Marriage... What advantages are left for men?

[secularhermit]

Same predicament would apply for those (women) who are above or near their 40... Because men and women have limits (self-imposed too) and that "ugliness" cannot be hidden with a finger.

Just read for yourselves:

[h=2]

Re: How many times you´ve tried[/h]

Some people had their ideas and it was like this: "why it's a good thing that some (men) should never marry"

I search a little and found out these (just single hyperlinks):

13 Women Men Should Never Marry (written by a woman)

A Case for Early Marriage: Why It's a Good Idea to Get Married Young (written by a husband and pastor)

10 Reasons It's Totally Fine To Never Get Married (a secular view)

This can be checked your own country (or personal life):

"And the some divorce statistics in the United States make it seem pretty grim for those who believe that marriages will last forever. It's estimated that about 40-50 percent of first marriages and 60 percent of second marriages will end in divorce. However, research on this varies. The CDC writes that the chance "of a first marriage reaching its 20th anniversary was 52% for women and 56% for men in 2006 to 2010," and this stays consistent with divorce trends through the past three decades. Also, it seems that the younger you get married, the more likely you are to get a divorce. The estimated average age for a divorce today is 30 years old."​

 

[persNickety]

i wish i had the power to make some threads go bye-bye. *sigh*

though i confess, it is awfully tempting to create a thread called:

why it's a good thing that some (men) should never marry

*snickers*

 

[tourist]

*snickers*

*frozen snickers*

 

[persNickety]

*Frozen snickers ice cream bars?*

 

[tourist]

*Frozen snickers ice cream bars*

That's exactly what I am talking about! Scrumptious.

 

[secularhermit]

When I was young I enjoyed this song (I still enjoy) from Journey:

Letra Traducida de Journey - Only The Young

 

[Fenner]

There are no advantages of being married for anyone so don't get married.

This thread will explode in 2 seconds.

 

[ChandlerFan]

There are no advantages of being married for anyone so don't get married.

This thread will explode in 2 seconds.

This post combined with your current avatar are just so funny

 

[gypsygirl]

i'll start by saying that i am far more aware of the risks of marriage than most.

i have spent the better part of my life fearing, rejecting, avoiding marriage. after God crushed my stubborn and prideful heart and rebuilt it, i started, yet again. and from that, i began a new path, seeking to be worthy of both my calling as a christian, and worthy of a partner that i would seek, were i to marry. so i know too well what it feels and looks like to view marriage as something that just isn't a smart risk. only God could have changed my rebellious heart and stubborn ways.

clearly, from a secular point of view, marriage seems to have little going for it. so i completely relate to what might turn others into the jaded, skeptical, even mistrusting type. but now i also know that God's ways are never going to make sense when held to the standards of this world--standards that largely are designed around pride and selfishness.

in reading this thread, much of it stank with victim mentality. i'm sad for those who seem to weep more for their lost money than their lost hope. don't you know that your hope is worth more than your retirement account?

i refuse to allow that which i've seen to become who i am. i would rather die a romantic idealist, delivered from her own prison of mistrust and self-serving (albeit self-failing) ideals than succumb to the ugliness of what this world seems to have for us. i refuse to buy into this secular idealism--principles that tell us that we should look harder and more skeptical at marriage than ourselves and our own failings.

am i a bit of a romantic idealist? you bet. and by the way, i wear that label proudly.

i'm disappointed, even saddened when i read threads like this, because i see how some have chosen to hold their grudges, and wear their bitterness like a boy scout badge. when you you clench your fist and harden your heart, precious little can flow through it--like a dam of scar tissue, preventing or diminishing every good thing that might ever come your way, often while still clamoring about dry creek beds.

your bitter memories stand guard at the border, poised to destroy, threatening every hope, every wayward possibility.

if you don't want to get married, and feel there is no advantage to you, so be it. if that's who you've become, own it, and accept that is who you are. stop blaming others for your decision to be that way.

but don't rain on my parade. some us still have courage enough to believe in what they can't see.

Just read for yourselves:

Re: How many times you´ve tried

Some people had their ideas and it was like this: "why it's a good thing that some (men) should never marry"

I search a little and found out these (just single hyperlinks):

13 Women Men Should Never Marry (written by a woman)

A Case for Early Marriage: Why It's a Good Idea to Get Married Young (written by a husband and pastor)

10 Reasons It's Totally Fine To Never Get Married (a secular view)

This can be checked your own country (or personal life):

"And the some divorce statistics in the United States make it seem pretty grim for those who believe that marriages will last forever. It's estimated that about 40-50 percent of first marriages and 60 percent of second marriages will end in divorce. However, research on this varies. The CDC writes that the chance "of a first marriage reaching its 20th anniversary was 52% for women and 56% for men in 2006 to 2010," and this stays consistent with divorce trends through the past three decades. Also, it seems that the younger you get married, the more likely you are to get a divorce. The estimated average age for a divorce today is 30 years old."​

that first link provided is an article that is almost laughable. the fact that it passes itself off as a "christian article" is confirmation that you can be published in a christian publication and have zero relevancy to christian life.

i'm not criticizing you for sharing it, mind you, but how much imagination does it take to create personification of every extreme version of sin and bad lifestyle choices. in 15 minutes i could create a companion article using stereotypical "bad behavior" especially associated with men, in particular. how trite.

the rest.. ehhh.

the world will never understand my choices. in fact, if i made any sense to them, i'd be concerned.

thanks for sharing, nonetheless. : )

edited to add: sorry for the rather lengthy post -- thanks for reading my ranty diatribe!

 

[seoulsearch]

If a guy thinks marriage is of no benefit and wants to stay single the rest of his life and feels that is his calling, I'm sure God can do something positive with his choice. The same goes for women, seeing as there are plenty of women who would say there are no advantages to marriage for them, either (years after my Grandpa passed, my Grandma had a boyfriend for years before she died but she said she had no interest in marrying again.)

While I become less hopeful about marrying as the years go by, I guess what gets me through is the "Maybe Someday" factor. It may not be within sight right now, but "maybe someday."

I truly admire someone who's decided they will be single for the rest of their life, and, if they're a Christian, that would mean, they are choosing to be celibate and without sexual expression in any form for the rest of their life as well. Seeing as we always see a number of threads about men's concerns with the physiological and psychological reactions to visual cues alone, I find a man who has somehow learned to conquer these kinds of temptations to be rather interesting.

And, I would hope people who have made this decision would share their tips on what they do in their own lives to avoid falling to such temptations.

I have no problem with someone saying that marriage is too much of a hassle for them personally and choosing to be single. But please, just don't turn into the single person who wants to stay "single" and occasionally use other people for personal gratification, whether in real life or in cyber space, when the temptation becomes too great. Unfortunately, this has a lot to do with why I'm single. As I've posted before, I've somehow managed to be set up with Christian guys who don't see any great advantage to marriage either, but for some reason, have no moral problems with casual and/or internet sex. (And of course, it goes both ways... for men and women... seeing as they were having physical and/or netsex with women who apparently felt the same way. Well... when it was netsex it could have been most anyone, man or woman, but that's another story...)

It's one thing to say marriage is a big problem with no real point and decide never to do it. It's a much bigger can of worms to actually live it out. (And of course, I am NOT advocating marrying to have sex AT ALL. NO NO NO. However, I know that one of the things that keeps me in check personally is, again, my "Maybe Someday" philosophy. None of that is any kind of an option at this point in my life but "Maybe Someday" I'll meet someone and marriage... and all the special rights God gives within that commitment... will be a possibility.)

I think that a man (or woman) who boldly says marriage holds no advantage for them and that they don't intend to ever marry should also share with us their plan as to how to avoid falling to sexual temptation. Again, not because I think someone should marry to have sex. NO. But because I am always interested in how someone who makes that bold of a declaration and choice has thought about how they are going to cope with knowing a committed, physical relationship (the only kind God allows) has been wiped off the table forever.

I admire those who don't even seem to blink at the thought... Because if I thought the possibility of not marrying and sharing that kind of relationship with someone was completely out of the question... I'd do a lot more than blink. I'd sit and stare at the supposed choice I was making... for a very long time... in my own disbelief.

P.S. OF COURSE God calls SOME not to marry but to my knowledge, it usually isn't because they don't see marriage as not having enough personal advantages for their own life.

 

[Fenner]

This post combined with your current avatar are just so funny

The really funny thing is I've been married for 15 years.

When I responded to this thread ages ago I was argued with. I guess it's because I have no idea what marriage is about.

 

[secularhermit]

One think I like from you, Gypsy is your being smart and positive, though we don´t like each other.

The victim comedy (mentality) and stereotytical reality i have seen it everywhere on thread here on CC (and outside), but I cared someone "had" the right to say what you said (on one of those post here) and that looked as muting another´s voice, because your feminism is above men´s rights to blame or spot things they also see (then you used your own adjectives and terms).

Whenever a person married and divorced, there was a concensus, and two wills.

You might see as funny the article you didn´t like (13 Women Men Should Never Marry). I have seen several of those ladies mentioned and, since you are a woman, those ways cannot affect you, but only men (last night I was chatting outside CC and I met another Holly Molly) a thing I laughed a lot, btw.

I could quote more outsourced links and, of course, these are all secular and not Christians (just for you) and I see it funny that those who are divorcing, deep inside, thought it would never happen to them (idealizing a dream).

I know married couple with 20 and even 40 years of marriage. That´s possible (painstaking possible) but life is not black and white. The world is not spinning around my ideas or belief, so you are free to view your ideas the way you think and that freedom is not granted and certainly not given by a man.

Blame the men as much as you can. That´s very feminist! I have my own reference, which could be unique (as yours) and I hope GOD will give the best to whomever He liked, to fulfil His will and purposes...

Gen 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to live alone. I will make a suitable companion to help him."

Good bye! (Sayonara, instead)

 

[secularhermit]

If a guy thinks marriage is of no benefit and wants to stay single the rest of his life and feels that is his calling, I'm sure God can do something positive with his choice. The same goes for women, seeing as there are plenty of women who would say there are no advantages to marriage for them, either (years after my Grandpa passed, my Grandma had a boyfriend for years before she died but she said she had no interest in marrying again.)

While I become less hopeful about marrying as the years go by, I guess what gets me through is the "Maybe Someday" factor. It may not be within sight right now, but "maybe someday."

I truly admire someone who's decided they will be single for the rest of their life, and, if they're a Christian, that would mean, they are choosing to be celibate and without sexual expression in any form for the rest of their life as well. Seeing as we always see a number of threads about men's concerns with the physiological and psychological reactions to visual cues alone, I find a man who has somehow learned to conquer these kinds of temptations to be rather interesting.

And, I would hope people who have made this decision would share their tips on what they do in their own lives to avoid falling to such temptations.

I have no problem with someone saying that marriage is too much of a hassle for them personally and choosing to be single. But please, just don't turn into the single person who wants to stay "single" and occasionally use other people for personal gratification, whether in real life or in cyber space, when the temptation becomes too great. Unfortunately, this has a lot to do with why I'm single. As I've posted before, I've somehow managed to be set up with Christian guys who don't see any great advantage to marriage either, but for some reason, have no moral problems with casual and/or internet sex. (And of course, it goes both ways... for men and women... seeing as they were having physical and/or netsex with women who apparently felt the same way. Well... when it was netsex it could have been most anyone, man or woman, but that's another story...)

It's one thing to say marriage is a big problem with no real point and decide never to do it. It's a much bigger can of worms to actually live it out. (And of course, I am NOT advocating marrying to have sex AT ALL. NO NO NO. However, I know that one of the things that keeps me in check personally is, again, my "Maybe Someday" philosophy. None of that is any kind of an option at this point in my life but "Maybe Someday" I'll meet someone and marriage... and all the special rights God gives within that commitment... will be a possibility.)

I think that a man (or woman) who boldly says marriage holds no advantage for them and that they don't intend to ever marry should also share with us their plan as to how to avoid falling to sexual temptation. Again, not because I think someone should marry to have sex. NO. But because I am always interested in how someone who makes that bold of a declaration and choice has thought about how they are going to cope with knowing a committed, physical relationship (the only kind God allows) has been wiped off the table forever.

I admire those who don't even seem to blink at the thought... Because if I thought the possibility of not marrying and sharing that kind of relationship with someone was completely out of the question... I'd do a lot more than blink. I'd sit and stare at the supposed choice I was making... for a very long time... in my own disbelief.

P.S. OF COURSE God calls SOME not to marry but to my knowledge, it usually isn't because they don't see marriage as not having enough personal advantages for their own life.

Just the last part, to be fair:

If "they" only were the picky ones, I rightfully would think why do many ladies are so picky...

In fact, I wish I could know how many men married after a blind date (or by FAITH) and too probably those who married BY FAITH ended up divorced (and I´m sure HERE there were dozen of men and women).

I wish I had the time to comfirm how many men married by faith or by a hunch, because it is absolutelly verifiable that ladies are more picky tham men. We are the ones who dare to take those who kindly chose us to be married, but each man and woman, in particular, has such record of being picky or not; but I´m quite sure who is considering "risks" and THEIR CONVENIENCES before being married.

Here it is just a quote from the "funny" article Gypsy didn´t like: " Just as it is important for a woman to know a man’s financial status, a man should know a woman’s. If she can’t budget her own money, she won’t have any trouble spending yours. " (Broke-as-a-joke- Julie, number 8).

I could quote Nervous Nellie (13) in several aspects I do know, but this forum is not a personal attack nor an offense (I´m civil) Prideful Peggy could be around as many other persons could feel offended (we are somewhat a Trophy) (like trophy Tina).

Well! I wanted no one deflated.

Good bye CC!

I rather stay real world than an idealized (...) whatever you called it.

 

[SparkleEyes]

You should ask a happily married man what advantages there are for him being married.
You seriously need some good examples to balance this out. Don't let pessimism reside in your mind, it warps your lens on life.

One advantage I can think of is You'll never be alone. You'll always have a person who loves you by your side.
Someone who can help you with living life so you don't have to do it all on your own.

You mentioned feminism changing the gender roles, so I assume you mean you want a woman who cooks and cleans? There are plenty of gals who like to do that stuff.
Even if she isn't all 1950's about it, as long as she's doing half the work in some way, what does it matter who does what chores or jobs?

Look for the positives too and you just may find some.

I'm 26 too and I highly doubt every woman my age is a single divorced mom. I sure as heck am not.

I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU. This OP DOES have some valid points, but I think his view on the subject is very jaded. I am guessing he doesnt have very many examples of healthy male/female relationships in his life. I think his stats are off and he isn't LOOKING for the right kind of women. HE hangs out with men who are just as jaded and the conversations they have foster his viewpoints. He is hanging out with the wrong crowd if most of the females he comes across are single mothers with a divorce and such.

Getting in conversations with healthy well grounded Christian males who are happily married would be very beneficial to change his mindset.

 

[biscuit]

Just read for yourselves:

Re: How many times you´ve tried

Some people had their ideas and it was like this: "why it's a good thing that some (men) should never marry"

I search a little and found out these (just single hyperlinks):

13 Women Men Should Never Marry (written by a woman)

A Case for Early Marriage: Why It's a Good Idea to Get Married Young (written by a husband and pastor)

10 Reasons It's Totally Fine To Never Get Married (a secular view)

This can be checked your own country (or personal life):

"And the some divorce statistics in the United States make it seem pretty grim for those who believe that marriages will last forever. It's estimated that about 40-50 percent of first marriages and 60 percent of second marriages will end in divorce. However, research on this varies. The CDC writes that the chance "of a first marriage reaching its 20th anniversary was 52% for women and 56% for men in 2006 to 2010," and this stays consistent with divorce trends through the past three decades. Also, it seems that the younger you get married, the more likely you are to get a divorce. The estimated average age for a divorce today is 30 years old."​

Really got a great laugh from the link: 13 Women Men Should Never Marry

IMHO, the link covers about 67% of American women. Sadly, most American men are marrying them. I recognized many of those traits while dating & living with them and decided that they were not worth the trouble and stayed single. One of the best decisions I ever made.

 

[Bonita123]

HopeAtLast.com

 

[ChandlerFan]

QuitBumpingDumbThreads.com

 

[zeroturbulence]

This thread again...

 

[secularhermit]

The more I read this I learn more of it...