Recovering Love Addict
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Amen sister...there are just sometimes in life when spouses, mothers, fathers, children, other family, and friends can't help us no matter how much they want too and no matter how much they love and care for us. There is somethings that only God can do and help with. He knows us better than we even know our own selves. He is always there and always knows what we need. He is more than enough. 
well, yes.
this is... so hard to talk about. i'm just saying, God. in our deepest, darkest, God. in times of trial, times of joy, times of despair, God.
if i 'need' it, it is God who provides it. you know, things and people i really thought i 'needed', He knew i didn't. we can make idols out of good things, too. if a good thing becomes an ultimate thing, i have made an idol of it.
not that we aren't social beings! but i have learned to be careful about declaring there's something i need in this life that isn't God. i hope you understand, and may the Lord bless you.
this is... so hard to talk about. i'm just saying, God. in our deepest, darkest, God. in times of trial, times of joy, times of despair, God.
if i 'need' it, it is God who provides it. you know, things and people i really thought i 'needed', He knew i didn't. we can make idols out of good things, too. if a good thing becomes an ultimate thing, i have made an idol of it.
not that we aren't social beings! but i have learned to be careful about declaring there's something i need in this life that isn't God. i hope you understand, and may the Lord bless you.
D
"Normal." Keyword there. I do think everyone needs people. I also know people who have made it their life's ambition to avoid all people.
One thing all people have in common -- we are broken. Also the reason we need God to fix us. But if we never come to the Lord to be fixed, broken people include people who do not want, and go out of their way to get what they don't want, basic social contact.
I come from such a family, which in itself is kind of funny, since "family" already says "socialize." But my father was, and still is, antisocial. And out of the six kids he had, two are antisocial too. One fights against it, so he has friends. The other one is either at work (and not a job where you have to be social), or home alone creating new music to play on his guitar.
I do get this is abnormal, so you're right that Christianguitarist is normal, but that doesn't negate the different ways people are broken. And broken people include the ones who aren't social. The ones who do fill their lives without ever making social contact again.
Also, Paul! He said it is better to be the type that doesn't need to be married, like him, but if not.... So clearly not all Christians should be married.
Single isn't abnormal. Single is good, if the Lord has given a person that. But single doesn't mean antisocial. Paul remained single and yet had quite a lot of friends, (and even more enemies. lol)
One thing all people have in common -- we are broken. Also the reason we need God to fix us. But if we never come to the Lord to be fixed, broken people include people who do not want, and go out of their way to get what they don't want, basic social contact.
I come from such a family, which in itself is kind of funny, since "family" already says "socialize." But my father was, and still is, antisocial. And out of the six kids he had, two are antisocial too. One fights against it, so he has friends. The other one is either at work (and not a job where you have to be social), or home alone creating new music to play on his guitar.
I do get this is abnormal, so you're right that Christianguitarist is normal, but that doesn't negate the different ways people are broken. And broken people include the ones who aren't social. The ones who do fill their lives without ever making social contact again.
Also, Paul! He said it is better to be the type that doesn't need to be married, like him, but if not.... So clearly not all Christians should be married.
Single isn't abnormal. Single is good, if the Lord has given a person that. But single doesn't mean antisocial. Paul remained single and yet had quite a lot of friends, (and even more enemies. lol)
D
I actually think Gal got caught up in her passion for socializing. And socializing is good. Socializing is a need that goes unfulfilled by choice sometimes, but it is a need. I think she just caught up in thinking that is related to a need for marriage too.
And truthfully, marriage becomes a need too for some people. I was content to be single. On our first date, (which should be included in "Things not to Say on a First Date," but given I'm not your normal person either, it worked for him lol), future hubby told me he was the kind of guy who needed a wife. His need was real.
Honestly, I neither needed to be single nor married, until I met him. And once I met him, I needed him. So theories on if I needed marriage or not all flew out the window that night.
BUT, I honestly think Gal is one of those wants-to-be-married types, who got passionate about her desire and overstated her case, not out of unkindness, but because she got caught up in her own desires enough that she momentarily forgot the other side of the story.
That one happens to all of us.
As far as those who don't think they need other people goes, my dad is still unaware that despite him never wanting to be around anyone, he's very fortunate that desire was ignored. He hates all the nurses, doctors, aids, and janitors at the hospice. He thinks all the other residents are 1-51 cards short of a full pack. But he has absolutely no idea that he's 51 cards down from the full pack too. Antisocial or not, he is being kept comfortable and alive by those very creatures he always tried to avoid -- people.
So, Gal isn't wrong either. We do need to be social. We can't live as long without other people.
And truthfully, marriage becomes a need too for some people. I was content to be single. On our first date, (which should be included in "Things not to Say on a First Date," but given I'm not your normal person either, it worked for him lol), future hubby told me he was the kind of guy who needed a wife. His need was real.
Honestly, I neither needed to be single nor married, until I met him. And once I met him, I needed him. So theories on if I needed marriage or not all flew out the window that night.
BUT, I honestly think Gal is one of those wants-to-be-married types, who got passionate about her desire and overstated her case, not out of unkindness, but because she got caught up in her own desires enough that she momentarily forgot the other side of the story.
That one happens to all of us.
As far as those who don't think they need other people goes, my dad is still unaware that despite him never wanting to be around anyone, he's very fortunate that desire was ignored. He hates all the nurses, doctors, aids, and janitors at the hospice. He thinks all the other residents are 1-51 cards short of a full pack. But he has absolutely no idea that he's 51 cards down from the full pack too. Antisocial or not, he is being kept comfortable and alive by those very creatures he always tried to avoid -- people.
So, Gal isn't wrong either. We do need to be social. We can't live as long without other people.
D
I'm not big on the term "asexual" either, because staying a virgin is very much a problem for most Christians before they're married, so I doubt that changes for those who stay single.
BUT, you're 27. And you weren't a virgin before you became a believer. And, oddly enough, somehow that really is accepted more because you're a guy, even within Christian circles. I truly hope you realize it is God in you if you are able to contain. (Am soooo not asking if you do. Do NOT want to know. lol) It doesn't get easier in your 30s, or 40s, or 50s. It MIGHT get easier in your 60s, 70s, and 80s, but given some guys become fathers again even in their 90s, don't count on that ever getting all that easy.
You're 27. Truthfully, I'm impressed because you're taking that seriously, but wait a while longer on how much that itch still wants to be scratched in a decade, or two. You don't know if your singleness is a permanent lifestyle or a temporary one. (And, remember, I assumed my singleness was a choice I was happy with, so things sometimes change.)
Some people have been living with that itch longer. Gal is one of those people, so give her some credit for knowing what she needs, since you're giving yourself credit for knowing you don't need it (yet. And maybe never will.)
As for most men want dumber women? It's generalization, not an absolute. And, yeah, it is true. I'm above average in intelligence, but no where near genius level. And, when I was young, a song became a hit, and most of my friends nicknamed me that song title. (Brick House by the Commodores. Unrepentant Disco lover, although I looked more like KC from KC and the Sunshine Band than Donna Summers. lol) Despite that attribute, (and my face was at best average looking,) most guys wouldn't date me after getting to know me, because I could do what I do now even back then -- win debates through logic. I intimidated them, even without trying. MOST, not all.
I ended up marrying a man smarter than I am, (Thank you, Lord, because my common sense doesn't keep up with the brain, but I need someone to remind me of that logically often), but he was attracted to me because I wasn't playing the ditz.
So, I'm going with you aren't intimidated by smart women? GOOD! Because there aren't enough men like you in the world, and we really need guys who aren't intimidated by such silly things, because the smart ones aren't playing the ditz!
On the down side, that makes you more likely to marry a smart woman, because we're also attracted more to people who aren't intimidated by us... sooo, how about that? You just scored a notch on the "more likely to get married" scale. lol
Heads up. I truly get this is your season to stick with filling your head full of God, but I do think that's for a season. Not that you will ever stop trying to fill your head full of God, but there will come a day when you put away your ear buds for a while, (or whatever they'll be called when that day comes), and you will start socializing with good Christians around you. Heads up, because 51% of them will be women. It's not impossible to do both -- fill head full of God and fall in love with someone.
My husband still fills his head full of God. He's lost a lot of his youthful concentration ability of course. When he was in his 40s, he spent 4 hours a night in his study surrounded by 3-4 feet of reference books and Bible aids. Now it's all online, so he doesn't need that hedge of books around him. And he got CFS, so he lost a lot of his ability to concentrate. He only averages 2 hours a day now.
I see you like him in 10 years or less. Still filling, but with good people in your life. I'm hoping one will be your wife. I honestly think being single is good for some people. But you? You didn't get a good dose of something most people get when they're young -- family. I'm praying God gives you family.
(And you might want to hit me later on in life, but only when your kids become teenagers and you realize family isn't always easy.)
BUT, you're 27. And you weren't a virgin before you became a believer. And, oddly enough, somehow that really is accepted more because you're a guy, even within Christian circles. I truly hope you realize it is God in you if you are able to contain. (Am soooo not asking if you do. Do NOT want to know. lol) It doesn't get easier in your 30s, or 40s, or 50s. It MIGHT get easier in your 60s, 70s, and 80s, but given some guys become fathers again even in their 90s, don't count on that ever getting all that easy.
You're 27. Truthfully, I'm impressed because you're taking that seriously, but wait a while longer on how much that itch still wants to be scratched in a decade, or two. You don't know if your singleness is a permanent lifestyle or a temporary one. (And, remember, I assumed my singleness was a choice I was happy with, so things sometimes change.)
Some people have been living with that itch longer. Gal is one of those people, so give her some credit for knowing what she needs, since you're giving yourself credit for knowing you don't need it (yet. And maybe never will.)
As for most men want dumber women? It's generalization, not an absolute. And, yeah, it is true. I'm above average in intelligence, but no where near genius level. And, when I was young, a song became a hit, and most of my friends nicknamed me that song title. (Brick House by the Commodores. Unrepentant Disco lover, although I looked more like KC from KC and the Sunshine Band than Donna Summers. lol) Despite that attribute, (and my face was at best average looking,
) most guys wouldn't date me after getting to know me, because I could do what I do now even back then -- win debates through logic. I intimidated them, even without trying. MOST, not all.I ended up marrying a man smarter than I am, (Thank you, Lord, because my common sense doesn't keep up with the brain, but I need someone to remind me of that logically often), but he was attracted to me because I wasn't playing the ditz.
So, I'm going with you aren't intimidated by smart women? GOOD! Because there aren't enough men like you in the world, and we really need guys who aren't intimidated by such silly things, because the smart ones aren't playing the ditz!
On the down side, that makes you more likely to marry a smart woman, because we're also attracted more to people who aren't intimidated by us... sooo, how about that? You just scored a notch on the "more likely to get married" scale. lol
Heads up. I truly get this is your season to stick with filling your head full of God, but I do think that's for a season. Not that you will ever stop trying to fill your head full of God, but there will come a day when you put away your ear buds for a while, (or whatever they'll be called when that day comes), and you will start socializing with good Christians around you. Heads up, because 51% of them will be women. It's not impossible to do both -- fill head full of God and fall in love with someone.
My husband still fills his head full of God. He's lost a lot of his youthful concentration ability of course. When he was in his 40s, he spent 4 hours a night in his study surrounded by 3-4 feet of reference books and Bible aids. Now it's all online, so he doesn't need that hedge of books around him. And he got CFS, so he lost a lot of his ability to concentrate. He only averages 2 hours a day now.
I see you like him in 10 years or less. Still filling, but with good people in your life. I'm hoping one will be your wife. I honestly think being single is good for some people. But you? You didn't get a good dose of something most people get when they're young -- family. I'm praying God gives you family.
(And you might want to hit me later on in life, but only when your kids become teenagers and you realize family isn't always easy.)
D
If Gal inflated her position because of the desire for marriage in her, then what are you doing here, but deflating marriage to nothingness? And misrepresenting what she said because you're passionate for the single life for now?
You're getting all over her case for stuff she didn't do, and if you think she insulted every single person, you're insulting every married person. So, nope, you're wrong without giving the "I'm talking for God" excuse.
God is enough. He really is, however in his Godlike ways, he gave me a husband. We married quickly because we were burning, but that's not why I married him. I married him, because I couldn't live without him. That was a sentence I said often when we were dating, and, as it turned out, it was prophetic.
God saw my needs and gave me the one who could meet them. And he saw John's needs and gave him the one who could meet them.
Does that mean God wasn't enough? No more than saying "God wasn't enough, therefore he gave Moses Arron's staff." Ends up that staff had more than one purpose and God had that happened before the staff was even a sapling in some wilderness type place.
If God hadn't given me John, and if God didn't give John me, neither one of us would be alive today.
-- Who saved me from a job where I was paid minimum wages for 30 hours a week, but had to work 50 hours a week? I didn't even have enough money to buy groceries to last me a week, so without John coming along, I would have gone hungry one day a week, and didn't have time to find another job.
-- Who gave John food to eat and a place to live in that year he broke his back? Because he certainly couldn't work while his back healed, and Workman's Comp in NJ paid (pays) $5000 to someone who broke their back, so they can live the rest of their lives on that mighty $5,000!
-- Who made me promise not to kill myself when the pain was so great five months after the cause and there was no doctor able to find the cause, but refusing to give me anything for the pain because it might mask the cause in the tests? There was no light at the end of that tunnel. I was sure it was a cave, not a tunnel. So who got me to promise something I wasn't sure I could keep, but surely, because I loved him, I'd hold out for as long as I could?
-- Who took care of him, the bills, the search for money, and a way to keep our house, while John was going through 24 weeks of chemo? Who fed him on those good days when he could eat? Who stuck a huge plastic storage box in the tub, so he could bath after the drain pipe broke, but we couldn't afford the plumber to fix it? Who gerry-rigged a one-cup coffee maker and a small fridge to keep the creamer in our upstair's study, so he would be able to get coffee when I was sleeping because he didn't have the strength to go down steps to go to the kitchen? Who found a little-known government program that would pay for our mortgage until he wasn't sick anymore nine weeks after we receive our foreclosure all because I didn't want him to be that sick while living in our car?
-- Who was there to catch the words "crytoblation" when a resident-surgeon was talking about removing the cancerous cyst off his kidney by cutting him from his back to his bellybutton followed by a month, (that we later figured out meant "half a year"), in the VA hospital, so we found a one-day procedure to remove that cancer, (and keep all of his kidney), instead of life changing surgery?
-- Who was the one who drove him to the hospital after four days of not being able to lie down at all without stop breathing only to find out he was having a heart attack? Who was there to sign the papers that made it all right to transfer him to another hospital for stents, to sign papers that made it all right for him to be on the Ekmo, who signed papers that said it was all right to go on the dialysis machine for three days, knowing either his kidneys had to start working again in those three days, or there was one more paper to sign -- the one that said, it was time to take him off life support? Who was there to sign the papers so he could get Porky the Pig's micro valve for his heart, because his exploded off? Who was there to finally tell them he gets to make the next decision? (Do his teeth stay or go because of a bleeding tooth might turn into an abscess that wandered into that just-repaired heart? That was the first time John got to make his own decision. lol) Who was there to make sure they got him to the VA again. Who was there to keep pushing so he could eat again, and it only took 6 months for him to be able to taste food again? Who was there to keep pushing to get him into a rehab we could afford? (Free. lol) Who was there to make sure he got home again, but not before he could move?
Who was there for all that? God! Because God is enough!
And to pull that off, long ago, God preordained a Philadelphian Guy to meet a South Jersey Gal and get married, because, quite literally, we couldn't live without the other!
God is enough, however God is enough because he populated the world with people who will come and go in our lives to help us when we need it and to help them when they need it. Sometimes the person is important enough to marry.
You keep blasting Gal for things she did and didn't say, but you've also taken this way beyond reality yourself.
Funny what our passions get us saying, huh?
You're getting all over her case for stuff she didn't do, and if you think she insulted every single person, you're insulting every married person. So, nope, you're wrong without giving the "I'm talking for God" excuse.
God is enough. He really is, however in his Godlike ways, he gave me a husband. We married quickly because we were burning, but that's not why I married him. I married him, because I couldn't live without him. That was a sentence I said often when we were dating, and, as it turned out, it was prophetic.
God saw my needs and gave me the one who could meet them. And he saw John's needs and gave him the one who could meet them.
Does that mean God wasn't enough? No more than saying "God wasn't enough, therefore he gave Moses Arron's staff." Ends up that staff had more than one purpose and God had that happened before the staff was even a sapling in some wilderness type place.
If God hadn't given me John, and if God didn't give John me, neither one of us would be alive today.
-- Who saved me from a job where I was paid minimum wages for 30 hours a week, but had to work 50 hours a week? I didn't even have enough money to buy groceries to last me a week, so without John coming along, I would have gone hungry one day a week, and didn't have time to find another job.
-- Who gave John food to eat and a place to live in that year he broke his back? Because he certainly couldn't work while his back healed, and Workman's Comp in NJ paid (pays) $5000 to someone who broke their back, so they can live the rest of their lives on that mighty $5,000!
-- Who made me promise not to kill myself when the pain was so great five months after the cause and there was no doctor able to find the cause, but refusing to give me anything for the pain because it might mask the cause in the tests? There was no light at the end of that tunnel. I was sure it was a cave, not a tunnel. So who got me to promise something I wasn't sure I could keep, but surely, because I loved him, I'd hold out for as long as I could?
-- Who took care of him, the bills, the search for money, and a way to keep our house, while John was going through 24 weeks of chemo? Who fed him on those good days when he could eat? Who stuck a huge plastic storage box in the tub, so he could bath after the drain pipe broke, but we couldn't afford the plumber to fix it? Who gerry-rigged a one-cup coffee maker and a small fridge to keep the creamer in our upstair's study, so he would be able to get coffee when I was sleeping because he didn't have the strength to go down steps to go to the kitchen? Who found a little-known government program that would pay for our mortgage until he wasn't sick anymore nine weeks after we receive our foreclosure all because I didn't want him to be that sick while living in our car?
-- Who was there to catch the words "crytoblation" when a resident-surgeon was talking about removing the cancerous cyst off his kidney by cutting him from his back to his bellybutton followed by a month, (that we later figured out meant "half a year"), in the VA hospital, so we found a one-day procedure to remove that cancer, (and keep all of his kidney), instead of life changing surgery?
-- Who was the one who drove him to the hospital after four days of not being able to lie down at all without stop breathing only to find out he was having a heart attack? Who was there to sign the papers that made it all right to transfer him to another hospital for stents, to sign papers that made it all right for him to be on the Ekmo, who signed papers that said it was all right to go on the dialysis machine for three days, knowing either his kidneys had to start working again in those three days, or there was one more paper to sign -- the one that said, it was time to take him off life support? Who was there to sign the papers so he could get Porky the Pig's micro valve for his heart, because his exploded off? Who was there to finally tell them he gets to make the next decision? (Do his teeth stay or go because of a bleeding tooth might turn into an abscess that wandered into that just-repaired heart? That was the first time John got to make his own decision. lol) Who was there to make sure they got him to the VA again. Who was there to keep pushing so he could eat again, and it only took 6 months for him to be able to taste food again? Who was there to keep pushing to get him into a rehab we could afford? (Free. lol) Who was there to make sure he got home again, but not before he could move?
Who was there for all that? God! Because God is enough!
And to pull that off, long ago, God preordained a Philadelphian Guy to meet a South Jersey Gal and get married, because, quite literally, we couldn't live without the other!
God is enough, however God is enough because he populated the world with people who will come and go in our lives to help us when we need it and to help them when they need it. Sometimes the person is important enough to marry.
You keep blasting Gal for things she did and didn't say, but you've also taken this way beyond reality yourself.
Funny what our passions get us saying, huh?