Online long distance relationships - the pros and cons

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TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
841
421
63
#1
Pros- Finding friendship which blossoms into a deeper love where a future is discussed and plans to meet in Jan 2023 are planned. You won me over in the period where we laughed loved played and talked about a life together. The day you said you wanted to be with me made me so happy.

Cons - Finding out it was a big lie. You said you were different, I thought you were someone special I could trust and open my heart to. So I showed you my vulnerable side and invited you into my life. I invested 4 months into you, into us. I have loved you when you complained nobody did. I have appreciated your friendship when you complained you had no friends. I prayed for your health your work your church your family your social life. I prayed for our relationship with each other and with God, I spent countless hours learning about autism to understand you better. I prayed for our bible study, even my child prayed for you. Is that not moral support? Is that not love?
Only to feel used by you as you responded by distancing yourself, going from voice calls to only texting, being short with me for no reason, returning to cc to look for female attention....all the while reassuring me about our relationship. This hot/cold thing you did with me, dangling the carrot then pulling it away from me was just cruel.

Ive asked you several times what can I do to fix me/ this besides prayer. You have given reasons for your behaviour such as autism or God or its me. Few times you said its you but then you kinda shrug and say leave it to God. Like as if God has to do all the work in relationships?
Now you can add alcohol to your list of excuses. I have given you all the attention you wanted and also given you space when you needed it. To the point my mental health was low and you never asked how I was.
A couple weeks ago you said you still coming to NZ. A few days ago I ask if you are playing games. You remind me again you dont play games. Yesterday I ask about the flight to NZ. Today I get your text because you wont talk to me, saying you have physically cheated on me with another woman blaming alcohol. Your text was pretty insensitive and read like you wrote it to hurt me deeply. Makes no sense a few days ago texting you love and care for me then cheating on me?

You wouldnt tell me what I did wrong so Im left to guess. Id rather you say Im too old/fat/ugly then find out that my love for you just wasnt enough. Finding out you cheated and then coming to cc to read posts where you brag about you are waiting for your date and seeing it timestamped as earlier than your confession is designed to mind eff with me. Im a real person, Im not just words on a screen.

And to read your other posts where you pretend you know of love and love languages and relationships. Your public answers dont align with your private behaviour. You have turned me off christian men and online relationships. You won Robertt. Well played.
From not a woman scorned but a woman fore warned.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
18,908
6,155
113
#2
this was ???

um sorry OP but he's been 'cruising' the forums round here its been obvious. I am so sorry you got sucked into that. This is NOT on. :mad:
 
Oct 16, 2020
53
33
18
Austalia
#4
Back in the late 90's when the internet was new and people were who they said they were, people did connect and relationships were formed and worked out. But these days, it's nearly impossible to trust the person on the other end of a conversation, not necessarily because of them, but because of the sheer number of stories of people cat fishing and using the long game to manipulate and con people.

Frankly investing in a romantic online relationship is akin to gambling at a casino, the odds are stacked against you, but there is always that slim possibility of winning. But if you don' t win, is the fallout from losing worth it?
 

Runningman

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2020
7,418
3,308
113
#5
I hope that the person you're referencing hasn't come to be representative of Christian men and online dating in general, but I deeply sympathize with the obvious pain you have here. My prayers are with you!

That being said, as a Christian man, I was in an online relationship with someone in Vietnam (VN) for about 1 year before I actually went there to meet her. I went all out, too. Quit my job, left my family, friends, and left my firmly-rooted life in the USA on nothing more than a wing and a prayer. I worked in VN as an English teacher and enjoyed it, but ultimately I was legally required to come back to the USA. I'm still trying to recover.

Remember something, love never fails. That's how you'll know true love. God bless.
 

love_comes_softly

Well-known member
Feb 13, 2019
766
816
93
#6
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Praise the Lord you didn’t end up with this man. To me it sounds like the Lord has protected you from a disaster. It may not be easy, but it is a blessing from the sounds of things.

He definitely isn’t nor should be someone used to represent Christian men, but it’s probably wise to let your heart heal before seeking out a new relationship.

In the future, try not to excuse poor behavior for any reason.
 

Kireina

Well-known member
Aug 26, 2020
1,382
1,315
113
#8
Hi, sis.... Sad to know about your experience hugsss 🥺


May the Lord Jesus take away the pain you are feeling right now and that through your pain you'll find yourself more closer to HIM than ever 🙏🏻 May God help you give you strength to forgive Robertt and your heart and his heart heal and find peace and comfort again in Jesus name! Amen 🙏🏻



Sis @TheNarrowPath You'll find love again one day and that's when you'll be grateful that things happened the way it did...


God bless you and take care ❤


‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:11
 

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
Apr 27, 2011
3,920
127
63
#9
I’ve had long distance online relationships and they ranged from benign to physically abusive. It doesn’t really matter if the relationship started online or not because proximity doesn’t provide truth of an individual.

However, time does.

I’ve got a lot I could share with you but I’m not going to assume you want to read it. Should you want to talk about your post PM me.

This is the most important thing right here. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. The way he handled his side, his reactions, his words are not your fault. The guy you’re talking about sounds kinda like what my ex did to me. He blamed everything on me or someone else. I was never good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, etc. Gaslighting me was his favorite thing to do. He claimed to be a Christian but wasn’t an active participant in relationship with God part of it.

And no, I didn’t meet him online; I met him at church.

You need to remember that you’re not just a placeholder, you’re not a back burner, you’re not too much or too little. You deserve to have a great relationship with a Godly man. But you have to learn how to not only see the red flags but also believe them.

I so totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ll be praying for you and I meant what I said about PMing me.
 
Oct 16, 2020
53
33
18
Austalia
#10
As someone who has had experience in a relationship that started online and ended in disaster, I'd like to point out that no one needs another person to complete them, there is nothing that you can find in another human being that can help make you complete. All we need is God to be complete and it is only two people that are complete in God can make a solid foundation for a relationship because each person will put God first before their significant other.

Unfortunately there are a wealth of males, and I'm talking about Christians who have the wrong idea what it means to be a man and have no idea or concept how to treat a woman or what love is really about. Whether it's learned from peers or bad parenting through a bad role model for a father, even in the simplest forms, so many males don't respect women or appreciate their true worth because they spend very little time thinking with their mind and allow their carnal nature, hormones, pride and ego to dictate their behaviour and as a man who striving to go against the flow and be a Godly man, I am ashamed and embarrassed by the way these men act and just as God's heart breaks, so does mine for those women who are treated so poorly, used and abused and thrown away as if they had no real worth and because of that destruction they find it hard to believe that in God's eyes they are still a rare and precious jewel.
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
2,829
1,138
113
#11
Unfortunately the same is true for close distance relationships. The main difference is that it's more difficult and expensive in time and money as the distance increases. That makes blown expectations more dramatic and devastating.
It happens to guys and gals.
Unfaithful promiscuous people have an easy time hiding that when you can't be near them.
It stinks. What can I say.
Sorry for your awful experience Narrow Path.
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,809
1,090
113
Mesa, AZ
#12
I’ve had long distance online relationships and they ranged from benign to physically abusive. It doesn’t really matter if the relationship started online or not because proximity doesn’t provide truth of an individual.
This is very true.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
18,908
6,155
113
#13
Honestly do we need more low lifes coming to NZ?

come on girl, you know better - he wasnt gonna come unless someone paid for his ticket.
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
841
421
63
#14
Honestly do we need more low lifes coming to NZ?

come on girl, you know better - he wasnt gonna come unless someone paid for his ticket.
$$ was not a problem on either side for a flight from aus to nz. It was Robertt emotional immaturity that became the issue. All words and no actions.
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,809
1,090
113
Mesa, AZ
#15
$$ was not a problem on either side for a flight from aus to nz. It was Robertt emotional immaturity that became the issue. All words and no actions.
This is the same man who blocked me for my challenging a contention he was making with... gasp... Scripture. I criticized him for doing that (not that I was broken-hearted by that, but that wasn't the point), and you then expressed "disappointment" in me for that critique of him. Now, in a much more severe way, you were damaged by him. Ugh. Now, you see. I hope.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. This stuff takes a while to get over. You probably will need time to grieve it out. Take the time you need, don't rush it. No rebounds (bandaids). Let the wound heal. You're still young enough to find someone who will be a better match for you, and your kid(s). Realize that he is a man in biology only (with much maturation to undergo), and that you can do better.
 

Ruby123

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2019
9,652
7,085
113
#16
Right now you feel hurt and pain. In a while you will realise you dodged a bullet.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
21,593
6,536
113
#18
As the resident fuddy duddy it is my duty to say:

This seems like something for private message, not for a forum thread where we all gather to bash Robertt.

Or perhaps it is a matter to take up with a moderator.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not taking Robertt's side, or anyone's side, on anything. I'm just thinking maybe we shouldn't be bashing him like this.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
18,908
6,155
113
#19
I think it was obvious by the way he posted. Actually we we seem to be having a lot of problems with Aussie men on this forum. For some strange reason.

Like kangaroos always on the rebound...
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
889
308
63
Bahrain
#20
Hey I deserve bashing , I did wrong by a Godly women . I am a dinner , never tried to hide that on forums or in real life

I am sorry this occurred , I perhaps shouldn’t have revealed my sin , but I prefer to be open. . Was still planning on visiting her until I did wrong

But while I am sure she can never forgive me , I hope the Lird blesses her for all she did to make this work until I failed

Now i will do right thing by the new girl I sinned with and try to work through my immaturity .
Long distance can work when God is there , but when one has fleshly problems and weaknesses thrn it is not easy

The biggest pain is not the bashing I get in here , but knowing the hurt I caused by my failure