I'm so sorry some things got really horrible for you. Did you already know Vietnamese? Glad you found the teaching rewarding. You still teaching?
I would imagine when you move to a new country and this woman and her family is the only show in town, and you 'getting-some-breathing-room' was considered an insult and weak behavior... that would be very tough. Did you feel like a mail-order-husband? (little joke there I thought you'd appreciate).
I've been in relationships where I was slowly realizing she was far from being conscientious, empathetic and respectful enough; and it's a very difficult place to be. Curious... I know you had to leave because of immigration issues, but were you still trying to make it work, and are you still together, or was getting kicked-out the welcome throwing-in-of-the-white-towel you needed? I didn't know if you were finally finding your niche in her family, or if you were realizing she would only love you if you were playing this strict role she had pre-planned for you? I'm not familiar with V-family culture... did her family throw-on these expectations and duties too, or was it mostly all her? And assuming it's over, how did you come to realize she wasn't the person/life you were willing to marry?
Let's just say that the current situation with her is complicated. Since I have been back in the USA (about 2 months) she has wanted me back and broken up with me again three times. I'm at the point where I am just like "Okay go for it." It feels like the nerve endings of my feelings have been cauterized with hot iron and all that remains is thick-skinned scar tissue. I am desensitized to it all at this point.
Might return to VN some day, might not. Depends on a number of factors. I am not currently teaching, but may do that online soon. I have a clear, smooth, voice and easy-to-understand accent and non-native English speakers really like that because they need an example of a voice copy as they practice speaking.
I don't know why I still love her to be honest. It isn't logical, that's for sure, and I normally operate within logic. I haven't ruled out that I just need my heart broken severely several times until I am completely desensitized. Sometimes God needs people to reach a broken point if it serves a greater good. Her family loves me and everything, but wants me to learn Vietnamese. They don't have a problem with me not being the same race as her. I don't know much of the VNese language.
I don't know for sure if her behavior is normal or not. I was her first serious bf so I don't know where these ideas came from. I guess they came from her family, friends, or culture. In public other couples seemed normal and that makes sense, if there is anything like what I experienced it probably just happens at their home. I learned to ask fewer questions. Asking questions seemed to often be viewed as having an ulterior motive or implying disagreement.
Anyway, just going with the flow at this point.