Single Female, Mid 30s...and am lonely :(

lonelyinct · Apr 1, 2016

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I'm in my mid 30s, i've never been married, and am very, very lonely. I love the Lord with all of my heart, but I'm at a difficult place in my life and I'm feeling lost.

I've been in 2 relationships my entire life, and am generally a shy/reserved lady. I recently moved to a very small town in CT to be closer to my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. But through lots of prayer and talking to the Lord, I knew that the Lord was telling me to let Him go. And so, I did. But now, I'm in this new small city, I know no one, and I feel terribly lonely. My days consist of going to work, coming home, feeding my cats, going to sleep, and then starting this same process all over again.

My family is in another state and I haven't lived in my home state since I was 18.

I feel as though my life is at a standstill right now, and I feel lost. I'm not getting any younger and my recent hopes and dreams of getting married and having children have been shattered into pieces. I love the Lord with all of my heart...I truly do. But I"m lonely. I feel lost. I feel isolated.

I want so much to marry a man who loves and worships Christ, and to raise children who will do the same. I'm trying hard not to compare myself to all of my friends or coworkers, but it's so hard when all I come to every night are my 4 white walls.

Are there any other single ladies out there in a similar situation?

Any prayers and or advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

GrumpyCrumpet · Apr 1, 2016

Hoping you can find the support you need. Your post is very emotional and I can sense your hurt. Hopefully someone will be along with some words of encouragement for you.

Ugly · Apr 1, 2016

I'm not a lady, but i get the overall feeling you're getting at. I'm 40, never married, i'm crazy in love, but she's off dating other men. Unable to work, feel stuck in my house and can do nothing but try to distract my thoughts. It's very difficult to be in a situation where your life is halted and you have nothing and no one to fill the time with.
I have no advice, as i'm still in the midst of this all as well, but i do understand how it feels.

Utah · Apr 1, 2016

Prayers lifted for you, Loneyinct. May God comfort you and bring you a godly man.

JosephsDreams · Apr 1, 2016

Same Loneyinct. A lot of people here will keep you in prayer.

Born_Again · Apr 1, 2016

May God grant you the peace and wisdom as He has done for so many of us.

God Bless!

YankeesGurl · Apr 1, 2016

I want to point out something possitive to you. You were obedient to what God was leading you to do. I KNOW that could not have been easy, especially since you uprooted yourself from one place to be where he is, only to have the lord lead you down a different path without the relationship.

I am unsure if this will bring you comfort or not, but it would have probably not been a good situation if you went thru with the relationship and ultimatly marriage and have it be the 'wrong' person.

I am sorry you are so lonely. But I think you should be very proud of yourself for your obedience to the Lord.

I pray that the desires of your heart are fulfilled fully through Gods plan for you. And that in this time of 'limbo' you live out your days with joy.

Be blessed in Him!!

AuntieAnt · Apr 1, 2016

lonelyinct said:

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I'm in my mid 30s, i've never been married, and am very, very lonely. I love the Lord with all of my heart, but I'm at a difficult place in my life and I'm feeling lost.

I've been in 2 relationships my entire life, and am generally a shy/reserved lady. I recently moved to a very small town in CT to be closer to my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. But through lots of prayer and talking to the Lord, I knew that the Lord was telling me to let Him go. And so, I did. But now, I'm in this new small city, I know no one, and I feel terribly lonely. My days consist of going to work, coming home, feeding my cats, going to sleep, and then starting this same process all over again.

My family is in another state and I haven't lived in my home state since I was 18.

I feel as though my life is at a standstill right now, and I feel lost. I'm not getting any younger and my recent hopes and dreams of getting married and having children have been shattered into pieces. I love the Lord with all of my heart...I truly do. But I"m lonely. I feel lost. I feel isolated.

I want so much to marry a man who loves and worships Christ, and to raise children who will do the same. I'm trying hard not to compare myself to all of my friends or coworkers, but it's so hard when all I come to every night are my 4 white walls.

Are there any other single ladies out there in a similar situation?

Any prayers and or advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Hi lonelyinct~ glad you joined us!

In answer to your question, yes there are lots of wonderful single young ladies on this site who can befriend you, encourage you, and can relate to loneliness and starting over.

And just so you know, there is also a Christian Ladies Forum here:

http://christianchat.com/christian-ladies-forum/

You might find a thread relating to this very subject in that forum.

Ugly · Apr 1, 2016

AuntieAnt said:

Ladies forum isn't available when you first join. Takes a week or two before it opens.

christian74 · Apr 1, 2016

This might be an insensitive thing to say after reading your emotional post but I will share with you what I thought as a single Christian man who also feels lonely.

First, your screen name grabbed my attention - I understand you probably have created your screen name to describe your singleness/location with assumption that this is some kind of "dating" site. However, you don't need to perpetuate your loneliness, in fact, you should declare, whenever you get a chance. that you are not lonely. There's a great power in what we declare and how we describe ourselves.

And second, it takes LOT OF GUT to let go of someone because God has told you so - I'm not so sure if I can do the same especially when I moved to be closer with her. I don't think God, while looking at your very lonely state, is folding arms, smirking and utters something like 'suffer hahaha.' He knows your situation. He knows for sure for He knows all your thoughts before even they enter your mind. You know, I've been feeling lonelier as days, months and years go by being single - it gets worse somehow (well, for me any way). And what I start to see is how my desire to be with someone, while nothing's wrong with that (as God Himself said it's not good for a man to be alone), is starting to turn into something else, sometimes taking more space in my life, in my mind than God - and I gotta tell you sometimes daydreaming of meeting that right person occupies my mind more often than thinking about God. I think it does say something about my state, where I stand. One thing I know INSTINCTIVELY is finally meeting that person will NOT solve whatever loneliness I feel now - yes, it will greatly alleviate for time being and whatnot, but what has not been resolved as a single man, i.e., putting my loneliness ahead of God, will not go away even after I get married - whatever that is, it is bound to crawl out again in one form or another.

Hey, I don't know exactly what to tell you and wish I can comfort you in a better manner. Sometimes I think about Joseph, being in King's prison, trying to get out of his hopeless situation by asking the cup-bearer to remember him when he gets out for he was falsely accused, taking matters into his own hand:

His feet were hurt with fetters;
his neck was put in a collar of iron;
until what he had said came to pass,
the word of the LORD tested him.

Psalm 105:18-19

Even Joseph, was tested by the word of the LORD, and one day suddenly summoned by Pharaoh and was appointed as the prime minister. I am not gonna say one day, suddenly, God will bring the man who've been waiting for and make your life happy at last but want to tell you to hang in there, hang in there and give much of your loneliness to Him as He knows the story of each and every drop of your tears from being lonely and being lost and isolated - let's hang in there and put our trust in Him, whether He provides the mate or not.

Be encouraged.

Kimber321 · Apr 1, 2016

I have been married before, but have no children and have been single now for 18 years. While I have had some serious times of loneliness, I have kept myself, ''in touch,'' by volunteering (lots of feral cat rescue groups always need an extra hand) and now staying involved in church and church functions. I seek Christ and Christ alone right now, with all my heart and so much love my relationship with Him that I feel meeting a man would intrude on, ''my time,'' with the Lord. Funny, huh? If He wants me to meet someone significant, I figure He will put that in my heart.

Chuckt · Apr 1, 2016

lonelyinct said:

I recommend engaging people in conversation in order to create opportunities to talk.

Tinkerbell725 · Apr 2, 2016

Letting go is really not easy. But life must go on. You cannot really force yourself to heal or move on immediately because its a process. The pain goes away on its own when you least expect it just like the way of meeting that person and unexpectedly falling in love.

When I find myself overwhelmed with loneliness, reading the Psalms makes me feel better.

tourist · Apr 2, 2016

lonelyinct said:

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I'm in my mid 30s, i've never been married, and am very, very lonely. I love the Lord with all of my heart, but I'm at a difficult place in my life and I'm feeling lost.

I've been in 2 relationships my entire life, and am generally a shy/reserved lady. I recently moved to a very small town in CT to be closer to my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. But through lots of prayer and talking to the Lord, I knew that the Lord was telling me to let Him go. And so, I did. But now, I'm in this new small city, I know no one, and I feel terribly lonely. My days consist of going to work, coming home, feeding my cats, going to sleep, and then starting this same process all over again.

My family is in another state and I haven't lived in my home state since I was 18.

I feel as though my life is at a standstill right now, and I feel lost. I'm not getting any younger and my recent hopes and dreams of getting married and having children have been shattered into pieces. I love the Lord with all of my heart...I truly do. But I"m lonely. I feel lost. I feel isolated.

I want so much to marry a man who loves and worships Christ, and to raise children who will do the same. I'm trying hard not to compare myself to all of my friends or coworkers, but it's so hard when all I come to every night are my 4 white walls.

Are there any other single ladies out there in a similar situation?

Any prayers and or advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

I understand about loneliness. Keep praying to God to search and find your heart's desire. I met my wife on this site a couple years ago so never know who you are going to meet. Many such journeys are possible. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.

Dino246 · Apr 2, 2016

lonelyinct said:

Kudos for this ^^^^... asking for fellowship from other gals rather than for another relationship.

lonelyinct · Apr 2, 2016

christian74 said:

This might be an insensitive thing to say after reading your emotional post but I will share with you what I thought as a single Christian man who also feels lonely.

First, your screen name grabbed my attention - I understand you probably have created your screen name to describe your singleness/location with assumption that this is some kind of "dating" site. However, you don't need to perpetuate your loneliness, in fact, you should declare, whenever you get a chance. that you are not lonely. There's a great power in what we declare and how we describe ourselves.

And second, it takes LOT OF GUT to let go of someone because God has told you so - I'm not so sure if I can do the same especially when I moved to be closer with her. I don't think God, while looking at your very lonely state, is folding arms, smirking and utters something like 'suffer hahaha.' He knows your situation. He knows for sure for He knows all your thoughts before even they enter your mind. You know, I've been feeling lonelier as days, months and years go by being single - it gets worse somehow (well, for me any way). And what I start to see is how my desire to be with someone, while nothing's wrong with that (as God Himself said it's not good for a man to be alone), is starting to turn into something else, sometimes taking more space in my life, in my mind than God - and I gotta tell you sometimes daydreaming of meeting that right person occupies my mind more often than thinking about God. I think it does say something about my state, where I stand. One thing I know INSTINCTIVELY is finally meeting that person will NOT solve whatever loneliness I feel now - yes, it will greatly alleviate for time being and whatnot, but what has not been resolved as a single man, i.e., putting my loneliness ahead of God, will not go away even after I get married - whatever that is, it is bound to crawl out again in one form or another.

Hey, I don't know exactly what to tell you and wish I can comfort you in a better manner. Sometimes I think about Joseph, being in King's prison, trying to get out of his hopeless situation by asking the cup-bearer to remember him when he gets out for he was falsely accused, taking matters into his own hand:

His feet were hurt with fetters;
his neck was put in a collar of iron;
until what he had said came to pass,
the word of the LORD tested him.

Psalm 105:18-19

Even Joseph, was tested by the word of the LORD, and one day suddenly summoned by Pharaoh and was appointed as the prime minister. I am not gonna say one day, suddenly, God will bring the man who've been waiting for and make your life happy at last but want to tell you to hang in there, hang in there and give much of your loneliness to Him as He knows the story of each and every drop of your tears from being lonely and being lost and isolated - let's hang in there and put our trust in Him, whether He provides the mate or not.

Be encouraged.

Hi there. thank you for your encouragement. However, I just want to clarify something you wrote in your first paragraph, which is untrue.. I did not sign up on this site with the assumption/hopes that this is a dating website. I honestly would not have come on here if this is what I thought. I'm not interested in dating anyone anytime soon.

lonelyinct · Apr 2, 2016

I want to thank each and every one of you for your words of support and encouragement.

I've lived in my small town for less than a year. I joined a new church when I moved here, but even there, I feel lonely. And because of my job and work hours, i cannot attend worship services every sunday. When I do go, I still feel lonely there,although the first lady has occasionally noticed me and come up to me to say hi or give me a hug. For that, I am eternally grateful. But other than that, I don't really know anyone at church. I want to try to get more involved just to have fellowship with others but i'm unsure how, given my schedule and my naturally shy/reserved nature. It's tough.

WOrk is a different beast altogether. Not that this matters, but i'm an emergency room physician and work with a group of 30+ other physicians. With the exception of 2 other people (both of whom are in long term relationships), everyone else is married. Additionally, no one else is a Christian. I try not to be standoffish but what I've noticed is that many of the females at my job are in cliques. I thought I left that kind of behavior/mentality in high school, but I know for sure I haven't...at least not at this job. Additionally they spend a lot of time either talking badly about other people outside of our dept, or about other people within our group. I'm no where near perfect, but I try to stay clear away from engaging or participating in negative talk about anyone, as I know Christ does not want me gossiping or putting anyone else down. So here, I feel isolated as well.

Part of me is contemplating moving back down to the South just to be closer to my family, as they have always been my support group. But I dunno...at this time Im just praying and asking the Lord to show me what to do

.

Sirk · Apr 2, 2016

lonelyinct said:

I want to thank each and every one of you for your words of support and encouragement.

I've lived in my small town for less than a year. I joined a new church when I moved here, but even there, I feel lonely. And because of my job and work hours, i cannot attend worship services every sunday. When I do go, I still feel lonely there,although the first lady has occasionally noticed me and come up to me to say hi or give me a hug. For that, I am eternally grateful. But other than that, I don't really know anyone at church. I want to try to get more involved just to have fellowship with others but i'm unsure how, given my schedule and my naturally shy/reserved nature. It's tough.

WOrk is a different beast altogether. Not that this matters, but i'm an emergency room physician and work with a group of 30+ other physicians. With the exception of 2 other people (both of whom are in long term relationships), everyone else is married. Additionally, no one else is a Christian. I try not to be standoffish but what I've noticed is that many of the females at my job are in cliques. I thought I left that kind of behavior/mentality in high school, but I know for sure I haven't...at least not at this job. Additionally they spend a lot of time either talking badly about other people outside of our dept, or about other people within our group. I'm no where near perfect, but I try to stay clear away from engaging or participating in negative talk about anyone, as I know Christ does not want me gossiping or putting anyone else down. So here, I feel isolated as well.

Part of me is contemplating moving back down to the South just to be closer to my family, as they have always been my support group. But I dunno...at this time Im just praying and asking the Lord to show me what to do

.

I used to be very social. Needed to be around people ALL the time. I've learned to be alone and I kind of like it. I still have friends and stuff but I like the feeling of independence that learning to be by myself brings.

coby · Apr 2, 2016

lonelyinct said:

I want to thank each and every one of you for your words of support and encouragement.

I've lived in my small town for less than a year. I joined a new church when I moved here, but even there, I feel lonely. And because of my job and work hours, i cannot attend worship services every sunday. When I do go, I still feel lonely there,although the first lady has occasionally noticed me and come up to me to say hi or give me a hug. For that, I am eternally grateful. But other than that, I don't really know anyone at church. I want to try to get more involved just to have fellowship with others but i'm unsure how, given my schedule and my naturally shy/reserved nature. It's tough.

WOrk is a different beast altogether. Not that this matters, but i'm an emergency room physician and work with a group of 30+ other physicians. With the exception of 2 other people (both of whom are in long term relationships), everyone else is married. Additionally, no one else is a Christian. I try not to be standoffish but what I've noticed is that many of the females at my job are in cliques. I thought I left that kind of behavior/mentality in high school, but I know for sure I haven't...at least not at this job. Additionally they spend a lot of time either talking badly about other people outside of our dept, or about other people within our group. I'm no where near perfect, but I try to stay clear away from engaging or participating in negative talk about anyone, as I know Christ does not want me gossiping or putting anyone else down. So here, I feel isolated as well.

Part of me is contemplating moving back down to the South just to be closer to my family, as they have always been my support group. But I dunno...at this time Im just praying and asking the Lord to show me what to do

.

Oh bleh, I'd just move closer to my family. I couldn't work in such an environment. Glad there's almost only men at the office that never gossip and the few women are great, also tomboys.

cinder · Apr 2, 2016

lonelyinct said:

Yeah that's a really tough situation. I'm in some ways in a similar situation. You probably know all the standard advice (join a small group, volunteer, find activities and clubs you're interested in etc.) and also know that a lot of that is limited in a small town. If there's nothing to hold you in your new community, it's a reasonable idea to look for a job down south where you will be closer to your family. Best advice I can give is to do what you've already done and when connection with people in a similar situation is hard to come by in real life, look for such people online. So welcome to CC singles where you will find quite a few of us in similar circumstances. Hope you can stick around and enjoy the community here.

Single Female, Mid 30s...and am lonely :(

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