Online long distance relationships - the pros and cons

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,884
1,119
113
Mesa, AZ
#22
Hey I deserve bashing , I did wrong by a Godly women . I am a dinner , never tried to hide that on forums or in real life

I am sorry this occurred , I perhaps shouldn’t have revealed my sin , but I prefer to be open. . Was still planning on visiting her until I did wrong

But while I am sure she can never forgive me , I hope the Lird blesses her for all she did to make this work until I failed

Now i will do right thing by the new girl I sinned with and try to work through my immaturity .
Long distance can work when God is there , but when one has fleshly problems and weaknesses thrn it is not easy

The biggest pain is not the bashing I get in here , but knowing the hurt I caused by my failure
If that is sincere, then it's a solid post, IMHO.
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,884
1,119
113
Mesa, AZ
#23
As the resident fuddy duddy it is my duty to say:

This seems like something for private message, not for a forum thread where we all gather to bash Robertt.

Or perhaps it is a matter to take up with a moderator.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not taking Robertt's side, or anyone's side, on anything. I'm just thinking maybe we shouldn't be bashing him like this.
That's actually a fair point.
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
866
432
63
#24
If that is sincere, then it's a solid post, IMHO.
Its a line hes used on me before, he doesnt know what sincere is. And by the way me being disappointed in you with that post was me thinking you were better than that, something that you acknowleged to another member. But blocking someone is of course very different than someone cheating. I dont have any issue with anyone blocking or not seeing eye to eye on topics. But Im not going to get politically correct here. CC is full of threads where "bashing" of others is allowed. I dont condone it but my experience is my own and he has acknowledged it. At least one person can be warned of his behaviour that s a good thing as just reading his last post, usual lines hes used before, nothing new. I prayed for him last night, the last time I will do that for him. But glad to be rid of his lies.
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
866
432
63
#25
I hope that the person you're referencing hasn't come to be representative of Christian men and online dating in general, but I deeply sympathize with the obvious pain you have here. My prayers are with you!

That being said, as a Christian man, I was in an online relationship with someone in Vietnam (VN) for about 1 year before I actually went there to meet her. I went all out, too. Quit my job, left my family, friends, and left my firmly-rooted life in the USA on nothing more than a wing and a prayer. I worked in VN as an English teacher and enjoyed it, but ultimately I was legally required to come back to the USA. I'm still trying to recover.

Remember something, love never fails. That's how you'll know true love. God bless.
So sorry that happened to you RM. Youre a good man and a good woman will appreciate you one day. I apologize for not writing you earlier, I was depressed for a few months being with Robertt and Im determined to pull myself out of this rut and get back to my normal self. So true what you wrote at the end. God is love and God never fails. Thank you brother and I hope your recovery is one of renewal and peace and clarity.
 

MsMediator

Active member
Mar 8, 2022
221
142
43
#27
Hey I deserve bashing , I did wrong by a Godly women . I am a dinner , never tried to hide that on forums or in real life

I am sorry this occurred , I perhaps shouldn’t have revealed my sin , but I prefer to be open. . Was still planning on visiting her until I did wrong

But while I am sure she can never forgive me , I hope the Lird blesses her for all she did to make this work until I failed

Now i will do right thing by the new girl I sinned with and try to work through my immaturity .
Long distance can work when God is there , but when one has fleshly problems and weaknesses thrn it is not easy

The biggest pain is not the bashing I get in here , but knowing the hurt I caused by my failure
The next step is to propose and marry the new person, if you intend to have sex with her again. Distance is not the issue, near or far you are not allowed to have sex. In that sense, distance is better to keep you on track.
 

Runningman

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2020
7,441
3,322
113
#28
So sorry that happened to you RM. Youre a good man and a good woman will appreciate you one day. I apologize for not writing you earlier, I was depressed for a few months being with Robertt and Im determined to pull myself out of this rut and get back to my normal self. So true what you wrote at the end. God is love and God never fails. Thank you brother and I hope your recovery is one of renewal and peace and clarity.
Likewise sister and thank you for always keeping it real. I do appreciate your genuineness about things. Just taking it step by step, we'll get there even if each step hurts.
 
Feb 15, 2014
86
7
8
#29
1st Corinthians Chapter 13
Matthew 7:16

Online relationships are like any other. They can and some do, work. But your heart has to be in the right place to begin with.
Most of all, get to know how the devil works. For all evil is born of the devil.
Ephesians 6:12

I met my wife on an online Christian site. I joined the site for companionship, not to find romance.

I chatted with people but made no attempt to take it beyond on site contact, nevertheless I wound up chatting with a widow who was having a hard time being alone.

One thing lead to another and today we've been happily married for just over twelve years. Every step of the way the Lord was with us.
Not because either of us were faithful to Him but because He is faithful.

The one thing we did do right was we sought to please Him in everything we did. We still do.

I believe that what protected us more then anything else was knowing how the devil works.

The Devil is a high pressure salesman who is quick to make promises.

Our Lord is patient, He is kind, He seeks not his own desires,
These are things to look out for in ourselves and in others.

When I feel anxious I know that the Devil is behind it. When I feel rushed I know the Devil is behind it.
When strangers make promises I know to be wary. Why? Well because promises that appeal to my flesh are always empty.
That is how the Devil works.

I know love is not a feeling, it is a commitment to put others ahead of myself. I also know that my flesh is selfish and I must guard against that.

These things are what makes any relationship work, or if lacking, fail.

Read the Book of Ezra. Pay attention to efforts to stop, delay or sidetrack the rebuilding of the temple for these are examples of how the Devil works in our lives.
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,884
1,119
113
Mesa, AZ
#30
Its a line hes used on me before, he doesnt know what sincere is. And by the way me being disappointed in you with that post was me thinking you were better than that, something that you acknowleged to another member. But blocking someone is of course very different than someone cheating. I dont have any issue with anyone blocking or not seeing eye to eye on topics. But Im not going to get politically correct here. CC is full of threads where "bashing" of others is allowed. I dont condone it but my experience is my own and he has acknowledged it. At least one person can be warned of his behaviour that s a good thing as just reading his last post, usual lines hes used before, nothing new. I prayed for him last night, the last time I will do that for him. But glad to be rid of his lies.
Hmm... I was impressed with his post. If, as you say, it was insincere, then I must say that my opinions of him are even further solidified. He sure fooled me -- if what you say is true. Ultimately, you're going to have to forgive him, and perhaps you have. Easy for me to say, though. I have my own forgiveness battles.

As for your other comments, I think for the sake of diplomacy and sensitivity, I'm going to keep the rest of my opinions to myself. They're not unworthy of expression, but I don't think it would serve anyone's interests for me to continue here.
 

1ofthem

Senior Member
Mar 30, 2016
3,726
1,905
113
#32
Okay, so I've debated whether to respond, and I'm still unsure whether I should or not.

But, guess I'll just go all out and do it anyway....

I think a good dose of healthy reality is the best way to go about it...

So here it goes....

I think the tactics used in this thread were in poor taste. To start a relationship with someone online and have it not work out then get on the site and call the person out by name just seems over the top and wrong in my opinion.

First thing, first...Yeah, relationships are difficult and can end up messy. Unless a person is 13 years old or something, most people should already know this before beginning a relationship.

The main thing in any relationship is to put God first and seek his will before beginning a relationship. If you don't then sure the relationship is going to be unfulfilling, unhealthy, chaotic, and will either end or become miserable. I'm not picking at anyone here just sharing some of the lessons I've learned down through the years.

Many people are unwilling to put God first and seek his will. They are impatiently out on the hunt and fishing for a relationship and will take the first thing that bites. This is where it all goes south...Not putting God first and seeking his will. Sorry cause I know it hurts but if we honestly take this into account, then we realize it is no one's fault but our own. That is how we learn to make real change and wait upon the Lord...not blaming anyone else, but learning from our own mistakes.

To the OP, I'm sorry to be so blunt. I know that this whole situation is probably very painful. I am just sincerely trying to help you by telling you the honest truth and pointing you to God to seek his will so that you put him first in all that you do. If you do that you can be assured that He will lead you in the right direction.
 

1ofthem

Senior Member
Mar 30, 2016
3,726
1,905
113
#33
Hey I deserve bashing , I did wrong by a Godly women . I am a dinner , never tried to hide that on forums or in real life

I am sorry this occurred , I perhaps shouldn’t have revealed my sin , but I prefer to be open. . Was still planning on visiting her until I did wrong

But while I am sure she can never forgive me , I hope the Lird blesses her for all she did to make this work until I failed

Now i will do right thing by the new girl I sinned with and try to work through my immaturity .
Long distance can work when God is there , but when one has fleshly problems and weaknesses thrn it is not easy

The biggest pain is not the bashing I get in here , but knowing the hurt I caused by my failure
I know this is really none of my business, and you're not asking for advice...but hey, here it goes anyways.

You seriously need to have a nice long talk with the Lord.

From your picture...You look like you are old enough to know better. So really all I can say is take it to the Lord. It also wouldn't hurt to read the Word of God and focus on the precedents he has set for relationships.
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
866
432
63
#34
I have no regrets making this thread. It was approved by the moderators also and if we take lessons away from it then thank you Lord.

I wasnt going to say anything until I read his post about his "date" while we were still a couple and then I knew his latest apology was insincere and I realised he thought he was going to get away with acting like that on a public christian site.
There is no point for him and I to go private anymore as that is where his lies began. Hopefully this will deter others from being as gullible as I was and discourage people from behaving in a manner that does not follow Scripture.
I dont believe this thread is bashing him, but we are having a conversation where there is a standard for Christians so covering it up is not helping young people here learn about relationships.
If anything I think people are disappointed with the behaviour and may pray for him and that is the right thing to do. I cant hate him, that takes up too much energy, how can I hate the man I had love for? He needs God and maybe some kind of counselling to help with his emotional immaturity when it comes to relationships. I also need to return my focus to God and listen to that gift of discernment more. I didnt come here for a relationship so that was a surprise it even happened.

To those who have given me advice, I truly appreciate it and take it to heart. I will eventually get around to replying to you properly but even writing this post its exhausting, my heart is heavy and I get teary eyed when I think about my relationship with God.
Thank you everyone, for reading for replying and for continuing Gods work as we fellowship together. God bless.
 
Feb 15, 2014
86
7
8
#35
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us
This is forgiveness, but what does it mean?

We know the Devil will continually remind us of our past so it can not mean we don't remember.

So what then can it mean?

I believe it means two things. One; we are not to act upon those memories, and that includes not talking about them.
Second; it means we reject them. In a practical sense this means we focus our minds on other things.

So how do we do this? Singing is one way. Singing refocuses the mind.
There are several places in scripture where the Israelites sang and danced to defeat the enamy.
I have used this in my life and it works.



One thing I know, the more I think on anything, the more it effects me.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
19,000
6,171
113
#36
Pros...cant think of any
Cons...can think of plenty...in fact, people are probably conning each other right now.
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
889
310
63
Bahrain
#37
I know this is really none of my business, and you're not asking for advice...but hey, here it goes anyways.

You seriously need to have a nice long talk with the Lord.

From your picture...You look like you are old enough to know better. So really all I can say is take it to the Lord. It also wouldn't hurt to read the Word of God and focus on the precedents he has set for relationships.
been there done that. God doesnt talk back. read the word.

so i do what i can .
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
889
310
63
Bahrain
#38
The next step is to propose and marry the new person, if you intend to have sex with her again. Distance is not the issue, near or far you are not allowed to have sex. In that sense, distance is better to keep you on track.
no plans to have sex again. she is muslim lady so crossed many boundaries.
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
889
310
63
Bahrain
#39
I never asked for forgivenss i dont expect any. but my post above was sincere i regret all hurt i caused.

but regrettign doesnt take away the sin i did and the pain i caused.

I too will never do online dating again as i have shown i am not worth it or trustworthy.

But to answer one point. Sadly my message to her was after the event not before. the sin i did occured before the date i mentioned in the other thread. but the girl and i got together with another couple to disucss and yes she is my freind and we will have more dates.

So no i didnt post about the firsdt sinful meeting . i posted about a non sinful meeting. but didnt tell TNP about any of it until after i posted in here. another mistake.
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
866
432
63
#40
You even believe your own lies now, dont know who you are trying to convince? God? me? cc? Your words are meaningless to me.

Why are you even here? To keep rubbing it in my face that you are with someone else? Thats just nasty. Everything about your situation is dirty and nasty and Im not going to sugar coat it just because some guys here get offended but what is worse? That you cheated or that I called you out by name? Smh

You told me you only come to CC to meet girls...so it wont be long before you back making your rounds again. Being in a relationship doesnt stop you.

Maybe some Godly men here can counsel you if you are open to it. You just have to ask them if you are genuine and if they are genuine about being brothers in Christ. Or you can keep pretending to be proactive but really do nothing because thats been working for you all these years hasnt it? 🙄🙄🙄