Pity everything is predictable

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Apr 22, 2018
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#1
Pity i can predict the rest of my lonely life it’s a given i will be alone till i die im a failure about to turn 34 i am stuck with nothing to be proud of nothing to feel positive about nothing to look forward to. Finding love is an impossible pipe dream for me. The impossible unexpected miracle. I’m too screwed up to ever have it, to feckless to ever find it. My life is an inconsolable waste. Truth be told I never should’ve been born. I suffer desiring while living nonstop as a lost unloved loner loser with not a sliver of a possibility that love is anywhere on the horizon. I will die a very lonely person and hopefully in a not too distant future.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,090
1,105
113
#2
Pity i can predict the rest of my lonely life it’s a given i will be alone till i die im a failure about to turn 34 i am stuck with nothing to be proud of nothing to feel positive about nothing to look forward to. Finding love is an impossible pipe dream for me. The impossible unexpected miracle. I’m too screwed up to ever have it, to feckless to ever find it. My life is an inconsolable waste. Truth be told I never should’ve been born. I suffer desiring while living nonstop as a lost unloved loner loser with not a sliver of a possibility that love is anywhere on the horizon. I will die a very lonely person and hopefully in a not too distant future.
Food for thought:

What evidence is there for any of these assertions? Everything you've stated is an opinion or perspective, so why do you have such a low opinion of yourself? And what might you be able to do so that you like yourself more? Regardless of whether you have 5 minutes or 5 decades left, what are you going to have the rest of your life be about?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
28,943
7,344
113
64
Florida
#3
Pity i can predict the rest of my lonely life it’s a given i will be alone till i die im a failure about to turn 34 i am stuck with nothing to be proud of nothing to feel positive about nothing to look forward to. Finding love is an impossible pipe dream for me. The impossible unexpected miracle. I’m too screwed up to ever have it, to feckless to ever find it. My life is an inconsolable waste. Truth be told I never should’ve been born. I suffer desiring while living nonstop as a lost unloved loner loser with not a sliver of a possibility that love is anywhere on the horizon. I will die a very lonely person and hopefully in a not too distant future.
I'm sure that you have at least one proud accomplishment in your life but perhaps you feel that others would not appreciate it. Unless you are a prophet you can't really predict anything. Finding love may be impossible for you but it is not impossible for God. I appreciate your honesty in your self-assessment posts but keep in mind that this is only you own opinion of how you look at yourself. Perhaps you can list one positive thing, however small, when you write a post. You may be surprised in the response you may receive and it will go a long way in healing your self=esteem. Even if love is on the horizon you are so blinded by self-pity that you would miss seeing it. Open your eyes and look around. It's not so bad if you think about it.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
22,666
2,452
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#4
I suggest watching this video by psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson (former Harvard professor, currently a professor at Univ. of Toronto).

He is speaking to a group of university students about life and what to do about it. He focuses on why lots of young people today feel like giving up and/or are depressed. He also references Jesus and the crucifixion.. It could really change your perspective. It changed mine.

 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,778
1,828
113
#5
hey, OP. life can be dark sometimes. but I'm reminded of a quote from a book I read a long time ago:

moods change. truth does not.

God is with you. because of Him, you are not hopeless. it feels like you're all alone, but the truth is, you are never alone. you feel unloved, but the truth is you are loved. you feel worthless, but the truth is, you are precious child of God.

the devil doesn't want us to walk in the identity Christ has given us because that means we walk in truth. feelings come and go. Jesus is forever.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
504
226
43
33
#6
Pity i can predict the rest of my lonely life it’s a given i will be alone till i die im a failure about to turn 34 i am stuck with nothing to be proud of nothing to feel positive about nothing to look forward to. Finding love is an impossible pipe dream for me. The impossible unexpected miracle. I’m too screwed up to ever have it, to feckless to ever find it. My life is an inconsolable waste. Truth be told I never should’ve been born. I suffer desiring while living nonstop as a lost unloved loner loser with not a sliver of a possibility that love is anywhere on the horizon. I will die a very lonely person and hopefully in a not too distant future.

First of all - WOW, this site is really cool!! Easy to navigate, a ton of reactions, it's beautiful!

Now for the bad news dpecheur10. What you're indulging in is self-absorption. It's every bit as self serving as narcissism. I think Cinder had it right in that you have provided little evidence to justify your feelings and I certainly don't know anything that would help me form that kind of opinion. I doubt if anyone does, really.

So - given that information - that no one knows much about you - you could effectively re-invent yourself! What if all your past mistakes and inabilities to find love and all the things you've lost or wasted were suddenly washed away? Gone. They don't exist - none of them. Not a smidgen of memory or evidence from anyone or anything. You were the only one with that knowledge. What would you do? What direction would you take?

In effect, that's exactly what our God's Grace allows us to do. At the end of every day, this is what God's Grace allows us to do. His Grace allows us to be new. So, which direction, dpecheur?
 

FENNER2

Junior Member
Apr 21, 2018
47
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#7
Dpecheur, I'm going to encourage you to talk to someone like a psychiatrist or psychologist. I'm married 19 years now, 2 kids and still have serious boughts of depression sometimes.

I have had people wonder why and say things to me like, well smile more, be positive, think of the blessings. They mean well but when you have clinical depression or a mental illness, putting on a fake smile and behaving like Susie sunshine doesn't make it go away.

Get help please.
 
L

LaVieEnRose

Guest
#8
Hey, it sounds like you may suffer from depression. I do, too. Onevof the best things I ever did was get on Prozac. No, medicine does not magically solve my problems, yes, I am still sad and lonely. BUT, I don’t want to die, and my depression is being “managed” for lack of a better word. I really hope you see a doctor. I went to my gp because I didn’t want to go the psychiatrist route, but you go to who can best help you.

I will pray for you.
 

Treadstone

Junior Member
May 21, 2018
39
50
18
#9
Pity i can predict the rest of my lonely life it’s a given i will be alone till i die im a failure about to turn 34 i am stuck with nothing to be proud of nothing to feel positive about nothing to look forward to. Finding love is an impossible pipe dream for me. The impossible unexpected miracle. I’m too screwed up to ever have it, to feckless to ever find it. My life is an inconsolable waste. Truth be told I never should’ve been born. I suffer desiring while living nonstop as a lost unloved loner loser with not a sliver of a possibility that love is anywhere on the horizon. I will die a very lonely person and hopefully in a not too distant future.
With that attitude everything you just said will come true. You pretty much doomed yourself to failure by sheer force of will. Not too late to turn it around though. Are you up for the challenge?
 
Apr 22, 2018
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#10
With that attitude everything you just said will come true. You pretty much doomed yourself to failure by sheer force of will. Not too late to turn it around though. Are you up for the challenge?
Yes-- yes I am adamantly and without question up for the challenge... for the past year everything in my life has been stopped at an impasse, every day revolving around the problem of how to turn my life around. I am praying, seeking answers, wisdom, strength, looking at options, searching for direction. with my life in shambles right now and no clear path ahead in figuring out how i will make it in life, the entire idea of finding companionship is off the table. i have been disconnected for so long. i know im not helpless. i just dont really know what to do. and so i always have these fears, as time passes and i watch my life going by without getting any closer to what i want...
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#11
Yes-- yes I am adamantly and without question up for the challenge... for the past year everything in my life has been stopped at an impasse, every day revolving around the problem of how to turn my life around. I am praying, seeking answers, wisdom, strength, looking at options, searching for direction. with my life in shambles right now and no clear path ahead in figuring out how i will make it in life, the entire idea of finding companionship is off the table. i have been disconnected for so long. i know im not helpless. i just dont really know what to do. and so i always have these fears, as time passes and i watch my life going by without getting any closer to what i want...
Not to sound like a broken record, but I think you are depressed. You may want to see a doctor. I’m not a doctor, but I have depression- so I can rrcognize it when I hear it.

May God bless you.
 
Apr 22, 2018
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#13
Hey, it sounds like you may suffer from depression. I do, too. Onevof the best things I ever did was get on Prozac. No, medicine does not magically solve my problems, yes, I am still sad and lonely. BUT, I don’t want to die, and my depression is being “managed” for lack of a better word. I really hope you see a doctor. I went to my gp because I didn’t want to go the psychiatrist route, but you go to who can best help you.

I will pray for you.
Yes-- I certainly do suffer from depression, as well as mood disorder (possible BPD), ADHD, dyspraxia, and most especially a hypersensitive heart. I also do take meds, two currently, antidepressant (lexapro) and mood stabilizer (lamictal). Prozac was actually the first antidepressant I went on, ten years ago, and I had a bad reaction to it. It gave me severe insomnia. Every antidepressant besides lexapro has had that effect on me.
I was seeing a therapist for a while, but i honestly cant afford it right now.
My life, my world have been in particularly confined condition since I quit teaching profession last year (long story) and moved back down to southern California where I've been staying with my parents till I can figure out a new way to support myself. It's not a great situation. I've been extremely lonely over the past 8 years, between living in Russia for 2.5 years, then coming back to the States and doing my first year of teaching around Santa Cruz, CA (one of the worst, most stressful years of my life), followed by three more years of high school teaching in a very tiny, remote town farther north in marijuana country where there were few people, no people in my age bracket (absolutely no women of interest or quality), and it was a pretty bleak, isolated environment (spiritually bankrupt, predominately atheistic/non-religious) and I spent most of those 3 years in virtual solitude. Tons and tons of loneliness have plagued my adult life and I've never been in a happy romantic relationship (though i started seeking them passionately as a little boy-- like more seriously than most boys wouldve at my age-- another long story dealing with my own psychology and family upbringing as a middle child, the weird kid who couldn't play sports and was daydreaming all the time, and never felt understood by my parents or anyone else). I'm turning 34 on the 16th of this month and it's sad for me to be where I am right now. I feel so incredibly far removed from any possible chance for having a family... And realistically, age is a factor that matters. Sure there's still time... But, time is passing and I'm just lonely and more people around me have moved on with life getting married and such. At a certain point friendships just lose their fiber, a lot of them at least. Idk. Yeah.
Thank you kindly for your support.
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,237
2,235
113
UK age 51
#14
A while back I came across a free down load about low self esteem. it’s too long to post on
here, apparently there is a 100,000 character limit! But this part of it
might help.


Tip 1: Keep a diary

A good starting point is to understand more about how you feel about yourself and how it affects what you think and do. Keep a diary over the next two weeks and jot down when you notice your feelings about yourself go up or down - what is the circumstance and what are you doing at the time, what are you thinking, how are you feeling? This will help identify thoughts and behaviours that could be keeping you from a healthy self-esteem. You can use this diary together with the tips below to start tackling these bad feelings about yourself and make your life more satisfying.

Tip 2: Learn to like yourself

Low self-esteem means you have negative ideas about yourself. But there are things you can do to help counteract the critical voices inside your head.

Write down a list of things you like about yourself - even the smallest things. Jot them down as they happen in your diary. It can be easy to forget about these things when your confidence has taken lots of knocks. Ask yourself:

What have you done in your life that you were happy with?
Have you done something well?
Have you had to deal with some tough things in your life? How did you faced that? What does it say about you?

If you can, ask people you know what they like about you and what your strengths are – just make sure they’re people who make you feel good about yourself, not people who contribute to your feelings of worthlessness. Keep writing. It may be hard to start with, but stick at it. It will get easier once you get going.

Things to like about yourself

Example:

  • I'm a good friend.
  • I get on well with people at work.
  • I make people laugh.
  • I coped really well when my mum was ill.
Now you’ve discovered lots of really good things about yourself, keep reminding yourself of them. Use the evidence you have collected to write down your strengths and repeat them to yourself each day - perhaps just before going to bed or when you get up in the morning. Use them whenever you start feeling critical about yourself.

Tip 3: Reward yourself when something goes well

Low self-esteem makes you hard on yourself. You discount the things that have gone right and beat yourself up when things don’t go as planned. You can expect too much of yourself.

Finished a big project at work or college? Helped a neighbour out? Got all the shopping and housework done with time to spare? Whatever has gone right, no matter how small you think it is, write it in your diary – and give yourself credit. Don’t be concerned with how easy someone else might find it – if you’ve managed something that’s a struggle for you personally, give yourself the thumbs up.

Don’t stop there. Reward yourself for your achievements. Take the night off. Treat yourself to something. Keep on reminding yourself when things go right. And don’t be hard on yourself when things go wrong. If you are not used to giving yourself credit, this can be hard. It’s easier to criticise yourself than give yourself praise but there are techniques to help you.

Reality check

You can't be perfect all the time. The perfect person does not exist. When things don't go the way you planned, ask yourself:

  • Was there anything that did go ok?
  • Was it all my fault?
  • What went wrong and how can I change it next time?
  • Has the world caved in because that just happened?
  • Will it still matter in a few years time?
Tip 4: Deal with negative thoughts

Negative thought patterns can become ingrained – you may not even realise you’re doing it. Healthy thinking is not about having an inflated view of yourself, it’s about taking balanced view.

There are a number of common mind traps we fall into when we’re feeling bad about ourselves. For example, if we feel unlovable, we may be quick to believe that people don’t like us or react badly to criticism. Or if we think we aren’t good enough, we can predict we won’t cope or that everything will go wrong.

Try our exercise on spotting and dealing with the common mind traps using your diary to help you. Even the act of labelling these bad thoughts can help take away their power. You will also learn techniques to balance your thinking so you take a more realistic view.

Tip 5: Notice and change your patterns

Feeling bad about ourselves also affects the way we behave. We do things to make us feel better – that actually make us feel worse in the long run. For example, we hold back from expressing what we need, or spend all our time doing things for others in an effort to be liked while neglecting our own needs. Or we feel we aren’t good enough, so we work flat out, with no time to relax and see friends, or never try anything for fear of failure.Use your diary to try and identify some of these patterns. Then experiment to see if these behaviours are actually helping or making you feel worse.

If you are constantly jumping to someone else's tune in an effort to please, try our exercise, 'Puppet on a string' to regain your sense of self. If you don't have the confidence to express your needs and views, or overcompensate for feeling worthless by coming over as agressive, practice these assertiveness skills.

Change your patterns - example

You regularly work late and at weekends. Try reducing your working hours for one week to see how it makes you feel and if it actually affects your performance at work. Or create some time for yourself instead of always running around after others, and see how it affects you and your relations with others. You may be surprised at what you find. Use this knowledge to try and change the way you do things.

Tip 6: Do the things that make you feel better

People with low self esteem tend to think they don't deserve things, that they’re not worth it. This can lead to them neglecting themselves, such as their health or their appearance – which only makes them feel worse. It is important to take care of yourself as it will give you the energy and confidence to tackle other things that are going on in your life. So start the day off well by having a shower and wearing something you feel good in, try to get enough sleep, eat healthily and get some exercise. Exercise is a great mood booster; even a brisk, daily walk can help boost your physical and emotional health.

Planning in activities that are pleasurable or satisfying can also raise your mood. Take time to do things you enjoy. Ask yourself: When was the last time I did something pleasurable? What do I find relaxing? It doesn’t have to be something big. Perhaps you could treat yourself to a relaxing bath with candles, go and see a film or meet up with a friend you haven’t seen for a while.

Maybe you once had a hobby or special interest – playing an instrument or taking part in a team sport, for example. Why not think about taking it up again? It’s not about being the best or winning every game, it’s about bringing pleasure back into your life – but it might give you a sense of achievement too.

Whatever you like doing, make a plan for the week. Schedule in something pleasurable for each day – and stick to it.
 
C

CandieM

Guest
#15
Yes-- I certainly do suffer from depression, as well as mood disorder (possible BPD), ADHD, dyspraxia, and most especially a hypersensitive heart. I also do take meds, two currently, antidepressant (lexapro) and mood stabilizer (lamictal). Prozac was actually the first antidepressant I went on, ten years ago, and I had a bad reaction to it. It gave me severe insomnia. Every antidepressant besides lexapro has had that effect on me.
I was seeing a therapist for a while, but i honestly cant afford it right now.
My life, my world have been in particularly confined condition since I quit teaching profession last year (long story) and moved back down to southern California where I've been staying with my parents till I can figure out a new way to support myself. It's not a great situation. I've been extremely lonely over the past 8 years, between living in Russia for 2.5 years, then coming back to the States and doing my first year of teaching around Santa Cruz, CA (one of the worst, most stressful years of my life), followed by three more years of high school teaching in a very tiny, remote town farther north in marijuana country where there were few people, no people in my age bracket (absolutely no women of interest or quality), and it was a pretty bleak, isolated environment (spiritually bankrupt, predominately atheistic/non-religious) and I spent most of those 3 years in virtual solitude. Tons and tons of loneliness have plagued my adult life and I've never been in a happy romantic relationship (though i started seeking them passionately as a little boy-- like more seriously than most boys wouldve at my age-- another long story dealing with my own psychology and family upbringing as a middle child, the weird kid who couldn't play sports and was daydreaming all the time, and never felt understood by my parents or anyone else). I'm turning 34 on the 16th of this month and it's sad for me to be where I am right now. I feel so incredibly far removed from any possible chance for having a family... And realistically, age is a factor that matters. Sure there's still time... But, time is passing and I'm just lonely and more people around me have moved on with life getting married and such. At a certain point friendships just lose their fiber, a lot of them at least. Idk. Yeah.
Thank you kindly for your support.
Are you able to do any online teaching or get some sort of online job teaching people? These days you can do so much with the Internet. It's amazing.

If you can't do that, there's always the chance that you can get some free online education that can teach you how to teach people online? Maybe? It's possible that you can use this as an opportunity to reflect on a different job path and attempt to work in a different field, either in something you are good at or something that you are passionate about. Only a thought.

btw, I like your username. It looks cool.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
8,074
4,306
113
#16
@dpecheur10 praying for you sweet brother:) . This is something that you’ll need to give God - and I mean totally surrender everything to Him. It may sound like repetitive advice but it needs to be said, that only God can relive you and heal you of such things. I will be praying for you though, And know that God has plans for you, plans for good & not disaster (Jeremiah 29:11), and part of that plan I believe is the gift He’s given you....the gift of writing :)

God loves you & so do I brother ❤️ B93B1503-D503-4BF9-ABD3-572E5CECB65D.jpeg
 
L

LittleMermaid

Guest
#17
Hi! How about thinking more positively? I used to be suicidal and depressed. What has really changed my life is just knowing that we can control our thoughts. For example, a thought might come into your mind saying that you're useless and you shouldn't have been born. Well challenge that thought...first recognize that it's not of God and then mentally throw it out. Focus on something else. Tell yourself that God loves you and made you for a reason. That is why you are alive. Do not let the enemy take hold of your mind.

You say you want a family? Well having a family is a very difficult job. Sure, it's rewarding but as the man of the house, you have to lead. Do you think you can lead a wife and children right now? You probably cannot, brother. That's probably why you haven't met a woman yet. God is hiding you both from each other for now until you are ready. Now do you want to wait around and not prepare yourself? Or do you want to take action and try harder? You know what you need to do. So do it. We believe in you bro and if you have any setbacks or fears, talk to us. But most importantly, talk to God.

I know it's easier said than done...believe me I know. I have struggled with so many things myself. I had a lot of anxiety and fears about the future. I was afraid that life wasn't turning out like I had hoped it would. But I came to the conclusion that the only one who can change my life is myself. Same with you. Only you can change your life. I know God will lead and help us...but it's up to us to accept his path and his ways. God transforms us, he does the work..but we have to let him.

Also, like LaVie said, if you feel you have depression or something similar...go see a doctor about it. Maybe some medication would help you. But take action! That's the most important piece of advice I could probably give you.

Some other actions you can take that will make you feel better.
Read the Bible
Go to church
Participate in church
Volunteer at hospitals or nursing homes
Get a dog
Excercise
Sleep 8 hours every night (at night, do not stay up) I myself am a night owl...but I have noticed that when I go to bed at a decent hour, I am less gloomy the next day!
Be good to yourself (treat yourself like you would a friend...would you tell a friend they shouldn't have been born? Of course not! So don't treat yourself that way)
Take hold of negative thoughts
Find a hobby that you like doing like writing or drawing


Here are some pictures that have helped me. Be blessed! We'll be praying for you.

 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
14,869
2,678
113
#18
I remember sometimes I have been hurt. When I hit my thumb with a hammer. When I got stung by a wasp. When somebody said something really rude. When somebody stole from me or cheated me out of something. Times like that really hurt.

I have noticed something that all those times have in common though. When I am in pain the whole world really sucks. When I am hurting I feel like everybody is an idiot, or worse, and the entire planet could be swallowed by a black hole for all I care, because everything on this planet is totally terrible.

Depression hurts, and unlike all those times I was hurting depression does not let up after a while. It keeps hurting. And when you are hurting you can feel like the whole world is terrible. But the world really isn't terrible, and complaining about the world never helps you feel better.

What will make you feel better? I honestly don't know. But when I am hurting, sometimes I have to remind myself that I am in a bad mood and everything and everybody seems terrible just because I am hurting. Sometimes I have to remind myself that things are not nearly as bad as they seem and the whole world will seem a lot better after the pain subsides.

"To a man with dog manure on his upper lip, the whole world stinks."
I have no idea how to get depression off your upper lip, but you need to realize that it is coloring your perception of the world and the world is not nearly as bad as you say.
 
L

LaVieEnRose

Guest
#19
Yes-- I certainly do suffer from depression, as well as mood disorder (possible BPD), ADHD, dyspraxia, and most especially a hypersensitive heart. I also do take meds, two currently, antidepressant (lexapro) and mood stabilizer (lamictal). Prozac was actually the first antidepressant I went on, ten years ago, and I had a bad reaction to it. It gave me severe insomnia. Every antidepressant besides lexapro has had that effect on me.
I was seeing a therapist for a while, but i honestly cant afford it right now.
My life, my world have been in particularly confined condition since I quit teaching profession last year (long story) and moved back down to southern California where I've been staying with my parents till I can figure out a new way to support myself. It's not a great situation. I've been extremely lonely over the past 8 years, between living in Russia for 2.5 years, then coming back to the States and doing my first year of teaching around Santa Cruz, CA (one of the worst, most stressful years of my life), followed by three more years of high school teaching in a very tiny, remote town farther north in marijuana country where there were few people, no people in my age bracket (absolutely no women of interest or quality), and it was a pretty bleak, isolated environment (spiritually bankrupt, predominately atheistic/non-religious) and I spent most of those 3 years in virtual solitude. Tons and tons of loneliness have plagued my adult life and I've never been in a happy romantic relationship (though i started seeking them passionately as a little boy-- like more seriously than most boys wouldve at my age-- another long story dealing with my own psychology and family upbringing as a middle child, the weird kid who couldn't play sports and was daydreaming all the time, and never felt understood by my parents or anyone else). I'm turning 34 on the 16th of this month and it's sad for me to be where I am right now. I feel so incredibly far removed from any possible chance for having a family... And realistically, age is a factor that matters. Sure there's still time... But, time is passing and I'm just lonely and more people around me have moved on with life getting married and such. At a certain point friendships just lose their fiber, a lot of them at least. Idk. Yeah.
Thank you kindly for your support.
Not everyone is suited to teach, so do not be too dismayed about not being able to continue teaching. The retention rate among teachers is rather low. I understand finances are tight, but think about therapy as if it was life saving medical treatment. Your parents would gladly foot the bill if you needed chemotherapy, I am sure they would foot the bill to ensure you have better mental health.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,778
1,828
113
#20
It’s awesome to see many cc members posting in this thread with ideas and encouragement! I believe we have all experienced dark moments in life, and I believe we have all seen God’s faithfulness. I know it’s hard to see it during the struggle, but I can honestly say that when I look back, I can see how God helped me through my struggles.

One thing that has helped me, and continues to help me, is to thank God for what I do have, no matter how small it may seem. For example, I just had a cup of coffee. I thank God I’m able to drink it and taste it!

I know it’s hard to be grateful in hard times. But baby steps are still steps!