So what is real and what is fake? In one way we might be more real online than in the real world.
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This is possible. Online you don't know who I am, so I am free to say what I really think. People I know in real life are people who know me, know where I work and where I go to church, so I have to sometimes temper what I say.

Also, as an xkcd comic said, it is easier to be a jerk to words on a screen than it is to be a jerk to a real person.


I'm reminded of when my church for a brief time had a puppet team. I was as much a nut then as now, so naturally I joined. Acting through a puppet took my face out of it, so I noticed I felt a bit more freedom to act myself through a puppet. Some people on the puppet team noticed a much larger difference. Where they were in person very quiet and shy, they came alive when they were talking through a piece of cardboard covered with cloth.

But it makes me wonder... what are the BDF debaters like in real life? And if they are markedly different in person, is their BDF presence more real or is their real life presence more real?

Also I wonder what some polite people I know in real life would say if they were talking to me from behind a computer.
 
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toinena

Guest
#72
#72
Well. That's a good question. How IS a BDF-er in real life? Do we ever get to know?
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#73
Jun 30, 2015
25,621
13,864
113
#73
toinena said:
Well. That's a good question. How IS a BDF-er in real life? Do we ever get to know?
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As a somewhat-frequent BDF contributor, I can speak to that. I try to be the same online as in real life. I try to contain my sarcasm a bit more online actually, because it's there for everybody to read, and even if I apologize, the reader may not see the apology. I might try to smile more in real life, but I think I would still call out the bad ideas if I were interacting with the same people.

I think the people who last longest around here are those who are essentially real. It takes too much effort to be fake.
 
Didymous

Didymous

Senior Member
#74
Feb 22, 2018
5,047
2,101
113
#74
razor17 said:
well since people are lazy to define it...here is good old youtube....

pretty much said what I said with more of a robotic woman voice and lengthy definition.....

[video=youtube;t7ao1T86NQQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7ao1T86NQQ[/video]
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She sounds like the Google girl's mother!
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#75
Mar 13, 2014
42,665
17,120
113
69
Tennessee
#75
I say an act exactly like I have portrayed myself on CC.

I guess that it's a matter of trust and discernment to separate the phony from the genuine.

As far as the flirting, I believe that a there are a lot of peeps that are starved for even a little affection so they flirt a little and hope to get a little flirting back. I don't see anything wrong with flirting if you are single as that is a good way to get someone's attention that you have found that you care about. I don't think that you should just casually flirt if you really have no interest in the person that you are flirting with. When I was single I would often flirt on this site but now that I am married it would be inappropriate for me to do so and I have no desire to do so either.

My advice is to be true to yourself and don't attempt to mislead anyone here as it will probably catch up with you in your post history somewhere along the way. If a person cannot accept you for who you are then that person is really not worthy of your romantic intentions and its a dead end.

Yes, since this is a written form of communication it is possible to get the wrong idea of what is really being said. A lot of times if I am just trying to be amusing I will add a smiley to show that what I said was meant to be taken humorous. Before, there were times that my amusing posts were taken the wrong way so the smiley helps to avoid confusion.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#76
Mar 13, 2014
42,665
17,120
113
69
Tennessee
#76
Tommy379 said:
I am actually the same in real life, as on the internet, but I have spent years trying to create myself.
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I have reinvented myself too a few times with the grace of God but have not reinvented myself for the purpose of this site. What you see is what you get.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#77
Mar 13, 2014
42,665
17,120
113
69
Tennessee
#77
Dino246 said:
As a somewhat-frequent BDF contributor, I can speak to that. I try to be the same online as in real life. I try to contain my sarcasm a bit more online actually, because it's there for everybody to read, and even if I apologize, the reader may not see the apology. I might try to smile more in real life, but I think I would still call out the bad ideas if I were interacting with the same people.

I think the people who last longest around here are those who are essentially real. It takes too much effort to be fake.
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I fully agree with you. It would take an enormous effort to sustain a false personal over a period of months or even years. The people that are fake will simply get bored and seek their thrills elsewhere.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#78
Mar 13, 2014
42,665
17,120
113
69
Tennessee
#78
toinena said:
Well. That's a good question. How IS a BDF-er in real life? Do we ever get to know?
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For the most part probably argumentative and opinionated as well as self-centered. Not everyone but there are a few that come off as this way.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#79
Mar 13, 2014
42,665
17,120
113
69
Tennessee
#79
Noose said:
At 28, i think you lack experience; if you are interested in someone, you can't be direct with them. How would you feel if a lady you didn't know in anyway come up to you and told you that they loved you?
You might think they are promiscuous or use some kind of drugs. Flirting is an art and there's beauty in art, it entails making someone comfortable around you and winning over their trust.
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You are exactly on target, flirting is indeed an art. I agree with your entire post.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#80
Mar 13, 2014
42,665
17,120
113
69
Tennessee
#80
toinena said:
I smile at people and make them feel comfortable. That is not flirting, but a way of interacting. To cross the flirting line, is different. It is, as Razor said, building a sexual tension between two, and that should be only when you are really into someone, if not married.

Flirting with others while you are married, is a strict no, no in my book.
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It is absolutely a strict no if you are married. Your spouse deserves all of your romantic terms of endearment, affection and attention.
 
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