Questions For Our Married Friends/People Who Have Experience With Marriage Who Hang Out in Singles

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JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#61
I can answer that with a quote from a six year old girl.

"Mommy do I HAVE to fall in love?"
"Well... No, I guess not."
"Good. I've got stuff to do."

For me it is just because I never have bothered to go out looking for a girl. My life is going fine right now and I see no reason to mess with it.

I'm a nerd and I follow the nerd principle of "Upgrade ONLY for a reason." If a computer is doing everything I want and working just fine, I refuse to upgrade to the latest system just because it's new. It's fine just the way it is. Why mess up something that works?

My life is just fine like it is. I have no reason to try to improve perfection. And if well meaning but annoying matchmakers try to improve it for me, I have a flamethrower for such problems.
Yes, I know you have a flame thrower, but I also still have a single daughter and we have now moved to Tennessee.... we're getting closer....lol
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,216
9,289
113
#62
Yes, I know you have a flame thrower, but I also still have a single daughter and we have now moved to Tennessee.... we're getting closer....lol
I told them, I told them, I TOLD THEM SO!

Someone told me I should reply, as your question seemed custom made for my response. I said I'd rather not, as I know I'm still on your short list as a possibility for your daughter. But I said I'd read your post and maybe reply.

So I read your post and replied and I TOLD THEM SO!
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#63
a raft? lol

I think the peaceful island lifestyle is something marrieds dont really understand but then ppl are always trying to bash round pegs into square holes arent they.
also not all singles are in the 'rat race' actually many many marrieds are in the rat race and feel trapped with TOO much cheese and no way out. (do they want to share that cheese?)

Navigating life is something that we all have autonomy to do.

We believers are not sheep without a shepherd though.

Dont feel sorry for us singles. We enjoy the ride and we like our peace and contentment we find with the Lord.
Lanolin, I don't know where you would classify me. I got married the first time at 17, I know stupid, but I didn't know it then. What I found out was that I was too young, we grew up and grew apart so that marriage ended at age 24.

I then had a 35 year period of the single life as I swore to myself I would never get divorced again even if it meant not getting married and I kept to my guns on that promise until at 59 years old met Tourist here on CC. November we will celebrate our 8th anniversary.

I have been married and I have been single and I have enjoyed both life styles. There is much good and bad about both. All I know as Lynx has said that I have been happy and living life in both styles of singledom and marriage. Being happy having a happy life is one of my main goals and I feel have succeeded in that.
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#64
Another god post..

Since I've been married before.. Along time ago now.. I'm not sure I would qualify to give an answer.. But then again I'm not single as I plan to get engaged in a few months and suprise suprise it with someone on CC.... But I'll keep you's guessing lol.

I personally I don't see anything wrong with being single or for anyone who wants to stay that way... After all it's what they want to do. There are those who are single and don't want to be.. So what's the advice there🤔. I think JB answered well. Plus sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just talk to someone.. You never know where it will lead...


Match making may well work.. But then again it may not... A bit like rafts going in different directions🤔🤣

Loneliness seems to be a problem for some though... I dont have any easy answers.. But CC helps, does it not🤔

Anyhow all that to say I don't feel particularly qualified to comment 🤣😂🤣🤔
Well congrats, looking forward to the reveal.
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#65
being not the only one doesnt make it easier to understand why people dont like me

I would say that would be their loss. I have read your responses and the fact you deal with autism gives me a bit of information to not make a quick decision on how you say something or the way you respond. This helps me as well as other people who may not have know you are dealing with this.

Thanks for trying to communicate with us who might jump to another conclusion of what you might mean. Glad you are taking the time to jump in and join us marrieds and singles.

I am sorry you have to deal with those of us who may not know what you are going through on a daily basis. But I am happy to know more about you and I certainly wouldn't dislike you because of what you are dealing with. Keep on responding as it helps us all get to know you better.
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#66
I told them, I told them, I TOLD THEM SO!

Someone told me I should reply, as your question seemed custom made for my response. I said I'd rather not, as I know I'm still on your short list as a possibility for your daughter. But I said I'd read your post and maybe reply.

So I read your post and replied and I TOLD THEM SO!

Truly I hope I am not pushing your buttons too hard truth be told you are one of my very favorite peeps on CC and I love messing with you.

My daughter never wants to get married either can you imagine? lol I'm her mother can you imagine?

You are fortunate that you don't have to deal with me on a daily basis. She on the other hand does.. Right now she lives with us poor thing... But she loves her Mama. I really don't mean to torture you and the likelihood of you two together is probably more than impossible.

Because I like you, I mess with you can I be forgiven if it's necessary?

PS: I figured you would respond but I also would really like to hear other's reasons too cause, I really am curious.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
26,074
13,771
113
#67
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here?
How about "Do singles even take to heart any advice given by marrieds?"
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,216
9,289
113
#68
Truly I hope I am not pushing your buttons too hard truth be told you are one of my very favorite peeps on CC and I love messing with you.

My daughter never wants to get married either can you imagine? lol I'm her mother can you imagine?

You are fortunate that you don't have to deal with me on a daily basis. She on the other hand does.. Right now she lives with us poor thing... But she loves her Mama. I really don't mean to torture you and the likelihood of you two together is probably more than impossible.

Because I like you, I mess with you can I be forgiven if it's necessary?

PS: I figured you would respond but I also would really like to hear other's reasons too cause, I really am curious.
Forgiven? For what? It was fun to holler about how I told them so. :p
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,430
5,375
113
#69
How about "Do singles even take to heart any advice given by marrieds?"
Of course.

It's one of the reasons some of us are single for longer periods of time.

Because we listen, and observe among married people, how how hard marriage really is, and so we are very cautious.

It must also be kept in mind that many of us singles were married, but left behind for someone else.

God rarely takes married couples together.

How well will the married person adjust back, or to single life for the first time, if or when God calls their spouse home first?

We are more than happy to listen to marrieds who also try to see things from our perspective.

No one married likes to think about it, but his or her single days might be coming, too.
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#70
Of course.

It's one of the reasons some of us are single for longer periods of time.

Because we listen, and observe among married people, how how hard marriage really is, and so we are very cautious.

It must also be kept in mind that many of us singles were married, but left behind for someone else.

God rarely takes married couples together.

How well will the married person adjust back, or to single life for the first time, if or when God calls their spouse home first?

We are more than happy to listen to marrieds who also try to see things from our perspective.

No one married likes to think about it, but his or her single days might be coming, too.
Whenever those days come, adjusting is hard and goes on for what feels like forever.
 
J

joecoten

Guest
#71
I was with my first wife for 9 years. I ended it.
I was with my second wife for 8 years. She ended it.
I've been single for 18 years. It used to bother me.
I stopped hugging my pillow at night about 15 years ago.
Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be. I'm on my final stretch, so...
I am on the road...to my home...in the New Jerusalem.
And when I get there, there will be...
No more death, no more mourning.
No more crying...or pain! :)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,430
5,375
113
#72
Whenever those days come, adjusting is hard and goes on for what feels like forever.
Years ago, we had a married friend who was gone for a while, then came back to tell us that they had always liked hanging with us singles but felt a bit sorry for us.

This person had kind of picked up in church that marrieds were the more mature members and singles were untamed drifters without a cause.

This person explained that in their absence, they had unexpectedly gone through a separation from their spouse, and it was a lesson to them to value single friends - because a married person might very well find themselves being single.

I've been single about 20 years now, and some of the people who patted me on the head back then and said I was just a baby are just now starting their own single journey, whether through death or divorce.

So now who is going to pat them on the head as they did to us and then welcome them to the club? (I don't, out of respect. But I long for respect to go both ways.)

The marrieds I appreciate most are the ones who realize we aren't much different, and they could be filling out shoes at any time.

To all our married friends who laugh, cry, study, ponder, and fellowship with us while seeing us as peers rather than lesser beings or children, thank you. ❤️
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#73
Hi Everybody!

I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.

I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.

Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?

* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?

* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?

* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)

* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"

* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?

* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway? :unsure::coffee::alien:

* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?

Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.

Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."

In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles. :geek::unsure::whistle:

I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users. :D

Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here. :)

* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?

No, I was one of those poor clumsy chaps not so long ago. I feel for people searching for a mate these days.



* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
Yes, I want singles to know that there isn't a thing wrong with them if they haven't found the right person yet. I didn't meet my hubby till I was in my 40s. I could have tortured myself for all that time. God had a timing and nothing was going to change that. So stop worrying.

It's easy to find someone to sleep with, and when you are lonely it's easy to make that mistake. It's much harder to find a mate who will stay with you through thick and thin. So many ladies I know fell for this and are so miserable, it's better to be alone then let someone use you.

I saw a meme that said "Marriage is a walk in the park, Jurassic Park". A little extreme, but you get the idea. It's better to be single and alone than married and miserable. Make sure that person is the right person before you take that step.

Don't let your heart fool you, listen to your head. If you see red flags, getting married isn't gonna make them better. Never make that mistake.

Relax and enjoy single life until the right person comes along. Don't stop being you. If you feel called into a line of work or ministry or whatever it is, do it. Don't sit at home pining away because you're single. Being single is a gift, do what you can for the Lord, go on a mission trip. Who knows you might meet that special person.


* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
Yes, yes I do and often! lol But I was ready to settle down and be married. I had done a lot of things and been a lot of places before I met my spouse.



* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
Stay busy and try not to focus on being lonely. So many people jump into marriage for that very reason. Far better to be lonely than in a bad marriage.

* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway? :unsure::coffee::alien:
Because singles should feel included. I was older and single and it really made more lonely when married people wouldn't include me or act like something was wrong with me.


* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
No, but I waited a long time to be married. I was ready to married, and I matured a lot as a person when I married. I didn't realize how much I needed to "grow up" to be married. lol But no, I would not want to be single again.
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
1,081
722
113
#74
How is it possible to never have had a date and you are 30, 40 or more? Just curious.
I don't have too much dating experience. I went to prom with a friend, not a "boyfriend" type. Didn't date in college but had a few guy friends. Only started dating after college with online dating, spent a few years on that. Went to church for many years, a couple of guys were interested but I was not. Around this time a nonChristian was also interested in me. In my early 30s, I faced some other obstacles and was just glad to get through the day (work, cooking, errands, etc.). All this said, I was never really interested in dating and marriage even as a young girl. Early on, I realized there can be a lot of issues in marriage.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,430
5,375
113
#75
No, I was one of those poor clumsy chaps not so long ago. I feel for people searching for a mate these days.





Yes, I want singles to know that there isn't a thing wrong with them if they haven't found the right person yet. I didn't meet my hubby till I was in my 40s. I could have tortured myself for all that time. God had a timing and nothing was going to change that. So stop worrying.

It's easy to find someone to sleep with, and when you are lonely it's easy to make that mistake. It's much harder to find a mate who will stay with you through thick and thin. So many ladies I know fell for this and are so miserable, it's better to be alone then let someone use you.

I saw a meme that said "Marriage is a walk in the park, Jurassic Park". A little extreme, but you get the idea. It's better to be single and alone than married and miserable. Make sure that person is the right person before you take that step.

Don't let your heart fool you, listen to your head. If you see red flags, getting married isn't gonna make them better. Never make that mistake.

Relax and enjoy single life until the right person comes along. Don't stop being you. If you feel called into a line of work or ministry or whatever it is, do it. Don't sit at home pining away because you're single. Being single is a gift, do what you can for the Lord, go on a mission trip. Who knows you might meet that special person.




Yes, yes I do and often! lol But I was ready to settle down and be married. I had done a lot of things and been a lot of places before I met my spouse.





Stay busy and try not to focus on being lonely. So many people jump into marriage for that very reason. Far better to be lonely than in a bad marriage.



Because singles should feel included. I was older and single and it really made more lonely when married people wouldn't include me or act like something was wrong with me.




No, but I waited a long time to be married. I was ready to married, and I matured a lot as a person when I married. I didn't realize how much I needed to "grow up" to be married. lol But no, I would not want to be single again.
Thank you so much for this beautiful post, Kayla. 🌹

I love hearing about people who marry later -- it gives us older singles hope. 🥰

And thank you for saying that you spend some of your precious time here because you want singles to know there isn't anything wrong with us, and that you want us to feel like we belong. ❤️

That was definitely from God! For whatever reason, I have been struggling a lot with loneliness lately, and that part of your post brought a year to my eye! 🥲

Thank you so much.

Again, to our married friends who work so hard to include us, THANK YOU. 💐 You might never know how much your stories, humor, spiritual fellowship and kindness mean to us singles. 🌺💝🥰
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,430
5,375
113
#77
Older...thanks. I'm 63! lol
That's one of the great things that's happened to the Singles Forum over time - a much wider range of ages and, most importantly, life experience for others to share, learn, and grow from. 🙂🤓🙃
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#78
I don't have too much dating experience. I went to prom with a friend, not a "boyfriend" type. Didn't date in college but had a few guy friends. Only started dating after college with online dating, spent a few years on that. Went to church for many years, a couple of guys were interested but I was not. Around this time a nonChristian was also interested in me. In my early 30s, I faced some other obstacles and was just glad to get through the day (work, cooking, errands, etc.). All this said, I was never really interested in dating and marriage even as a young girl. Early on, I realized there can be a lot of issues in marriage.

Thanks for your response. My daughter never wants to have children and that I can understand, the part I don't really understand is her never wanting to get married. She has lived with a guy and he did ask her to marry him but she didn't. They were together a little over 7 years and broke up. Commitment without commitment that I don't get at all.

I guess I can understand some are happy to live single and I also was happy 35 years of single between marriages, but I can say this once you find the one that fits you and gets you and loves you for who you are it can be good. Yes, there are times you might want to and be angry but you know you love them more than the anger and when you have found the right one they stay through the anger because they really love you too.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#79
Lanolin, I don't know where you would classify me. I got married the first time at 17, I know stupid, but I didn't know it then. What I found out was that I was too young, we grew up and grew apart so that marriage ended at age 24.

I then had a 35 year period of the single life as I swore to myself I would never get divorced again even if it meant not getting married and I kept to my guns on that promise until at 59 years old met Tourist here on CC. November we will celebrate our 8th anniversary.

I have been married and I have been single and I have enjoyed both life styles. There is much good and bad about both. All I know as Lynx has said that I have been happy and living life in both styles of singledom and marriage. Being happy having a happy life is one of my main goals and I feel have succeeded in that.
I just think when the time is right for marriage you'll know I do think ppl rush into it too early and make it harder for themselves. I think being single is a lot easier than being married for many people I mean...theres a reason for womens refuges which are not there for singles. Its there for women who literally have to hide from their partners.

Also I live in a country where domestic violence is very high. Nobody will really help you if your partner or spouse decide to beat you up or abuse you as the police take the mans side and getting to a place of safety is complicated. And before you say christians dont do that, well, not true, church members can be as violent and agressive as the next person. Or financially controlling or coercive.

in churches many people that do go are recovering from bad marriages. I think I know at least half a dozen where the wome got married in church and their husbands cheated on them. and thought it was ok to do that. Cos they are men and thats their right or something and the wives will just forgive them anything they do...cos they are christians right?
 

Willow

Well-known member
Oct 10, 2021
435
405
63
ohio
#80
Hi Everybody!

I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.

I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.

Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?

* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?

* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?

* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)

* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"

* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?

* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway? :unsure::coffee::alien:

* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?

Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.

Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."

In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles. :geek::unsure::whistle:

I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users. :D

Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here. :)
Been married before, but never went into a singles forum or chat. But perhaps maybe because I knew it would bother my spouse. Plus the fact I have had people hit on me. As far as when I was married I felt both sad for single people and at the same time needed to be out of my bad relationship. In the bible it says it is better to remain single . But for me I feel led to have someone in my life still. I am not really looking on here for a man. My ex I met on an online Christian chat . It was a long distance relationship. Alot of hidden baggage . But if your looking will pray God gives you the desire of your heart according to his will.