Online long distance relationships - the pros and cons

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Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
889
308
63
Bahrain
#43
Well as I said I don’t ask for it expect forgiveness . I don t claim to be a Christian certainly my acts show my faith.is lacking . No fear of God sadly . And that is the beginning of wisdom and I show I lack wisdom in all I do

One day I may find the God of my prayers and maybe He will give me new birth

But before that I need to somehow believe in the One and due to sin in my life I have a wall that I can’t see through or hear .

So yes people pray fir me or bash me . Whichever your God leads you to do

In the end onky Gid knows what is truly in my heart . I want to find him but I struggle with belief . Seems so many here believe and that is great .I wish I had that same belief . I only hope in God , not believe

I hurt my ex wives by not being able to accept them as they are . So now I am with a women of different faith , she believes in her God more than I do in mine . So perhaps she can teach me how to find belief

Until then I only can hope
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
18,908
6,154
113
#45
human trafficking comes to mind when discussing online relationships.

Did you know that some people get paid to go in chatrooms and chat up strangers, the more they are online the more money they can get from them.
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
841
421
63
#46
Arent you the same one who said anyone not following Christ by default is following Satan? So its a choice for you to follow the world. I think your bible knowledge is sound but for some reason you choose not to apply it to your life?
I tried to help you supporting your Christian walk but to no avail and it doesnt help you that you are your biggest stumbling block.
You expect others to always pray or do for you while you do nothing.
Youre with a muslim lady now. You met her, had sex with her on first meeting, now you are dating her or so the story goes. She probably had no idea you were with me because you would have kept that a secret to get the carnal.
So you are her problem now. 👍She can deal with your history of lies, deception and contradictions as you made your bed you lay in it.
 

Sculpt

Active member
Apr 18, 2021
414
152
43
#48
I hope that the person you're referencing hasn't come to be representative of Christian men and online dating in general, but I deeply sympathize with the obvious pain you have here. My prayers are with you!

That being said, as a Christian man, I was in an online relationship with someone in Vietnam (VN) for about 1 year before I actually went there to meet her. I went all out, too. Quit my job, left my family, friends, and left my firmly-rooted life in the USA on nothing more than a wing and a prayer. I worked in VN as an English teacher and enjoyed it, but ultimately I was legally required to come back to the USA. I'm still trying to recover.

Remember something, love never fails. That's how you'll know true love. God bless.
So what happened when you got to VN? Did you meet her? Was she different? You have me on the edge of my seat. (Sorry if you've already answered this is the thread, i'm just replying as i'm reading this)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
39,513
15,373
113
67
Tennessee
#49
I hope that the person you're referencing hasn't come to be representative of Christian men and online dating in general, but I deeply sympathize with the obvious pain you have here. My prayers are with you!

That being said, as a Christian man, I was in an online relationship with someone in Vietnam (VN) for about 1 year before I actually went there to meet her. I went all out, too. Quit my job, left my family, friends, and left my firmly-rooted life in the USA on nothing more than a wing and a prayer. I worked in VN as an English teacher and enjoyed it, but ultimately I was legally required to come back to the USA. I'm still trying to recover.

Remember something, love never fails. That's how you'll know true love. God bless.
You gave it your best shot that's for sure.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
39,513
15,373
113
67
Tennessee
#50
As the resident fuddy duddy it is my duty to say:

This seems like something for private message, not for a forum thread where we all gather to bash Robertt.

Or perhaps it is a matter to take up with a moderator.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not taking Robertt's side, or anyone's side, on anything. I'm just thinking maybe we shouldn't be bashing him like this.
I tend to agree with your position.
 

Runningman

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2020
7,418
3,308
113
#51
So what happened when you got to VN? Did you meet her? Was she different? You have me on the edge of my seat. (Sorry if you've already answered this is the thread, i'm just replying as i'm reading this)
I had arranged in advance to get an apartment in Vietnam. So when I finally got there I took a taxi from the airport to my address. When I got there she was waiting for me.

I started working shortly after that teaching English to children. She was basically the person I expected her to be when I got there, but didn’t take long for things to change. I was prepared for the cultural differences, but I wasn’t prepared to be walking on egg shells most of the time so to speak.

I would characterize her personality as more authoritarian, but that isn’t who I fell in love with. I got to a point where I was in one of those catch-22 situations where if even I was doing my best I was still not good enough or if I withdrew that was a problem too.

I eventually had some visa/residency issues even though I paid a lot of money to get the paperwork required to be a resident. I ended up with no paperwork, lost my money, then I was sent back from whence I came.

Overall an unfortunate situation, but I learned things I probably couldn’t have learned unless I experienced this difficult failure.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
39,513
15,373
113
67
Tennessee
#53
Time to save some money and do something else crazy within the next year, or so, Lord willing. 😁😆
I have always believed that life is an adventure, regardless of the circumstances. Your experience is quite interesting. I'm sure you learned a few life lessons on this portion of your journey.
 

Sculpt

Active member
Apr 18, 2021
414
152
43
#54
I had arranged in advance to get an apartment in Vietnam. So when I finally got there I took a taxi from the airport to my address. When I got there she was waiting for me.

I started working shortly after that teaching English to children. She was basically the person I expected her to be when I got there, but didn’t take long for things to change. I was prepared for the cultural differences, but I wasn’t prepared to be walking on egg shells most of the time so to speak.

I would characterize her personality as more authoritarian, but that isn’t who I fell in love with. I got to a point where I was in one of those catch-22 situations where if even I was doing my best I was still not good enough or if I withdrew that was a problem too.

I eventually had some visa/residency issues even though I paid a lot of money to get the paperwork required to be a resident. I ended up with no paperwork, lost my money, then I was sent back from whence I came.

Overall an unfortunate situation, but I learned things I probably couldn’t have learned unless I experienced this difficult failure.
I'm so sorry some things got really horrible for you. Did you already know Vietnamese? Glad you found the teaching rewarding. You still teaching?

I would imagine when you move to a new country and this woman and her family is the only show in town, and you 'getting-some-breathing-room' was considered an insult and weak behavior... that would be very tough. Did you feel like a mail-order-husband? (little joke there I thought you'd appreciate).

I've been in relationships where I was slowly realizing she was far from being conscientious, empathetic and respectful enough; and it's a very difficult place to be. Curious... I know you had to leave because of immigration issues, but were you still trying to make it work, and are you still together, or was getting kicked-out the welcome throwing-in-of-the-white-towel you needed? I didn't know if you were finally finding your niche in her family, or if you were realizing she would only love you if you were playing this strict role she had pre-planned for you? I'm not familiar with V-family culture... did her family throw-on these expectations and duties too, or was it mostly all her? And assuming it's over, how did you come to realize she wasn't the person/life you were willing to marry?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
18,908
6,154
113
#55
was there any exchange eg teaching Vietnamese langauge to american english speaking children. Or was it just a one-way relationship?
 

Runningman

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2020
7,418
3,308
113
#56
I'm so sorry some things got really horrible for you. Did you already know Vietnamese? Glad you found the teaching rewarding. You still teaching?

I would imagine when you move to a new country and this woman and her family is the only show in town, and you 'getting-some-breathing-room' was considered an insult and weak behavior... that would be very tough. Did you feel like a mail-order-husband? (little joke there I thought you'd appreciate).

I've been in relationships where I was slowly realizing she was far from being conscientious, empathetic and respectful enough; and it's a very difficult place to be. Curious... I know you had to leave because of immigration issues, but were you still trying to make it work, and are you still together, or was getting kicked-out the welcome throwing-in-of-the-white-towel you needed? I didn't know if you were finally finding your niche in her family, or if you were realizing she would only love you if you were playing this strict role she had pre-planned for you? I'm not familiar with V-family culture... did her family throw-on these expectations and duties too, or was it mostly all her? And assuming it's over, how did you come to realize she wasn't the person/life you were willing to marry?
Let's just say that the current situation with her is complicated. Since I have been back in the USA (about 2 months) she has wanted me back and broken up with me again three times. I'm at the point where I am just like "Okay go for it." It feels like the nerve endings of my feelings have been cauterized with hot iron and all that remains is thick-skinned scar tissue. I am desensitized to it all at this point.

Might return to VN some day, might not. Depends on a number of factors. I am not currently teaching, but may do that online soon. I have a clear, smooth, voice and easy-to-understand accent and non-native English speakers really like that because they need an example of a voice copy as they practice speaking.

I don't know why I still love her to be honest. It isn't logical, that's for sure, and I normally operate within logic. I haven't ruled out that I just need my heart broken severely several times until I am completely desensitized. Sometimes God needs people to reach a broken point if it serves a greater good. Her family loves me and everything, but wants me to learn Vietnamese. They don't have a problem with me not being the same race as her. I don't know much of the VNese language.

I don't know for sure if her behavior is normal or not. I was her first serious bf so I don't know where these ideas came from. I guess they came from her family, friends, or culture. In public other couples seemed normal and that makes sense, if there is anything like what I experienced it probably just happens at their home. I learned to ask fewer questions. Asking questions seemed to often be viewed as having an ulterior motive or implying disagreement.

Anyway, just going with the flow at this point.
 
Mar 30, 2016
3,718
1,904
113
#57
Well as I said I don’t ask for it expect forgiveness . I don t claim to be a Christian certainly my acts show my faith.is lacking . No fear of God sadly . And that is the beginning of wisdom and I show I lack wisdom in all I do

One day I may find the God of my prayers and maybe He will give me new birth

But before that I need to somehow believe in the One and due to sin in my life I have a wall that I can’t see through or hear .

So yes people pray fir me or bash me . Whichever your God leads you to do

In the end onky Gid knows what is truly in my heart . I want to find him but I struggle with belief . Seems so many here believe and that is great .I wish I had that same belief . I only hope in God , not believe

I hurt my ex wives by not being able to accept them as they are . So now I am with a women of different faith , she believes in her God more than I do in mine . So perhaps she can teach me how to find belief

Until then I only can hope
I'm praying for you and I'm sure others here are praying for you as well. This is just kind of an awkward thread to reply on, but so be it....lol

I am praying that the Lord sends His drawing and convicting Spirit your way. And if he does or already has, I am praying that you will recognize it, and humble yourself under his mighty hand, and accept his forgiveness and salvation in your life.

Truth is most of us have lived a life of regrets and mistakes before coming to the Lord. God is forgiving, merciful, and graceful to forgive us if we ask him in faith.

I'm praying that the Lord saves you and that you learn of him and form a relationship with him first and foremost. So that his perfect will can be done in your life whatever that may be.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
18,908
6,154
113
#58
what, you dont know much vietnamese langauge, never bothered to learn yet you expected her to know and learn all of yours?
 

Runningman

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2020
7,418
3,308
113
#60
Hi @Runningman, i have question, how do you teach kids English, if you don't speak their language?
I would normally have a teacher's assistant (TA) who would translate for me if necessary. If not, sometimes that happened, then it might be more complicated controlling the class.

They normally have the basic gist of why I'm there and are aware their objective is to learn the foundation I'm teaching. I would use flash cards, students just repeat the words I'm saying correctly, and if they retain this knowledge they pass knowledge checks via quizzes in the form of games.

Older children normally don't require as much translation so it's a lot easier speaking to them, but if I have to teach them grammar that's a bit more complicated and it's easier if it's done by someone who speaks their language. In my experience they normally just need someone who can pronounce words correctly, even the TAs needed help with that.