Re: Is It Possible (Or Even Ethical) To Try to "Toughen Up" a "Nice Guy"?
Hmm... abrasive... that's really a shame if I come across as being that way because it's certainly not my intention. When I said, "become upset", I don't mean that I am somehow yelling or hollering at the person or calling them names!!!
What I mean is, using my examples... With Shawn, as I said, he was stopping to help people on a major highway late at night and lives in a major city by a well-known prison. When I say that I "get upset", it means that I will say something such as, "Will you PLEASE stop doing this by yourself, I'm REALLY worried about you possibly stopping to help someone who's DANGEROUS... I don't want to get a phone call telling me that you got hurt or, heaven forbid, killed, when you could have called the police to help them and at least looked out for your own safety. It would seriously mess me up to know someone had harmed you because of how much you care about people... It's wonderful that you do, but maybe there's a better way to go about it?" I guess what I was trying to tell him was, "I like you, I really care about you, and I hope you're around for a long time!!" THAT'S what I mean when I said I get upset.
With Ryan, as I said, all I could do was shake my head slightly and laugh. I was frustrated in my heart because I hate seeing negative things happen to a positive person, but no, I didn't yell, holler, or call him names. I try my best to communicate well and I had told him at other times (we had a night when our shifts overlapped and we usually got to talk for a few minutes) that the reason I was concerned is because he was getting into trouble for things that weren't his fault--if he would stand up to people and tell them they needed to stay their entire shift, he wouldn't be getting in trouble.
One of the things I liked about Ryan is that he was usually polite, cheerful, and genuinely concerned about people. I'd see him on a day when he'd be really down and would ask what's wrong, and he'd tell me about getting in trouble with our bosses because such and such work didn't get gone. But it WOULD have gotten done if he didn't let people didn't just walk over him and tell him they were leaving.
So, what I told him is that I really enjoyed his positive attitude but really felt bad when I saw him having a bad day that shouldn't really be happening to him. He was a hard worker who deserved more than to get in trouble for other people's decision to slack off, and I told him I hoped he wasn't mad at me for mentioning it but I was concerned about him. He and I had a pretty open friendship and he got used to me saying, "Is it ok if I ask you about..." He used to call the nights we worked together "Kim and Ryan bonding time."
I can't apologize for caring about these people but I will certainly pray and reconsider my approach. I appreciate the feedback--it helps me become a better communicator. I can see that I also need to better communicate my original posts as well
.
Hmm... abrasive... that's really a shame if I come across as being that way because it's certainly not my intention. When I said, "become upset", I don't mean that I am somehow yelling or hollering at the person or calling them names!!!
What I mean is, using my examples... With Shawn, as I said, he was stopping to help people on a major highway late at night and lives in a major city by a well-known prison. When I say that I "get upset", it means that I will say something such as, "Will you PLEASE stop doing this by yourself, I'm REALLY worried about you possibly stopping to help someone who's DANGEROUS... I don't want to get a phone call telling me that you got hurt or, heaven forbid, killed, when you could have called the police to help them and at least looked out for your own safety. It would seriously mess me up to know someone had harmed you because of how much you care about people... It's wonderful that you do, but maybe there's a better way to go about it?" I guess what I was trying to tell him was, "I like you, I really care about you, and I hope you're around for a long time!!" THAT'S what I mean when I said I get upset.
With Ryan, as I said, all I could do was shake my head slightly and laugh. I was frustrated in my heart because I hate seeing negative things happen to a positive person, but no, I didn't yell, holler, or call him names. I try my best to communicate well and I had told him at other times (we had a night when our shifts overlapped and we usually got to talk for a few minutes) that the reason I was concerned is because he was getting into trouble for things that weren't his fault--if he would stand up to people and tell them they needed to stay their entire shift, he wouldn't be getting in trouble.
One of the things I liked about Ryan is that he was usually polite, cheerful, and genuinely concerned about people. I'd see him on a day when he'd be really down and would ask what's wrong, and he'd tell me about getting in trouble with our bosses because such and such work didn't get gone. But it WOULD have gotten done if he didn't let people didn't just walk over him and tell him they were leaving.
So, what I told him is that I really enjoyed his positive attitude but really felt bad when I saw him having a bad day that shouldn't really be happening to him. He was a hard worker who deserved more than to get in trouble for other people's decision to slack off, and I told him I hoped he wasn't mad at me for mentioning it but I was concerned about him. He and I had a pretty open friendship and he got used to me saying, "Is it ok if I ask you about..." He used to call the nights we worked together "Kim and Ryan bonding time."
I can't apologize for caring about these people but I will certainly pray and reconsider my approach. I appreciate the feedback--it helps me become a better communicator. I can see that I also need to better communicate my original posts as well
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