Relationship advice.

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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#21
There is a girl I like that I went on a couple dates with. We both had a great time and from what I can tell we are both interested and attracted to each other. We both go to the same church and we both serve in the same ministry. We were set up as a blind date for valentines. I am in my mid 20s and she is in her 2nd year of college.

After our 2nd date she told me she was not ready for a relationship. She did say she sees a possible future for us. I also told her my lack of experience and I said if there wasn't anyone else I would be willing to wait and see what happens as we try and build a friendship. She thought that was really cute and thought I had at least been with some girls in the past. (A lot of people thought that about me and are always shocked when I tell them for some reason).

However, even though we want to try and be friends, we just do not talk to each other at the moment. We both got super overwhelmed because I never dated anyone and she only had a high school thing from a high school guy at are church that was just learning how to drive that never went anywhere.

We clicked so well together that it almost seemed too good to be true!

At first we avoided each other as much as possible. Then we started to stare at each other when we are groups with friends or from afar. Sometimes when I am with my friends at a church event I would get this sixth sense that someone is watching me, and when I look over, its always her.

Recently her friends and I are starting to get to know each other. For example, one of her best friends asked me to join them when the girl was right there to see a movie my ministry went to as a group. Before I went on the couple dates with a girl, they never talked to me before. I just found out too that she is actually a really shy person.

I just don't know where to go from here. Every time I try and move on, my thoughts always circle back to her. I had to sit down and pray about it quite a few times and wrote down qualities I would like for a future Godly spouse, and qualities in a person I could see myself being paired up with - and the answer keeps going back to her. After the 2nd date I got really infatuated but after calming down, I am now back in control.

As anyone have any similar experience to this? I haven't seen any signs that she'd like to be approached yet but I also see her stare at me sometimes. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if trying to date this girl as a sign from God showing me what my future could look like, but He is holding it back from me for reasons I am still trying to figure out. Is this a trial from God to test my patience? I have been content of being single for a long time now and when I became comfortable with it, that's when all of this stuff started happening.

I would love some advice or similar stories you guys might have that could shed some light on this.
To make it less awkward for the both of you my counsel is to write her a heartfelt letter telling her how you really feel about her. Just settling for being her friend isn't going to cut it. My advice is to go for it before she gets away. You are right to pray about this too but God will not force your hand, eventually you have to decide if this is what you want, take a calculated risk, let the dice fly and the chips fall where they may. That's how I roll 'em anyway.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,379
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#22
Why not just make a choice and act on it? Rather than wait for some signal why not be proactive? Stop sitting on the sidelines and do something about it. Or wait till another guy does and you get to sit there and watch someone else with her because you were too timid to act.
Feint heart does not win fair maiden. I wrote a Rules of Engagement thread a few years ago about relationships that may be of some use to this member. I agree with your estimation 100%.

You know...
I wish that I had Jessie's girl.
I wish that I had Jessie's girl.

Where can I find a woman like that?
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
8,655
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#23
Feint heart does not win fair maiden. I wrote a Rules of Engagement thread a few years ago about relationships that may be of some use to this member. I agree with your estimation 100%.

You know...
I wish that I had Jessie's girl.
I wish that I had Jessie's girl.

Where can I find a woman like that?



Jessie was a friend.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,379
7,869
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#24
As for the above Man/Woman buttons meme, it’s actually an insult to men. It’s basically saying that guy is clueless and has a one track mind. :confused:
I started dating at the age of 15 and I had an 8 Track mind. I must be old or sumpin'.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
8,655
1,878
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#26
I started dating at the age of 15 and I had an 8 Track mind. I must be old or sumpin'.
I first fell in love when I was 5... but... as sometimes happens... the girl just wasn't ready for a relationship.

..
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,379
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#27
What a coincidence.

When I don't like a girl, I tell her, "You're too busy with school right now."
...
You always telling it like it really is, or at least should be. :)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,379
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#28
I first fell in love when I was 5... but... as sometimes happens... the girl just wasn't ready for a relationship.

..
She was obviously too busy with school and was a serious student. Many years later, after her GPA dropped a couple points she hooked up with some guy called Jessie and they got it on. This wasn't her first choice but she got tired of waiting for this other guy to make a move who would only say that he had to study the matter more thoroughly.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
665
573
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#29
She says she does not want a relationship, yet keeps staring at you?

She likes you. But she is unsure if she wants you. She is keeping her options open.

But hey, don't fret. She'll contact you if she does not find another suitor or if she's lonely.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
8,655
1,878
113
#30
She says she does not want a relationship, yet keeps staring at you?

She likes you. But she is unsure if she wants you. She is keeping her options open.

But hey, don't fret. She'll contact you if she does not find another suitor or if she's lonely.

Never go near any woman who's only nice to you to "keep her options open."

..
 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#32
She says she does not want a relationship, yet keeps staring at you?

She likes you. But she is unsure if she wants you. She is keeping her options open.

But hey, don't fret. She'll contact you if she does not find another suitor or if she's lonely.
DING!! WE'VE GOT A WINNER!!
Yep, that's what I was thinking. She's unsure about him because he's not giving her a chance to get to know him on a level where there's no pressure to jump into a relationship, which she clearly stated she wasn't ready for. NOBODY is ready for a relationship with someone they barely know. Give her some breathing space and be friendly toward her. Let her see you're an ok guy on a daily basis and not a brooding psycho. You play your cards right, she'll grow to trust you and like you. It's called pursuing. (y)
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
665
573
93
#33
She's unsure about him because he's not giving her a chance to get to know him
He said he would like to be friends with her. But that hasn't worked out. Soi t's not that he hasn't given her a chance,
NOBODY is ready for a relation whip with someone they barely know
A lot of people get into situations like that. People also get married to people they barely know.

They went out on two dates, but it just wasn't working out for her. So she ended it.
 

warplite

New member
Mar 26, 2019
7
1
3
#34
If I don't like a guy, I gently tell him "I'm too busy with school right now" or "I don't have time for a boyfriend" or even "I like being single!" We women try to let you down gently and there's an important reason for that. When we try to be honest, sometimes the guy gets really upset and threatens us.

Talk to God about this. Make sure that they are his answers and not just your feelings telling you what you want to hear. Go to the Bible and ask God to show you his will for this situation. I could be wrong and she might like you back. But from my experience, I don't thinks he does. Just keep praying about it and see what God tells you, brother. God bless you!
DING!! WE'VE GOT A WINNER!!
Yep, that's what I was thinking. She's unsure about him because he's not giving her a chance to get to know him on a level where there's no pressure to jump into a relationship, which she clearly stated she wasn't ready for. NOBODY is ready for a relationship with someone they barely know. Give her some breathing space and be friendly toward her. Let her see you're an ok guy on a daily basis and not a brooding psycho. You play your cards right, she'll grow to trust you and like you. It's called pursuing. (y)
I appreciate your guys advice. Remember, this is christian dating. The purpose of christian dating is to find out if she or he is the one for marriage. Friendship before a relationship creates a better foundation. The dates simply happened way too soon. That's probably why we both got super overwhelmed. That is also why I backed off completely because I didn't want to react with my emotions.
 

warplite

New member
Mar 26, 2019
7
1
3
#35
He said he would like to be friends with her. But that hasn't worked out. Soi t's not that he hasn't given her a chance,
A lot of people get into situations like that. People also get married to people they barely know.

They went out on two dates, but it just wasn't working out for her. So she ended it.
If you read the original post, we haven't tried to be friends yet. I am just going to have to work up the courage to try and approach her and basically ask if we could start over and get to know each other without the pressure of dates.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
665
573
93
#36
The dates simply happened way too soon. That's probably why we both got super overwhelmed. That is also why I backed off completely because I didn't want to react with my emotions.
But didn't you say you guys had a great time on the dates?

And you are thinking that she is overwhelmed and that is why she ended things?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,379
7,869
113
65
Florida
#37
He said he would like to be friends with her. But that hasn't worked out. Soi t's not that he hasn't given her a chance,
A lot of people get into situations like that. People also get married to people they barely know.

They went out on two dates, but it just wasn't working out for her. So she ended it.
I must be abnormal 'cause I only went on one date before deciding that I wanted to marry my current (and last) wife. As you get older you reach a stage where you know what you want and decide to act on it rather that wasting precious months and years.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,379
7,869
113
65
Florida
#38
I appreciate your guys advice. Remember, this is christian dating. The purpose of christian dating is to find out if she or he is the one for marriage. Friendship before a relationship creates a better foundation. The dates simply happened way too soon. That's probably why we both got super overwhelmed. That is also why I backed off completely because I didn't want to react with my emotions.
From my experience I would say that Christian dating verse non-Christian dating is really the same. I will offer this counsel though, don't date a woman that you would not considering possibly marrying one day, otherwise dating will most likely end up as merely as an exercise in futility. Not too many guys really date with the express purpose of becoming friends. However, once you are married your wife can and should be your best friend.
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
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#39
First let her know youve got mixed up feelings concerning her and your situation, to
the point of irrational doubts and misgivings. Then tell her you are so confused and
timid with regards to her that you took the problem to a public chat forum and are
currently taking dating advice from literal strangers. Do all of this after staring at her
from across the room for no less than a month and three days.
She will be overwhelmed with your honest humility, and the silent gazes will intrigue
her beyond measure.


Joking of course. Just ask her to hang out, not on a date, just spend some time with her.
Its really not difficult, she either wants to know you better ( my guess is yes ) or
she doesnt.
In the world of love ............... you either is, or you aint.
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
938
707
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#40
dang, I just reread what I wrote, I'm a real jerkface. Sorry for that.

Now go spend time with that girl.