remember this is not a dating site ....um yea I think I know that

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Donkeyfish07

Guest
For me a lot of it is I think dating culture in general is impersonal and unbiblical. You say they are both looking for marriage. I don't want to be approached like someone is holding auditions for the role of future wife. I want to be valued for me and one day have a friend who is like " you are so incredible, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." A dating and matchmaking culture seems to short circuit that as the implied purpose of the relationship is to get hitched and the focus become marriage and having the relationship, not the other person or actually relating to them.

Full disclosure also prompts me to say that I score low on those things that are often considered important to dating (physical appearance, awareness of social expectations and rituals, willingness to participate in small talk) so the fact that people tend to see me as friend material instead of date material probably doesn't help me have a high view of dating.
I both agree and disagree. lol, I'll elaborate a little. I don't think dating is impersonal at all. What your describing to me is not dating. It's some crazy idea that I don't recognize. Dating to me, from a man's perspective is more like "Wow, I think you look amazing. I've only talked to you a little bit but I'm hooked. I'm definitely interested. I'd love to get to know you better. I'm going to be myself and let you see me, and I want you to be yourself so I can get to know the real you". To me, THAT's a date. It's not like "Well I'm holding interviews todays, please submit your application and give me references. Please include phone number and denomination please....I'll call you for an interview if you have the qualifications for the position".

Also, though you may say you have a low score when it comes to dating. YOU only think you have a low score. Let me tell you sis, there is a man out there (Not only man, MEN as in multiple) that are going to think you are amazing the second they lay eyes on you. They are going to love that you don't want to get trapped up in small talk and don't care about the "social rules". Just because you think that your low value in that department, doesn't think that all men are automatically going to think that.


That's my response, though I have to add. I don't believe in friends first. I believe in go for the Gold right from the get go or don't go for it at all. I'm not saying friends first doesn't ever work, but I think it's very primitive and useless in comparison to immediate pursuit.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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I both agree and disagree. lol, I'll elaborate a little. I don't think dating is impersonal at all. What your describing to me is not dating. It's some crazy idea that I don't recognize. Dating to me, from a man's perspective is more like "Wow, I think you look amazing. I've only talked to you a little bit but I'm hooked. I'm definitely interested. I'd love to get to know you better. I'm going to be myself and let you see me, and I want you to be yourself so I can get to know the real you". To me, THAT's a date. It's not like "Well I'm holding interviews todays, please submit your application and give me references. Please include phone number and denomination please....I'll call you for an interview if you have the qualifications for the position".

Also, though you may say you have a low score when it comes to dating. YOU only think you have a low score. Let me tell you sis, there is a man out there (Not only man, MEN as in multiple) that are going to think you are amazing the second they lay eyes on you. They are going to love that you don't want to get trapped up in small talk and don't care about the "social rules". Just because you think that your low value in that department, doesn't think that all men are automatically going to think that.


That's my response, though I have to add. I don't believe in friends first. I believe in go for the Gold right from the get go or don't go for it at all. I'm not saying friends first doesn't ever work, but I think it's very primitive and useless in comparison to immediate pursuit.
You have pretty much summed up my thoughts. Trying to become a "friend" first takes a tremendous amount of work than simply pursuing the desires of you heart. It is better to risk a broken heart than to attempt to establish a friendship only to have it fizzle out on the details. Either someone accepts you for who you or they don't. I have found that there are not to many of us who have that sense of adventure unafraid of the risks of being rejected. This is not the first time around the block for us after all. I believe from reading your posts that this is true of you and of myself as well.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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yeah, about two days ago, i was thinking how fun it would be to play matchmaker and pair folks off.

i would SO DO THAT.

cc's merry matchmaking service
we match you up, whether you ask us to or not!

what do you think popclick, should we do it??? *insert manical laughter*
I think that you should go for it. Seriously.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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interesting.

*thinking*

oh, i know!!! we'll include a toaster with every match we make!!!

golly, i hope none of my clients read this. i try to maintain the perception that i'm always working myself to the bones.
...and a box of Pop Tarts as well.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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I've only talked to you a little bit but I'd love to get to know you better. I'm going to be myself and let you see me, and I want you to be yourself so I can get to know the real you.
Yeah that's pretty much my definition of friendship or what I'm thinking when I decide I want to be friends with someone (male or female).

there is a man out there (Not only man, MEN as in multiple) that are going to think you are amazing the second they lay eyes on you.
I appreciate the attempted encouragement, but since I can't seem to even find one, well at this point, it doesn't mean much. Thanks for trying though.

And yes it seems we will continue to disagree (at least in terminology), but I do feel like I understand a different way people might be looking at it now.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
Yeah that's pretty much my definition of friendship or what I'm thinking when I decide I want to be friends with someone (male or female).



I appreciate the attempted encouragement, but since I can't seem to even find one, well at this point, it doesn't mean much. Thanks for trying though.

And yes it seems we will continue to disagree (at least in terminology), but I do feel like I understand a different way people might be looking at it now.
Yep,it's all perspective/outlook differences.
 

MrHonest

Senior Member
Jan 22, 2012
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I met a girl on here 2 yeara ago we were frienda for 4 months and then friendship became a hopeful future bonding but we always prayed and prayed and asked God for permission. 2 years later we're engaged and km on my way tonsee her on a bus trip that will take 15 hours into Mexico. :p sorry this is a christian site! We were friends first and that was all our original intent :$
 

PopClick

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
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I met a girl on here 2 yeara ago we were frienda for 4 months and then friendship became a hopeful future bonding but we always prayed and prayed and asked God for permission. 2 years later we're engaged and km on my way tonsee her on a bus trip that will take 15 hours into Mexico. :p sorry this is a christian site! We were friends first and that was all our original intent :$
Randyyyyyyyy! I didn't know you two met on cc! That's adorable! :D
 

Immawildthing

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2013
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I met a girl on here 2 yeara ago we were frienda for 4 months and then friendship became a hopeful future bonding but we always prayed and prayed and asked God for permission. 2 years later we're engaged and km on my way tonsee her on a bus trip that will take 15 hours into Mexico. :p sorry this is a christian site! We were friends first and that was all our original intent :$
Well now I know where randy keeps going ;) jk randy, that's awesome
 
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redi2liveagain

Guest
There is no reason that Christians couldn't or shouldn't find someone attractive and meet on this site. Marriage is God's plan. As long as someone isn't harassing another person, I say if you see someone you find attractive, go for it. IF they refuse your attentions, the let it go. I mean, there is a single room and single forum :eek:
 
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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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There is no reason that Christians couldn't or shouldn't find someone attractive and meet on this site. Marriage is God's plan. As long as someone isn't harassing another person, I say if you see someone you find attractive, go for it. IF they refuse your attentions, the let it go. I mean, there is a single room and single forum :eek:
You just never know who you are going to bump into on this site. "Let it go" is a song from a animated Disney feature. It is about letting go of past hurts and to focus on the exciting future that lies ahead for those bold enough to go there.
 
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I guess this a good time to congrats all those who found love on this site and eventually got married.

Even though it is annoying to see another thread of someone confessing their desperation to find love like CC is their last hope.lol