Should Women Just Accept That Their Future Husband Will Probably Watch Porn?
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S
I thought of you several times this week. I have prayerfully considered this and will add you to my prayer list.
If you want to find the woman you're looking for, my suggestion is you work on being a lot more gentle, and you pray through psalm 139 a few times.
I also suggest you find this verse and the context surrounding it:
Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Why were you going through the phones of the women at this convention? That's just as wrong as the content they had on their phones. You cannot condemn one sin while committing another.
If you want to find the woman you're looking for, my suggestion is you work on being a lot more gentle, and you pray through psalm 139 a few times.
I also suggest you find this verse and the context surrounding it:
Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Why were you going through the phones of the women at this convention? That's just as wrong as the content they had on their phones. You cannot condemn one sin while committing another.
we are all going to fail in massive ways. and if/when i get married, i hope my husband doesn't simply assume or expect that i am going to:
+ become a cantankerous old biddy that would drive her husband to the rooftop for respite
+ run out and buy 4322345 pairs of sweats so that i can wear them all day long (except for sundays when one pulls out that horrible housecoat that grandma wears)
+ delight in the neighborhood gossip
+ fall into some horrible, gluttonous lifestyle
+ become some frigid crankypants that never wants to get her hair messed up
+ long to spend my days lounging in the recliner and watching soap operas
+ waste no time pilfering his lunch money and spending all his savings on boots and clothes
+ insert more "wifely" negative and sinful stereotypes [here]
do you see what i'm doing there? i'm listing some of the more well known habitual sin that is kind of associated with wives. while i do know guys who've struggled with pron, i've also known a number of guys who are fairly staunch and openly rejecting porn in their lifestyle, because porn is wreaks havoc on so much. and smart guys (and girls) know that they can't have porn and healthy, happy lives. the studies out there prove it.
and that doesn't even touch on the issue from a sin perspective. further, sexual sin isn't a gender issue.
however, there are lots of other habitual sins that are just as ugly and fatal for relationships and health. so you could just as easily write this thread and substitute pride, idolatry, and so many more other sinful behaviors. and the answer is no one should just accept habitual sin, any more than the guys should believe that we all think they're choosing that (or any other) habitual sin as acceptable for themselves. : )
+ become a cantankerous old biddy that would drive her husband to the rooftop for respite
+ run out and buy 4322345 pairs of sweats so that i can wear them all day long (except for sundays when one pulls out that horrible housecoat that grandma wears)
+ delight in the neighborhood gossip
+ fall into some horrible, gluttonous lifestyle
+ become some frigid crankypants that never wants to get her hair messed up
+ long to spend my days lounging in the recliner and watching soap operas
+ waste no time pilfering his lunch money and spending all his savings on boots and clothes
+ insert more "wifely" negative and sinful stereotypes [here]
do you see what i'm doing there? i'm listing some of the more well known habitual sin that is kind of associated with wives. while i do know guys who've struggled with pron, i've also known a number of guys who are fairly staunch and openly rejecting porn in their lifestyle, because porn is wreaks havoc on so much. and smart guys (and girls) know that they can't have porn and healthy, happy lives. the studies out there prove it.
and that doesn't even touch on the issue from a sin perspective. further, sexual sin isn't a gender issue.
however, there are lots of other habitual sins that are just as ugly and fatal for relationships and health. so you could just as easily write this thread and substitute pride, idolatry, and so many more other sinful behaviors. and the answer is no one should just accept habitual sin, any more than the guys should believe that we all think they're choosing that (or any other) habitual sin as acceptable for themselves. : )
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I have read most all of your posts, sister. This one really pricked my heart. I know all too well many so called "CHRISTIANS" who view porno as just a casual thing, no different than casual premarital sex. KInda like..oh well, la la la. Our society has become so saturated with dressing up 'sin' as a meer delicasy to be handled 'properly' and not really UGLY at all. It is understandable to have a side affair, or a stack off favorite porno mags and videos. IT is ok to have a beer with the boys and be as redneck as the rest of the partying crowd around you, with their Red Solo cups! Cyber sex is so common, even in the Little BOY's chatrooms now. I pity my grandchildren who are growing up in this society. IT is a delimna for a single female or male to take on the responsibility of someone who has an addiction such as this. I do believe that the Holy Spirit is the only discerner you will need personally to resolve this, as it hits your heart sometimes before it hits your spirit.
I sure hope he can explain this
i'm sorry, but i don't think it's our place to interrogate someone who expresses their views on a thread.
he made reference to finding something on a woman's phone as evidence of his views. no one should be put on the spot to explain their feelings/views when they are expressing their opinion.
if the poster comes back and wants to explain, that is one thing. but i don't think we should feel entitled to an explanation, ladies. : ) we don't know the whole story, but that doesn't invalidate his view point.
further, i don't disagree with some of what he said. i've actually known the women who had the cavalier attitude towards sex and related topics. i think that is quite common in non-christians of both sexes.
p.s. i will also add this : non christians will also be the ones who will accuse the OP of being too "demanding" when expecting a husband to avoid all porn. our world has very different views as to what is acceptable vs. God
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of course she's entitled to ask questions. the problem is how they are asked, (the questions themselves) and the manner they are introduced. the person being questioned is a fairly new user, and that, in combination with the inquisitory style might not be received as a sister inquiring from a place of love and seeking understanding, but rather, something quite different.
A
If she's entitled to ask questions on the forum, then let her ask questions on a forum.
She does not need to "walk on egg shells" to ask questions on a forum. She hasn't broken any rules.
"The manner they are introduced" is how you personally perceived the questions.
We should not judge her, on how tactful she delivered the questions. She is innocent before proven guilty.
She does not need to "walk on egg shells" to ask questions on a forum. She hasn't broken any rules.
"The manner they are introduced" is how you personally perceived the questions.
We should not judge her, on how tactful she delivered the questions. She is innocent before proven guilty.
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No I think she was making a point. It wasn't an inquisition. She was cleverly pushing back from a female perspective. Instead of making an accusation against a woman based on what was purported to be on her phone, Miah was pointing out that the mere fact someone had trundled through someones personal property ..... seems odd this transgression would be omitted in favour of getting some sort of leverage over a woman.
S
If you go back and read his post, he mentioned phones plural and ladies plural.
I actually am praying for him as a brother in Christ, but as a brother, I did point out to him that it doesn't seem good to go through other people's phones.
He is correct, many women struggle with this issue, and many women are just as bad as guys are. It's a bit confusing what else he may have been trying to get at, but he did seem quite angry.
I actually am praying for him as a brother in Christ, but as a brother, I did point out to him that it doesn't seem good to go through other people's phones.
He is correct, many women struggle with this issue, and many women are just as bad as guys are. It's a bit confusing what else he may have been trying to get at, but he did seem quite angry.
N
I didn't read the other replies simply because I wanted to put my unbiased opinion on here.
Porn, even sexual sin in general, seems to be a sin that is set apart from others. What I mean by that is that it is a sin that is impossible to overcome without support, prayer and a lot of healing from past sexual sin.
I've looked up to my earthly father for my entire life. My dad was my hero, so wise in the word and always who I went to for advice on anything in my life. He always knew where to point me for spiritual advice, scriptures and never gave up on me when I walked away from God.
Then two years ago, my dad confessed to me that he has been addicted to porn since he was a teen. My mom knew about it, and stuck next to him for 25 years of marriage until she died. When my stepmom found out, she kicked him out of the house and nearly drew divorce papers. When he told me, it wasn't the porn that bothered me, it was the lies. The fact that he had been putting on the "good ole' boy" show for my entire life, and specifically the last twelve years of his and my step-mom's marriage.
I'm not excusing porn at all. When I find a man, I will hope and pray that he hasn't fallen victim to it. But I will approach it with some standards. Porn can be overcome with accountability, prayer and support.
I'll be vulnerable enough to claim that I have also dealt with pornographic sin as well. What helped me was reading an article about women in the porn industry. What men don't think about, because it's instant gratification for a "need" they have, is about how these women are exploited online, in books and magazines...and have such a low sense of self worth that they may not know how to ever get themselves out. By thinking of the women who need Jesus so desperately, it has helped me for nearly three years to be able to say "no" when I feel I want to, and turn to prayer to get me through those moments.
I'm not sure what happens in the mind when the urge comes, but I do know that with support, accountability and prayer, it can be overcome. My dad was able to give it up for my mom for 25 years, even when the romance "died" in their relationship. Through two years of counseling and a lot of hard times, he and my step-mom have been able to overcome too. It isn't easy, but from his example, I've realized that it's not impossible to be in a relationship where porn may be (or has been) an issue.
I hope this helps. I'm sorry it seems like a desperate situation, but I completely understand. Because I've been with those men too, and it isn't easy. But God can overcome all obstacles, and nobody is perfect. Porn is a vicious demon that seeks to eat away at the soul and heart of any person or relationship. But it doesn't have to win.
Porn, even sexual sin in general, seems to be a sin that is set apart from others. What I mean by that is that it is a sin that is impossible to overcome without support, prayer and a lot of healing from past sexual sin.
I've looked up to my earthly father for my entire life. My dad was my hero, so wise in the word and always who I went to for advice on anything in my life. He always knew where to point me for spiritual advice, scriptures and never gave up on me when I walked away from God.
Then two years ago, my dad confessed to me that he has been addicted to porn since he was a teen. My mom knew about it, and stuck next to him for 25 years of marriage until she died. When my stepmom found out, she kicked him out of the house and nearly drew divorce papers. When he told me, it wasn't the porn that bothered me, it was the lies. The fact that he had been putting on the "good ole' boy" show for my entire life, and specifically the last twelve years of his and my step-mom's marriage.
I'm not excusing porn at all. When I find a man, I will hope and pray that he hasn't fallen victim to it. But I will approach it with some standards. Porn can be overcome with accountability, prayer and support.
I'll be vulnerable enough to claim that I have also dealt with pornographic sin as well. What helped me was reading an article about women in the porn industry. What men don't think about, because it's instant gratification for a "need" they have, is about how these women are exploited online, in books and magazines...and have such a low sense of self worth that they may not know how to ever get themselves out. By thinking of the women who need Jesus so desperately, it has helped me for nearly three years to be able to say "no" when I feel I want to, and turn to prayer to get me through those moments.
I'm not sure what happens in the mind when the urge comes, but I do know that with support, accountability and prayer, it can be overcome. My dad was able to give it up for my mom for 25 years, even when the romance "died" in their relationship. Through two years of counseling and a lot of hard times, he and my step-mom have been able to overcome too. It isn't easy, but from his example, I've realized that it's not impossible to be in a relationship where porn may be (or has been) an issue.
I hope this helps. I'm sorry it seems like a desperate situation, but I completely understand. Because I've been with those men too, and it isn't easy. But God can overcome all obstacles, and nobody is perfect. Porn is a vicious demon that seeks to eat away at the soul and heart of any person or relationship. But it doesn't have to win.
J
I understand that porn is bad, and I'm sure most of us are equal.
But I know from experience that if you are with someone who has ambitions other than supporting a loving Christian relationship, the man will sooner or later want what he can't share with his wife. And if he's a family man and refuses to stray, even if his wife does (maybe in hopes he can get custody of his child since she's too busy forgetting who she took her vows with). Well a man is likely to fall into porn.
A popular misconception is that men separate love from sex. The only time I've experienced this is when the wife falls out. And oftentimes men pretend in their mind to love the gal they are watching on the screen, I think that is the major misconception about men and porn. I'm not endorsing it, just sayin'.
I hope I don't make any women mad with my post, it's just my observation in life. I tend to be good at raising the gals' hair here somehow...
But I know from experience that if you are with someone who has ambitions other than supporting a loving Christian relationship, the man will sooner or later want what he can't share with his wife. And if he's a family man and refuses to stray, even if his wife does (maybe in hopes he can get custody of his child since she's too busy forgetting who she took her vows with). Well a man is likely to fall into porn.
A popular misconception is that men separate love from sex. The only time I've experienced this is when the wife falls out. And oftentimes men pretend in their mind to love the gal they are watching on the screen, I think that is the major misconception about men and porn. I'm not endorsing it, just sayin'.
I hope I don't make any women mad with my post, it's just my observation in life. I tend to be good at raising the gals' hair here somehow...